My Worst Nighmare
by WeAreAllABunchOfLiars
Summary: A sequal story to my story Can't Find My Way Home. Fifteen years after Alex left her home she has moved on from her past, but faith forces her back to a place she sworn to NEVER to return too.
1. Chapter 1

_Frank Iero is now married to his Jamia who is pregnant with the couple's first children, twins. But the soon to be father can't let go of the past; a love from high school is still haunting his memory. The girl who got pregnant with his best friends child, then she disappeared to nowhere, Alex, he just can't stop thinking about her. All that he has left is the memories of the times they spend together and a__ bright red scar on his left arm form another time in his life. _

_Gerard's mind i__s another one the memory of Alex is haunting, he can't function normal. He once met a girl, Lindsey, a beautiful girl. They fell in love and were about to get married but the dream died when Gerard couldn't find the strength to give his life to another woman, a woman who didn't carry his child for nine long months. Gerard is the only one who knows that Alex was alive fifteen years ago and that she gave birth to a son named Frank Gerard Bryar._

_Bob is the brother of the missing Alex; he is still, fifteen years later blaming him for not stopping her from leaving the home. He __wants to see his sister at least one more time, to apologise for things. _

_Alex is now a single mum, working and living in New York where she came to as a pregnant teenager__, only once she has been back at her old home, when her son was three years old, but it was awkward and she sworn to never return. She is a journalist who is struggling to raise her soon to be 15 year old son. The two of them is living alone even though Alex finds the strength to survive in her old roommate Michelle. But one day she gets a call from her step mum, Alex father is seriously ill and she has to return to the place she sworn on never returning to. It is time for her to face her brother and the father of her child… _


	2. Memories

**I forgot the disclaimer last time... **

**DISCLAIMER: I don't own the characters in the story, not the lyrics, nothing. Just my thoughts , they are mine ALL MINE! *evil laugh* **

**I hope this is what you wanted in the sequal, because this is what you get :D  
**

**Alex.**

"Come on Fray! We need to go now!" I yelled into my son's room.

"Mum I don't want to go! It is stupid!" he mumbled mad as hell.

"Well Frank Gerard Bryar you have no choice! We are going!" I got an evil glare from him but he took his bag and walked out to the car as I threw on a long sleeved shirt hiding the old pink scars on my arms and I got my bags and left.

"Why are we even going?" Fray mumbled as we left New York behind us.

"He is my father! And he is ill…" my son cut me off.

"But you hate the man!"

"No… I don't hate him, I just don't… he never approved my way of life. And if he had got his way I never would have had you."

"What way of life?" for the first time since I had told my son that we were going he looked a bit amused.

"Just drinking, smoking and self hurt." I explained.

"But that's the fun way of living!" he smirked.

"Watch your mouth there, you are fourteen, don't talk like that! You are just like your father!" I sighed.

"Well I wouldn't know would I? It is not like I have met the man!" the anger raised in his tone.

"It was for the best… hey why don't you put on some music?" he nodded, still mad as hell and plugged in his iPod into the radio.

_Hand in mine, into your icy blues  
And then I'd say to you we could take to the highway  
With this trunk of ammunition too  
I'd end my days with you in a hail of bullets__… _

My hands gripped the wheel that hard that my fingers turned white and I had trouble with my breathing when I realized that the voice belonged to HIM and the band playing was THEM.

"What is this?" I forced myself to ask.

"Demolition Lovers with My Chemical Romance." He smiled.

"It… it's good!" I said and I tried to hold the tears back.

I better explain… I ended up pregnant at sixteen with one of my best friends, I left my home and had the baby, a son, in New York and I named him Frank Gerard Bryar after the two men I loved. But it was painful calling my son Frank or Frankie as I did first… Now we call him Fray. We mean me and my best friend Michelle. And now I'm on my way back to the place I never wanted to return to… (Read Can't Find My Way Home for the whole background…)

Well back to the car; a voice to familiar was singing in the car, bringing back painful memories.

"_**Alex, darling, have you given up?" Gerard whispered to me.**_

"_**Yes, I have." I whispered back, staring at his perfect face. **_

"_**Then I can't save you, I can't save anyone who doesn't want to be save, I'm sorry." He let go of my hand and let his hands rest on my face and then he kissed me gentle on my lips. "Goodbye, my love, don't kill yourself and if you do remember I will always love you. But I can't save you." He whispered and kissed me on my neck before leaving me sitting on the ground. **_

"MUM! KEEP YOUR EYES ON THE WAY!" I was wakening from my thoughts by the scream of my son.

"SHIT!" I yelled as I got the car back on the way without any accidents. "Sorry… I'm just worried about dad…" I lied when my son glared at me.

"Well I like my life… don't drive off the way!" he said mad.

"Fray, I'm sorry, maybe we never should have gone…"

"No… no it is okay… I just got scared!" he mumbled.

"Sorry… yeah, I have forgot, what do you want for your birthday?" I asked trying to get my mid of everything.

"I heard a rumour that My Chem are coming to New York on my birthday… and I would give my left ear to see them!"

"Then we just have to wait and see." I told him and I hoped that he would be okay with that answer.

**Gerard. **

"There is no way in hell I'm playing a show at that day!" I said mad to our manager.

"Come on, it would be great, a little show!" Brian said.

"No!"

"Why is he such a bitch?" Brian mumbled to Frank.

"I think is has something to do with Alexandra… and the kid." He mumbled back.

I walked out from the room, lit up one cigarette and smoked it slowly. It always had something to do with Alex… and the kid. He is going to turn fifteen that day, and I'm going to be alone in a filthy hotel room mourning the lost of my precious alcohol and the love of my life.

I was about to return when I saw Bob on the phone with a worried face, shit what is wrong now I thought and I lit up another one, one for me and one for Bob.

"No… no I understand Alice… I'll go there tonight." Silence. He took thankfully one of the cigarettes from me. "Yeah, see you tonight then, love you!"

"What was that about?" I asked as he swallowed some air and thought of what he was going to say.

"My dad had a heart attack… I need to go back home!"

"Oh my…" I whispered and gave him a hug. "Is he going to be okay?"

"They… don't know!" he said.

**No... i'm off to bed preparing for a 8 hours test tomorrow, tell me what you think^^ **


	3. Did You Know My Father?

**Finaly I had some time to write, hope you like this chapter... :)**

**Alex. **

Hours later we arrived to the familiar street where I had spend five months of my life when I was sixteen.

"Fray, darling wake up!" I woke him up and he looked around himself.

"Where are we?"

"Newark, New Jersey… the home of my father."

"Finally, I have been so worried!" An aged woman I hadn't seen for ten years, she had been in New York when Fray was five and that was the last time I had seen her.

"Alice!" I said happily while I jumped out of the car and got a tight hug from Alice, my stepmother.

"And you must be Frankie!" she smiled at my son but he only shrugged and looked at me as I sighed.

"We call him Fray… because of…" I mumbled.

"I understand Alex; he sure looks like him…" she said with first a look at Fray and then with an understanding face she looked at me. "Well I'm Alice, your grandfather's wife! It is nice to meet you again." She smiled at Fray.

"Did you know my father?" my son said angrily.

"Yes, but you are better off without that boy, man… call him what you want."

"Alice! Stop that!" I said to her and started to pack out the bags from the car.

"Sorry… are you two hungry?"

"I'm not but I can take some coffee!" I said and Fray didn't answer, he mumbled something telling the world he was a mad, soon fifteen year old boy hating it like never before.

"Well it is nice to see you either way!" Alice said and she walked in front of me into the kitchen. "You can put your bag in your old room and Frays in the guestroom." I nodded and climbed up the stairs with the bags.

I was sixteen again. I felt the angst as I walked into my old room and I felt the urge to cut my wrists open. Something I hadn't done in years… I sat down at the bed and realized that I was crying, what was happening to me? I hated the feeling and I couldn't stop myself from feeling it.

"Mum?" my son walked in to the room which looked exactly like I had left it, except for the fact that it was cleaned… "Mum what is going on?"

"I just remembered who I felt living here… and it scares me…" I whispered and Fray looked at me with huge eyes. "I need a hug." I said with a stronger voice and he gave me a hug.

**Frank.**

"Are you coming home?" my wife sounded happy.

"Yes, Bob's father had a heart attack and we are going there!"

"Good… my back is killing me from these babies! I want my Frankie!"

"I miss you darling!" I said. "Love you!" I said and hung up.

I love my wife with all my heart but when I heard the news of Bob's father I couldn't help but to think that maybe maybe this would bring Alex to the hospital… and me to her. Crazy thinking I know, I mean if she is alive which she probably isn't she probably has no contact with her family…

**Gerard. **

Stupid Bob for making us go home, just because of that stupid man… Bob's father never liked me, just because I knocked his only daughter up… Okay I'm not mad at them, the whole situation just have brought up the whole memories of Alex… This was what went through my mind when I opened the door for Esther, the hooker I had ordered for the night.

"Hello there big guy!" she smiled when entering the apartment I had rented for me during the time we spend here in Los Angeles.

"So what do we want today? A blowjob, massage or just some fucking?"

"Fucking." I said and she stared to kiss me on the neck, she bit me there as I started to strip her naked. Her fingers were all over me and soon we both were naked and in bed together.

I wanted to feel good, but I couldn't, something stopped me, even though I was inside of her, which should be the most amazing feeling ever. I exploded and she moaned like never before and I didn't even smile. I got up from the bed as her breath slowed down and I was on my way to the kitchen to get my wallet when she yelled after me.

"Okay… you are tensed come back to bed Gerard, I'll give you a massage, no extra cost."

Like a little boy I walked back, I got my massage but I didn't let myself to feel good. I was slipping… I was going down and that was just by thinking of her. When Esther felt she had done enough, I had to smile to get rid of her, since when do hookers care? Then she had left me. When I was alone I found the picture I had of Alex and the boy, my baby boy, I looked at it until I feel asleep.

**So... I wanted Gerard to be a really sad character... I don't know if it was good or not but he ended up like this ^^ Review people! **


	4. Grateful For The First Time

**I'M BACK! sorry, i've been so busy with school and fencing and trying to figure some stuff out... but now i have a brand new chapter you. I'm so sorry that I can't write all the time, i have really good grades right now and i need to concentrate on school. But I will not stop writing :)**

**Alex.**

Visiting hours was over for the day so we spend the evening together with Alice, I was nervous and I couldn't be still.

"So Alex, what have you done with your life since everything went crazy?"

"Well I had a baby, and then I started study to be a journalist, but I didn't get any jobs because it turns out people don't trust a twenty three year old girl with scars on her wrists and six year old kid. But then I met John, a guy thinking I would be perfect on a rock magazine, I got the job and I have been there ever since." I told her a little about my life.

"And love? Is there someone?" she asked, I don't know why I reacted so strong on that question, but I did. I turned my red face away from her eyes and thought for a second.

"I don't want to date anymore, I have Fray and he is my everything, and I know what can go wrong, no I don't want to trust love, I have been hurt too much and it is enough."

"Yeah you are better off without men!" my son said sarcastically.

"Oh shut it!" I hissed at him.

I walked up to my old room and put on my running clothes, I wanted to get away he had never been like this before, Fray. He started to really act like a teenager when he started to listen to My Chemical Romance, like if he knew that Gerard is his father.

"Where are you going?" Alice asked with her soft voice when I opened the front door.

"Just out running and thinking a little… I know the place…" I started but I was cut off.

"I know that… is it okay with you if I talk a little to Fray? And try to make him understand?" I nodded and walked away from the house.

1,2,3,4,1,2,3,4…

**Fray. **

I sat at the kitchen table when Alice walked in with a box in her right hand, she put the box at the table in front of me and she poured two cups of coffee for us.

"I guess you are just like your mother, brought up on coffee?" she said and smiled.

"Uhm… yeah." I said as I drank some from my cup.

"Do you know what this is?" Alice asked and pointed at the box.

"Not a clue…" I confessed as she opened it and I looked inside of it, there were at least hundred photographs.

"This is the explanation to why your mother couldn't stay with your father, you don't have to listen, but if you want to know this is your one and only chance. What do you say?"

"I…I…I want to know!"

She picked up a picture of a little boy and a girl.

"Your mother and her brother Robert as little kids, but this is way before I came in to the picture."

"I have an uncle?"

"She never told you?"

I shake my head and she sighed.

"Well, your uncle is one year older than Alex, his name is Robert." She told me as she picked up some other pictures. "This is her at sixteen when she came here." She shoved me another picture a picture of a blond, shorthaired girl smiling stared at me, she was cute and it was definitely my mother.

"Here are some ego pics I found in her room when she left." At the pictures she had short really red hair and there was barely a centimetre of her arms that wasn't filled with scars.

"I don't know if she still does it, but she used to cut really badly, there were more scars on her wrists than skin… and even more after she got pregnant. I guess she needed to replace the booze and the cigarettes and the drugs with something…"

"She did what?" I felt tears in my eyes.

"She hung out with her brothers friends, and she got together with this boy… I just can't remember his name… anyway he had to go to rehab and he dumped her, but she kept on hanging out with her new friends. And they were always drinking and smoking and they did often drugs. And it broke her…"

"But…"

"No… I want you to listen now Fray! You can ask things later." she said as she continued. "Somehow she ended up in bed with another of her friends, and she got pregnant with you. She stopped with all that shit, except for the slicing. But she couldn't stay. Not around the two boys fighting over her and one overprotecting brother, not with all the shit. Because your father was the same as her, even worse, and they both dragged each other down. I know this because Robert told me everything later."

"Do you have picture of my dad?" For a second the world stood still until she nodded.

"I don't know if I'm allowed to show you this but I think you have the right to know." She gave me a picture of mum and a boy with black hair, a cigarette in his hand and I could see the scars on his wrists and the bottles of vodka in the background. He looked good and he looked just like me… no I look just like them.

"His name is Gerard, that's all I can give you."

**Alex. **

I ran and didn't look back; I didn't know where I was going before I stood outside the high school of the area.

***Flash back***

"_**No, no, that's just the shock from Frank talking, you don't want to die." **_

"_**Gerard, I know what I want, don't tell me what to feel." I took a deep breath. "You have been amazing but I just make your life… so much harder. You don't deserve to be unhappy with a pregnant girlfriend. You deserve to be sober and live your life. And you can't have that life with me…" I tried to stop the tears that burned behind my eyes from falling down my cheek. **_

"_**Come on Alex! Think of the baby! If you die now it dies with you!" he sobbed and looked at me. **_

"_**This world is ugly anyway… I'm not sure I want to give birth to a child in this world…" I whispered I had truly given up. **_

"_**Alex, you are crazy! I love you, isn't that enough for you?" Gerard cried. **_

_**I cried so hard I couldn't answer, classes started and ended, I don't know for how long we sat there and cried, but eventually everything comes to an end and so did the tears and the crying. We sat and stared at each other, holding each others hands, I had nothing left to say, I had made my decision. **_

"_**Alex, darling, have you given up?" Gerard whispered to me.**_

"_**Yes, I have." I whispered back, staring at his perfect face. **_

"_**Then I can't save you, I can't save anyone who doesn't want to be save, I'm sorry." He let go of my hand and let his hands rest on my face and then he kissed me gentle on my lips. "Goodbye, my love, don't kill yourself and if you do remember I will always love you. But I can't save you." He whispered and kissed me on my neck before leaving me sitting on the ground. **_

***End of flash back***

There it was the place where I last saw HIM, Gerard Way, the only man I think I can love without getting hurt, we have hurt each other so many times before that there are no more way to hurt each other. Tears started to fall over my cheeks as I stared at the place. I couldn't go home and I couldn't stay. My legs walked without my brain thinking. A familiar street came in front of my eyes. A house. A mailbox with the last name Iero on… I stared at the mailbox when a young pregnant woman walked to the front lawn.

"Hello? Are you okay?" she asked.

"Hi… yes… no… I don't know…" I tried to say something that wasn't just a blur, but I couldn't.

"Do you want a glass of water?"

"Yes, please." I said and the woman made a sign for me to follow her into the house, where I saw some pictures of a man I knew.

"Frankie…!" I whispered.

"Do you know Frank?"

"We went to the same high school, and we used to hang out… and then I decided to leave this place and never to return and see where I ended up… I'm actually okay, I was running next to the school and some bad memories just caught up with me…" I tried to explain.

"Then how about something stronger? An old friend of Frank is a friend of mine." the woman smiled and gave me something to drink.

**Fray. **

It was late when mum came home and I didn't tell her about the fact that I knew new stuff about her past. I was still holding the picture in my hand when she came home. I had gone through some of her old stuff and I found everything from suicide letters to razorblades to very old booze. And for some reason I got why mum left this place, and I was for the first time grateful that she had left everything including her leaving my father. Maybe I hadn't been around if she hadn't…

I fell asleep to the voice of My Chemical Romances lead singer and with the photo of my mother and father together clutched in my hand.

**Ohh that was the new stuff... do we like it, or do we hate it? TELL ME! Personaly i really liked it! And it felt so good writing again ^^**


	5. WHO ARE YOU!

**Yeah, school is killing me... this is what i came up in the middle of a break during the studies of yesterday. I hope you can survive the lack of updates and be REALLY happe when I have a chapter for you? :) then I will be a really happy little troll ^^ **

**Alex. **

"Mum… thanks for leaving this place!" I was wakening up by a shake and then the voice of my son.

"What, Fray?" I asked still with a sleepy voice.

"Alice gave me this…" he said and gave me a picture of me and Gerard. "This is my father isn't it?"

"That's your father… did she tell you why I had to leave?" he nodded and I smiled a sad smile at him.

"Shall we go down and take a cup of coffee and then go and face at least my worst nightmare?"

I walked downstairs in my to big t-shirt and sweatpants, poured myself a big nice cup of coffee, said good morning to Alice and then I walked back upstairs to get myself dressed. I ended up in a pair of black skinny jeans and a striped red and black t-shirt. I did some make-up and then I climbed down again.

**Gerard. **

We all went to the hospital, we were the moral support; we all sat outside in the waiting room waiting for the visiting hour to come up. We had gone straight to the hospital; there was no point in going home…

"Remember the last time we sat here…?" Mikey asked.

"After my overdose?" Frank said.

"Yeah… we all sat here and waited for you to survive…" I remembered it with a shiver.

"I can't believe that it wasn't our wakeup call… why on earth did we keep on drinking and smoking and… just…" he didn't come further, Mikey cut him off.

"I guess we needed… after she left…"

"Can you stop talking about my sister in such an awkward way?" Bob mumbled mad to us as a nurse came.

"Well you can see your father now if you want."

Bob nodded and followed the cute girl.

"Well that could take a while, what about some breakfast and some coffee; Bob will know where to find us when he is done here…" I said with a sigh. I don't like hospitals; they remind me of bad stuff. And needles one thing that really freaks me out…

**Alex.**

"Okay here is the room, wait here and I will tell him that you are here, we don't want to give the poor man another heart attack will we?" Alice smiled that tired smile I never liked, she looked old and sad. I consider her as my mother and who wants to realize that your mother is getting old?

"Yeah, we wait here."

Ten minutes later she came out and told me that we could come, but Fray refused, he is stubborn as hell, like me. I left him outside the room, with a comic book to amuse him and then I walked in to the room and saw my father lying in the bed.

"Dad…" I whispered and I felt the tears burning behind my eyelids.

"Alexandra, pumpkin? Is it really you?" he asked and I walked closer the pale man. It felt like the day I had come to the airport when I was sixteen…

"Yes, it is me." I gave him a tight hug and for a second everything was gone, all the fights, all the harsh words.

"You look so beautiful. I… is… Frank here to?"

"He is outside… we didn't want to make too much for you… how are you feeling?"

"Like I was run over a couple of times, and like someone spitted at me. I feel like hell."

I sat holding my fathers hand for some time, just listening and talking a little…

**Bob.**

I was walking back from the cafeteria, I had a coffee in my hand and I was just going to say goodbye to dad, when a strange view hit me. Outside my fathers hospital room sat a pale boy, fourteen or maybe fifteen, with a copy of the Umbrella Academy in his hands. He didn't look up when I stared at him.

"Hey kiddo, what are you doing here?"

"Just waiting for my mother to be ready, my grandfather is in there…"

"Mother… and grandfather you say?"

"Yeah, what do you care?" the kid finally took his eyes from the comic book and all the sudden his eyes went from half angry to admire.

"You are Bob fucking Bryar!" He says as if he is all stunned.

"That's me." I say trying to figure everything out, who is this kid? "What was your mother's name?"

"Alexandra…" the kid answers and then he look at me. "What are you doing here, and why do you ask?"

"I think I know your mother, that's all…" I lie; I can't understand whose kid this is… no I can't understand that this is happening. I know whose kid this is…

The door opens and I can hear the voice of a woman talk.

"Bye dad, I will come back tomorrow and I then Fray will be with me. Love you dad!"

Five seconds later I stand face to face with my sister.

"Oh my fucking god!" she whispers and looks at me. "This is not happening. Oh my fucking god!" she says again. And then she goes even paler.

"Hey little sister." I say the second before she faints, I catch her just before she falls down and her kid is just standing there.

"WHO ARE YOU AND WHAT HAVE YOU DONE TO HER?"

"Calm down kid!" I say as Alex opens her eyes.

"Bob… that…" I help her down to the floor and gave her the coffee, then I sat down next to her, it all happened on one minute but nurses started to come, and stare at us.

"Thanks… I just didn't except you to be here…" she said and then she turned to her son. "Well this is my brother, Bob Bryar. You might know him from my…"

"Chemical Romance!" the kid said with real admire.

I helped my sister to stand up and as I held her I whispered in her ear.

"The others are here, is that Gees?" with a nod.

"It sure is… I can't see them. I have to get away before they come…" she whispered as the door opened with a slam.

"Oh… well I can see you have met again…" my stepmother said and looked around her. "We better get you three kids home before we have another surprise. Bob are you here with your friends?"

"Yeah, I better call them and tell them that I'm going home with you, Alice can you hold Alex hand? I think she is going to pass out otherwise."

I walked outside, lit up a cigarette and dragged the smoke down, trying to understand what just had happened… then I picked up the phone and called Gerard.

"Dude, what is going on?" he asked.

"Just met Alice, I'm coming home with them." I said without even thinking.

"Them? Is there more… I thought you had no other…?" he asked confused.

"Meant her, sorry I'm a bit distracted; well you can go home, call ya later?"

"Yeah…" Gerard said and I hung up in his ear, I just wanted to come home and straight some things out with Alex.

"All set?" Alice asked, I nodded and all of us walked out to the car, Alice drove as I sat and stared at my long lost sisters face…

**Yeah, Alex is back, is she going to run away from Gee and Frankie again? Or is she here to stay? I know :D **

**Well who else is loving the new amazing record from our favourite boys? :D What is your favourite song? ^^  
**


	6. Frank Ieros Worst Nightmare

**Oh my god it has been so long, how have you been? Sorry about the lack of updates darlings, it has been so much with fencing and school that I hardly have any time for myslef. :/**

**But let us celibrate a well-earned chrismas break and a really great fencing result in a world cup with a brand new filler chapter? I promise real stuff is going to happen soon ^^  
**

**Frank.**

"Skittles?" i therw the bag with candy over to my wife and she looked at me with disguise, yes pure hate in her eyes.

"I suffer from pregnancy illness. And you have the nerves to ask me if I WANT CANDY?" she almost yelled. I walked up to her and kissed her lips gentle, then I took my candy and filled my mouth with it, then I smiled like a very happy child.

"I love you too." She admitted, but when I picked up my cigarettes she just glared at me. "Take it outside if you have to! I don't want my children to die to early." She sighed, and I knew just what that meant, why on earth did I marry a smoker, a previous druggie that don't want to give up his career as a rock guitarist, not even when I carry his two babies?

And I couldn't answer her, I hoped because of love…

"You know an old friend of yours was over here the other day…"

"Who?" I snuggled up next to Jamia in the sofa as we almost slept to How I met your mother.

"Alexandra… she knew you in high school she said, remember her?"

If I remember Alex? Of course I do, everything around here reminds me of her and even on tour the old pink scar that never leaves my arm of the months she spend here. I can't even imagine how hard it must be for Gerard, I mean she carried his child, I guess that's why he is acting wired every times we come around here…

"Frank?" Jamia said far, far away. "Are you okay?"

"Uhm…" I answered, not very present.

"Frank?" She glared nervously at me.

"Yeah, I'm okay. What did she do here?"

"She just needed some water and then she started talking, she is a very nice woman, but it is kinda wired that she became a mum so early…"

"So she is here in town?" I spitted out frustrated as hell.

"DON'T YOU USE THAT TONE WITH ME!" Jamia screamed (she is filled with hormones so she gets mad very easily right now…) and during some minutes my wife looked like she wanted to kill me-

"Who is she anyway?" she mumbled angry to herself.

"It is a long story…" I told her.

"Well you better start talking and you better make it short or you better leave!" Jamia gave me the ultimatum and I don't think she knew that she in this moment put me through my worst nightmare.

"We met in high school, she came from New York and she is Bob's sister. After some time we got together but I had to leave town for some reasons." I left out some of the details, like me going to rehab… "And when I came back she had a new love whose baby she carried." Here Jamia gasped but I didn't care, she wanted the truth and here it was. "And then she ran off and no one ever saw her until now…" I didn't get the chance to finish the story.

"But you never forgot her did you?" she was right and the look at my face must have told her that. "Well Frank Anthony Iero then I believe you should figure it out… come back when you know who you love." As she talked she pushed me out of the front for some time I just stood there and stared at the door, then the window to our bedroom flung open and she threw some clothes to me. After picking it up I was thinking of where I should go. Ways? But how would I and could I explain everything for them? Before I knew it I stood outside the childhood home of Bob. I knocked on the door.

"Who are you?" A kid opened.

"I'm a friend of Bob, and I really need to talk to him… is he home?"

"Yeah… wait aren't you Frank Iero?" the kid made big eyes when he realized who I was.

"Yes and you are some kid. Now let me see Bob!"

Bob entered the door minutes later and he glared at me.

"What are you doing here Frank?"

"Who is that kid…?" I asked and noticed that Bob didn't let me in.

"What are you doing here?" he repeated the question.

"Jamia kicked me out… she found out about Alex."

"But how did you know she was here?"

**:o Frank is kicked out, Alex is back, Gerard don't know a thing about everything and Fray's life is going to be upside down soon enough, and if I was you I would stay around for the next chapter... **

**Anywho let me know what you think about this :) **


	7. And Then Everything Was Upside Down

**Well here is a chapter for everyone out there reading and reviwing (is it spelled that way? Sorry I'm a bit tired... xD)**

**I hope that I can update some more now... if I look in the calender it doesn't look good... :/ have patince whit me? ^^  
**

**Frank. **

"She is here? And you just didn't tell me?" I almost screamed.

"Dude I haven't even told Gerard…" Bob said but he was cut off.

**Alex.**

I heard people screaming, upset voices so I decided to climb downstairs, I had been up napping after today's hospital visit.

"Dude I haven't even told Gerard…" My brother snapped to someone.

"What haven't you even told Gerard?" And there he stood. Frank Iero. My first love, which I had for some reason thrown away. Just like that…

"Alex." He whispered, we stared at each other for some time and then he scoped me up into a warm hug. "I missed you! So fucking much!" he cried. And I cried to, with warm tears rolling over my cheeks I realized how much I had been missing Frank, and my brother and the other guys in the band. And I missed my old life, even if I had been a crazy psychotic self destructive teenager…

"So your darling wife threw you out of the house…?" I asked when Frank finished his story. He nodded and I felt guilty as hell.

"Mum, seriously what the hell is going on here? I'm going to freak out here if you don't tell me soon. Everything has been so weird since we got here…." I had completely forgotten about Fray… Franks head popped up when he heard the kid call me mum.

"Of course…!" he mumbled to himself and then he said out loud to us: "I no ever thought that I was going to live to the day when a kid called you mum, Alex!" he said with a laugh.

"Well Fray met the man you are named after, Frank it is time for you to meet Gees son." I said but I had to explain the name thing for Frank. "His real name is Frank Gerard Bryar, everything after the important men in my life, but it was kinda hard to call him Frank so it soon became Fray."

"Gee as in Gerard?" Fray mumbled in a corner later. "Frank Iero and Bob Bryar as in My Chemical Romance Frank and Bob? He kept on mumbling to himself as we all stared at him, was this it? Was he going to get it? "Gerard as in Gerard Way singer in My Chemical Romance? Is Gerard Fucking Way my father?"

I still knew where my father kept his boze, nothing had changed in the last fifteen years, I walked up there and grabbed a bottle of whiskey, I poured it up in three full glasses and poured mine down my throat instantly.

"MUM?"

"Darling it is time to tell him!" Frank said to me.

"Yes Gerard Fucking Way is your father, happy now?" I yelled.

**Gerard. **

"Come on we need to get out of this house…. You know I never really like to spend to much time here…" Mikey moaned when I changed the channel on the TV for the five hundred times that hour.

"Your brother is right! You should go and visit poor Alice, it is a tough time for them, and I guess it doesn't help with the missing…"

"Seriously why does everyone need to talk about that bitch? So she had sex with me, got pregnant, ran off and crushed me, but just stop…." I almost hyperventilated it out in rage; I reached out for my leather jacket and walked out of the front door.

"Gerard!" I stopped three meters away from the door and looked at my brother. He threw my cigarettes to me. "Fancy a walk?" he smiled a little at me and I just couldn't stay mad at him. I lit up as we walked the first kilometre in silence.

"You know it still hurts… I know it is crazy… but what hurts the most is to know that she is out there some where, with my child…."

Mikey stared at me with a question not only on his lips but in his eyes.

"I never told you… it was too painful… But the night we had our first show Alex gave birth to a son… my son." I looked the other way; I didn't want my baby brother to see my tears. "She send me a picture of the baby and herself, and told me this is the last thing you will ever hear from us… and it was."

"Oh my god… so she is alive and… the kid to? Have you got the picture?" I nodded and showed the picture that I had in my jacket for Mikey.

"It is her alright…" he took a look at the photo and then he gave me a hug, then we just walked, just in silence. I didn't notice but Mikey lead the way and somehow we ended up in front of Bob's childhood home.

**Frank.**

It was a chaos I never seen before in the house. Alex screaming at her son, the kid screaming back at his mother, I and Bob trying to calm someone down, then I tried to yell, and then I found some booze. It was kinda nice to find something that isn't yelling at you at this point, I couldn't care less about the fact that I had been thrown out of the house…

"Seriously what the hell is going on here?" For the first time in three hours it was silent. All silent. Because we all knew who the owner of that voice was…

"Gerard!" three voices said with one mouth.

One just one said something else. And it was Fray.

"Dad…"

**Yes, It is some kind of chaos... but tell me what you think? I need some reviews if I'm going to keep on writing.. :)**


	8. Could They, Can I!

**So I got lots of new readers, it is so much fun to see what you think and all the kind words :D **

**This chapter goes out to: SaVed By MuSiC, terrablaze, nightmarebeliever and to crimsontearsxoxo (Whyy ooohhh whhyyy have people so strange names here...) well thank you guys for giving me the right inspiration to keep on writning on this shit even if it is in the middle of the night and I should get to sleep... :)  
**

**Alex. **

"Fray, go upstairs now!" I begged my son.

"NO!" He said stubbornly. "I have the right to see him."

"Kid he doesn't know that you exists or that your mum is here or even that she is alive. Do you want to give the poor man a heart attack?" Frank tried to save the situation; he couldn't know that Gerard knew about Fray or me living…

**Fray. **

I looked from my mother, over to Frank and then over to Bob and back to mum**. **It was something in her eyes that made me obey and climb upstairs, I wasn't happy…

"It is not fair!" I yelled when I came into my mother's old room, hoping that Gerard would hear me… Angry like never before I threw in Danger Days into the old CD player and hit play. The music filled me up and slowly I got pretty calm. Then it hit me, the man singing is my father, what if he hates me or… or what if they downstairs send him away and I never ever get to see him and if I get to se him he will not know that I'm his son… My eyes glared over at the old picture Alice had given me some days ago, I could see the scars all over the both arms, and I got an idea. There were some boxes on the writing desk and when I looked inside of the first one I found just what I was looking for… Could they could I, can't I?

**Gerard. **

Danger Days went on just some minutes after we entered the house, it felt kinda strange since the record had been out for over eight months now…

"Bob? Alice?" I called their names out as I looked over at my brother.

"What is wrong here? It just feels… wrong…" Mikey mumbled.

"We are in the kitchen…" I heard Frank yell back over the loud music.

"It is like they have a teenager in the house." I laughed, I couldn't have been more right but I didn't know that at this point… "Remember when we…" The silence hit me when we walked into the kitchen, it was like someone had slapped me in the face with the silence…

"_**Goodbye, my love, don't kill yourself and if you do remember I will always love you. But I can't save yo**__**u." I whispered and I kissed her on the neck before I left her sitting on the ground. **_

"Hello Gerard…" her whisper brought me back to now, fifteen years later…

"Hi…" I swallowed hard. "Alex. You… uhm… look good!" Good? That's the lie of today, she had never been more beautiful even if she barely had makeup nor had done anything to her short hair.

"Thanks… you look like hell…" she tried to smile at me.

"Well it is not every day that the GIRL comes back to you without even a warning…" and then we just stood there and glared at each other like we were kids again.

"So if no one is going to do something I'm going to steal a hug from the long lost daughter!" Mikey said as he gentle pushed me aside.

**Fray. **

The adrenaline was pumping through my veins together with the blood as I slowly took one step in at the time down the stairs. There were not many sounds in the house, I had turned off the music and there were hardly any talking from the kitchen. This is now or never…

"Alex I don't want to do this, but if you don't let me se him I'm going to push this razor into the skin until you let me!" Five heads turned at me in at the same time, I had put up the sleeve over my elbow and I had pushed the razor so close to the pale skin so that it would leave a tiny scar no matter what.

"FRAY!" Mum screamed and I could see the panic in her eyes but I didn't dare to stop, I would look so silly… and then something I didn't except to happen happened. My mother who never laid a finger on me before walked right up to me and slapped me over my face. My hand automatically let go of the razor and flew up to my hurting cheek.

"I'm so sorry…" she cried with her hand over her mouth as she saw the hot burning tears run over my cheeks. "I never…you scared me…"

Seconds became minutes and she tried to comfort me with a hug, but I didn't want to let her touch me…

She was still crying when she turned around to one of the new faces in the kitchen.

"Gerard I think it is time for you to meet your son…"

**That was chapter number 8... that's pretty much all I can say about this tonight ^^ **


	9. Sometimes I Hate YOU!

**This is what comes out of me beeing mad... well a pretty long chapter that makes no sence to me because I just realized I haven't got a plan with this story... I just have an ending so unpredictable that you will hate me :D:D:D **

**Gerard. **

Of course I knew I had a son, I was one of the two people knowing it, but it had for the last fifteen years just been in the back of my head, and he had never been standing in front of me, looking so much like her. And me. It was no doubt that he was my son. And I can't explain why I acted like I was. I looked at Alex, at the boy and then I turned my back at them and walked. I walked right past my long lost son, I know that his mother was crying after that she had hit the boy, and the kid was crying to. And so was I. But I wasn't prepared to show anyone, not yet at least.

Finally out on the street I didn't know what to do, where to walk.

"So you are just going to leave us?" So she cared that much, to run after me…

"Yeah, just like you left me…" I said back.

"You said that you couldn't save me, so it was basically over and then you fucking left me on the grass. There in front of the fucking school." She was right… "So there was no point in staying, and then I couldn't kill him because I loved you way to much. But now when I see your fucking face I even don't remember why…" it hurt so badly, her words.

"And you think these fifteen years has been easy? You don't think that I wanted to kill myself every time I walked by the grass in front of the school, and that I still feel total happiness whenever I walk into a Starbucks, especially in their filthy bathrooms, the place you told me that I was going to be a father. Before you came I drank because I couldn't find love, and after because you learned me how to…"

"We have both been hurt, but…" Alex screamed.

"The kid will just be hurt, we can't keep on fighting if he should get a safe teenage time. And if we hate each other we can't make this right… and if we can't make it right I better leave!"

"The kid? You never even learnt his name? So much did you care…"

"Frank… Gerard… Bryar!" I spit out the names. "After the most important men in your life. I remember, how could I forget?" And then I walked away.

My cell was ringing. Frank. Yeah like I wanted to talk to him right now… I finally came to the park where I found a bench in front of the little pond.

"So this is where you end up? All the fucking time…" I said angry to myself. "In front of a little pond, with the girl of my dreams somewhere back at one of my best friend's house." I sighed. "Fucking perfect!" I screamed out, some kids stared at me and a not so fresh dude walked up to me.

"Girl trouble? Man I can help you to forget… Dude I got some… hot stuff here…"

"Leave me alone, I'm not a fucking junkie!"

"You just looked like someone who bought lots and lots of stuff from me some years ago…"

"To bad for you."

**Alex. **

"Pick up the phone… pick up the fucking phone for crying out loud!" I mumbled into Mikey's phone, I had been already been trying with my own and Franks… if he didn't pick up now there was no chance.

"Mikey. Would you fucking leave me alone?" he snapped in the other end of the phone.

"Well, Mikey couldn't leave you alone since he isn't the one calling. Hello Gerard, Alex here." I said.

"Come on Alex…"

"I thought we needed to talk… Fray is just a kid, soon fifteen and he will soon be out doing our mistakes, and it runs in the genes so how could I stop him?" I said. "He scared me today, really bad… he have been difficult with the father thing before… but never like today." It was silent in the other end of the phone. "Gerard I'm begging you… our son is your and your bands biggest fan… please get to know him before you say no."

"…NO!"

"I know I broke your heart… I know that because you broke mine so bad, but I had to get out of the bed every day to look at your kid. I couldn't just drink my life away like you did and the day they said that I was an unfit parent because of my scars and problem I stopped slice up my wrists. Or else they had taken Fray away from me…" I sobbed.

"Alex… stop… don't cry…" Gerard said in the other end of the phone. "I… guess I could meet him… If he wants to…"

"Where are you?" I asked before he had the time to change his mind.

"In the park…"

"Stay." I ordered him and hung up.

Everyone just stared at me, I had told them stuff that I never wanted anyone to hear, but had to be said because this wasn't just about me and Gerard anymore. It was about me, Gerard and Fray. Mikey had this question in his eyes and I felt like I had to answer it.

"He seems to be okay… not like flying on little pink clouds but he doesn't seem like he would kill himself. Fray… do you want to se Gerard?" I just couldn't get myself to say dad…

"Mum?"

"Yeah?"

"You wouldn't hate me if I wanted to see him?" My son looked at me. "Is it a betrayal? You were the one taking care of me…"

"Fray, there is still so much things that you don't know… and I could never hate you. And I'm sorry…"

**One hour later. **

**Gerard. **

"Hi… I guess I'm your father…"

"Hi… I guess I'm your son…" I smiled when Frank talked, but then he just sat at the other end of the table drinking his coke and an awkward silence was hanging over us.

"Frank, can't you tell me something about yourself? And you can ask me anything…" I was really scared that he wouldn't like me… and when he didn't answer I watched his face.

"Frank?"

"Don't…" he mumbled.

"What?"

"Don't call me Frank… Mum and everyone else always call me Fray." He lowly said.

"Okay Fray… that's what I'm talking about… is there something I should know?" I smiled but he didn't smile back.

"Some days I hate you, for not being there, for leaving… for everything and nothing. And when that pain is so bad that I don't know what to do with myself, I listen to My Chems music and it make all the hate go away. Now that I know that you, my hero is my hated father I don't know if I should hate you for that you never been there, or love you for the fact that you always has been there… If you get what I mean?"

**Is this making any sence to you? x'D **


	10. We Need To Talk!

**Here we go again, what the hell happened to Januari? All i can remember is a blur of driffrent frencing halls, fencers, trains and workouts... **

**Fray. **

I looked over at my father, his hands were shaking and he looked… insecure… he didn't say anything but he took a sip from his coffee.

"I need a smoke." He said shortly and got up from his seat. "You can come out with me if you like…" I drank the last of the coke and followed him out.

We stood there and stared out in the air for some time and I didn't know what to say. I was scared, this was one of my true heroes but when I finally got to meet him I tell him that I love and hate him… at the same fucking time. Good job…

"I understand if you never want to see me again… but I want you to know that I always wanted to be there Fray. Every day. I thought of you and your mother every time I tried to write something, every time I was on the stage and every time I drank… But she didn't want me there…" I turned around.

"Mum… I want you to pick me up…" I called my mother.

"What's the matter darling?" she asked.

"Nothing is the fucking matter! Can you just come and pick me up?"

"Mind your language! And let me speak to Gerard."

"She wants you…" I turned back around and the man frowned, the same thing I did when I was worried, afraid or just stressed out. With my free hand I felt on my forehead… Well there was no doubt if I was his son or not…

I watched him as he spoke to mum.

"No… I don't know why he wants to leave."

Silence.

"Come on, I didn't say anything stupid."

Silence.

"Alex. Can we take this in person?"

I walked up to him, took the phone out of his hand and hit the speaker button.

"Now you both listen. It is just too much in one day. For the first time in over fourteen years I met my father and he is nothing but a person I admire. I need to decide if I'm going to keep hating him or if there is a point in starting to get to know him before he goes of to some other place. I just want to go home; to be alone so I can think… is that too much to ask for? Without you two fighting!" I said without taking one breath.

"Well then I can pick you up, or do you want me to send Mikey or Frank?" My mother asked.

"I want my… uncle Mikey and his friend Frank to pick me up!" I said angry.

**Mikey. **

I glared over at the kid, my brother's son and I smiled, I had somehow always known that I had a little nephew. But I didn't know what to say to the kid.

"I really do admire you, Mikey…" he said. "When I was younger I begged mum to get me a bass so I could grow up like you…" then he turned to Frank. "And I whish someone taught me the passion for music you have!"

"There is no need for teaching you that, I can't believe that the son of Gerard isn't born with the same passion Gerard has for music." Frank smiled.

"Did you get to play the bass then?" to my big disappointment Fray shock his head and looked sad.

"Mum never let me get involved in playing anything… but she couldn't stop me from loving music. And I swear that she loves your music as much as I do… Sometimes when she thinks I'm asleep she listens to mostly bullets and she cries…"

"Your mother had some rough teenage years, and she knows that most of those songs are written with her in mind." Frank told the kid.

Silence went by and just before we had reached home for both the kid and Frank I looked over at Fray.

"If Gee just could have been there for you, he would have been, but…" I lost the words before I could say them. "Just don't be too hard on him, I understand that you are full of hate… but he loves you, so much!"

**Gerard. **

It had been a hard day, and when I had walked home I climbed down the stairs, back to my teenage place and I hadn't left the sofa in two hours. I just lay there and smoked cigarette after cigarette. Mikey came home and gave me some coffee.

"Does he hate me?" I looked at my brother with tears in my eyes.

"I have a feeling that he will come around eventually." Mikey told me.

"And… her…? Alex?"

"You two belong together, you always have, and you always will. You know it; I know it and she knows it! So when Fray comes around I think you and her will end up together again."

"Thanks Mikey!" I left my position on the sofa and gave him a hug.

We never left the place filled with pure angst that evening; there was no point, where would we go?

**One week later.**

**Alex. **

Not much changed with my father; he was just lying there in the hospital bed and looked tiny and sick. I had just left the hospital when my phone rang.

"Hey, it's me." Gerard said in the phone when I answered, I passed by a black window and realized the smile on my face.

"Hello there."

"I was thinking if there was a chance that I, or really we could take our son to meet my parents?"

I held my breath for a minute. Then I replayed.

"I think we better straight some things out before we get involved in the heavy shit…"

"The Starbucks next to the school in thirty minutes?"

"Sounds good!" I said and hung up on him.

**Ohh so what is going to happen at Starbucks? :o Darlings you just have to wait and see ^^ tell me what you think about the chapter! :)**


	11. A Fucking Happy Family

**Thank you everyone that still reads this shit and reviews, I haven't forgot about this, not yet. (a) just have so much other stuff going on...**

**Alex. **

I walked into the coffee shop with my sneakers and my worn-out skinny jeans, a red tank top and I really tried to look confident, I was everything but it.

"Hello Alex." He smiled, oh god he was hot, why was he so damn hot? I thought as I sat down and my cheeks went from pale to red, red as the colour of blood. "I bought you some coffee!"

"Thanks Gerard."

I sipped from the cup and glared over at him, and he glared back at me. Come on, you aren't sixteen anymore Alex. So he was the best kisser you ever had… and the best lover… Get yourself together! I told myself.

"What went so wrong?" He asked after a while in silence. "I'm pretty sure it was here."

"I think it happened when we slept together… you know when I got pregnant." I sighed. "But then again it was here everything went to hell… I told you and Frank freaked out." I couldn't do anything but to smile. "I regret not taking you with me when I left, because I loved you." And I still do… I thought to myself. "But… everything was so bad so… I guess… it was better off this way…"

I took his hand and I slowly and gentle stroke over the old, fading pink scars on his arm.

"I could have… stopped…" he took a breath. "I could have changed my whole life just to be with you! Both of you!" he looked me right into my eyes.

"You know it is a lie, darling, you couldn't go a day without drinking back then, and that had been the death of the three of us." I whispered.

**Gerard.**

She was right, just like she always had been. She didn't let go of my hand and kept on stroking her fingers over my old scars. No one but her could make me so calm and safe.

"I would driver on to the end with you…" I whispered. "I'm trying; I'm trying  
to let you know how much you mean… I never stopped loving you."

"Gerard…"

"But you don't feel the same, do you?"

"Gee…"

"Well…" I turned away to hide a tear in my eye. "How could you, I ruined your life… and you don't know the slightest thing about me… as well as I don't know anything about you… and despite that I still can't get you out of my head."

"I work as a journalist, the people I work with think I'm a weird person because I got pregnant fourteen years ago and because I never go anywhere without a shirt hiding my arms. I'm mostly broke because I have to provide for two, alone. And I never let anything hurt my Fray… he is the most important thing in my life." She told me. "And if he wants you to be a part of his life, you are going to be a part of it!"

"He is stubborn like you then?" I smiled again.

"I brought him up myself, is it possible that he would turn out some other way?" she laughed.

We talked for maybe an hour, I told her about how I got clean and sober, about my non existing love life and the band and she told me about how it is to live with a son, our son… it still felt unreal. I never wanted to leave but like every other good thing everything comes to an end and her phone rang.

"Hello darling." She answered and it stung in my heart, what if she had a lover?

"No I'm with Gerard, we were thinking if you are ready to meet Donna and Donald?"

She listened to Fray for a second, and then she gave me the phone.

"Hi son!" I said happily.

"Hi… dad…" he was silent.

"Do you want to meet my parents?"

**Two hours later.**

"Does she have to take the whole night to get ready?" Fray sighed and looked bored.

"Remember that she is a woman, a woman needs the double time as we need to get ready…" I laughed and drank the last of my coffee, just when I was about to swallow the last sip it stuck in my throat because into the kitchen walked an angel.

"NOW I remember why I knocked you up!" I said with a wink.

"EEEWWWW!" The kid said in disgust.

"Aw shut it!" I and Alex said with the same mouth.

**Alex. **

It had taken me a while to get ready since I had nothing to wear, I ended up going through my wardrobe and found a red skirt I had when I was sixteen, I loved the fact that I still fit in it and it kinda looked good on me. To that I had a black helter neck top and then some make up. Gerard stared his eyes out of his head when I arrived into the kitchen so I guess I looked okay.

"Aw shut it!" we said at the same time and Gerard walked up to me and held his hand out to me.

"Are the lady ready to leave?"

"Yes, she is!" I giggled.

**Frank.**

And there they are gone, the big fucking happy family. I stared out through the window and lit up a cigarette with a sigh.

"Fucking perfect!" I said to myself as a tear fell over my cheek.

I missed my wife but there were no way in hell I just could come home and say hey girl I'm sorry, I will always loved you and the twins but… you will always be number two because the only girl I love with my whole heart, unconditionally is and will always be Alexandra Bryar, my first fucking girlfriend.

"Hey how are you?" Bob came into the kitchen and looked at me with worry in his eyes.

"I'm just cursing the day I met your sister!"

"Come on, just go to Jamia, and beg her to take you back! I can't stand everyone here sitting around not getting what they want. Someone should get their happily ever after."

"What do you mean?" I asked him and he rolled his eyes.

"Gerard and Alex… she is never taking him back, he may look like prince charming but he knocked her up and never did a single thing to help or even find them. It has been fifteen years and she didn't need his help, why would she take it now?"

"Because she loves him and he loves her, it is that simple…" I whispered.

**Alex. **

For every second we came closer and closer and my breathing got faster and faster, Gerard noticed and clutched his hand around mine.

"I can't do this!" I wanted to scream but I made myself talk as normal as I could.

"Of course you can! They love you, always have!"

"No…" and of course some tears feller over my cheeks, that traitor… "Gerard there is something I haven't told you…"

**Please, please review and tell me what you think! :) **


	12. Don't Look Back!

**Hey people... sorry again for not updating more often... I have suffered from writer's block from quite some time now and nothing comes out when I'm trying... maybe I should quit this story... but I hope there are a lot of people getting sad if I do so I'm trying to make it work...**

**Alex. **

"What haven't you told me?"

"Pull over!" I made myself to say the words.

He did as he was told and now he stared at me and I wanted to run away, I hated this, always have. I used to pass out when people stared at me like this. Well after the hyperventilation.

"Darling?" his eyes were soft and worried. "Is there some guy? Or are you just scared?"

"No… why would there be someone else?"

"Mum are you two going out? Or what the hell is going on?" Fray complicated things. He had always done. I know it sounds harsh but it is true, but if I could go back I never would have changed anything. Not even if it had meant that I could get Gerard for my own…

"No… we were talking about before and now he is just curious…" he didn't buy my lies. "Here, listen to Gees iPod for a minute!" I said and handed over the machine to my son.

"You see… when Fray was three I returned. I was broke and was heading for the street; I needed somewhere to stay for a while until a friend of mine could move out from her old boyfriends place and to a bigger apartment where we could split the rent. I returned here and I stood on the front steps, begging my father to let me stay for a week maybe two… and he gave up. He still loved me, but he never cared for my choice in life…" I took a breath and stared out through the front window of the car. "My plan was to stay inside and never get out; not until Michelle called me up and said I could come back to New York. You had all gone away to college and I was sure that I wouldn't bump into anyone of you or the guys. But Fray was three… after two days in the house and an amazing summer I couldn't stay in. We walked to the park and on the way home I passed by your mother's house…"

"Was… was she… home?" I nodded.

"She was and she recognized me… and she invited us in and she didn't take no for an answer. We ate and talked and she played with Fray, she was so sweet. But when he fell asleep in his stroller she looked me in the eyes and all I could see was the anger." I cried again. "Why did you leave? She asked. I told her that a drunk wasn't the right person to raise my kid. And she yelled at me. She was so mad, told me that she had loved me as the daughter she never got and that she always had faith in me. And I took the crap and let her scream, and then I begged her to not tell you about that and if she didn't say a word she would never see me here again." I looked back and I could see in Frays eyes that he had heard every word, but in that moment I didn't care, maybe I'm a bad mother or maybe this is just a part of his journey to grow up. "Then I walked home and I stayed the week out and sworn to never return and here we are…"

"I don't know what to say…" Gerard glared over at me.

"She hates me… I know she does… I saw it in her eyes!"

"Never… she always loved you like her own!"

"We'll see…" was my answer as he started the car.

**Gerard. **

I can't believe what se just had told me… it scared the living shit out of me! But my mother could never hate Alex and our son, could she? I hoped so at least.

"Here we are… should I go in first?" she nodded and Fray stared at the house.

"It looks just like in the video! Awesome!" he yelled in excitement.

"Well it is the very same!" I smiled back to him.

"Mum, dad? Mikey? Can you all come here?" I opened the door and tried to get everyone's attention.

"What is going on?" mum asked and looked really worried. "Have something bad happened?"

"No… not really. Someone has returned… Mikey take them to the kitchen!"

"Hello…" I led Alex into the kitchen and Fray walked right behind us. Mum stared at her for a second.

"You came back?"

"Dad got ill… and then I ran into Gerard… and here we are." What would happen now?

"Donna…"

"Come here, I missed you so much!" Mum walked up to Alex and opened her arms and gave her a warm hug.

**Alex. **

She hugged me an as she did she whispered something in my ear.

"I'm so sorry; I never should have done that. Please forgive me darling!" when we broke apart I nodded and then she walked up to Fray and wrapped her arms around him.

I caught myself smiling again and behind me Gerard wrapped his arms around my waist and a warm unexpected feeling went trough my body and the blood rushed to my face. Is this how you feel alive?

Hours and hours went by, we talked and ate and had an amazing evening. Fray fell asleep on the sofa as the night went on, and Gerard and I chose to let him sleep and we went on a walk in the middle of the night.

"I missed you like crazy…" he said with a soft voice. "I used to sit around the house and sulk and drink myself crazy, that and the pills together with the razorblades took over my life… I have no fucking idea how I survived and how the hell I passed trough high school with grades enough to get me into art school! Then a night came and the guys dragged me out from the basement to prom." He giggled from the memories. "They tricked me and there I was and… I wanted to kill myself the whole evening because I knew that I should have been there with you, Alexandra!" he turned to me and stroked his finger over my face. I gripped my fingers around his and stared into his eyes. "After that I went home I nearly did but Mikey came home and managed to save me… I hated him but now I'm grateful. He could have just let me die…"

"No not Mikey… he loves you to much!" I said trying to ease the mood, but Gerard didn't listen or at least he pretended to be in his own world. "I never got to go to prom…" I whispered. We stood outside the school on the grass where he had left me that time so long ago. A soft summer wind went trough the night and I shivered. Suddenly I felt an arm around my waist pushing me gently close to his fit body. Gerard clutched his hand around mine and kept on holding me close.

"You look so damn sexy right now, I don't know what to do with myself!" he whispered as we slowly danced in the darkness, our bodies close together.

"You know what Gerard Arthur Way? You could kiss me!" and he did. For some time we were one but then I broke apart from him. "I… I… Gerard…" was all I could get myself to say before I turned around and ran away, with tears all over my face. Why did I always have to mess everything up?

**Yes, I'm a sadist. (my friend asked what is wrong with me, why I keep on messing things up for my characters... this was my answer :''D) **

**And as always please please tell me some thoughts and maybe it will be easier to countinue!  
**


	13. Crazy Mokeysex!

**It seems like you don't want me to give up with this just yet.. so I guess I'll give it some more time and see what happens. I hope you enjoy this chapter because it was acctuly quite fun to write.. :)  
**

**Gerard.**

I stared at the street where she had run down, what could I do but to walk home? I half expected her to be outside my parents' home when I walked around the last corner, but no, no one was there.

When I walked into the house I caught a glimpse at my son sleeping in the sofa but for the first time I felt no joy when I saw him. I fetched some things in my old room and lay them in front of me on the sofa table. I still had my eyes on Fray, and then I glared down at the things. One glass of vodka, one razorblade and some old Xanax. Should I? Could I?

"Dad?" a desperate voice whispered to me and I looked at the terrified boy.

"Yeah?" I was scared to hurt him, so young and so fragile.

"Is something wrong with mum? Or you for that matter?"

"No… I was stupid and did something I shouldn't have done…" he looked scared. "But she is okay, went home and didn't want to wake you up…" I assured him.

"I might be young but I'm not stupid, if something wouldn't bee wrong why would there be pills, razors and I can only guess it is booze there? Dad I know what you did in the past… I know what mum used to do… so don't tell me everything is fucking okay!"

"Sorry… I was just stupid… she will be here in the morning!"

"What did you do then?" he asked, still mad but also curious.

"I kissed her…" I didn't know what to expect from Fray but I never had thought he would do this: he grabbed the glass in front of my eyes and poured the vodka down.

"Such father, such son!" he said calmly when I stared at him.

"You aren't… fourteen… drinks… why… don't kill my nerves! Please!" was all I could say.

"Yeah mum isn't too happy about me drinking either." I just glared at him and sighed.

"But!" he said. "If you are going to fix this with mum I guess I should to tell you that you are the best of the ones dating her."

"Thanks son! Now you better get some sleep so Alex doesn't kill me in the morning!" he nodded and jumped up from the seat next to me, I stared at him for a second before he opened his arms and wrapped them around my body. "Sleep tight!" I told him as I left the room; on the way out I turned around and looked over at where he sat. "No matter what you think of me, I love you and I'm so thrilled that you call me dad!"

**Alex. **

I walked home; I hoped Gerard would see the kiss like something for old time's sake and not an action of love.

"You are home late. And alone." Bob sat on the front stairs and smoked a cigarette when I came home. "Where are lover boy and the lovechild?"

"Oh shut it! It was time for some father son bounding… They just don't know it yet!" I giggled. "And speaking of bounding what have you been up to for the last fifteen years?"

"Uhm… basically being out on tour with the band, taking care of Gee, worrying about my baby sister and trying to find someone to love, nothing much. And dude you don't understand how hard it is to live with Mikey too, he does all these crazy things like putting forks in a toaster! Life with those brothers is intense!" He said sarcastically and smiled at me.

"Seriously… Fray is a big fan of the band and you all are amazing role models for kids all over the place. At least after you sobered up. I'm proud of you big bro!"

"And with your background and everything going on in your teens I have to say that you succeeded and made an amazing job with Fray! I'm proud over you too!" Bob smiled at me and I sat down next to him.

"Cigarette? Or are you old and healthy these days? Kids make you do crazy things like run away."

"Very funny! I shouldn't but then again it was almost fifteen years ago I sat on the front steps and had one with my cool older brother!" I took the cigarette Bob offered me and sucked in the smoke down my lungs.

"What made you leave?"

"Everything. Did you miss me?" all the sudden everything was so serious.

"Like crazy, I missed you before when mum and dad split and she took you away from us and I was so happy when you came back and I didn't know how to act. I wanted to protect you and I didn't realize how much you needed it and at the same time how independent you had become." He smoked under silence for a moment. "And when you were gone and I didn't know where you were or even if you lived it tore me apart. I missed you even more and so did the guys and then everything went bad…"

I hugged my brother like we did as when we were kids, to comfort each other.

"Promise that you never leave like that again?" I nodded.

We sat in the warm summer night like the strangers we were, the night was safe, no one knew what was going to happen in the morning and we desperate tried to hold on to it.

"Do you know what ever happened to mum?"

"That woman is dead for me…" I whispered. "I talked to her when I found that I was pregnant and she hung up on me, which was the last time…"

"Well she is dead, died from an overdose couple of years back. I never went to the funeral; she wasn't that good mother to us to deserve that…"

"I know that she wasn't I lived with the woman for many years." I said as I turned my face away from my brother, my face could give me away.

"Did she do anything… to you?"

"That bitch never touched me. But her little horny boyfriends did…"

"If she wasn't already dead I would have killed her with my own hands. You hear me Alex?" I nodded. "Why didn't you say anything?"

"Life is a bitch…"

**Bob. **

I hated my mother and myself for the fact that I couldn't do anything about my sister's pain.

We sat in silence I wanted to say something but what could I say to make the pain from only god knows how many years ago? So I just waited for her to say something and eventually she did.

"I love him!"

"Who?"

"Gerard of course you silly!"

"I know you do…"

"How?"

"I knew it before you even did, in high school I could see it on both you and him… and yet you are sitting here in the middle of the night, with your old unattractive older brother then trying to get a function relationship with the man you love, the father of your child!"

"I told him to kiss me… tonight next to the school."

"And he rejected you?" I tried to understand what had happened back at the school.

"Oh no he kissed me, and I freaked out and told myself I didn't deserve to be that happy so I ran off and here I'm with my unsexy brother instead of having hot crazy monkey sex with Gerard…"

"Ew, you are still my sister!" I told her in disgust.

"But I want to have hot crazy monkey sex with him AND I'm old enough to make the decision if I'm going to do it but that is never going to happen again, look what happened last time!" she said stubbornly, just like she was five again…

"You are meant to be together; you should go and get him!"

"Not when Fray still doesn't really accept him as father."

"That is such bullshit! You know it and I sure as hell know it! You are just afraid to mess things up!" she glared at me and I understood I had said too much and that I had been right, she was scared as hell.

"I'm going to bed… love you Bob…" she said and there she was gone. I lit up one cigarette and leaned back against the door.

"Fuck it!"

**Father son bounding, Good or bad? what do you think? And is Alex just stupid when she doesn't get togheter with Gerard and have hot crazy mokeysex with him? Personaly I think so, but this way is just soooooo much funnier :'D for me at least ;)**


	14. I Love YOU!

**Hello everyone! I just wanted to say this: I'm really upset because a very close friend of mine are a year in Japan as an exchange student, she is okay but she says it is chaose down (for me at lest) there and if you have some money to spare this month, please please give it to charity! It is well-needed!  
**

**With that said, enjoy the chapter and don't foreget to review!  
**

**Gerard. **

When I woke up the next day I didn't dare to call Alex, it was almost lunch and when I came into the kitchen Fray was still there.

"Mum called." He told me, and I felt that he wasn't happy about the situation. "She wants me to stay here for a while. She said it was time for "FATHER and SON BOUNDING"" he made air speech markers as he spoke sarcastically.

"Seriously?" I needed a smoke so bad. And coffee. But first a smoke…

"Mhm." He answered and stared at me.

"Soooo…. What do you want to do?" I asked my kid as I lit up the morning cigarette.

**Frank. **

"Hey…" I said with a soft voice and Jamia turned around to stare at me. I had never felt more in love with her like in this moment. And I was probably going to lose her.

"Look who comes back!" she said as she rubbed her pregnant belly. She was mad.

"I love you!" I said.

"Did it take you that long to figure that out? What happened Frankie? She had to turn you down a couple of times before you decided to come crawling back to the pregnant one?" she was furious. And I had never before in my life I had felt more embarrassed, this was my wife for crying out loud…

"No… I was just waiting for you to cool down. Because I didn't want you to do something stupid…"

"It didn't help!"

"Could you just let me explain? I'm still the guy who you married, the father to those children growing in your belly!"

"So why didn't you tell me about this Alex before? About your little high school fling?" Jamia stared at me.

"Because first of all it was in fucking high school and second of all I didn't think it mattered for you, for us…" she cut me off.

"Until she came back and messed things up with her pretty perfect fuckign face and nice body…"

"For crying out loud Jamia, I THOUGHT SHE WAS FUCKING DEAD!"

"BUFUCKINGHU! I don't care if you thought she was dead or not, you still love her and I feel betrayed. Did you ever love me as much as you love her?" I just stared at her, what was I supposed to say? "Or was it always a lie?"

"I have never ever lied about my love to you. If you ever think that we aren't supposed to be together. And I want you to know that when I saw her now for the first time after she told us about that she was carrying Gerard's baby, isn't that a hint by the way? I didn't love her in that way anymore, and that's because I love you so bad! She is just like a sister to me now."

"I don't believe you."

"But that is the truth Jamia, I love you!"

We weren't getting somewhere and I was praying that I wouldn't lose her; I loved her way to much. Otherwise I never had married her.

**Alex. **

I had spent some hours at my father's hospital bed and was on my way home. I found Bob in the kitchen and he smiled a silly smile at me.

"You look happy?"

"I want to hang with you, I missed you!" he said mysteriously.

"Yeah what do you want to do?" he just kept on smiling at me and it freaked me out a little.

"Are you still a fan of Green Day?"

"Yeah…" I answered and he grabbed my wrist and dragged me out from the house, on the way out we passed by Alice in the little garden.

"If Gerard, or Fray calls tell them to call her cell… we are going away for the day, back tonight…" Bob told her as he climbed into his car.

"Where are we going?"

"In time sis!" I sighed and gazed out trough the window, after a while Bob stopped the car and I looked at him in surprise, we had stopped outside a building I only had seen pictures of.

"Some of my friends are here and recording a little and they needed help with some sound stuff and I thought it could be fun for you to take a part of my world, after all these years…"

"That sounds cool…" I was freaking out a little, yes I'm no normal soon to be 31 year old kind of single mum, but Bob was playing gentleman and opened the door for me as I giggled.

"BOOOOOOB!" someone shouted from the front door.

"I know that voice…" I said out loud.

"Hi Billie, this is my younger sister!"

"The long-lost one?"

"The same!" I said as the blood rushed to my face.

"Oi! Mike, Tré… Bob and his sister are here!" Billie yelled and then he opened his arms and gave me a hug. The other guys came out and said hello and then they kidnapped Bob, it was only me and Billie out there.

"I've heard so much about you…" he said after a while, he didn't say who "he" was but I knew it was Gerard.

"Yeah?"

"He used to come over to our bus when he got drunk on tour and cry and curse you for stealing his heart."

"He wasn't that innocent, he stole mine too…" Billie laughed together with me.

"But anyhow in the morning the day after he showed up again and pretended that it never had happened… It was painful to see…" I tried to smile at him but it was a pain for me. "You are his muse, his inspiration… I'm a little afraid that he will lose it now when you are back…"

"What the heck are you talking about?" I just stared at him.

"Well you are back; you are clearly in love with the man…"

"No…"

"Darling… I can see it in your eyes!"

"Why, oh why do people have to go over this with me all the time?" I sighed as Billie giggled.

Bob and the other guys walked out from the studio and joined us so we dropped the subject, I had a great afternoon.

**Frank. **

We had been fighting for hours now and this was bad, worse then it ever had been.

"SO WHAT DO YOU WANT ME TO FUCKING DO JAMIA?"

"I. Want. You. To. Fucking. Leave!"

"Okay, okay… then call me when you have calmed down. You know where to find me. I love you!" I said before I left, maybe for the last time. Only god knows if this was a fixable problem…

**Gerard. **

Me and Fray had spend the most of the day at the local Starbucks talking over some cups of coffee and now we were heading for the basement to watch tones of horror movies, it was nice in some way.

"So this is where you spend your high school days?"

"The very same place…"

We then shut up and let the film take over our attention.

"Fray; there is one thing I would like to ask you…"

"Go ahead!"

"Do you still hate me?"

"No dad, I don't think I do…" he turned his face against me and smiled.

**It is not easy to make a story sad when you are watching Pretty Woman... but I hope I made a good job! ;)**


	15. Dare

**Enjoy this one people!**

**Frank. **

It was night and I walked out from Alice's house with my guitar in my hand, I felt like a teenager again since everything was so messed up and so wrong. Life wasn't supposed to turn out this way. The band was the only thing that was right in my life now, and we weren't even out there… my hands started to play without me even thinking, playing is so natural for me, love isn't. Love is messed up, always had been since Alex.

After a while I stopped and lit a cigarette for me, thinking of everything that had happened since I took that overdose.

"That was beautiful Frank!" I swirled and looked at her, beautiful as ever. "Fancy a drink?" she giggled and poured me one into the glass and sat down close to me. So close that I could feel her body heat warming up the chilly night.

"And I thought that I was out here alone, what brings you to me darling?"

"Oh I just wanted to get drunk with someone and you are my only candidate…" she smiled.

"Thus is unreal…"

"What?" her smiled faded away as she looked me in the eye.

"Just… everything…" than I kissed her, like I never kissed a woman before, gentle but still passionate. I could feel her tong in my mouth stroking mine. The world stopped for a while. When we finally broke apart we both gasped for air. I tried to kiss her again but…

"You pig!"

"Alexandra…"

"No! You, you stupid… man pig! You have all those good things and you try to fuck things up even more?"

"But… I just needed to kiss you one more time…" I spluttered.

**Alex.**

I sighed and turned my head away from him, it was hurtful and I hated this. Why can't I just go back to being sixteen again… yeah as life was simpler back then…

"I love you Frank… but not as much as I love Gerard…" I told him.

"So… is that offer with us getting drunk still on?"

"Sure as hell!" I giggled and started to pour the drinks for us, drunk is what I'm aiming for.

"Are you drunk?" Frank laughed and I jumped up from the chair and started to dance on the out door table to answer the question.

"Wanna play dare?" I stuck my tong out like a five year old child.

"I take that as a yes. And sure as hell!"

"Well I dare you to bathe naked in the pond in the park!" Frank grabbed my by the wrist and all the sudden we were there and he had jumped into the disgusting water.

"Is it my turn now?" I nodded as he dressed again.

"Then I dare you to call Gerard. To make him go here and then you will kiss him. And tell him what you told me before!"

"Give me the bottle…" I took a sip. "But I will not do it if you aren't going home and kiss your wife the way you kissed me before. Love is too beautiful to throw it away like this." I said feeling philosophic for a moment; I then grabbed my phone and dialled the number.

"Gee speaking... Alex is something wrong?"

"NO… but I was woounderring if you would come to the park and talk a shlittle."

"You are drunk… I'll be there in twenty." He hung up.

"He is coming!"

"Sober up girlfriend! This is the real deal!" Frank told me.

**Gerard. **

I was worried that she was going to get into trouble so I hurried as fast as I could. I found her standing alone at the pound, when she heard me coming she tried to walk but wobbled right into my arms instead.

"Hello beautiful!" she whispered, I just stared at her and into her icy blues. I let her go for a moment and she turned to me, she stood close and she let her arms rest around me neck. I leaned over to kiss her. When our lips touched I realized I never could let her go again.

"I love you Gerard Arthur Way."

"And this isn't just the booze talking?"

"This is my heart talking. Never leave me again?" she asked.

"Never!" I told her and kissed her again.

**Frank. **

Yes I had been drinking, yes I had kissed her, yes I was an idiot, yes I was going to my wife. My beautiful wife… I opened the front door slowly and walked in as I tried to make no sound. I climbed up the stairs and crawled into the bed. Jamia slept peacefully next to me and I spooned her. She woke up from my gentle touch and for a second she looked like she was going to scream. But she didn't. And the reason she didn't was because I kissed her. The one first kiss ended and the next one was deeper, greedier…

**Hope you liked this :) **


	16. Oh Shit!

**Hello Darlings! School is drivning me crazy, I have a lot of stuff that have to be done the upcoming weeks (the teachers are realizing now that we will be on the school yard in a little over 8 weeks yelling how darn awesome we are...) and I feel so gulity for not writing more here.. But I have a chapter for you, I know it is short and kinda a filler one but I hope you will survive! **

**Gerard. **

Where do we go from here? I kissed Alex one more time and then I pushed her away, not hard and not far only so I could see her.

"I want you!" she whispered in my ear when I let her come closer to me again.

"But…"

"Gerard. I. Want. You! NOW!" she demanded and let her hands stroke my body, when I felt her hands down my pants and I moaned from her touch. I was in heaven.

"We can't… not here…" I tried to be as reasonable as I could with the love of my life's hands down my pants.

"Let's go then!" she grabbed my hand and led me to the car, I barely could keep my hands off her, but somehow I managed to get us home.

"Protection?" Alex asked as she undressed me, I had to leave the bed to find it but then… if I was in heaven before I probably had died over again and gotten to an ever better place…

In the morning I woke up with Alex in my arms, I smiled as I touched her scarred skin and I felt happy in the first time like for ever. I thought I had been fine but I wasn't. Not until now!

Someone knocked on the door and I tried to find something to cover up my naked body with, after a while I found a blanket.

"Hello dude!" Mikey smirked. "Had a good night? I totally saw you two come home last night!" I closed the door behind me.

"Niiiiiiceeee!" I smiled.

"So are you two back together or what?" my brother asked.

"We didn't have a chance to discuss that last night…" I smirked.

"What are you gonna tell Fray then?"

OH MY FUCKING GOD! I had completely forgotten about Fray!

"Oh shit!" slipped out of me.

"Yeah I thought so… maybe you shouldn't think with your dick bro!"

"It is Alex, of course I think with my dick!"

"You need to tell the kid!"

I looked at him and smiled before getting into my old bedroom again. Alex had woken up and sat on the bed, I kissed her on the lips. Our first real good morning kiss…

"Good morning handsome!" she smiled at me. "So Mikey saw us and now he was kind of a dick."

"Yeah, he is just my brother, you know how he is!"

"Haha true. But where do we go from here?"

"I don't know… what do you want to do? Get together, have casual sex or forget that this ever happened?"

"Have Fray said anything… like if he hates you or if he could live with the idea of us two getting back?"

"He said something about not hating me that bad yesterday and that I was one of the nicest guys you dated over the years." That was kinda what he said.

"So… what about celebrating our getting back together with awesome morning sex?" Alex pulled me closer to her.

Some was knocking on the door but we ignored it, I mean if someone wanted something they would come back…

"You fucking animals!" we both looked over at the door paralyzed…

**Oh yeah what do you think about Gerard and Alex getting back togheter? And did you like my cliffhanger? I know I loved it (a)**


	17. My Happy Ending?

**I promised PinkPoison124 a chapter in the end of the week and here it is, just for you (and for the other people that is reviewing) :D **

**When I was writing this I had pinks fucking perfect stuck in my brain... that song is taking over my brain :'D  
**

**Alex. **

If it was Mikey that had been walking in on us it had been embarrassing. But, but when it was Fray, my son it was even worse, it was horrible! This was truly painful to se my son standing in the doorway watching us. But then again he didn't stand there for long. Just long enough to scream how filthy we were…

"Oh Shit!" Gerard mumbled, still on top of me, still inside of me... "We have to talk to him…"

"I'll do it…" I told him as I tried to find my clothes, I found the most of it and then I stole an anthrax tee from Gees wardrobe.

"You will do fine…" he told me as he snuck out of the room with his cigarettes in hand.

"Hey Fray…" I climbed downstairs and the angst hit me right away. I hadn't been down there since I left fifteen years ago… "I would like a word with you…"

"Leave me alone!" He screamed and I sighed.

"Come on, we need to talk!"

"Leave me fucking alone I said!" I walked down to the sofa and looked around myself.

"You know this place hasn't changed a bit over the years." No respond. "I and Gerard were thinking about getting back together… or more…" I took a deep breath. "We still love each other, and we thought you would be happy to have him in your life…" Fray was lying on the sofa sulking, I sat down next to him, stroking his hair just like the way I used to when he was a baby.

"Fray, my love against you will never change; you will always be the sunshine in my life. But I love Gerard as well. And I'm sorry that you had to see that but… It is natural for us."

"So you want me to get drunk and fuck all girls I can? Just like you mum?"

"Frank Gerard Bryar! Don't you ever talk to me like that again!" Angrily I ran up the stairs and outside the house where I found Gerard. "Talk to YOUR son. He disrespects me and that is not the way I raised him. I knew it wasn't good for him to get back here!"

**Gerard.**

"Uhm… okay… I guess I can go and talk to Fray…" I said and I was kinda scared to mess things up right now… now when everything seemed to be turning out alright. I sighed as I climbed down to the cellar with my cigarette still in my hand.

"Fray?" I had never handled a kid before and this was mine, can you blame me for being terrified? "What did you say to your mother? She was all upset and threatened to go back to New York with you…" Well she KINDA said so…

"I… I guess I was stupid…" he said as I dragged some smoke down my lungs. "She really said so?" I could see the water in his eyes.

"Fray listen to me now, I'm sorry you had to found out like this. But I love Alex with all my heart and I want to spend the rest of my days with her and you. I have finally found the missing pieces in my life and I'm not ready to give that up. Again." I was nervous; my hands were shaking like crazy. "Because when I now have found the happiness in my life there is no point in living if I can't have that perfect life I now kinda have." He stared at me and what could I do but to stare back. "I love you Fray. This is all I have to say. Make up your mind kid."

I climbed back up and found Mikey sitting on the front stairs next to Alex with his arms around her tiny body, her shoulders were shaking from the tears.

"Honey? I told him, Fray, that I wanted to spend my days with you both or not at all…"

"Gerard…" Mikey turned around to look at me; his face was shiny from the tears that were rolling over his pale face.

"WHAT?" I was frustrated and irritated from being interrupted before and had to handle everything with Fray.

"Gerard… my father just passed away!" Alex cried and threw myself in my arms.

"No… but…" I didn't know what to say.

**Alex. **

**The day before, at the hospital. *insert cool flashback sound here***

"Pumpkin!" my father's voice was weak, he hadn't called me pumpkin since I first came here when I was sixteen and now I moved closer to his bed when he spoke. "Pumpkin…" he said again. "I have been such a bitch to you… I never could get over the fact that my pumpkin changed to a young woman. I never should have let that whore take you away from us, but there was nothing more I could do. Did she hurt you? Or what made you do this to yourself?" He tried to reach out for my wrist but was too weak.

"Dad…"

"Alexandra, I'm dying… but I can't die in peace until I… until I have understood you."

"Okay, but this is not your fault dad, remember that!" he nodded and I poured up some water for myself. "It was one of mother's boyfriends; he took a founding of me if I put it that way… No one knew. But I found the ease in razorblades and other self-destructive actions."

"They did…" I cut him off.

"Yeah, and I tried to stop the self hurting but old habits die hard…"

"I…" he was couching and I helped him to some water. "I whish I knew that, so I could have helped you. And I'm sorry if you thought I hated you. I never could hate you pumpkin!"

"I love you dad, I just whish you didn't had to bee dying when I could get around to say it."

"I just whish I could get to know Fray… before… you know…"

"I know dad…" I clutched my hand around his and tried to swallow the tears in my throat.

"It is okay to cry, pumpkin." It is funny when he called me that before I hated it, now I felt young again, like it was no trouble at all in the world.

I sat there at his bed, crying, laughing, talking memories for an hour, and then he drifted away to the dreamland again. Before I left I kissed him on his forehead and whispered:

"I love you!"

He slowly opened his eyes and looked at me.

"Get out of here pumpkin now; you have a life to be living! And I love you too, no matter what you do!"

***insert cool end of flashback sound here* **

It had gone an hour since Bob called me and told me the news, everyone, not Alice, but the rest of the guys were sitting in the basement at the Way Residence. Even Frank and Jamia were there to give us their support.

Bob had a glass of whiskey in his hand but I was in total chaos, I couldn't even drink, I was sitting close to Gerard that had clutched his arms close around me.

Now I knew the reason why Fray had walked in on us, Bob had called to let me know and Fray had answered the phone… All the fighting was over in a second when I understood what happened to dad.

"I was there yesterday… he said that he couldn't die in peace if he didn't know what made me to the person I was when I was sixteen… I told him and now he is gone…" it was like I had stepped out of my own body.

"What is the last thing he said to you?" I looked over at my son.

"That no matter what he loved me!"

"And to you Bob?" Frankie asked this time.

"Well, I saw him later than you, Alex, in the afternoon, and first he told me that I should take care about my messed up sister, and that I should make sure that she finally got that man she had a baby with. So in a way he gave you his blessing!" Bob smirked towards us. "Then he told me how much he loves me." We sat and listening to the silence for a long moment, no one knew what to say.

"I know today is a shitty day in many ways!" Mikey said as he stood up. "But there is one thing… a happy thing. And that is the fact that Alex and Gerard finally have found their way back to each other. I would like to propose a toast for your dead father, and for the two people that has found their way home to each other after fifteen long, messed up years…"

When Mikey talked the tears was burning in my eyes again and they slowly fell over my already wet cheeks. I turned around and kissed Gerard. A thought hit me as I did, maybe everything was going to be better, and maybe I could start a life with Gerard and live happily ever after. Oh how wrong I was in that moment to think that I finally had found my happy ending…

**Finally I made a real chapter! I hope you could enjoy this chapter... Now I just need to have an idea how I could mess things up even worse, I mean where do we go from here? **

**Review people! :)  
**


	18. Sorry!

**Hello darlings! Sorry no chapter today… I'm **** just ****writing to tell you I'm going to Scotland today and will be gone for a week= No chapters for a while. ****Since my brother (whom I visiting) is a mean bastard who never will let me use his computer to write. ****Just so you don't think that I'm forgetting about this… But don't be sad, I have a long planet ride so I'm going to be writing some chapters by hand. xD**

**In the meanwhile when you are disappointed by the fact that there were no chapter: go to my new friend Sugarvenom92 profile and check out her cool stories! ^^**

**Love from little me**


	19. Funeral time

**Scotland was amazing :D I saw Edinburg, Aberdeen and Dundee ^^ I kicked peoples ass in fencing and hand a good time with my brother :) **

**I was going to update yesterday, but my Internet decided to fuck up it self... So I do it today instead :) And since I accidently called in sick for school today maybe you will have another chapter tonight ^^ **

**One week later, after the funeral, outside the church. **

**Alex. **

I had made a speech at the funeral, presenting myself as the long lost daughter and now I was standing in my new black helter neck dress, talking to people I didn't know and never will know. Friends of Alice and dad…

Gerard stood a few meters away talking to Frank, they both looked stunning in their black suits, Frank with his short black hair and Gerard with his messy red. I just wanted to crawl up in his arms and cry. It had been a beautiful funeral – dad had before he went asked Alice to make Gerard sing and the guys to play and they had preformed an amazing version of Helena and then the ghost of you.

Fray was talking to some kids, long lost relatives and he was actually smiling. I spotted Alice in the sea of people and she looked like she was breaking down any second. I made up an excuse and then I made my way to her.

"Alice, sit down now!" I ordered my step mother. "It was an amazing farewell for him." I told her.

"It was, wasn't it?" she sniffled

"He really loved you Alice! With all his heart!" she started to cry.

"I…I…just need a second darling…" she said and disappeared away from me.

"Cancerstick?" I hadn't realized that Gerard had been sneaking up next to me.

"How could you know that a cancerstick is just what I wanted so badly right now?"

"Because I know you?" he asked with a smirk. "Or just because I needed one?"

"Oh Gerard you are bad for me!" I whispered as I pulled him closer and kissed him gentle. He smiled back at me when we broke apart, god he was beautiful.

When all the people had left Alice's, I guess it is hers now, house the band and their wives stayed and we crawled up in the sofa. Gerard asked the same question we all had in mind.

"Where do we go from here?"

**Gerard. **

I saw Alex talking to Alice, who rushed off after a couple of minutes. She, Alex, looked so beautiful in her new black dress, she sat and stared out in the air for a second and I sneaked up behind her.

"Cancerstick?" she jumped up in the air as if I had scared her when I offered a cigarette.

"How could you know that a cancerstick is just what I wanted so badly right now?" she asked.

"Because I know you?" I told her with a smirk. "Or just because I needed one?"

"Oh Gerard you are bad for me!" she whispered to me as she pulled me closer and kissed me gentle.

Later, when all the people had stopped staring at me and the guys I asked the question we all feared.

"Where do we go from here?" I glared over at Alex, to our son and back at my band mates.

"For the bands and the fans sake we should get out on the tour again…" Frank said with a hesitation. "But then again, Jamia is very much pregnant, and you just lost your father. And you two." He said pointing at me and Alex. "Should need to sort some things out before it all starts over again."

"True…" Mikey agreed. "But then again My Chem has always been therapy for us, and I'll bet a years use of sushi that it will help us this time too…" my younger brother smiled and I realized that he was right.

"My friends, I think it is time for a press conference now…"

**Yes this chapter was kinda a filler one :/ but I'm working on the next one! Please review, because I go crazy out of hapiness when ever I find an mail from :)**


	20. News

**As promised an other chapter, just for you! :D**

**Frank. **

A couple of days later we had got ourselves together and stood outside the room where we were going to announce everything that had been happening to us for the last month. Mikey talked to Ray in a low voice and Alex and Gerard were still arguing weather Fray should appear at the conference or not. Gerard thought it would be okay, Alex didn't, and I could understand her, it was her child who was going to be the big subject for the coming weeks in the music and gossip industry…

"Are you nervous?" I asked Fray.

"I think I'm going to throw up!" he told me and he really looked sick… I gave him an encourage smile.

"So I guess you got your mothers nerves then!" I giggled, remembering the first evening at Gees and Mikey's house long time ago.

"Actually wasn't it dads nerves who got him into booze?" Fray asked me.

"Hehe…. True kiddo, you are a genetic failure, how could you live longer then… how old did you say you were?" I smirked and he relaxed a little.

"Almost fifteen!"

"WOOOOOW!" I said dramatically and winked. "I am amazed that you survived trough the first fourteen years of your life!" the kid laughed, but became serious again.

"Do you think I will do well?"

"Of course you will! If your old father can do it, you can, just relax and don't freak out!" I high-fived him and Gee gave him a hug before we all took a deep breath and walked into the room.

"I am proud to present My Chemical Romance: Gerard, Frank, Bob, Ray and Mikey!" our manager said to the sea of journalists.

"Hello!" I smiled to the cameras. "We have lots of news and they are both good and bad news today, should we start with the bad ones?" I glared over at the guys who all nodded, it was just an act we had everything rehearsed before… I paused and let Mikey speak.

"I am very sad to announce that a loving member of the my chem family has passed away. It is Bobs father William Bryar (okay I'm way to lazy to go 53 chapters to se if I named the guy or not in Can't find my way, so now his name is, or was William, Will for short. Live with it.) a man filled with love has been taken away from us way to soon after a heart attack. Will you are going to be missed, by a lot of people, may you rest in peace!"

As he spoke I could see that Bob, the toughest of us whipped a tear away from his eye.

"But I would like to continue with some happier news. A life has ended but soon there will be new life in our family! Jamia is pregnant, and she is carrying twins!" I couldn't help but to grin hugely towards the cameras. Now there were shouting and people asking questions, like if we knew what gender the kids would have and when she was going to give birth. But I simply ignored them.

"Mikey, did you want to say something else?" I asked.

"Nope, my good news are connected to Gees so I guess it is time for him to speak now!"

"Gerard?" I passed the question to him.

"Uhm…"

**Gerard. **

I was terrified and I sure as hell didn't know where to begin, or what to say.

"First I would like to tell you that I have found a woman in my life." I got up from my chair and walked up to the exit of the room where Alex stood, hidden from the public. I clutched my hand around hers and she clung close to me.

"This is Alexandra Bryar, the love of my life. And yes she is Bobs sister, kinda long lost, but that's another story. We knew each other years ago, actually we… is dated the right word?" I looked over at Alex as the audience giggled.

"I don't think we got to the actual dating point… I think you just go me knocked up. In a classy way!"

"Well yes. That is true, and here comes my news, Alex and I have a son together…" I was cut off by the chaos in the room. "Jupp, it is true, his name is Frank Gerard Bryar, but we simply call him Fray!" I told the journalists.

"Any questions?" Mikey asked tiredly.

"How old is the kid?"

"Soon to be fifteen."

"Is he a love child or an accident?" I just stared at the man and didn't answer.

"Is the kid here?" I glared over at Alex and she nodded just a little and Mikey walked to the door and let Fray in. If it was crazy before now it was pure chaos.

Everyone wanted a picture of me, Fray and his mother. Brian, our manager told the crowd that only five of the reporters were going to be allowed from this point on.

It was calm and Fray seemed a little more relaxed then before.

**Fray. **

It had been really crazy and scary to go out into that stupid chaos, but then again I wanted a part of my father's life, now I'm getting it. There were only five reporters left in the room and some photographers.

"Fray, what do you wanna be when you grow up?"

"Nothing at all."

"I take that as you are a fan of the band?"

"I sure as hell am! I know all the lyrics by heart!"

"When did you find out that Gerard Way was your father?"

"Just a few weeks ago…"

"Alexandra, this one is for you! Your son didn't grow up with his father? How come? And why did you come back?"

I stared at my mother and she took a deep breath before answering.

"When I was sixteen I met Gerard, we were a perfect match, or could have been. We were to young an irresponsible. Gerard was messed up, but you probably knew that, and I was messed up to. I did what was best for me and for my unborn child, and that was leaving. And that's why Fray grew up without Gee, and we all are sorry for that, but we realize that it was for the best. We came back because my father was sick and now dead…." She turned around from the cameras for a second and I jumped up from my seat to give her a hug. Dad kissed her and then someone said no more questions!

**The next morning.**

**Bob. **

I couldn't sleep; there were one or two to many things that had happened over the past weeks that kept me awake so I took a walk in the morning sun in Los Angeles as I lit up the first one for the day. My sleepy eyes ended up at a poster, at two familiar faces.

_**FRANK GERARD BRYAR, **__**JUST A FRAUD OR THE REAL LONG LOST SON OF GERARD ARTHUR WAY?**_

**Let me know what you are thinking!**


	21. Bad Habbits Die Hard, And Create A Mess

**Enjoy! And PEOPLE ****REVIEW!**** OR ELSE I WILL NOT UPDATE ANYMORE! *EVIL GLARE***

**Bob. **

I grabbed myself a copy and gave the salesman some money and rushed off back to the hotel without any thought of the change. I couldn't get myself to read any of the words before I was back at a "safe place". I was furious, how could they do this to Gerard, or Fray for that matter? When I got back to the room Ray and I shared I made sure that he was still asleep and I looked at my shaking hands. I slowly took some deep breaths and tried to calm me down enough so I could open the paper at page three and read the words. It read:

_**To be or not to be a fraud?**_

"_Yesterday the lead singer Gerard Way of rock band My Chemical Romance announced to the press that he has a son, Frank Gerard Bryar. A kid he is supposedly to have with the mysterious woman Alexandra Bryar, the sister of drummer Robert "Bob" Bryar. I on one hand never learnt that he had a sister, but there are more surprises where that came from. The long lost soon to be fifteen year old kid appeared and met his father for the fist time a few weeks ago. _

"_I never met my father before, not until a few weeks ago!" the so called son told the press. _

"_I ran off with my unborn child when I was sixteen and pregnant because both me and Gerard was a mess. This was for the best." Ways new girlfriend Alexandra said._

_Doesn't all of this sound suspicious? Gerard has always been very open about his past alcohol and drug abuse so why not about this? And why did the kid with mother show up now? When the fourth record out and when band are truly successful and not when the lead singer got clean and sober years ago? Sure the kid looks a bit like singer Way but since when are that a proof? The daily mail are suspicious!"- Matthew Gringer._

"Fuckers!" I screamed out loud and Ray woke up, glaring madly at me as he yawned.

"What? Is there something bad in the paper?"

"The fucking daily mail is trying to convince people that Alex and Fray is a fucking fraud!"

"Idiots! We have to tell them… they are going to freak out…!"

"Yeah." I nodded.

**Alex. **

I was up early to call my boss to talk about what was going to happen to my job. I hadn't been there for weeks.

"Come on, I can't have my employers running around the world and not working, you understand that Alex, don't you?"

"Yeah… but I won't give up on my family, not again…"

"Well if you want to keep your job you have to put out your whole life story in our magazine, exclusive. We can call it My way home to the Way or something!" I stared at the phone for a second and then I took a breath and screamed.

"FUCK OFF! I QUIT!"

"What was that about hun?" Gee came into the room.

"Just my effin boss, ex-boss now. If I wanted to keep my job I had to put my whole life out there, like my hot affair with Gerard Way, together with my whole life story… NO FUCKING WAY!"

"It will be alright, I have money enough for the three of us!" he kissed me.

When Bob came into the room a moment later we looked at each other.

"I have bad news!" we said with one mouth.

"You first!" my brother ordered me.

"I haven't got a job anymore…"

"Sucks! But listen here. Newspapers are accusing you and Fray of being some kind of fraud."

"What the fuck?" he gave me the paper and I was so angry that I was shaking, and tears started to run over my cheeks. But the only thing that was going through my mind was: this was the biggest fucking mistake I ever done…

Everyone had gathered in Gees and mine hotel room to discuss the matter.

"What are we going to do?" Gerard and Fray looked over at me as they just had finished reading the article.

"Ignore it! That's for the best!" Gee said thoughtfully as he made a face.

"Are you sure?" Fray asked.

"No. I'm not sure of anything anymore… I need a smoke…" he walked right out of the room. And I followed him.

"He is yours. You know that do you?"

"Can I be sure?"

"He has your eyes, your forehead; his hair is just the same as yours. Well when you don't dye it and you two move just the same. How could you ask that? How could you question me? Or him? And I actually thought you had changed!"

He dragged the smoke down, thinking of what I just had told him.

"But… why didn't you come back before?" Yeah why hadn't I? Why had I been hiding in New York for so long after I got the news that he in fact was clean and sober? Actually the answer was so easy.

"I was afraid, Gerard. I was afraid to lose him to you, like I lost all of the meaningful people in my life to you. Don't you see that? I lost my brother, Frank, Mikey my friends but the most hurtful was that I lost you Gerard. And I lost you to your misery! I couldn't take that one more time, and if he found out who… who you were… are… then he wouldn't have stayed with me…" he stared at me.

"And I wasn't sure that you could make it, stay clean and sober I mean. And that would have killed him."

"I… I don't know what to say…." Gerard mumbled and looked away from me.

"If you still doubt him, or me, please go upstairs and tell your son that. And then we will leave, because there is no point in staying if you are going to hurt him. Over and over again. I'm sorry Gee."

"ALEX DON'T DO THIS TO ME!" He fell down at his knees and I noticed that people had started to stare at us. It wasn't strange though, with makeup rests from yesterday and messy hair. In fear I looked at him as he turned the cigarette to his wrist and burned the skin. I turned my eyes away; I couldn't get myself to look. Some seconds later, when I could make myself to look he still held it to the skin.

"Oh Gerard…" I sighed and helped him to let go of the burning stick.

"Mum? Dad? What is going on?" I turned around and gave Fray a fade smile.

"Wait a minute baby." I told him and with a look at Gerard I helped him up, as I dragged him close, not even a hug I whispered to him.

"Grow up Gerard. It is not just you, or even me you are hurting anymore…" and as I turned to Fray as I faked a smile. "Gee wanted to take you out for breakfast if that's okay?" he nodded and I walked up to the room. I met Mikey and Frank but I ignored them and walked right into the bathroom. I undressed and let the steaming hot water gentle touch my body, I felt filthy, but it was nothing I could do about it, no water could clean of this dirtiness… Well there was one thing I could do…

"_Come on Alex, it will feel so much better if you do it." _A voice in my head told me, it talked to me sometimes but never as strong as this...

"No… it won't…!" I was trying to convince myself…

"_Yes it will! You will feel the blood pouring out of your pale skin, and you will feel great! Trust me; have I ever been wrong before?" _

"Yeah…." Be strong, I remembered what Frank had told me years before…

"_No I haven't, come on you want to hurt yourself… you have been a bad bad girl! You kissed another man…" _

"SHUT THE FUCK UP WILL YOU!" I screamed out loud to the voice.

"_I will shut up… you know what you have to do… cut, I wanna see blood, I want to hear you scream from the pain!" _From this moment I couldn't resist it any more, I jumped out of the shower and went through my stuff until I found my sweetest friend, I dragged the razor over my wrist a couple of times, the voice faded away more and more every time I cut

"Alex? Are you okay?" Mikey knocked at the door.

"Yeah… I guess…." I answered, trying to sound normal.

He stood outside the door for a second.

"Alex could open the door please?"

"Give me a second, I'm gonna get dressed first…"

Five minutes later I opened the door, and I found Mikey standing outside, looking at me. I smirked at him. He looked at me, as if he was concerned.

"Alex… you are bleeding…" He simply said after a second.

**I'm not kidding about not updating anymore if you are forgetting to review! mihihi**


	22. Selfhatred

**Aww you did a good job reviewing so here is a new chapter for you :D **

**Mikey. **

"Aw honey!" I whispered to her and pulled her close to me, even if there had been fifteen years since I took care of her scars the last time I still felt her pain and angst when I hugged her. I felt sixteen again. "What happened out there?"

"We had a fight… and he… he… just brunt himself on his cigarette and I just felt like a dream and then it told me it would help and…"

"Does it hurt much?" I just needed to get her mind off the fight.

"Like hell… but like a familiar hell… like my private hell." She answered like she was far away, in her own mind.

"What's going on here?" Frank walked into the bedroom and glared at me.

"We had an… incident…" I said and helped Alex wrap some bandage around her wrist.

"Honey…." Frank whispered. "What… did he? Or what?" he was unable to make a whole sentence, I knew that this hurt Frank so much more then it hurt us, he kinda never stopped love her…"

"We had a fight… come on I'm okay! You thought it was okay when I was sixteen so why not now?"

"Alex, we never thought it was okay! Never!" I confessed to her. "I hated it, when you did and whenever Gee did… it broke my heart and it still fucking does."

**Fray. **

"Are you okay?"

Dad was sitting on the other end of the Starbucks table and he didn't look okay to me, he was pale and sweaty and looked like he was in a lot of pain. He didn't even touch his coffee and as we all know his coffee is his life elixir.

"Yeah." He told me shortly, like his mind was thinking of something else.

"You are not." If he was messing with me I could be a fucking teenager. "What the fuck happened out there?"

"You are to young to be involved in that kind of shit."

"STOP THAT FUCKING SHIT!" I screamed and my father grabbed my arm and lifted me out of the coffee shop.

**Gerard. **

My wrist still burned like hell, I had messed up things with Alex, I was worried, I had read in her eyes what she was about to do. I remembered the look from our teenage days… when Fray freaked out it pushed me over the edge and I lifted him out of the coffee shop, he was shorter then me just a little bit taller than Frank and he was thin so that wasn't a problem.

"Well that's just the kind of things that make us treat you like your own age!" it must have hurt like I had slapped him because he started to cry in front of me, I thanked some higher power for a second that it still was early in the morning and that there was not much people out yet.

"I'm sorry…" I mumbled and tried to hug him, but he backed away from me like if I had physically hurt him.

"NO!" he screamed and I sighed.

"Come on…"

"Dad… what is that?" he pointed at my wrist.

"Fuck…." He took my wrist in his small hand and held it tight, there were no way I could get out of this… he rolled up the sleeve and looked at the burn mark.

"So all the things you said, about loving yourself and that self harm and suicide is a bullshit way out was just an act, a lie. I believed in you dad… but you are just another fucking liar!"

"No…" I whispered. "Listen here… your mother threatened to take you away from me, and as she told me that I lost the power to keep on fighting to survive over the shit in my life. I had to hurt myself… Yes I quit drinking, yes I realize that my life is valuable but do I love myself? No fucking way! Because I messed up my life not running after your mother. And now I do it again. So I'm sorry if I'm not the dad you asked for but I'm the only one you are getting." I cried to my son, who just stared away.

"But how could you love me if you hate yourself that bad?"

"You will probably not believe me when I say this but during the weeks after you got in my life I can say that I'm at least starting to like myself. But please never question my love to you!"

He opened his mouth and then he closed it, as if he was trying to figure out something to say to me but nothing came out.

"I'm sorry..." I pleaded and he nodded after a while.

We walked in silence back to the hotel and when we arrived to the front of the building I stopped him by gripping his hand.

"I'm sorry I'm a mess and I'm trying to make everything better and I'm trying to love myself, I don't like to promise things but I promise you that I'll try!" Fray didn't say anything but he smiled a fade smile towards me and I wondered what was going on in his teenage head.

**Mikey. **

I had been out buying coffee for me, Frank and Alex, I thought we needed it and we needed to get Alex back on track. I hated seeing her hurting and I was worried about my older brother, he was still a mess, even if he pretended to be okay… I needed to talk to him, but it never seemed to be a good time…

I walked into the room about to announce that I had the coffee but I stopped myself when I heard Alex and Gerard talking.

"You don't understand Gerard… being back with you, and not just you but everyone brings back old feelings and behaviour and… when you act like a kid I want to act like a kid to because I grew up when I got Fray but you got to be a big child for years when you drank…"

"Alex, today I promised our son to start loving myself, I'm done with self-hatred…I'm even thinking of giving up smoking."

"I guess I like the idea… but you are smoking hot when you do it…" and then there were silence and I could guess what they were about to do. Makeup sex is nice…

I decided to get back to mine, Frays and Frankie's room. Frank was standing outside talking in his phone and I handed over the cup to him before getting inside the hotel room. It smelled of smoke and I coughed.

"Fray? I have coffee…" I told the kid but he didn't respond and I've been on the road to long with Gerard to be able to sense when something is wrong. The apple doesn't fall to long away from the tree…

"I hate them…" he mumbled from the bed.

"Who?"

"The news papers and my parents and everyone…"

"Why do you hate Gerard and Alex?" I asked softly and sat down next to my nephew. Something was badly wrong but I needed to get him to tell me what…

"They don't care if I'm hurting, they only see their pain and their angst and… they act like kids… did you know my birthday is in 8 days? I bet they don't!"

"They do care about you but they have to figure some things out now…" I sighed. "But I don't like it more than you… You haven't done anything stupid have you?" He glared at me and I realized that my fear had been right.

"I found some sleeping pills and I took seven eight of them…"

"FRANK! GET YOUR ASS IN HERE!" I screamed.

**Yes I managed to mess up some more things :'D Well tell me what you think! ^^**


	23. Thanks Uncle Mikey!

**Woaaa what happened to the years? I have like 4 real school days left untill ( for me fake) graduation :o Well here is a chapter to celebrate :D**

**Mikey. **

"What is going on?" Frank asked me.

"Fray found my sleeping pills… and he took seven or eight of them, he could die…" I screamed with worry in my voice.

Frank picked up his phone and called 911 as I reached out for my nephew's tiny body.

"Fray, listen to me. You need to try to throw up do you understand me?" He looked at me with an absent glare; he was slipping away from us.

"The ambulance is on its way… oh shit is it bad?" Frank asked just as worried as me, I nodded and said.

"We need to get him to throw up before it is to late…" I still held the kid in my arms and we looked at each other. With my left hand I winkled his mouth opened and stuck my fingers down his throat. Fray cried as the stomach contains came up through his mouth.

"It's okay…" I whispered as he took some gasping breaths.

"Frank you need to go to Gerard's and Alex room and get them here…" I said to my friend who stared at us. "Fray I know this is uncomfortable but listen here I need to make another try to get the pills out of you."

"No…" he mumbled far away but I didn't care, once again I stuck my fingers down his throat.

"FRAY!" Alex screamed when se saw her son covered in sick, almost passed out in my arms.

"Oh my…" Gerard whispered when he entered the room. I didn't want to let go of the kid, because I was afraid that I would lose him.

"There is ambulance men in the corridor, is it for us?" Bob asked and when he saw the mess he called them in to the room.

**Gerard. **

I held Alex in my arms in the waiting room, she was crying but I tried to stay strong. Mikey made a sign for me to come and talk to him.

"Honey, I need to talk to Mikey for a second… but Frank and Bob is right here…"

"He said that he hated you two… for not caring about the fact that he is hurting and stuff…" Mikey told me.

"He… he is just a kid… and we have messed up his life. No I have…"

"Gee, you need to grow up and stop acting like a kid now… he needs that. Frays birthday is in eight days…" he replayed. "He doesn't think you care about him."

"OH fuck!" I mumbled covering my face in my hands.

"He wanted some attention that you should care more and that's why he swallowed the pills."

"Okay… we need to make his birthday extra special then… and Mikey, thank you for doing this, helping him…"

"Don't think about it!"

**Fray. **

A man stared at me and I stared back.

"How are you doing young man?"

"Crappy." I replayed.

"Do you know what is going on? What happened?"

"I took my uncles sleeping pills, to see if anyone cared. And I guess they cared enough to get me here…"

"What is going on in your life?"

"Like a month ago my grandpa got sick and mum took me to New Jersey, I met my father, uncles and other family for the like first time. Mum and dad got back together and I felt like they didn't care. And they there was a press conference and both my parents did some stupid things and so did I and that's what is going on I guess."

"I'm going to talk a little to your parents, you'll be okay kiddo."

**Gerard. **

The doctor came out from Frays room.

"Who is Gerard Way and Alexandra Bryar? I need a word with you…" We got up from our seats and followed the young doctor into another room.

"Well your son will be okay, but we take his actions very seriously…" I opened my mouth to cut the man off.

"And you don't think we do?"

"He said that he didn't feel like you cared about him."

"Listen here, yes the last couple of weeks has been crazy and messed up. We are aware about that and maybe have we been a little bit to busy with each other but don't come here and tell us that we don't care about our son!" I yelled to the man.

"Calm down mr Way! I'm just telling you what he told me. Well that's all I wanted to say… you can see your son now."

**Alex. **

"Hello Fray…" I whispered to my son, he was lying in the bed and didn't face us.

"Look at me, please!" Gerard pleaded, but he just kept his face away from us.

"Okay… if you don't want to listen to us, can't you talk to us?" Alex tried.

"Why are you allowed to do stupid things and I'm not? I'm the kid here but it is you who are acting like my age…"

I sat down next to the hospital bed and slowly let my hand stroke the back of his head, and made him face my tear filled eyes.

"I know that we have been stupid, acting like kids and everything… but we have been trying to figure out how to make this family work. With the fame and the papers and everything that comes with Gerard…" I took a deep breath before asking. "Fray, do you want us to be a family? You, me and Gerard, living together and making the dream come true?" he nodded and glared over at the two of us.

"Yes… I want that…"

"Then it is going to be hard work for the three of us, but we will make it happen. Okay?" Gerard told him and he gave his son a kiss on the forehead.

"And we are going to act more like adults…" I promised.

"I'll get the others…" Gerard said as he left the room.

**Mikey. **

"Is he okay?" I asked.

"Thanks to you!" mu brother said and gave me a hug. "But it is his birthday in eight days and I was thinking of that show Brian wanted us to do at his birthday… why not try to do a show for him? I mean we have the fans that would make it happen!"

"Hell yeah! It sounds like a plan!" Frank cheered.

Gee made the call and got a thumbs up from Brian and we walked into the room where Fray was, he was looking kinda pale but apart from that he looked okay.

"Thanks uncle Mikey…" he mumbled when I gave him a hug.

"Don't think about it!"

**What do you think? :) I have a plan for the future... but right now it seems like the end is way to close :o I gotta come up with some more shit before I publish the supries chapter that no one is predicting ;) **


	24. A Song For The Birthday Boy

**Yes i know it has been for ever. I know. And i'm sorry for that but i just came back from a week at Malta and i haven't been able to write for a while :( But here is the brand new chapter ^^**

**Gerard. **

"Bye honey!" I kissed Alex passionately on her lips. "I'm not getting home for dinner; we still have some preparations for tomorrow…"

"Se you later, I will not tolerate an empty bed tonight!" she smiled and pulled me dangerously close.

"Maybe I could stay for a while." I whispered but she just laughed at me. "I thought you had a birthday party to plan for our son like till tomorrow night?"

"Right…" I mumbled seriously disappointed over the fact that I had to leave, but she gave me a quick kiss and I left my house in Los Angeles and drove to the bar where we supposed to play the show.

"So we go on with nana, and then have planetary, should we have like the sharpest lives, not okay and vampire money and the other songs that we decided after that and wrap it with teenagers?" I asked the guys and they nodded.

"Sounds awesome!" Frank smiled.

"Less talking more playing!" Mikey giggled and we grabbed our instruments and I took the closest microphone and started to sing.

**Alex.**

"I know that your birthday isn't until tomorrow, but Gerard has some surprise for you in the evening so I thought I could give you this now…" I handed over the box to him.

"Thanks mum!" he said as he wrapped the paper of the present, a book fell out from the paper and he looked at me.

"Open it Fray!" Inside it was a bunch of pictures of me and him from the day he was born until just some weeks ago, and there were some pictures of him and Gee.

"Wow mum it is amazing…"

"I didn't want you to forget how it was before Gerard…"

"I will never forget everything you have done for me!" he said and gave me a kiss on my cheek. I smiled and hugged him tightly.

"It is late, off to bed now!" I said when Gerard came home and he was still sitting and looking at the photos.

"You did this?" Gerard asked me when he saw the album; I shyly nodded when I noticed his big smile. "I just got another reason to love you until I die!" he kissed me.

"Fray darling, it is a big day tomorrow and I and Gerard have some stuff to fix before that so now you have to hit the bed!"

**The next day:**

**Fray.**

I got a lot of gifts from both mum, dad and my uncles but there were a bigger surprise that was coming up in the evening and I couldn't sit down long enough so mum went crazy on me.

"What should I wear?" I looked at dad the one that had planned the surprise.

"Black skinny jeans and that red shirt I gave you?" he laughed.

"And what are you laughing about?" I asked irritated.

"Well your mum just asked me the same thing!" he smirked at me and left me again.

Later on I was blindfolded and they lead me out to a car and I sat there cursing them the whole ride, which was around 30 minutes.

"Honey you are going to stay with me and then we can take off this…" mum explained to me as I sat down in a chair.

**Gerard. **

Alex led Fray up to the scene just before we went on and when we started with nana she took off the blindfold.

"NA NA-NA-NA NA-NA-NA NANANANANANA  
NA NA-NA-NA NA-NA-NA NANANANANANA  
NA NA-NA-NA NA-NA-NA  
NA-NA-NA NA-NA-NA  
NA-NA-NA NA-NA-NA NA

Drugs, gimme drugs, gimme drugs  
I don't need it, but I'll sell what you got  
Take the cash and I'll keep it  
Eight legs to the wall  
Hit the gas, kill 'em all  
And we crawl!  
And we crawl!  
And we crawl!  
You'll be my detonator

Love, gimme love, gimme love  
I don't need it, but I'll take what I want  
From your heart and I'll keep it  
In a bag, in a box  
Put an X on the floor  
Gimme more!  
Gimme more!  
Gimme more!  
Shut up and sing it with me

NA NA-NA-NA NA-NA-NA  
From Mall Security (NA-NA-NANANA)  
(NA NA-NA-NA NA-NA-NA)  
To every enemy (NA-NA-NANANA)  
(NA NA-NA-NA NA-NA-NA)  
We're on their property (NA-NA-NANANA)  
Standing in a V formation

NA NA-NA-NA NA-NA-NA  
Let's blow an artery (NA-NA-NANANA)  
(NA NA-NA-NA NA-NA-NA)  
Eat plastic surgery (NA-NA-NANANA)  
(NA NA-NA-NA NA-NA-NA)  
Keep your apology (NA-NA-NANANA)  
Give us more detonation

More!  
Gimme more!  
Gimme more!

Let me tell you 'bout the sad man  
Shut up and let me see your jazz hands  
Remember when you were a madman  
Thought you was Batman  
And hit the party with a gas can  
Kiss me you animal!

NA NA-NA-NA NA-NA-NA  
You run the company (NA-NA-NANANA)  
(NA NA-NA-NA NA-NA-NA)  
Fuck like a Kennedy (NA-NA-NANANA)  
(NA NA-NA-NA NA-NA-NA)  
I think we'd rather be (NA-NA-NANANA)  
Burning your information

NA NA-NA-NA NA-NA-NA  
Let's blow an artery (NA-NA-NANANA)  
(NA NA-NA-NA NA-NA-NA)  
Eat plastic surgery (NA-NA-NANANA)  
(NA NA-NA-NA NA-NA-NA)  
Keep your apology (NA-NA-NANANA)  
Give us more detonation

Right here, right now  
All the way in Battery City  
The little children raised their open filthy palms  
Like tiny daggers up to heaven  
And all the Juvee Halls, and the ritalin rats  
Ask angels made from neon and fucking garbage  
Scream out! What will save us?  
And the sky opened up

Everybody wants to change the world  
Everybody wants to change the world  
But no one, no one wants to die  
Wanna try, wanna try, wanna try,  
Wanna try, wanna try now!

I'll be your detonator!

NA NA-NA-NA NA-NA-NA NA-NA-NA NA

NA NA-NA-NA NA-NA-NA  
Make no apologies (NA-NA-NANANA)  
(NA NA-NA-NA NA-NA-NA)  
It's death or victory (NA-NA-NANANA)  
(NA NA-NA-NA NA-NA-NA)  
On my authority (NA-NA-NANANA)  
Crash and burn, young and loaded

NA NA-NA-NA NA-NA-NA  
Drop like a bullet shell (NA-NA-NANANA)  
(NA NA-NA-NA NA-NA-NA)  
Dress like a sleeper cell(NA-NA-NANANA)  
(NA NA-NA-NA NA-NA-NA)  
I'd rather go to hell (NA-NA-NANANA)  
Then be in a purgatory  
Cut my hair, gag and bore me  
Pull this pin, let this world explode" I sang, no more screamed the first song with the biggest smile ever on my face.

"I LOVE YOU DAD!" I heard him scream to me over the screams from the audience as I led him to the stage, there were around hundred kids in the audience and everyone was crazy.

"Shhhhh! Tonight is a very special evening, because it is Frays, my kid, fifteenth birthday and he is here and having the time of his life. I hope that at least and I want you all to sing the birthday song with me for him!" And all the kids sang along with me. It was the best show we ever done and Fray was so happy, the kid that almost had killed himself a while ago was gone.

**Yes it is a filler, but it was needed. because now there is so much happiness that i have to find a way to fuck everything up a little more :''D  
So what did you think? :) tell me!  
**


	25. Welcome To The World Ierotwins

**Hello again :) so i finally managed to write another chapter, it hasn't been easy... been suffering from writers block and stuff and i'm running out of ideas... so if you have an idea what to do please tell me and i will maybe use it! ^^ **

**Alex. **

I woke up with my head in such a pain; it was the morning, no more in the middle of the day after Frays birthday. Gerard rushed away and gave me a pain killer and a glass of water when I woke him up complaining about my head.

"Good morning sunshine!"

"Uhhh." I answered.

"Did I tell you how much I love you?" he snuggled up close to me.

"Did I tell you that I need to throw up?" I said and when he tried to kiss me I turned my face away and told him. "Not kidding!"

I crawled out of the bed and I looked surprisingly good when I looked at myself in the mirror… I was a little bit pale, tired and I needed to wash my hair but apart from that I looked okay, not like I was hung over and that I had partied all night.

When I got out of the bathroom Fray sat with his father in out bedroom and Gerard smiled like a dork with the telephone in his hand.

"What are you so happy about?" I asked, curios like hell the same second he hung up the phone.

"Frank and Jamia are parents to two little babies!" he smiled.

"AWWWWWWW! That is so amazing; our oldest little Frankie has finally grown up!" I giggled.

"I'm so proud… he didn't tell the sex on the babies though, just that he is proud and that it is amazing and that everyone is fine even if they came a little early."

The phone rang some minutes later, Mikey asked if we had heard the news and we decided to meet up at the nearest Starbucks, grab some coffee and breakfast for us and to the new father and then we was off to the hospital to see the new born twins.

**Frank. **

I held one of my girls in my arms, she was sleeping and she was pure perfection as her sister and as her mother.

"They are so beautiful!" I said to Jamia who held the other baby gently in her arms.

"No they are perfect!" she whispered to me as I gentle sat down next to my wife and I kissed her on the top of her head. We sat like that for some time and I felt truly happy, there were no doubt, Jamia was the one I loved and the one I wanted.

"So what are we gonna call them? We need names that are perfect for them!" I smiled and looked at the girl in my arms. "Lily… Lily Iero…" I said when she opened her big blue baby eyes

"I think Cherry would be perfect for mine!" Jamia giggled tired.

"Cherry and Lily Iero!" I said, tasting the names before I kissed my wife on her lips.

**Mikey. **

I was hung over as hell but when the news about the newborn twins all my pain was gone, instead I felt excited over that there once again were new members of our little family. I smiled when I met Gerard, Alex and Fray at Starbucks.

"Did Frank tell you the gender of the babies?" Alex asked me but I shake my head since Frank had kept that a secret.

"So were you hung over this morning?" I asked her and I laughed when she made a face.

"Like hell! But it was kinda nice to have a man who wasn't hung over at all, and took care of me!" she smiled at Gerard and gave him a quick kiss. They were all cute and I turned to Alicia who talked to Fray, I eaves dropped and smiled when I heard what they were talking about.

**Fray. **

"I saw you talking to my sister yesterday at the party… what do you think about her?" Alicia asked, it was kinda awkward, I mean we are related in some way and I don't know her that well…

"She… she was cute!" I said as I felt the blood rushing to my cheeks. She wasn't just cute; she was hot, smart and just amazing… I think I'm falling in love with her… Alicia giggled.

"She just turned seventeen and well she couldn't shut up about you in the cab home… she likes you!" she told me with a warm smile. I giggled and turned to Mikey.

"Are you trying to say that you don't already have a hot girlfriend back in New York?" Mikey asked. I just glared at him and turned to mum and dad.

"Hey… weren't we on our way to look at babies?"

"They might bee like aliens but they aren't like animals at the zoo…" Mum said and I blushed even more. "But it is true. Hey oh lets go!"

**Frank. **

"Behold because in front of you is the beautiful and prefect Iero babies: Cherry and Lily!" I presented my babies to the guys proudly.

"Frank they are amazing!" Alex whispred when she saw Lily in my arms and Cherry in Jamias. "Congratulations!"

"Yeah congratz man!" the Mikey said behind me.

"Thanks!" I smiled with all my face and everyone started to hug to the left and to the right.

"Can I hold one of them?" Gerard asked, and I looked over at Jamia who nodded.

"Sure man! Here, hold her like this." I shoved him and handed Lily over to him, five seconds later she was screaming at the top of her lungs and well I couldn't help but to laugh at the expression on Gees face. "Sorry Gerard, but you look… hilarious!" he glared at me.

"What am I doing wrong? She doesn't hate me does she?"

"She can feel that you are nervous, and then she goes nervous and what can she do but to scream?" Alex giggled. "Let me hold her!" Gerard sighed and Lily had barely left his arms before she had stopped screaming, something that made us all laughs our asses off. When Alex held the girl so gently I almost wanted to walk over and take her away from her. Why? Because I felt a sting in my heart because I knew that Alex belonged to Gerard and I was… stuck… with Jamia. And all the sudden I fell in love with her again… When Gerard started to speak I realized that I had been staring at Alex for some minutes. I hope Jamia hadn't noticed... I thought with a sigh.

"When did you get so good with children?" Gerard asked stupidly.

"Well darling, look over there!" she pointed at Fray and Gee followed her finger and looked at his son. "That's my son, who I pretty much raised on my own. That's when I got good with children!" she said and gave him a kiss on the cheek as the blood rushed to them.

"Yeah... sometimes I seems to forget that he was a little baby to... since I just known him as a young adult..." he mumbled slightly embarrassed.

"We have to celebrate this when you come home!" Alicia said with a smile and Cherry in her arms.

**Mikey. **

As I handed one of the babies back to Jamia Alicia sneaked up behind me and held her arms around my waist and tiptoed to reach my ear.

"Mikey I want a baby with you!" I turned around and kissed her gently.

"I was just going to suggest that we made our marriage completed with a little one!" I told her and she kissed me.

**Yeah, i think this story is in need of some action... but what to do? HELP! ^^ and yeah review! *evil glare* it gets so much easier to write if you tell me what ya think!**


	26. Oh No She Didn't?

**Here we go again :) Time for Fray to make some misstakes ;) hope you like it, hopefully there will be more updates this week... killed my back in a fencing competiton the other day so now i barely can move = i'm writing fanfiction :)  
**

**Fray. **

I was bored, mum and dad was at Frank's and Jamias place here in Los Angeles and I was just sitting with my computer at facebook, I really hadn't anything else to do… it was summer break since forever and I didn't know anyone here except from the band. The twins had been born like two weeks ago and this wasn't the summer I had excepted when dad told me that we were going to hang out with the band… I was thinking tour bus, hang out with other bands… you know that kind of stuff! I guess this is okay, now I'm getting to know my father and my favourite band don't get me wrong this is a dream coming true. But I thought the rock star life was more sex, drugs and rock'n'roll…

"Blip." The site made a sound and I checked it out, it was a messenger from Trish Simmons, Alicia's younger sister… the cute chick I met at my birthday party.

"_Hello stranger, long time no see!" _I giggled as I read it with a smile on my face.

"Hey!" I wrote, I didn't really know what to write to the girl.

"_What cha up to?" _read the next one.

"Nothing… being bored like hell, u?"

"_I'm trying to get some friends together for the most awesome beach party __tonight … wanna come?" _

"Sounds pretty damn awesome, sure as hell!"

"_I pick you up at Gees place at say 7.30?"_

"(y) sounds like a plan!"

We talked some more, about the party, about booze for the night and about bands we liked and stuff like that, it was nice… I had a huge smile on my face the entire time and before she logged off she promised me to get me some stuff to drink at the party.

I picked up my phone and called dad, he was going to say yes… well at least that was what I was hoping for…

"Hey dad, Trish asked me if I wanted to go to a party with her tonight… can I? I'm bored out of my mind just sitting here not knowing any kids my age!"

"Wait… just gonna ask your mother… talk to Frank for a minute!"

"Hey kid! How is life?"

"Good… if mum and dad let me go to a party with Trish… how if life as a dad?" there was a sigh in the other end of the phone and I giggled.

"I'm pretty tired… twins should be forbidden…"

"Hang in there!" I said in an attempt to sound understanding.

"Here is Gee again…"

"Well… we think you are right, you need to meet some kids your age, and Trish is a good girl so we are gonna let you go. But no drinking!"

"Okay dad… see you later!" I said and hung up as I danced an awesome happy dance! This was going to be awesome!

The evening couldn't come fast enough and I decided to wear a black and white stripped tee and a pair of black shorts with that.

"Hello handsome!" Trish smirked when I opened the front door.

"Ehm… Hi honey!" I said and blushed, she was wearing a red tight, strapless dress with white details and she looked amazing. "You look great!" I said as we walked to the car.

"Thanks!" she said and blushed.

She drove us to the beach with Escape The Fate blasting on the stereo on the highest volume, both sang along and had a great time.

"Beer or vodka?" Trish asked as we sat down at the beach waiting for her friends to come.

"Vodka!" she poured the booze up in two plastic glasses and mixed it with some orange juice and gave me one of the glasses.

"To new friendships!" she giggled as we pushed the glasses together in the air.

"To a new friendship!"

People started to come and soon there was around fifteen, twenty people there, I felt a little bit outside when Trish mingled with her friends, but she soon came back and dragged me to her closest friends.

**Trish. **

He was so cute, Fray, innocent was maybe the right word for him…

"Who is the cute guy that you hang around all the time?" Olivia, my best friend giggled, she can't drink a drip of alcohol without becoming giggly… that's so annoying! Fray had gone to the car to get some more to drink for us so now we could talk straight for the first time in the evening.

"That's Fray, Mikey's nephew; I met him at his birthday some weeks ago… remember that?"

"IS THAT GERARD'S KID?" She yelled and I had to put my hand over her mouth, with a sigh. People around us stared and I dragged her away from them.

"Shut the hell up! And yes!" ¨

"He is gorgeous… just like his father!" her eyes started to sparkle again, just like always she talks about Gerard Way, sometimes I wonder if she is friend with me just because I'm vaguely related to him…?

"Yeah, yeah… he is mine so hands off! I saw him first!"

"Well fuck you!" she mumbled and took a deep sip of her beer.

"What was that about?" Fray whispered in my ear when he came back with more drinks, it kinda turned me on and I dragged him close to me in a hug.

"The trouble of being a girl!" I answered when I let go of him, he nodded but he smiled like a retard.

**Fray. **

Her friend Olivia walked off with some other friend and she left us alone, I was still smiling like a retard long after that Trish had let go of me.

"This is kinda boring, just drinking… shall we see what my man gave me apart from the booze?" I just stared at her before I understood what she meant; I guess she never was that innocent and nice as dad thought… I just nodded and followed Trish to the car; we wobbled and giggled as we walked over the sand, I was so drunk that I could do something really stupid…

"Have you tried before?"

"Just cigarettes…" I admitted.

"Then we shall start you on weed!" she gave me a lighter and then the joint, we walked away from the party before I lit it up and inhaled the smoke. It tasted sweeter than the cigarettes I used to steal from dad. Trish took it from me and dragged the smoke down.

"Good shit!" she laughed, and then her eyes met mine, all the sudden she became serious. "I like you Fray…" she leaned forward and kissed me gentle on my lips, I kissed her back and let my hands stroke her face, just like dad used to do when he kissed mum. She pushed me down to the ground as she let her hands stroke over my body.

"You wanna do it here?" she asked when we broke apart. I must have made big eyes when she asked because it didn't take long before she asked: "Have you done it before?"

"No… I want to know you better before… you know…" she still sat astride me and she handed me one of the glasses of vodka and she dragged more smoke down her lungs again.

"It is okay…" She mumbled, a bit disappointed. "But I can do something to show you that I'm serious about liking you…" I nodded, turned on. Trish started to kiss me as she unzipped my pants and she touched me. I moaned from her touch, but it didn't stop there.

**Trish. **

I took him in my mouth, teasing him because I knew that I was going to get my will come true sooner or later… and how could I know that? Let me put it this way, I always got what I wanted. He came in my mouth and I swallowed it, before I kissed him, then I laid next to him for a while.

"We better get home… it is late!" I whispered and we drank the last of the vodka before getting to the car. When I dropped him off I kissed him gentle, I so had him on the hook!

**I love how you came with some ideas in the last chapter! Don't stop reviewing, it was so fun to read your thoughts and nice words ^^ keep it up! :)**


	27. I Think I Hate Myself

**This is short, but it had to be this way! I stopped writing and let it be for a while and then i read it and i realized that i had made a hell of a cliffhanger :D mihihihi  
**

**Frank. **

The twins was about a month old now and the phone rang constantly, if it wasn't our manager or people wanted to say congratz it was festival leading chasing after us to play at their show. Everyone wanted a piece of My Chemical Romance. The twins had not been planed but we hadn't thought they would mess thing up like this. I didn't really want to leave Jamia with them with just Alicia as help… There were no chance in hell that Alex would stay away from Gerard after their… past. Alex… I still had the picture of her holding Lily inside my head, and it hurt every time I thought about it. Sure I loved the babies and Jamia but my wife knew me way to well to not sense that something was wrong. When we went to bed that night she cuddled up close to me.

"Frankie what is wrong?" she asked when she laid in my arms.

"Nothing… I guess." I answered but she didn't trust me.

"No, what is eating you Frank Iero?"

"That could make a hell of a movie. What's eating Frank Iero…" I tried to joke.

"Yeah, I'm guessing that Johnny Depp would play the lead role?" she asked sarcastically.

"Johnny D would play a hell of a me…"

"Seriously Frank, I'm getting mad here!" she hissed to me.

"Okay, promise you wont get mad? Or at least not madder?" she nodded and I continued. "It feels like I'm letting the band down since I'm keeping them here…"

"And you aren't happy when you aren't playing… I know Frank; I have seen this oh so many times before. Sometimes I wonder if what the music can give you that I can't… anyhow I talked to Alicia and she is going to help me with the twins and I'm going to hire a nanny… so you can save lives!" My wife looked at me with tears in her eyes.

"Jamia Iero I fucking love you!" I said with tears burning behind my eyes. I kissed her and she leaned her head against my torso. Just before I had fallen asleep I head her mumble.

"If you love someone set them free…" then her body shook from crying. "And then you better fucking hope that they come back to you in the end." That woke me up, and I lifted her head from my torso and held her head in my hands.

"Hey darling, I never, ever are going to leave you, I will always come home to you and our girls. I love you, I just got the music in my blood, I can't help it…"

She fell asleep close to me but I couldn't find the peace to sleep just yet… Slowly I crawled out of her firm grip around my body and out into the garden. It was pitch black around me and the only sound that I heard was from the sea, the waves hitting against the beach, I lit up a cigarette and dragged slowly down the smoke down my lungs. I played with the lighter and after a while I saw the old scar on my arm. Sometimes you can't chose who you love… how many times you have told yourself and everyone else that you just love them as a sister…

After a while I picked up my phone which had grabbed when I left the house.

"Frank what the…?"

"I think I hate myself…"

**And that was the cliffhanger ;) review or else there will be no update! While you are waiting for another awsome update i think you better check out some of my dear friends stories: Plans change, Paeople change by DreamsOfATeenager, or any of Sugarvenom92 s stories ^^ They are worth reading :) **


	28. The Place In My Heart For The First Love

**Here we go again! I'm dying in the swedish heat right now... but i'm proud to present the very next chapter:  
**

**Frank. **

"What the hell?" the sleepy voice asked in the other end.

"I think that's the truth… that I hate myself!" I whispered back scared as hell.

**Alex. **

The phone waked me up, I had fallen asleep in Gerard's safe arms but it didn't stop me from noticing the ringing phone.

"Frank what the…?" I was cut off before I could yell any further at him.

"I think I hate myself!" he whispered as if he just had realized that and that he was more scared than he ever had been…"

"What the hell?" I still had a sleepy tone in my voice.

"I think that's the truth… that I hate myself!" he said, still whispering, still so scared.

"Where are you now?" I tried to think clear.

"Home… outside, besides the sea…" he answered monotone, as if I had asked him about the weather or something that didn't even matter. Gerard had woken up at this point and he stared at me, he hadn't understood that I was on the phone with Frank and that he was upset about something…

"Who is it?" he mimed to me but I just ignored him.

"Hang on honey… I'm just gonna get out of the bedroom…" I said to Frank and walked right into the bathroom as I felt Gerard's stare in my back, he wasn't used to be apart from things, not like this…

"Talk!" I said to Frank when we were away from Gee.

"What can I say?" he asked, angry at me now.

"Are you going to do anything stupid?

**Frank.**

She asked if I was going to do anything stupid, that thought hadn't hit me until she asked this.

"Uhm.." I said, trying to be sneaky.

"That's it I'm coming to you!"

"NO!" I refused to let her get here… I didn't know what I was going to do when I saw her…

"I'm coming, like it or not… do you want med to tell Gee or lie to him and say that an old friend needs me to come?"

I was crying when I finally managed to answer her question.

"Would you lie for me?"

"Hell yeah, I'm not letting anything hurt my Frankie!" my heart skipped a beat when she said her Frankie, then I realized that she didn't mean it THAT way… she hung up before she had gotten me to promise that I wouldn't do anything stupid before she got there…

**Gerard.**

I didn't like this; I didn't like this at all Alex's worried face, her eyes screamed out pain as she blocked me out of the whole thing… I didn't know what was going on… she interrupted my thoughts as she walked into the bedroom still with that worried face.

"What is going on darling?" I asked and she looked away.

"It was Carrie, an old friend… She just figured out that her husband has an affair and she is really upset and she had no one else to call and when she heard that I was in town she wanted me to come there… if that is okay with you?"

"Yeah I guess… want me to drive you there?"

"No that's okay… I'll manage… but if I don't get home until the morning makes sure that Fray gets his lay ass to Mikey, he was going to help his uncle with something!" I nodded and got a quick kiss on the lips.

**Frank. **

All the sudden the silence was broken, a car approached the house and minutes later Alex walked slowly around the corner of the house, rubbing her eyes with her hands to be able to see faster. When she was able to see and saw what I held in my hands she wasn't walking slowly, she was running.

"Put that thing down!" she hissed and looked at the knife. "Lets take a walk!" she said when I didn't do as I was told, she grabbed my other wrist, the one that didn't hold the knife.

She looked scared and I realized how strange this was, many years ago it had been different roles, I'm trying to convince her that this was bullshit when I was about to leave her… but one thing hadn't changed… may feelings towards her. As the flashback hit me fully my grip around the knife got easier and I dropped the knife towards the grass, not that it mattered to me.

**Flashback *you know what sound I'm after by now* (flashback through Alex point of view since I'm way to lazy to change this time)**

"_**You slittle pussy cat! Maaaamas boy!" This is why I never should drink alcohol. **_

"_**Alex, do you think I want to split up with you? Is that what you are thinking?" He yelled at me. "I love you! Would you please understand that?" **_

"_**Then why are you leaving me?" I took up a razorblade from my bag, and I started to move it across my arm. I silted deep, hoping that none would stop me; I wanted to die, this time for real… **_

"_**ALEX, STOP IT!" Frank shouted to me, I didn't care. I stopped one time, to drink from the bottle, and then Frank took the razor from my hand. **_

"_**This is how I feel when you are cutting!" He yelled at me and he moved the razor over his undamaged skin. **_

_**Until this moment everything happened in a blur, the second Frank had cut I was **__**consciousness**__** again. **_

***an awesome back to normal sound***

I stroke the old pink scar on my wrist and slowly looked at Alex.

"Do… do you remember that time?" I was really way too scared to even ask the question, but somehow I managed any way.

"Oh darling how could I ever forget… that's when everything changed, when…" she sobbed before she finished her thought. "That's when I realized that my love for you never could be true. Gerard filled my need after that and… well then I fell in love with him for real…"

"So once you really did love me?"

"Like hell!" I almost saw her sweet smile grow on her face, but then she got serious again. "But we aren't here to talk old memories are we? We are here to figure out why you are messed up…"

"But the thing is…" I started with but then I lost the words. "The fucking thing is that I still love you, like that day, like I loved you from the first time I laid my eyes on you!" I stepped closer to her.

"Are you drunk?" she asked calmly and I didn't do anything. "Well are you?"

"No… no I'm not!"

"Okay…" she said thoughtfully as she took the knife from the grass. "Then I want you to listen to me very carefully, because this is going to hurt. And I don't expect to want to be my friend after this… but I don't love you that way anymore Frank, I was young and I would have fallen in love with anyone that wanted to give me some comfort. That's why I moved on to Gerard that quick… I was young and foolish! I love you as a friend, as I love Mikey or… you…" she talked faster than usual now and I had a hard time follow her… "I don't love you in that way; the only person for me is Gerard…"

"NOOOOOO!" I screamed. "I don't believe you! You bitch!"

"Calm down for fucks sake!" the screaming went over pretty fast and then I collapsed at the grass… crying…

"Can we talk now?"

"Mm" I didn't even have enough power to talk for real.

"So this is why you was so filled with hate?" I nodded. "And why you called me and not Gerard or woke up Jamia…" another slow nod. "I hope you can live with this Frank… because self harm and suicide and mess isn't the solution or even a way out…" I just looked at her, the self harming and the other hadn't really been for real… I had just been bluffing, at some point at least… slowly she helped me to the house and I fell down in the sofa.

**Alex. **

As I walked to the car, still afraid that he was going to do something stupid I whispered to myself.

"But Frank you will always have that special place in my heart, the place where the first love is kept…" I whipped a tear away…

**I need your help! First i'm going to ask all of you out there that reads this, even if you havent reviewed before make an effort and review... I want 100 after this chapter (that's 13 reviews! I know you can do it!) then i'm going to ask you a little bit more serious question about the stroy: do you want the happily ever after ending in like 7 mabye 9 chapters? That i end it while on top and dont care about the other stuff i was thinking about? Or should I go with my first thougt? and write maybe 20-30(maybe more) chapters more? And mess things up some more before the happily ever after? your choice, and since you are going to review to get me 100 reviews answer this to! :D xoxo**


	29. Awsome Dad Strikes Again

**Finaly i managed to write this... took me forever... had some problems with on what to go with this... but i hope you like it! :) and you know what to do when you have read people!  
**

**Gerard.**

Brian just called me and told me to gather the guys, it was kinda chaos and now I was away in the land of thinking about everything. Alex seemed to be very distant and had been for quite a while, ever since that night some days ago. She didn't like me touching her, hell she pushed me away even if I just tried to kiss her. Had she met someone else? My thoughts were interrupted by a mad teenager.

"I fucking hate this dump!" Fray screamed, could boys be PMS-ing?

"This is a fucking great place, what's wrong?" I tried to be fatherly…

"A friend of mine called me from a festival you aren't letting me go on and it seemed fan-fucking-tastic!"

"Uhm yeah that doesn't sound like me… must be your mother that you are mad at!" I giggled but it didn't seem to amuse him… "But I see… bored?" he nodded and I came up with an idea, damn I am awesome from time to time. "Wanna see something cool?" yeah I know. I am an awesome dad!

"Awesome! But I doubt it being cool."

"Hell I'm your awesome father, mind your mouth there son! And come here!" he followed me to my workroom with a bored expression on his face. His face changed as he stepped in to the room, I remembered that this was his first time there… I wasn't ready to show him my deepest inside when he moved in some time ago. He said nothing and he just walked around watching my drawings, doodle and some of my unfinished stuff. He stopped as he looked at the one portrait I loved the most. That I almost couldn't get myself to stop looking at, on my worst days… A picture of the girl that had ripped my heart out for over fourteen years… Alex… She was just a teenager at my picture, but she was so beautiful and so grown up and yet so… lost…

"Is… is… that mum?" the word was stuck in his throat, and I looked at the picture with a tear in my eye.

"Yes it is… wasn't she a beauty even back then?" I asked and he smiled.

"I can see why you fell for her!" he smiled. "But now you gotta show me that cool stuff! It wasn't just the room was it? Not that this isn't amazing…" he assured me.

"Well, I just finished the next magazine before everything turned upside down and inside out… there are just my drawings and not even printed for the world but if this place suck this much maybe this will make it a little better!" I gave him the next issue of "The Umbrella Academy".

"This WAS really awesome, thanks dad!" he screamed and gave me a hug.

"Be careful!" I said and left him and got back to my coffee.

**Mikey. **

We all gathered at Gerard's and Alex's place, I hugged my brother when I arrived; it had been a while since we hung out just the two of us. I was actually a bit jealous at Alex and Fray who got that amazing man all too themselves…

Alex gave everyone a quick hug, she talked quietly to Frank for a second and then she disappeared into the kitchen.

"I spoke with Frank and Jamia some days ago and she think she can manage the twins alone if she gets a nanny and some help from your wonderful wives. What I'm saying is that if you guys are ready for this you could be on the road again in I don't know, say four days!"

"Hell yeah!" Bob said and I nodded and glared over at my brother, he hadn't exactly been in that good shape when we left the tour… still hooking up with whores and living on the edge to going back to his old lifestyle. I had been scared every time I had left him alone the last couple of weeks before we ended it because of Bob's fathers illness… it seemed so far away, so fucking far away… so much had happened since then… it was scary to think of! It turned out that I shouldn't be afraid…

"Why wait that long?" he laughed.

"Then it is settled?" Brian asked and looked at each and every one of us. "I'll give you a while to call your wives and ask for their permission!" he laughed as the three of us picked up our phones Gee disappeared to the kitchen.

**Alex. **

I didn't know why I was crying, I just was… okay so that's not the whole truth… I was scared and that's why I was crying. That feeling of not being enough for Fray and not being the one Gerard wanted or needed had come back after what had happened to Frank. Poor Jamia, if only she knew…

"Honey? What is it?" I hadn't realized that Gerard had been coming into the kitchen, he slowly wrapped his arms around me and we stood there for a while.

"I dunno… I'm just sad…"

"Well I have some good news. I hope…" he looked excited like a five year old but concerned like the man he was, he was so amazing… how did I ever let him go?

"Tell me?" I dried my eyes, looked at my man and tried to sound as excited as he was.

"Jamia think she will be fine on her own with the twins and if we want we can be on the road again in no time, like in four days!"

"Oh Gerard that's amazing!" I smiled at him, feeling a sting in my heart.

"And I want you and Fray to be there, on the tour with us! With me! Like a messed up family!"

I pulled him close, close to me, as I let my fingers stroke trough his red hair and I kissed him like I never kissed him before.

"Wanna come?" Gerard smirked when I stopped my attack…

"Yes, YES,YES! Go on and tell your son now!" He didn't rush off, he stopped and looked at me with his hazel eyes. He smiled that smile no one else but he can smile, you know that smile that make you feel like the only girl in the world, and I hoped that I was the only girl in the world for Gerard Arthur Way…

"Alexandra, I love you!" he said and then he was gone.

**Yes, finaly they are going back on the road, took forever i know! Like it? Hate it? Tell me... i didn't really love it... but i have a plan, gonna involve Fray and Trish more soon ;) just saying mihihi**


	30. Everything In My Power

**This chapter is for Ashkie Sage, a dear friend of mine, who is suddenly back from the dead *hug* :D now you better update your story "The Way brothers are my brothers?" because I'm dying to know what is going to happen! :)  
**

**Mikey. At 4 am**

"Do you really have to leave?" Alicia cried in my arms, when I tried to leave the bed. Everything was done, we were leaving in two hours and I needed to get up and get one last decent shower before the tour.

"I have to…" I whispered but I didn't make any attempt to leave the bed. "But I rather stay here and make that baby we talked 'bout!" I said and started to stroke her soft skin.

**Gerard. **

The bus pulled up next to Mikey's apartment block, the driver honked the horn as we always did, but Mikey didn't appeared. We waited for a while but still no Mikey. Frank jumped up and down, he had already at 6 am managed to drink five cups of coffee. And some coke. He had mixed them with a lot of cigarettes. His hands were shaking from the caffeine overdose he had given himself. This was going to be a looooong day…

"I WANNA WAKE HIIIIIIIIIIIM!" I laughed and opened the door for Frankie who ran fast as the wind.

**Frank.**

I was hyper, not only because of the coffee, I was high on tour, music, the fact that I was going to be living dangerously close to Alex and yeah coffee had helped. That I was going to miss my girls hadn't crossed my mind yet… I rushed into the apartment and since I didn't find a living soul in the kitchen I rushed into the bedroom and started to jump in the bed.

"FRANK WHAT THE HELL… WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU?" Mikey screamed as he was trying to hold back the laugh.

"I could ask you the same. WE ARE LEAVING TEN MINUTES AGO!"

"Oh fuck!" he said and kissed Alicia on the top of her head as he jumped out of the bed. I'm pretty impressed by that he managed to do that at the same time.

"My eyes!" I screamed when I saw his… nakedness… "Mikey I know you are gorgeous but I hope you are planning on having more clothes on when you are ON the bus!"

"Fuck off Frankie! And what the hell are you going on? When did you start with drugs again?"

"It is just coffee and coke. And on some level life too!" I smiled like a dork.

"I'll go and wake Trish…" I had forgotten that that little devil was going on the tour with us… Alicia left the bedroom and left me and Mikey in there alone, we had packed almost everything on the bus last night so they really just needed to dress and get down.

"Coffee!" Mikey moaned as he massaged his head and I jumped up and down a little more in their bed.

"ON THE BUS MY DARLING!" I screamed and he fell down at the bed, in I don't know if he was laughing or crying...

Exactly one hour after that the bus left Mikey's home passed I out on the sofa.

**Trish. **

Everyone except for me and Fray had gone to bed to get some more sleep, and Fray was glaring at me, blushing. I wasn't prude and every time he glared at me I smirked back at him.

I'm Alicia's younger sister and they are sending me away on tour since dad is dead and mum is… well she is fucked up in her head, nothing more to say about her. The thing is Alicia had my dream guy, she is married to him… and I want Mikey… And when I don't get what I want I love to fuck with peoples lives, and here is a life to fuck with… so young and innocent.

"You know, I really do like you!" I smiled my sweetest smile toward Fray.

"I kinda like you too…" he admitted.

"Good!" I smiled. "Hey wanna watch a movie or something?" I asked still trying to get my plan together. He found one of his dad's films and we cuddled up close together in the sofa, Gerard had removed Frank earlier and now we were all by ourselves. Soon I felt my eyes getting heavy and I could hear that Frays breath was getting heavier.

I was roughly wakened up with a hand over my mouth; I opened my eyes and saw Frank leaning over me.

"Little whore. Don't you dare touch him!" he whispered

"Says the man who still has a crush on his high school love. Pathetic." I bitched back.

"Says the girl who ruined at least three person's lives and has a crush on her sister's husband. Even more pathetic." I crawled out of Frays arms and looked Frank straight in his eyes.

"To bad that I'm little sweet innocent Trish then. No one will ever believe in you!"

"Oh Trish, I know what you did to Joseph Marciano… and you stole his fathers drugs! Joseph got in to loads of shit because of you!"

"So I fucked him a summer on tour, took his virginity, stole his fathers drugs and you make it sound like a bad thing!"

"Yeah and then you made your little trick with your big green eyes and said to him that you might be pregnant and then he gave you money to fix that problem. A lot of money!" Frank said with a smirk.

"How… how do you know that?" I felt the blood disappeared from my face.

"Maybe you shouldn't talk so loud in your phone and be more discrete when you are trying to get money from the guy you are messing with."

Okay… last summer I was broke, and I was in desperate need of money and drugs… and there was this kid, a bit younger than me, his father is Billie Joe Armstrong from Green Day and I so managed to rip off some good money from that kid… just like I did last spring… well that is how I get my money for drugs and booze, I just didn't know that Frank knew… I was planning on doing the same with Fray, told you that I like to fuck with peoples lives.

I turned my head towards Frank again and looked really innocent.

"But I have changed, it is the truth I swear, I do like Fray, a lot!"

"Yeah so you have just done that to the kids you don't like? Because I heard you talking to that bitch that is stalking Gerard about it!" fuck! I was silent for a minute, figuring out what to say next, I didn't have to because Frank spoke again.

"He is so innocent… I don't like you messing with him; you don't deserve a… fifth chance…"

"It should be a third change and I'll tell ya that he wasn't that innocent when he let me suck on his cock!" I said with a smirk, but then Gerard walked out from the sleeping area with a smile.

"This aint over!" Frank hissed to me as I grabbed myself a cup of coffee, this wasn't over, I knew it for sure, and I was going to do everything in my power to defeat Frank Iero…

**You know what to do :D Yes Trish is a bitch, that's why i put her there... it is her purpose in life (or at least in this stroy) :'D**


	31. Fans, Tears And An Old Friend

**A short second of complaining: don't you just hate it when someone who never have read a singel thing of your stuff starts to give you writing tips and lessons, just becase they heard that you write a lot -.- don't get me wrong, i love to get tips and stuff from you guys because you have read my shit and know the story! Well here we go the stuff you want to read chapter 30 of this story:  
**

**Alex. **

I had slept really badly; every time the bus turned I had been waking up, with a strange feeling. This wasn't our safe home and I was scared that we would crash and die, when we finally stopped at the afternoon I was both tired and not in the mood for meting people but our bus were crowded with people that wanted to greet their friends and congratulate Frank of becoming a father. I sneaked off the bus and into the arms of Billie Joe Armstrong who was on his way into the bus.

"Watch your step darling!" I blushed but he just laughed and gave me a proper hug. "So we meet again mystery girl! How is life?" I shrugged and he nodded as he gave me a cigarette. "It is quite overwhelming the first time you are out huh, all the people, all the fans, every fan girl that is going to want to rip your mans clothes of.. You'll get used to it!"

"And the bus!" I moaned. "It feels so dangerous, and I can't fucking sleep!" I moaned and he giggled at my stupidness.

"You will get used to that to! I'm looking forward to meet your Fray!"

"Are your family on the tour?" I asked politely.

"My oldest kid, Joseph, it was his turn this time… Well I gotta go and see your guys now, but it was nice talking to you mystery girl!"

**Gerard. **

There were people everywhere, some of them I knew, some I didn't and some of them I loved with all my heart.

"So where are you new girl?" Pete Wentz from Fall Out Boy asked.

"I think she is outside… she doesn't really like when it gets too crowded…"

"Well then I have to meet her later!" I nodded and made my way out and sure I found Alex standing outside, looking at people.

"I love you!" I wrapped my arms around her as I looked at the view, after a while people started at walk off from our bus, some had to get ready for their shows, others had interviews to make. I took her hand and started to walk around the area. "You know… Pete Wentz asked for you… he want to meet you!"

"Seriously?" I giggled and looked at my girlfriend as she jumped around for a while, then she grabbed my hand again.

"OH MY GOOOOOOD! IT IS GERARD WAY!" I heard a girl screaming and some others just scream out in the air. We had walked out to the festival area and some girls had spotted us.

"Hi girls!" I said as they screamed even more, it was just one that was silent and with tears in her eyes. I could see the scars on her arms and I felt her pain. I turned to Alex.

"Are you okay?" she nodded and I didn't let go of her hand when I wrote autographs, the screaming girls disappeared but not the silent one.

"Hello honey!" I smiled at her and she smiled a scared smile back. "I'm Gerard, would you like an autograph?"

"I'm Victoria… yes! Could I get a hug too?" she asked and dried her eyes.

"Anything for a true fan!" I let go of Alex hand and gave Victoria a big hug, she almost refused to let go and her body was shaking in my arms, a while later she let go and I could se that she was crying for real this time.

"Why are you crying?"

"You are my hero, you helped to save my life! If it wasn't for you I never could find the strange to keep on living… I hardly do…" I gave her another hug.

"Victoria, many years ago I knew a girl who reminds me of you, she was so beautiful but she didn't feel like she had anything to live for, and one day she disappeared from my life, and I regretted every day that I let her go… but she found a way to keep on… here she is: Alexandra Bryar, love of my life, mother of my child and more beautiful than ever!"

"Hi!" Alex smiled shyly and Victoria.

"It is true, you are so beautiful!"

"And so are you, cutting doesn't help, it only makes things worse… I almost lost my child because of cutting…" Alex cried and I gave her a hug and a kiss on the cheek. Then I found a piece of paper where I wrote: "Stay beautiful, keep it ugly, and never let them hurt you honey! Love from Gerard Way" I gave it to the girl and I explained that we had to go, slowly we made our way back to the bus, one time I turned around and I saw Victoria clutching the paper in her hand as she cried.

"Gerard Arthur Way, you are amazing!"

"Welcome to the life of a celebrity!" I said with a kiss.

Before getting back to the bus I got a call from Brian asking if I could make an interview with Fuse TV the same evening, they wanted the whole band later on the tour but today they just wanted me and I agreed.

**Later that day. ****Alex. **

I had almost choked on the water I was drinking when I saw the man that was going to interview Gerard… I'll explain later, I promise.

"Hey this is Steven from Steven's untitled rock show reporting from Project Revolution, and I'm here with my dear friend Gerard Way of My Chemical Romance, will there be any makeup lessons today?" (If you don't get this, get on youtube NOW and search for make up lessons with Gerard Way!)

"No man, I have already shared all of my makeup tips with you… That tape fucking hurt, stopped doing that after a while…"

"Yeah it did… Well this tour has been on and off with you for a while… could you explain for your fans what is really going on, because I know there has been many sad faces among the MCR fans?"

"We are very sad that it have to be this way… Well first we were going and then Bob's father got a heart attack and was taken away from us too soon. Then I and my girl got together, and then we did a show where some amazing fans came to and then Frank got his twins and now we are back."

"And that is not things that you can stop or prevent happening, death… You are playing tomorrow night, are you excited?"

"So excited! This tour is a bit special for me too…"

"In what way?" Steven smiled towards Gerard and Gerard looked at me.

"My beautiful girlfriend and our son are on the tour with me and I couldn't be more thrilled." He jumped up and grabbed me by the wrist and let me sit in his lap, I was fighting to get away from the camera, Gerard and Steven just laughed, after a short fight I gave up… I gave Gerard the evil eye, and he just giggled and kissed me.

"So you are the new one?"

"Nah, I'm the old one but the newspapers just call me 'The Fraud'!" I said with air speech markers. "But my friends just call me Alex!"

"Nice to met you, I know that people all around the world is dying to hear your story… could we hear it?"

"Sure!" we both said and I started to tell the story:

"I was a troubled girl how came to live with my father, stepmom and brother, and my brother was an outcast and I kinda hung out with them. And it didn't take long until I was together with Frank Iero…"

"You were together with Frank?" Steven interrupted.

"Uhm yeah she was… his mother made him dump her for some reason and then Alex and I started to get feelings… but it wasn't like I was going to tell Bob a month after that he found out that one of his best friends were dating his sister… we kept it to ourselves like a dirty little secret!"

"Alex was Gerard your rebound guy?"

"No he never was, I just fell in love all over again!" I said and looked into Gee's eyes. "This was when we were in High School so we were both a mess and when I later found out that I was pregnant I didn't want to get Gerard deeper into the depression. And I was scared that I was going to keep on drinking if I was around the guys so I ran off to New York. I seven months later gave birth to a son and the last thing Gerard saw of me and Fray until fifteen years later was a picture."

"I was the only one knowing that she was alive, but after that nothing… it was killing me…" Gerard said.

"But now you are one of the hottest new couple of the year!"

The interview went on, I walked away when Steven went on talking to Gerard about the record and other band related stuff, and I noticed that Gee checked on me sometimes. He had seen my reaction before when Steven stepped on the bus. A while later all of the camera and sound guys disappeared and Steven turned to me.

"Alex, I see that you finally have grown up to the fine woman I always knew you would be!"

"Nice to see you too Steven!" he gave me a huge hug.

"So… how is Michelle?"

"Single and more beautiful than ever! God I have missed you!"

**It has been a while since I made a cliffhanger, I know you missed that. You are welcome ;) You know what to do, everyone review ffs! ^^**


	32. I'll End My Days With You!

**Happy my chemical romance day! Let's celebrate with updating the story! :D  
**

**Gerard. **

I stared at my girlfriend, over to my friend and back to my girlfriend. She knew him? She was giggling and he looked at her like… like if he knew things that I didn't know! And it annoyed me.

"Do you two like know each other?" I managed to squeeze out between my lips that were tight pressed together.

"Yeah!" Alex finally looked over at me and gave me a look asking if that wasn't obvious.

"How if I may ask?" I felt uncomfortable like hell and I craved a smoke.

"First we were in the same class when we studying to become a journalists and he started to hit at me… but when I told him I had a kid I scared him off… until me and Michelle, you know my old room mate and I was grabbing a coffee with Fray in the stroller then he came up and started to talk to us and they were madly in love for what?"

"Four fucking years… she just dumped me then, I don't know if I did anything stupid or what…" Steven said. "Fucking broke my heart is what she did!" he continued.

"But you were amazing with Fray… you were like his father, he even used to call you dad for a while when you lived with me and Micha, god that was an awkward conversation to have with a six year old kid…"

I just stared out in the air; I shouldn't be upset over the fact that Alex has friends… I shouldn't be mad. But I am. Why? Because this man, my old friend, was more of a father to my kid than I ever had been over the years. I'm mad because I didn't come and look for them when I got sober. Instead I had secretly been to afraid of becoming happy to even admit that I wanted my family. All my life I had been in pain, I had just felt the despair… I stared down a loaded gun before I even turned thirteen, and I was afraid of the unknown…

Someone snapped their fingers in front of my eyes.

"Gerard?" Alex sounded concerned when she realized that I was far away, and that I was pretty pale, I know this because I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror behind her.

"Sorry?"

"I asked if you two and Fray cared for eating dinner with me, just for old times."

"Yeah, sure!" I said short and walked off the bus with my sketchbook in my right hand and outside I lit up a cigarette, Steven walked behind me after telling Alex the time and the place. When he had disappeared hell broke lose, at least for a short second.

"WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON WITH YOU?" she screamed, I ignored her, I thought that was the best thing to do and I kept on staring at the picture that I had been working on earlier, before the other tour was off. It was a picture of a man with bright red hair hanging from the ceiling that had bloody scars all over the arms and a glass bottle in one of the hands. As a frame around the picture I had written:

"_I'll end my days with you…" _

She ripped the book out of my hand and threw it on the ground.

"Can you at least look at me when I'm talking to you? What the fuck is going on with you?"

Then the drawing caught her eye… and she put her hand over her mouth.

"You just had to point out what a scumbag I am? What lousy father I have been for so long time?" now it was I who screamed. She looked like I had slapped her…

"I didn't…" she didn't even finish what she was thinking. "Can you ever bee happy?" she picked up the sketchbook.

"That was before… I'm sorry!" I pulled her close to me and gave her a kiss.

"We are pretty fucked up aren't we? Sorry for yelling!" I nodded and she took the book from me and pulled out the side. "Lighter!" she said and I gave mine to her, soon she put it on fire. "No more suicide shit now! We need to grow up!"

**Alex. **

We met Steven at the restaurant at nine and we ordered some fancy food, he was going to pay he said and we didn't care to argue. I had enough of arguing for the day, I'm not sure of what had happened after that Steven and I told Gee about our past. It had just been… wearyingly!

"Mum, are you saying that I met Steven from fuse TV daily in like three years when I was in diapers, that my father is Gerard Way, and uncles are Bob Bryar and Mikey Way? If I had known this I might have been slightly a bit more popular at school! I can't believe that you kept all this from me!" Fray sighed.

"Yeah or else you had been called a liar!" Gerard joked. "You just can't change nature; a Way is just a social outcast. I was, Mikey was and you should thank god that you aren't related to Ray, he was a birth control in high school…"

"But what about that… chick uurrhg I completely lost her name!" I asked.

"Sofi if I recall right… she ended up with one of the jocks during the summer and she took some nice sleazy photos with the guy as she cheated at Ray…"

"Of course!" I mumbled and Gee stared at me. _"For all the dirty looks, the photographs your boyfriend took…" _I quoted.

"Yeah, that was about that sleazy girl!"

Later Gerard went out for a smoke and Steven looked at me.

"Why did we stop hanging out? I haven't realized until now how much I have been missing how much I loved hanging out with you honey!"

"I had to be on her side after the break up… We couldn't just be friends after that…"

"True…"

"You should call her! I have her number here!" I wrote it on the napkin and pushed it to him with a smile. Mikey called some minutes later and told us to get home, since Brian wanted the whole band for something. I went straight to bed, I still was tired as hell and the drama during the day hadn't helped… But little did I know what I was going to see in my dream…

**You seemed to like the cliffhanger so I made another one :D Do I need to point out that now you have to review? I better do anyway! ^^**


	33. And Then Everything Was Upsidedown Part2

**OMG! Another update! Gasp! Well, don't get your hopes up... Since I'm old I start working tomorrow and I will not be able to sit at the computer 24/7... This is kinda a wtf chapter (I hope so at least), and it is supposed to be that way :)  
**

**Alex. **

I screamed… but I really didn't make any sound. It felt like if I was floating, as if my mind outside my body. I opened my eyes and looked around me when I heard a voice pleading close to my face.

"Wake up! You really need to wake up now!" I was wide awake so I turned my head towards the voice and I realized that it was Gerard, who was crying next to the bed I was lying in. Why did he look so… young? Not more than the seventeen he was when we first had met. And what the hell was he talking about?

"I am awake! Babe, why can't you see that?" I answered him, but he didn't react, he just kept on pleading.

"I need you Alex! I'm incomplete without you!" I looked around the room again and now I realized that I was in a hospital room, I was in the bed… every part of my body was kind of numb…

"I'm here! No need to panic!" I laughed trying to stroke my hand trough his hair, like I used to do whenever he was sad, but I was unable to get my arm to move. It scared me but not as much as his next words.

"I can't even kill myself… I'm useless…" he picked out a razor from his pocket and he started to slit his wrists open, the blood poured down at me, it poured all over the room…

"Gerard! STOP THAT FOR FUCK SAKE! I'M RIGHT HERE!" I screamed from the top of my lungs, desperate for his attention! I didn't get it; he kept on staring at my face as he sliced his wrists open. He must be going on something if he didn't realize that I was awake, that I was screaming to him!

"I love you Alex!" he whispered as he got weaker. "I want you; no I need you to wake up soon. Now!" A young nurse rushed into the room and slapped him, made him stop… why hadn't he heard me? Why was he so sad and what was I doing in the hospital? I don't remember being sick. I don't remember that Gerard looked so young. They nurse and my boyfriend talked, argued for a while until he gave me a look and said.

"But I love her… I just want her to wake up!"

"GERARD I LOVE YOU TOO!" I screamed from the top of my lungs when the nurse led him out, away from me as I uncontrolled started to cry.

**Did anyone get this chapter? Because if you did you are awesome! Anyway tell me if you did or not! ^^ **


	34. Fuck This

**So this was a hard chapter for me... I got stuck staring at an empty document for hours and all i managed to write was 'Fuck this'(and that's the name of the chapter) almost killed the story and that would have sucked. Finally this is what came out... And i really hope that you like this, I kinda feel like I'm stuck at the same thing all the time, but I don't know... well enjoy!  
**

**Alex. **

Some days had passed since the dream, if it was a dream will say. I mean it really can't be real but then again… it had felt so real… as if this was the dream and that had been the reality. Well fuck that! I had been thinking a lot on the sorrow in Gerard's voice and when ever I was alone that was the only thing going through my mind. The guys were getting ready for the show, pep-talk, last cigarette, and last coffee that kind of stuff. I had been in the audience the show before and man that is making you tired… fans pushing from every side just to get closer, just to be seen by the band. I had loved every second of it but now I had decided to relax backstage with Alicia who had some days off from work and had come to see Mikey and her sister. I watched my friends concentrate; Frank who stared at the pictures of Lily and Cherry, Mikey who gulped water because he was nervous, Ray standing with his guitar, Bob playing with his drumsticks and Gerard… Gerard listened to his iPod in a corner. He didn't look at anyone and I just couldn't take my eyes off him. So sexy and so beautiful and yet with a dark shadow over him… I felt Alicia's eyes on me and when I glared over at her I could see that she followed my view.

"I can't image how to live without my loved one for so long!" she said and looked over at Mikey with a sad smile.

"It sucked! Everyday was a fight just to get out of bed…" I admitted and looked at Gee again. "I can't really believe that they have grown up to become some fine men… I still se them as kids sometimes… Mikey pale as a ghost with that awesome hairstyle and his glasses on the tip of his nose, Frank with his smile, cute face and without any tattoos, Bob as the brother I lost and found twice, Ray who always was so nice to me and Gerard… the first time I was getting over to the Way residence Bob told me about people kept letting him down for some reason and the first time I really looked at him I thought…"

"…that he was really good looking but he had something really dark over him…" Alicia cut me off and I just stared at her. "Was at least what I thought… about him the first time we really met!" she giggled nervously and smiled at me.

"That's exactly what I was thinking…" I told her and then I looked away. It scared me, what she just had said… because I never ever told a living soul about my first thoughts about Gerard, and she had thought the exact same… my life is just getting more and more fucked up…

But my thoughts were interrupted by Frank calling out for the high-five line-up that everyone had to join in. After high fiving the band I looked Gerard in the eyes and gave him one last kiss before smacking him on the ass, just for good luck… he smiled at me and that dark shadow I had seen minutes before when I looked at him was now gone. He kissed me as if this was our last kiss and he mumbled I love you in my ear and then he left me alone.

Like always I couldn't help but to stare at the show, it was taped and we could watch them backstage and I was speechless, they played Demolition Lovers in the middle and all I could do was to cry.

"It is about you, the song!" Alicia said to me.

"How do you know?" I asked, curious as hell.

"Because I asked him about it once and he told me that it was about this girl he used to know and that he had lost her… I get it now!"

We didn't talk more until the show was over, it was nice to just sit there and look at the band, to see how amazing they really were.

**Frank. **

The show was over, Mikey had Alicia, Gerard had Fray and Alex… I felt so damn lonely so I decided to pick up the phone and call Jamia.

"Hey baby…" I whispered to her.

"Hey there! How is tour?" she answered tiredly.

"Amazing…" I said without any joy in the voice. "How are the angels?"

"It doesn't sound so great… but our angles are amazing, I feel completed now when I'm a mother. But I miss you like hell!"

"I miss you; and I miss the kids to. I never should have left…"

"You had to leave, you needed to get away to realize what you got here!"

"Love you!" I said and hung up after her telling me the same. I sat outside the bus for a while, chain-smoking like hell, I knew it probably would kill me some day… but now I didn't really care. I saw two teenagers standing some buses away, fooling around. Since I'm a sucker for gossip I got up from the ground and walked closer to the two of them.

"I like you too… but Mikey and Alicia would kill me if they knew that I was out…" I heard the devil herself, Trish, saying.

"Okay…" Fray sighed. All the sudden I got the feeling that he was a douche, like if he was pressuring Trish into something that she didn't want to do. Maybe she really had changed?

"Just one more kiss?" he asked, she mumbled something I couldn't hear and then they kissed.

"I promise you, when they have a show we'll take one step further, I promise kid!" she said with a smirk and then she walked off. Trish bumped right into me and she smirked at me.

"I thought I told you to stay the hell away from him?" I said.

"Didn't you hear, I like him a lot and that kinda bullshit!" she said innocent.

"What do you want, whore? Money? Alcohol? Drugs? Sex?"

"Yeah that's about it…"

"I'll buy you drugs and alcohol if you just stay the hell away from the kid!"

"Sex then?"

"I'll even buy you a man whore if that's what you want to…" I sighed.

"Deal, have the drugs and the booze tomorrow night!"

She disappeared and a moment later Fray showed up next to me.

"We need to have a talk!" I said seriously and he looked at me.

"Talk?" I gave him a cigarette.

"You should stay away from that girl!"

"Trish?" I nodded and he glared at me. "Why the fuck would I?"

"Talk to Billie Joe's kid, Joseph. That girl is trouble! Please Fray, you are so dear to me so you could have been my son… and I don't want you hurt!"

"Okay… I'll talk to the dude!" he said and I gave him a hug then he disappeared away and I was alone again. Fuck now I needed to get drugs too… this was going to be a fucked night!

**Well that was it... Tell me you thoughts! **


	35. Sup dude?

**OMG I gotta become better on updating -.- it has been forever! Sorry! *puppy eyes* don't hate me! Having a crazy idea of starting another fanfic, but I'm not sure if I can handle two at once... . **

**Well anyway this is for DreamsOfATeenager because she just turned 15, this is my gift to you :D even if i kinda hate you (nah I couldn't hate you) for not telling me that you put your sequal up! *evil eye*  
**

**Fray.  
**

"Mum can I go with Green Day instead?" I asked my mother as I used my best puppy eyes, what Frank had told me yesterday was fucking with my brain and I guessed that the only thing that I could do was to talk to Billie's son. She looked over at dad and he nodded.

"I can't see why not so you go! But hang on a second young man!" she yelled when I jumped off the bus with my messenger bag in my grip. "I'm coming with you and talk to Billie!" I sighed as my mum followed me.

"Hello mystery girl!" Billie said to her, and she blushed like a fucking school girl, does she have to get a crush on everyone of my heroes?

"Hello there! My son here is getting tired of being a MCR supporter and wants to go on your bus if that's okay?"

"So this is the famous Fray! Hi I'm Billie Joe!"

"You call me the famous Fray? YOU ARE THE FAMOUS BILLIE JOE ARMSTRONG!"

"Nice to met ya kiddo!" he said to me and then he turned to mum. "I think this will be perfect Alex! Are you enjoying life on the road a little more now?"

"Yeah, it is easier to sleep but those fan girls… I just wanna scream: stay out of my mans pants if you know what I mean!"

"Alex time to leave for fucks sake!" I heard uncle Bob yelling back from out bus and mum gave me a hug and a kiss on my cheek, which I rubbed off the second she turned away, because it didn't look cool to get a kiss from your mum, in front of Billie fucking Joe Armsrtong.

"So Fray my man, what gives us the honour?" Mike asked from the back of the bus and I looked around at the small space.

"Well, mum told me that Joseph was on the tour and I couldn't stand another minute with that trashy girl… Needed to make some other friends!"

"'sup dude?" I heard from a seat behind me, I turned around and a teenage copy of Billie Joe mixed with his wives looks stared at me, if I had been a girl I had been sinking like a rock, that kid was going to be a heart breaker, just like his father. All of my friends of the other sex had between the ages of ten and now have had at least one crush on Mr. Armstrong and they always told me about it, that's why I knew that he was a heartbreaker. Often the crushes had gone hand in hand with: Gerard Way, Frank Iero and then Mikey Way. Now it grossed me out even worse when I thought about it.

"'sup man!" I nodded to the dude.

"Well we need to get some sleep; we got a show tonight, so party on dudes! And stay the hell out of my beers!" Tré said with a smirk and gave me the evil eye as the grown ups disappeared.

"So you are Fray? How old are you?"

"Uh-uhm! That's me. I just turned fifteen, you?"

"Cool. Sixteen." It was an awkward silence that followed after that. "So the trashy one is on the tour again? Trish?"

"Yeah… Frank told me that she was fucked up and told me to go and talk to her because I'm kinda interested in her and she seems…"

"Interested in you?" Joseph filled in the rest of the sentence with a grimace.

"Yeah… so? Tell me?"

"Well last summer she was on tour with My Chem and of course I fell head over heels for her, just like you I guess. I mean she got the looks and she always seems to be interested. But after that we spend some weeks together she went like super frustrated and she started to just wanna party and take drugs… and she didn't really wanna hang out with me… I soon understood that she wanted to have sex with me, but it was kinda awkward to have it on the bus with everyone around and…" he looked away and blushed. "And I was a virgin at the time and dude I wanted to get rid of it like crazy. I didn't want her to lose her interest so when she dragged me away to the bus when dad was playing and we had some fun. And we did that some times and in the end of the tour I was in double trouble; dad had lost some drugs and accused me and then Trish contacted me and told me that she was late."

"Did she steal his pills and stuff?"

"Yeah, but that wasn't just it, she told me that she was late, her period, apparently she had peed on a stick and she wanted 5000 dollars from me to get rid of this tiny problem, that was getting bigger. Or else she would go to dad and tell him about the drugs, confirming his idea of me being guilty of steeling. So I paid, and I think Frank overheard us and he knew. He told me that he had heard her talking to a friend bout this, and she had done it before…"

"Didn't you use protection? Stupid…"

"Both birth control pills and condom… at least she told me that she was on the pill… but I don't think she even was pregnant, I just think that she fucked with me…"

"She is fucked up… but…" I said.

"But maybe I'm just a jealous fucked up ex boyfriend."

"Hehe… just my thought…"

"Well you can se for yourself if you don't trust me man!"

He stared at me with the evil eye for a second and then we both started to laugh without a reason, it was nice to just hang with a dude my age.

"So first time on the road?" he asked and I nodded. "Sorry I forgot the whole lost son thing… are you a fraud or are you Gees kid?"

"I think I am Gerard's… I mean I know for sure that mum and he had a thing back in high school and that she got pregnant around sixteen and that I never knew my father…"

"You are just like Gee too… moves the same way and that kind of stuff!" he looked at me and smiled. "So how does it feel?"

"What? Becoming famous over a night?"

"No… To be normal? To be able to go everywhere and never been known as that hot lead singers son?"

"It is just normal, dull, boring and normal… and I have never been the hot lead singer's son but I have been that weird young single mother's kid, the mum that probably is super slutty because she has a kid. At that age."

"Life is a bitch!" we both said and smiled at each other, we kept talking on bands we liked, songs we hated, people that we idolized. Just teenage stuff.

**Alex. **

I had cuddled up in Gerard's arms now when most of the guys were asleep and I just felt happy, it was like Fray never existed and that dream was far away.

"Darling what's on your mind?"

"Nothing… really…" I started to tell him.

"Come on! Something is wrong and I wanna know what's going on inside of you!" He whispered into my hair then he kissed me on the top of my head.

"Okay, okay just promise that you wont laugh?" I turned my head a little and stared into his hazel eyes, the eyes I once fell in love with…

"Never!" he kissed me and stroked gentle my cheek.

"Well I had a dream some nights ago and it was super scary, you were at a hospital bed and you were crying and cutting. And you were around seventeen and were pleading that I should wake up and I was wide awake but you didn't notice that!" I felt a tear rolling over the spot were my lover had touched my cheek.

"Well baby… maybe it is time for you to wake up? Even if I would hate if you left me here… because I'm gonna miss you like crazy!" he smiled a sad smile but I went completely mad.

"THAT'S EVEN WORSE THAN LAUGHING! STOP MAKING FUN OF ME YOU, YOU, YOU PIG, YOU MAN PIG!" I screamed as I hit him hard.

"Sorry… I…" he was cut off by the signal of my phone.

**OMGEEEEEE! A fight! And still that fucked dream! *gasp* Darlings: review because or else my brain will commit suicide on work tomorrow! **


	36. Like A Real Family

**Here you go! :'D  
**

**Alex. **

"Yes?" I hissed as I answered the phone.

"Alex? What the hell is wrong?" Michelle asked in the other end.

"Oh nothing. Just mad at Gerard…" I mumbled in the phone.

"That doesn't sound like nothing, it sound as bad as when you broke up from Jake."

"Oh dear, when it sounds that bad it can't sound good, I'm sorry I shouldn't have hissed to you, I was just mad because he didn't take me seriously…"

"Well that sucks… anyhow I have neeeeeews!" she giggled and I felt myself getting more relaxed. "It is gossip; you got the time to talk?"

"I have always time for you honey! We can wait with our fight!" I told her and made myself a cup of coffee with the other hand.

"Well you do remember Steven?"

"Yeah, duuhh?" I giggled and let her continue.

"He called me up the other day and said that he wants us to meet again, that he misses me like hell!"

"And you said?"

"Hell yeah! So he got me this back stage pass to the tour he reports from now and he sent some pictures too and he is hotter than ever so I figured why not?"

"Aww! Then we will see each other soon!"

"What? You're on the tour?" she gasped.

"Yeah, I met him and he asked about you and then I told him to call you! You are the most perfect couple even years after that you two broke it off!"

"Aww, so you agree on me is meeting him? But anyhow I saw a picture of you and Gerard, damn you two looks amazing together! And I miss you!" I felt my cheeks going hot and I glared over at Gee where he sat in the sofa, still confused about my reaction and over my mood swings that had happened over the past moments. Then I saw that he dried his eye and I felt sorry for him.

"Yeah, yeah go ahead meet him! And come over to our place when you are here! Love you!"

"I will, love you too honey!" she told me and hung up.

"I'm sorry?" I asked it as a question, yes I was sorry but I didn't know if I was going to get his forgiveness after my little outburst, he smirked at me and all the sudden I felt all warm in my body.

**Gerard. **

I walked up and took the coffee out of her hand and gave her a kiss, a kiss where I gave her everything, my love, my sorrow and my dreams. Dreams that had died and dreams that I wanted to come true. After we broke apart we didn't have to say anything, I just looked her in her eyes and let her crawl up in my arms again.

We never talked about that fight again, we didn't even mention that night.

**About a week later.**

"Are you sure?" I asked Alex when she broke the news to me, this was making me unbelievable happy.

"I have thought about it and talked it over with Fray and we have decided that we are leaving New York when the autumn comes, we wanna move in with you! If that's okay with you?" I jumped up and down in the sofa; the guys are just laughed at me.

"We just need to find a decent school and we have to sell the apartment and get all our stuff there, and all that stuff!" She sighed when she thought of everything that needed to be done. I took her hands in mine.

"Calm down, everything will be good! All that matters for me is that you wanna live with me, like a real family!"

"Well you are the best family a teenage boy could whish for!" Fray said shyly and gave me a hug and Alex a kiss on her cheek.

"Ohhhh please I'm gonna be sick!" Frankie mocked us and the three of us attacked him, I held his tiny body and the others tickled him until he begged for mercy.

**Mikey. **

The bus was empty apart from me and Fray, I listened to Anthrax and he was reading one of the thousands comic books that were lying around the bus, I glared over at my niece over and over again. Every time I saw him I was stunned by the similarity of my brother. He looked almost the same as Gerard had done at the same age, before he got really fucked up…

"Man why do you keep looking at me in that way?"

"I don't know… you just remind me of your father, before he got messed up, before the drugs, booze, depression and self harm. I... I just want you to know that I'm always there for you, in good and bad times and I hope that you are going to talk to me if you are getting messed up!"

"You are so nice..."

"Well I have seen, and felt his pain, shared a drug addiction with him and I have held him close during the darkest times… and I couldn't live with myself if you went trough the same thing! I love you kiddo!" Fray just nodded and went back to the comic book, but somehow I knew that he never would end up in the same shape as Gerard, we wouldn't let him even if he slipped.

The door flung open after a while and a beautiful woman stormed in, I looked up in surprise when she screamed:

"HONEY I'M HOOOOMMEEEE!"

"I'm sorry but honey isn't here, and I bet he/she doesn't care if you are home or not…!" I said when I could speak again after the surprise.

"Oh I bet she does!" she said and then she completely ignored me. "Fray my darling where is your mother?" like a surprised goldfish I stared back and forward at the woman and Fray.

"She is out with that lover of hers!"

"Ahhh!"

"I'm sorry but who the hell are you?"

"I'm Michelle, Michelle Adair. And who are you?"

"I'm Mikey, Mikey Fucking Way!" I told her and I waited for her to say something.

"IIHHHHH you are Mikey! I have heard sooooooo much about you!"

"Well I'm guessing that you are looking for Alex? I'm gonna call her so she gets back here!"

I walked off the bus and dialled Alex number.

"Hey honey, there is a crazy woman on the bus screaming 'honey I'm home' and are looking for you, do you want me to send her away?"

"Are you crazy, you should treat that woman as a queen, if she want you to cut off your left ear you will! Understood?"

"Errh yeah…" I hung up and then I walked the opposite direction, you know I'm kinda found of my ears…

**Yes it was a filler, I'm kinda tired now so this is what I came up with :')**


	37. Honey I'm Home!

**She has gone crazy! Lots of updates! :o Well I know, but I don't think you hate me for that? ^^ **

**And I want you to make me a favour! That is to go and check out my brand new killjoy story: Are you gonna be the one who saves us? **

**I'm not gonna stop writing on My Worst Nightmare, I promise! I just wanted to put my new ideas up in another story :)  
**

**Alex. **

"HONEY I'M HOME!" I screamed when I walked on the bus, Gerard gave me a strange look but I didn't have any chance to explain because I was attacked by my best friend in this whole world. "ALEEEEEX!" She screamed and hugged me so tight that I could barely breathe.

"Oh my god! I have missed you so much honey!" I said when I finally could breathe again.

"It has been way to long!" Michelle said with a sad smile, but she brightened up when she saw Gerard.

"Hello there Mr. Handsome!" But I didn't get Gee a chance to answer.

"Did you scare Mikey away? I kinda told him that he needed to give you his left ear if you wanted!"

"Yeah he walked away… but I behaved!"

"Mum she walked right into the bus, screaming honey I'm home… Michelle can't behave!" Fray blabbed.

"That is normal… Anyway no one loves a blabber!" she smirked and I just gave her a hug.

"Anyway this is the legendary Gerard Way!"

"Ehhr nice to meet you…" Gerard said and nervously lit up a cigarette. "Anyone wants coffee?" we all nodded, I was so happy at the moment; Michelle was at my side just like Gerard and Fray. Mikey came back and glared nervously at Michelle every tenth second as he drank his coffee.

"It is okay honey, I'm not that found of your left ear… I rather take the right one!" she smirked after a while.

"Gerard, tell her to stoooooop!" Mikey whined but Gerard just laughed at his brother, he then looked at me. "Alex! She is your friend, make her stop!" he sounded just like a five year old kid, not getting what he wanted.

"Michelle, knock it off, Mikey is a sensitive kid!" He made a face and rolled his eyes and pretended to be upset.

"So… what's the deal with honey I'm home?" Gerard asked when Michelle and I had caught up with all the gossip possible. We looked at each other and started to giggle.

"Well… that second apartment we shared had these fucked toilet doors that for the record had no lock. It was like two doors in one and the first time, when we looked at it, I had gone in there, closed it and when I opened and walked out both screamed honey I'm home. That's how it started and it just went downhill after that…"

"After all we are brain brothers!"

"That's random…" Mikey mumbled from his coffee.

"I love your random side!" Gee said and kissed me.

Frank, who just came back from some friends in some other band, looked at us with a smile.

"I hate to break this party off, but we have sound check in fifteen, and Brian will kill us if we are late… You girls wanna come?"

"Sure!" Michelle said and we all walked off the bus, I noticed in the corner of my eye that Trish grabbed Frays wrist and made him stay. I felt a sting in my heart when I saw this, I didn't know why but then I let it pass.

**Fray. **

"You aren't going to the show?" I asked Trish, she didn't answer, instead she kissed me and I my fool kissed back. I was in the witch spell and she had no plans of letting me go…

"I rather stay here…" she moaned in my ear as she stroked her hands over my body, it felt so good…

We started to undress each other until we tumbled down in the sofa.

**Gerard. **

It had been one of the greatest shows on this tour, everything clicked, the audience was amazing and I loved that the second I walked off the stage I had my woman at my side.

"Holy shit, you are even better than Alex said!" Michelle said and gave us all a hug each.

"Thanks!" we said and I gave Alex a kiss.

"Gerard Arthur Way?" a dark voice behind us asked.

"That's me? What can I do for you?" I was surprised because I didn't expect anyone and I turned around to look into a huge policeman's eyes.

"Well you are arrested!"

**Oh yeah, this is a cliffhanger :'D**

**The honey I'm home is btw take out of real life... me and my bestfriend arrived to this hotel at Malta in the middle of the night and the toilet in the room had this door like I described, and when I came out both of us screamed 'honey, I'm home' and then we countinued doing that the whole week... x''D well please review and check out the other story! ^^  
**


	38. But The Past Aint Through With You

**DreamsOfATeenager this chapter is for you! Just because she has been on me forever (like a whole day) so I would update, I rather would have you wait longer *evil laughter* but she refuses to update if I don't give you this -.-**

**And for my brother too, because he is obsessed with good knives... (you understand later)  
**

**Gerard. **

I felt sweaty and cold at the same time, feverish, what the hell is going on? What had I done?

"Ex… exes… excuse me?" I spluttered.

"Gerard Arthur Way you are under arrest for buying sexual services, from prostitutes." I could feel every ones eyes on me, some judging me, some feeling pity for me and at least one pair hating me. The police showed me his police badge and picked out his hand cuffs, I decided it wasn't any good fighting against this man. My cheeks were burning and I couldn't look my friends in their eyes, I couldn't even make myself look at my brother or the love of my life.

"You have the right to remain silent; everything you say may be used against you in a court. Understood?"

"Yes." I mumbled.

"What did you say?"

"Yes I understand, sir!" I said, keeping my eyes far away, still I didn't dare to even glance over at Alex.

The police made some notes, then he spoke into his walkie-talkie and then he grabbed my arm hard and started to pull me away.

"Where are you taking him?" her voice was so weak and yet so strong that it made me look at her.

"Ma'am, please just let me do my job!"

"Just let me know where you are taking my boyfriend!"

"He is going to a lock-up until they decide if he is guilty or not." It stung my heart to hear that but I never would have thought that Alex would do this: she walked straight up to me, took my head in her hands and gave me a kiss, I was soon pulled away from her by the policeman and when I was escorted outside I could hear her crying.

"I love you Gerard!"

"I… I love you too…" I mumbled as the man opened the car door, luckily there weren't many paparazzi outside so no one took my photo.

**Alex. **

I didn't collapse until he was gone, I fell straight into the arms of someone, and I didn't know who and I didn't care. All I could think of was that he once again was gone.

"Fray… we gotta tell him…" someone said far away.

"It is gonna be okay honey, it really is!" Frank whispered to me, I choked on my tears but even tears will dry off eventually. I didn't really think that he was guilty; I couldn't cope if that was the truth… but it still hurt me, at the same time the thing that hurt me the most was the fact that we were going to be separated for a while.

"Are you ready to go to the station and see if we can bail him out?" Mikey asked. "We have already told Fray, he is with Bob and Ray at the moment. Frank and I are coming with you!"

"No… I can't just go there and act like this never happened…" something happened, I couldn't get my body to do that.

"WHAT?" Mikey screamed out loud and his eyes were burning out of rage.

"I. Can. Not. Go. There! Understood?"

"That's fucking insane! It is my fucking brother we are talking about! Your BOYFRIEND Alex!" He was so mad, but I wouldn't back down, not this time.

"Mikey, why don't you go and see if you can bail him out tonight or if we have to wait 'til the morning." Frank suggested as he started to almost carry me back towards the bus.

I felt so weak where I sat in the bunk where we used to sleep, make love… Everyone let me be alone for the first hour, and then Frank came in.

"Is there something you need or want?"

"Drugs, booze, a good knife?"

"Yeah, aint gonna happen darling." Frank looked at me with a pathetic sad smile.

"I hate you!" I cried out. "I want my Gerard! I want him!" Frank held me for a while, and then he walked away from me when my tears stopped falling.

After a while I managed to stand up for myself, that was a success itself, but I couldn't just stop myself.

"Fuck, fuck, FUCK, FUCK YOU!" I tried to yell, but all that came out was jus a mumble. I knew I had something in my bag that would make everything so much easier, right now I didn't care if I was going to fuck everything up. Gerard had made a pretty amazing job on that anyway. I made sure that the door to the bunking area was locked and then I held the old but surprisingly good knife on my skin, I waited for a while to push it into my flesh.

"You wanna do this!" I whispered. "It is going to get easier." I slowly closed my eyes and as the pain filled my body I screamed. Someone rushed to the door and I tried to make as much damage possible, I guessed I succeeded because everything went black before the door flung open.

**So... the past aint trough with you Gerard my darling! So are you still hating me? :) review people!**


	39. Fuck

**First day of school -.- it was boring, but the workout was at least fun :D **

**I know it has take me forever to update on this one but i hope i'm forgiven *puppy eyes*  
**

**Frank. **

We heard a scream filled with pain and despair, form the back of the bus. I glared over at Bob who already was on his feet; I rushed up and followed him. The door was locked from the inside and it took us a while to get it open. As the door flung open Alex's limp body fell down to the floor. A scream left my lips as her brother ran toward her. Fray ran past me and he started to cry uncontrolled. How strange it even sound it made me come to my sense again.

"Ray take him away from here!" I ordered, and then I turned to Bob. "Is she still breathing? Call an ambulance now!" I held her close as so many times before. Somewhere between us finding Alex on the floor and to that the ambulance came, Mikey returned from the lock up. He held Fray close as they took her away. It was me and Bob that held her and in the ride over to the unknown hospital, and it was we that waited in the emergency room for her to wake up.

"Should we call the lock up so Gee get the news?" Bob asked after a long silent wait in the hospital, both of us was still in our stage clothes, we hadn't bothered to change after the cop came.

"He is in enough pain without knowing what this made her do!" I simply said.

**Gerard. **

I was so numb that my body moved on autopilot, I couldn't even think. What had really happened? I remembered the sorrow in my girlfriend's voice. God I hope she wouldn't do anything stupid… a guard came after an hour and I asked for a cigarette.

"Well that's not allowed…" he started then he took a look at my face. "Hey aren't you that Gerard dude? Singer in that band?"

"Guilty…" I sighed.

"My girlfriend loves you to death!"

"I give you and autograph to give to you girl if you get me a package of smokes! That's all I'm asking for man!" I could se that the man put the positive parts of breaking the rules against the negative and he seemed to realize that he probably would win on this buy.

"Okay, but the autograph first!" he gave me the paper and I asked what her name was.

_To Ashley with love xoxo Gerard Way!_

The cigarettes tasted so fucking good and after another hour I managed to fall asleep.

**Frank. **

Bob had to go back, Fray had freaked out so bad, and he had panic attacks over and over again, screaming that all of this was his fault and stuff like that. We decided that it was better if Bob went back and joined them who tried to calm him down.

"So deep that I didn't even scream fuck me..." I had almost drifted away in sleep when the voice was so weak that I barely could hear it woke me up, when it woke me I jumped off the chair and looked into a pair of icy blues.

"Fucking idiot! You scared the hell outta us! Your son hasn't calmed down yet!" I screamed, then I hugged her as close as I dared.

"I like you too Frankie!" Alex said with a stronger voice. "But there is no need to freak out." She was so calm that she scared me.

"No fucking need to freak out? Alex, you are in the hospital because you cut your own body up so much that you almost died! Why?"

"If he can break the rules I can!" she whispered stubborn like a baby.

"We don't know if he broke any rules! And if he did sleep with a hooker it was before you got together again, he would never do that to you?"

"Then why is he in the lock up?" she fought to hold the tears back.

"Alex, I tell you this because I love you! When you left he was broken and it took many years to get past that for him. Yes he fucked around; I know that because he told me, but he could never love them, it was just a fuck, like a handshake. Then he met Lyn-Z and as you know she is amazing in every way but two weeks before the wedding he broke down, broke the engagement and almost drank himself to death just because he was about to marry her. He cleaned up after that but he never lost that destructive side of him that you apparently never lost either… and sex with a hooker was just another way of hurting himself… That's why…"

"I hate him!" she said with a strange I didn't expect.

"No, you love him, or else you shouldn't have been here!" I told her and gave her a cheek kiss.

"Well fuck you for being such an intelligent dude! When can I get out of here?"

"It isn't that easy crash queen… you lost a lot of blood… and the doctors kinda think you are a danger for your self…"

"What the fuck?" I nodded and gave her my phone.

"Call your son, beg him to forgive you, calm him down!" I said and then I walked out in the corridor. When I came out there I fell apart into tears. It took me five cigarettes and half an hour before I could make myself get in there again. A doctor was in there and explained the situation for Alex.

"Due to the danger of this self harm we want you to see someone and talk to your problems."

"Who says I have problems?"

"If you are trying to commit suicide you have a problem!"

"Who says I was trying to kill myself?"

"Then what was that all about?" the doc said frustrated.

"I broke the rules; I just wanted to feel another pain for a while, I couldn't help that I might overdo it a little. Anyway I'm already seeing someone for these issues!"

"You are?"

"Yeah, some fancy shrink in New York. Is that enough for you?"

"Okay, fine. But I rather see you in a place where you can get help."

"I don't." I couldn't help but to giggle when the conversation was over, the man glared at me. If looks could kill…

"What did Fray say?" I asked her, we both ignored the doctor that was checking the machine.

"It is my fault, are you okay mum, it is my fault pretty much, but he clamed down after a while. What's going on with Gee?" I couldn't believe that she was so calm about the whole situation, but then again she had a huge amount of morphine in her body.

"I haven't talked to Mikey yet… but he wasn't with Mikey so I guess he didn't find him… should I call the guys?"

"I would love you forever then!" she smiled and I took my phone from the bed.

"Hey it's me… what happened to Gee?"

"I wasn't allowed to bail him out yesterday, and they are gonna question him later today and then they'll call when we can bail him out." Mikey said.

"Thanks! Is Fray calmer?"

"Slightly for now…"

"I'm gonna give Alex the news and see when we can bail her out of here. Later bro!"

I told Alex the news and I could see that she was really tired; she leaned back towards the pillows and closed her eyes as I left her alone to get to a doctor or a nurse.

**Fray. **

You might have heard me screaming that all of this was my fault, oh poor kid I can hear you thinking that… but it really is my fault, I just couldn't be a good boy.

Trish kissed me deeper and deeper and after a while she wrapped her legs around my body as I lifted her into the bunking area and we fell into a pile of bodies. Her red nails scratched my pale skin and it made me go crazy, she sat on top of me and kissed my neck as she ripped my shirt of. She undressed me violent and then I threw her on her back as I started to please her, kissing on the neck, biting until she screamed.

"Fuck me now and fuck me hard!"

I pulled her close and did as I was told, and fuck yeah it was great. It was sex, and no, it is not as underrated that virgins are trying to make it sound.

She rolled off me and grinned like a fool.

"You aren't as bad as you look like!" she panted and licked off a drip of sweat on my neck.

"That was good!" I moaned.

"Yeah, it was!" she smiled and then she crawled out of the bed, picked up her clothes and walked into the shower. About half the show was done when we walked there, and we enjoyed the last songs with mum and Michelle. Then dad walked off the stage and got arrested and mum tried to kill herself. No wonder that I think everything is my fault. At least I was calmer now… and I drifted away to a better place when I sat up straight in the bunk, I hit my head but that was not something I could think about at the moment. Fuck did we use a condom…?

**Yeah did they? Poor Fray! And poor everyone! Well please review, you don't understand how happy I get when I read your reviews! **


	40. Everything Is Going To Be Okay!

**So my knee broke down again -.- fuuu *pokes at knee* I hope it gets better soon, but since it hurts like hell I mostly sit around and write... and that is why there is so much updates right now :) Hope yoy like this, I know it is kinda boring but the next one is going to be sad instead. And if you don't like it. Blame the cat! Enjoy!  
**

**Gerard. **

"Hello Gerard." An elderly man said when he entered my cell. "I'm Nathan Smith, your lawyer." I looked up, and I really didn't know what to say to this Nathan guy.

"Hey." I figured that that was a good way to start a conversation with him.

"So I want you to answer some questions, you understand?" I nodded. "Full name? Age? Ever been convicted before? Do you consider yourself guilty of these charges?"

"Gerard Arthur Way, thirty-two, no and yes." I answered. "I have bought sex. Does it make me free faster if I say the truth?" I was so completely honest that it almost hurt.

"Okay." he made some notes before saying something more. "Cooperation will make things better for you. I would say that you can be looking forward to between fifty and seventy day tickets." I nodded, at least that was better than jail. Oh god how would the fans take this? There were so many kids who have been looking up to me for so many years… and now I fuck everything up like this. A guard came eventually to escort me and my lawyer away from the cell.

"Mr Way, you have your hearing now." He said with a bored tone.

It was the same kind of questions name, age, guilty or not. I repeated the same answers that I had told my lawyer, in the end the policemen gave me a court day for the coming week. Everything made me do completely numb, I got escorted back to my cell to be bailed out by someone. When I lay back on the bed I heard Mikey.

"Oh Gerard! You really messed up this time!" he whispered, and without even looking at him I knew that he had a disappointed face expression. I hated myself so bad right now.

"I'm sorry Mikes. I'm just so sorry! I can't…" then I noticed that he was alone, I actually thought that she would come, that she would be mad but that she would come. "Where is she? She hasn't just left me have she?" I asked in despair.

"No she hasn't left. She is okay now. Gerard, Alex is at the hospital… there was so much blood…" I stared at him, she had tried to leave me just not in the way I thought she would.

"I wanna go to her! She needs me right now! Why on earth didn't you call me for fucks sake?" I started to hit my brother's torso as I cried. He just stood there and hugged me tight. Why did he always have to be the older one, the responsible kid?

"Shhh Gee it is okay!" he comforted me. But I knew that it wasn't okay, not now not ever! Mikey had bailed me out, I was free but I felt like a prisoner because of what I had done. I was so guilty for what had happened to Alex; I really needed to talk to her, to hear that she could find it in her heart to forgive me. She was still asleep when I came back; Frank told me that she had lost a lot of blood. I sat together with Fray in the sofa waiting for her to wake up, I couldn't make myself to do anything but to smoke and sip coffee.

"Fray, I'm sorry about everything, can you forgive me?" He glared at me and then he crawled up next to me so I could put my arms around him, it didn't matter that he was fifteen years old, and I knew that I was forgiven for all the bad things I have done in my pathetic life. We sat like that until Alex was up, everyone gathered around as the big family we are. I gave Alex a kiss, at least she didn't back off when I tried.

"Dude what happened?" Ray asked and then I started to tell.

**Alex. **

I listened to every word he said.

"I was broken, at the very bottom of my life, the wedding was off, and I had promised everyone around myself that I was going to get clean and sober. But I had so much angst inside my chest that I barely could breathe. Heck I couldn't even make myself talk about it… Even cutting me open didn't help anymore, the one salvation that I have been carrying around since I was fourteen. So when nothing helped I decided to buy myself a whore, Esther. For two years I pay her to help me let go of the angst even just for some minutes. But then you arrived back into my life!" he looked at me and then at Fray, he smiled, god he was so beautiful when he smiled like that. "Suddenly everything got easier, I felt happy for the fist time in ages. I kept getting messages from her, but since I had you I ignored it, she actually told me that she was in love with me… she got arrested a while back. That's what the cops told me, and I guess in an act of revenge for not loving her back she told them my name when they asked about her costumers. And here we are. I have told the cops that I'm guilty, that makes my case better." I squeezed his hand and gave him a weak smile. I didn't know what to say to him, especially in front of all my friends.

"But Alex I promise that she never meant anything to me. Not was you do, you are the world to me, I hope you know that!"

"I love you Gerard. And Fray, guys I'm sorry that I scared you, I slipped and I really didn't know what to do…" he gave me a kiss I felt that I didn't deserve. How on earth could I ever have doubted about his love?

**Some days later. In the court. **

"Rise up for the judge!" A man said and so did we.

"Gerard Arthur Way, thirty-two, white man, accused of buying sex." I just sat there staring of the back of Gerard's red head; I couldn't even bring myself to listen to the judge. Frank held my hand during the process, I loved him for that.

"We find Mr. Way guilty!" the jury said after maybe half an hour.

"I sentence you to fifty day tickets one hundred dollar each." The judge said and I saw Gee nod. Outside the room I fell into his arms crying.

"Everything is going to be okay now!" he whispered into my hair. Did he really believe in that?

**So he doesn't gets thrown into jail yay! So tell me what you think! Please! (think of the unicorns! If you don't get that, check out my killjoy story ;)) **


	41. Let's Fuck Everything Up, Just For Fun!

**This is chapter 40, that is freaking crazy! Anyway, I'm not gonna blame my kitty for this chapter, I'm gonna blame DreamsOfATeenager's mother, just beacuse I can! This is what I do in school, write fanfiction... xD that's why it get's depressing, 'cause I'm sitting in school when everyone of my friends has left becuase I'm the wired one (now it sounds like if my grades suck and that I'm stupid. :'D ) Well let's blame Af Chapman highschool for depresing chapters to (y)  
**

**Fray. **

Trish had started to avoid me, had I done something to hurt her? I really didn't know. Had she just not changed? I was over at Josephs; I couldn't take another minute of the angst and pain over at our bus.

"She is a psycho bitch!" I said after a while of silence. "She fucked me and haven't spoken to me ever since."

"That's harsh man! Well there are better chicks out there than that psychotic thing!" he chuckled and we bumped our fists together. "So how is your mother taking the whole thing with Gee being a criminal?"

"Not so good… I never thought something could break them apart again. Not after all this time and all that shit. But this might kill everything." I told my new friend, completely honest. "I actually don't know what will happen when the tour is over next week. 'Cause if they broke up we have no where to stay…"

"It is that bad huh?" I nodded.

**At the same time outside My Chemical Romance's tour bus. **

**Gerard. **

"Here you go!" I gave Alex a cup of coffee and a small jewellery box. She looked at me with huge eyes before she opened it.

"Oh Gerard they are perfect!" she blurted out when she took up the earrings; it was a pair of silver with icy blue crystals.

"They fit your eyes. God you are beautiful Alex!" I told her as I reached out to stroke her cheek but she flinched, barely noticeable, but I saw it. And it hurt me as if she had hit me. With a guilty face expression she gave me a quick kiss on the cheek.

"Alex, what is going on?" I said with an angry tone and she took my hands in hers and looked me into the eyes.

"Gerard, you have been giving me a gift ever day for two weeks now, flowers, jewellery, all kinds of stuff! I get that you feel guilty but I'm trying to put this behind us, I wanna go on with my life together with you! If you can't do the same thing I don't think that we can stay together…"

"A… are you breaking up with me?" I felt all my blood rush from my face.

"I…I don't know. I don't know anything anymore…" she cried.

"Alex I can't stand to fucking lose you one more time! Please don't leave me again! I love you, I do anything! Anything you want me to!" she let go of my hand as she got up from the chair.

"I need to think Gerard! I really just need to think!" then she walked away from me.

Mikey and Bob walked by after a while, I don't know how long after she left the place. My brother looked at my red stung eyes.

"You haven't been drinking have you?" Bob asked gently.

"No but I could defiantly need a drink right now!" I hissed.

"Stupid he has been crying! What the hell has happened Gee?"

"I think she is gonna leave me, she almost broke up with me before!" I screamed.

"Calm down Gerard!" Bob screamed, but I didn't want to calm down. Mikey put his arms around me as hard as he possible could.

"It is okay Gerard, somehow everything is going to be okay in the end!" he tried to hold me in his arms but he couldn't keep his firm grip when I started to leave his arms.

"HOW CAN YOU FUCKING SAY THAT? WITHOUT HER I'M NOT O-FUCKING-KAY. WITH HER YES, BUT WITHOUT HER I DON'T WANT TO FUCKING LIVE ANYMORE!" They looked as if I had punched them, then they helped me up and inside.

**Alex. **

I drank the coffee as I walked away. What could he do to make things better? A while later I felt nausea. I could barely stand up straight so I leaned over a bush, an act to ease the sickness.

"Hey hun? Are you okay?" I looked up to face Billie.

"No… I'm not okay, I feel sick!"

"Have you eaten anything special today?"

"No it came when I drank the coffee…" I started to sob for really no reason at all; the whole thing with Gerard affected me so much I guessed.

"It's okay sweetie! I'm gonna sit here with you until you feel much better!" I didn't feel any better and I leaned my head against his shoulder. "Everything is going to be okay he said and stroke my cheek as I kept on sobbing.

**I know what you are thinking. She needs some new friends so the fucking up finally can stop. I know. But I'm not gonna stop fucking this story even if I find friends. Mwhahahhahahaha ^^ and yeah. Review! Think of the unicorns! **


	42. You Heard The Man!

**Hey my darlings, I hope everything is okay with you! I just want to ask you to check out my killjoy story as well, Are You Gonna Be The One Who Saves Us? Just because I can ^^  
**

**Alex. **

The nausea stopped eventually, but i still felt like shit. Billie sat with me, comforting me the best he could. Honestly I didn't have any attention to go back and face Gerard at the moment, but when Bob came to find me I didn't have the power or heart to hide.

"Alex. He isn't doing too well right now. I think he needs you more than ever!"

"Alex, darling what is really going on here?" Billie asked and I could hear the hard tone in his yet still soft voice.

"I and Gerard aren't doing great now… he is feeling guilty and I'm just trying to leave everything behind us." I explained.

"Oh honey!" was all he said and glared at Bob.

"But if you don't go and talk to him he won't be able to stand on the stage tonight! All he wants is to drink or just die." Billie took my hand and pressed it.

"I'll walk you there, Alex I love you but I also love Gerard and I'm going to do everything in my power to save him!" I let Billie and Bob lead me back to the bus and I stared at the closed door to the bunking area until I found the strength to knock on it.

"Leave me alone!" I heard his voice say, it was thick from crying but I opened the door anyway. Gerard was lying in a bunk, his back against me. I didn't say anything but I felt a sudden urge to have him close to me, I barely fit in the bunk but I didn't care. I put my arms around him and breathed Gerard into my lungs. He turned his head around and looked at me.

"I'm sorry babe. I really am." He whispered with completely honesty.

"I know Gerard, I know!" I told him. "Can we put this behind us now?" He kissed me like never before.

"Wanna go on a date tomorrow? A fresh start. Again!"

"Yes of course I want to!" we stayed there until he had to leave for the show.

**Gerard. **

The show was indeed amazing, I felt alive and the crowd could feel that, or at least I prayed that they felt it! Before not okay I just opened my mouth and talked, as always straight from the heart.

"As many people already know; there have been moments in my life when I really wanted to kill myself. And there were other moments when I was close to that. . . . But even in my most jaded times, I had some hope. Thank you Alex for giving me that hope, and thank you Mikey, Frank, Ray and Bob for always standing behind me! Here is for the kids that are not o-fucking-kay! Just like me!"

**The next afternoon. Alex.**

"Frankie my darling. What on earth am I going to wear?"

"Go naked?" he winked and I picked up a pillow and hit him in the head. Hard. "Ouch! Just a suggestion!" he giggled. "And frankly I don't think he gives a damn!" he looked at my dresses I the suitcase, and then he picked up a strapless bright red with white details on, the one that was tight as hell. And it was pretty short…

"I don't know Frankie…" I sighed as if the world was going under if I didn't wear the right dress…

"You asked about my opinion, put this on now!" I did as I was told, then I put on the earrings I had gotten yesterday. I then took a step back and stared at myself in the mirror. I…almost looked good… I redid my makeup so it would fit my outfit and then I looked at Frank. He smiled and gave me thumps up and I returned the smiled with a quick hug.

"Knock 'em dead honey!"

Gerard sat with his back against me when I walked out in the bus, in my high heels. He kept on talking about some comic even after everyone stopped talking to him to stare at me instead. When he noticed that no one listened he slowly turned around, movie style.

"Oh my fucking god!" escaped from his lips. "How the hell could I ever let you go?"

"I was thinking the exact fucking thing… how in hell you ever let her go?" Ray, Bob and Frank said at the same time.

"So I look okay then?"

"Hell yeah!" Mikey giggled.

"Have fun now you two crazy kids. And don't do anything I wouldn't do!" Frank winked when we left. With Gerard's hand in mine we sat in the car, which for some reason was a fucking limo.

"Would the lady care for a drink?" he chuckled as he opened the cocktail cabinet.

"Yes I would, could I have a coke please?" I didn't want to drink since he wouldn't. He very seriously poured a coke into two champagne glasses and gave me one.

"For us!" he said in a toast.

"For love!" I replayed and kissed him.

We came to a really fancy restaurant that he had chosen and I felt misplaced in there, Gerard held my hand as he ordered some really expensive food for us.

"Would you like to take a look at the wine list?" The waiter asked, I glared over at Gerard, it was his call.

"I… errr… I rather have a coke, for you hun?"

"Yes dear, a coke would be nice!" the man looked as if we had slapped him.

"Make it a bottle!" Gee demanded.

"But… but…!" the man stuttered.

"You heard the man! A bottle of coke please!" He sighed and walked away in… disgust. I had to fight back the laughter with my whole body, when I was serious again I glanced over at Gee, he looked at me with an amused smile as the waiter came back, with a big plastic bottle of coke in hand.

"Well that isn't very nice! A plastic bottle and I thought this was a fancy place!" I had the time of my life I really had. Me and Gerard was laughing along and we realized that the chemistry we had all those years ago was back, we really was Gelex again, and it felt perfect.

It wasn't until the desert came in that everything was ruined. Again. I felt my stomach turn around when I drank the coffee, I tried to ignore it but it just went worse, I haven't felt this way since… no that can't be it, it must be a bug or something, just getting sick or maybe I'm just stressed out… I pushed the coffee away from me causing Gerard to stare at me as if I was an alien. I pretended that I didn't notice and took a bite from my chocolate cake. That really didn't help.

"I… I have to use the ladies!" I spitted out before disappearing.

**Gerard. **

I rose from my seat and followed Alex, I knew something was wrong. The bathroom guard stopped me.

"My girlfriend just walked in there, she is sick, I need to talk to her!" he looked at me with a grossed face, he let me in. Always say that someone is sick and you nine times out of ten get what you want.

"Hey honey… what is wrong?"

"Nothing…" a silent mumble came out from one of the booth.

"Alex, we have been through this before, haven't we?" I heard noises from her throwing up in there.

"This isn't just a bug is it?" she asked when she stopped, she didn't let me in, and I didn't have any urge to get in there.

"I don't think so…" she slowly opened the door after I had said it and I face a pale Alex. "Because you act the same way as you did when you were pregnant with Fray."

"Should we just go and get a test? And get home?"

"I say we buy a test and then we take in on a hotel, we could use some alone time…" I said and hugged her.

**So is she or is she not pregnant? and so on xD Don't forget to review now, I want to know what you are thinking! *Hugs* (everone likes hugs, right? So if I give you a hug, you give me a review? :D (y)) **


	43. Back Home Off The Run

**It is going forward with this story darlings. Thank you for the reviews and all the kind words. It means the world to me! **

**Ten year aniversity for 9/11 today... I still remember the day as if it was yesterday... It isn't that strange I was nine after all, mum was crying and tried to explain, i didn't understand to much about what had happened... just that something horrible had happened. I never knew anyone that was killed in the attack... But now later on I understand why mum was crying, there were a risk of another world war... But in some tragedies there are some good things that comes out of them. From this horrible thing came My Chemical Romance! ****And now they are ghost buster famous! (I might have been looking at Life On The Murder Scene while writing this...)**_  
_

_Hi dad! _

_I miss you… but i have some big news to tell you, and I'm gonna tell you straight from my heart this time and not hide it from you! _

_I'm pregnant again… Gerard is the father of this child too! I know that you never cared about him but.. We are happy together this time, even if things have been crazy lately. I hope that this time we will do it right, and raise our baby together instead of me doing it all by myself. But I don't regret taking off… _

_Yesterday was the last day of that tour and we told the guys when they came off the stage, they are so happy for us! But I couldn't sleep, because one of my closest people didn't know about my big news. I know you aren't here anymore, and that I am a grown woman with a child, but inside, I am just a scared little girl that needs to tell her father about one of the happiest things in her life, a new life, growing inside of me. And I am just a scared little girl because of you…_

_I hated you. I hated you for leaving me with that woman I had to call mother, the woman that made my life miserable. That's why I never told you how much I really loved you when I came back. Because it is possible to love a person so deeply that it hurts, and at the same time you hate that person with every tiny bit of your heart__.__ Everything was so miserable. And I never could accept another way of living when I finally found some people that wanted to help me. I accept that now. _

_Gerard is sleeping next to me right now, I need him in my life, and I realize that now… I don't know what to write anymore… I just wanted to tell you the news and tell you that I miss you so much… I'm sorry again that our lives turned out this way, I wanted you there… _

_Love from your Pumpkin_

**Alex. **

I stared at the letter I just had written to my father… I always have done that, writing letter to my father. I missed him really much after the divorce, but I never ever posted any of the letters. The bus was moving and I crawled out from the bunk. I slowly ripped the letter apart into tiny, tiny pieces, and then I opened one of the windows and let the air take the pieces all over the world. Like I always did.

"I love you dad…" I whispered into the air and whipped a tear away from the corner of my eye.

"He loved you to…" I turned around and looked at Bob. "He always spoke about you, he loved you so much!"

"Thank you Bob!" I sniffled when he hugged me.

"So my baby sister is pregnant again!" I nodded. "Believe it or not but I am really proud over you Alex!"

"I don't know if I ever told you this Bob… but I am so fucking proud over you, you have come so far from that awkward kid in Gerard's and Mikey's parents basement! People look up to you so much!" I felt the tears falling over my cheeks.

"Wow, you are really pregnant! You are so funny when you are! You are all fucked up honey!"

"Well fuck you! I take everything back!" I smirked and then I walked back to Gerard, I thought he was asleep but when he put his arms around my waist I realized that he was awaken.

"Where did you go? I missed you!" I turned my head to look at him, but then he was asleep again.

**Fray. **

I'm getting a sibling. Holy shit! I'm having a bit of trouble processing this! I'm happy for us, our family but I didn't see that coming, a week ago I wasn't sure that they would keep on together and now they are having a fucking baby…

**A week later. **

"Get your skinny ass downstairs! You are leaving for school in ten minutes." Mum and dad yelled in a choir, I sighed and looked at myself in the mirror. Black skinny jeans, a band tee and my leather jacket, I threw my new bag over the shoulder, and then I walked down.

"Have a nice day!"

"I wouldn't count on it." I mumbled as dad dropped me of at school.

"Don't be negative son!"

"I'm going to be as negative as I want to!" I mumbled and walked into the school. It was my first year in high school and I already hated the shit.

"EMO FAG!" the call came after the second class, and I felt the furious raise.

"What did you say?"

"E. M. O. F.A.G!" The guy who had yelled at me turned around and poked my chest.

"Take it back." I slowly said.

"NO?" he gripped around my bag, a My Chemical Romance messenger bag Frank had gotten me the other day. I raised my fist to hit him, but a soft smaller hand held in down.

"It is okay Fray; he is going to leave you alone! Aren't you Adam?" the dude who apparently was named Adam nodded and gave Trish a look, she still held my hand.

"What do you have next?"

"Math…" I told her, she held my hand as we walked to the class; she was two years over me but she held my hand as if her life depended on it. When we got to the room she leaned over to kiss me but I turned away from it.

"We need to talk…" I said to her, she scribbled down a meeting place on a piece of paper and then she gave it to me with a hurt expression on her face. This was confusing the living shit outta me….

**I love cliffhangers now. Well no, I only like when I make cliffhangers, so don't get any ideas darlings! :D Tell me what you are thinking! :)**


	44. Oh Gerard You Make My Heart Buuuurrrrn!

**Finally I've been able to write! Had a busy week at school -.- and everytime I've been on the computer I have been disturbed by P... And since I can't resist his charm and cuteness I've been ignoring this. I'm sorry my darlings, but I hope this will make up for everything! ^^  
**

**Trish. **

I stood behind the school when the bell rang at four; i slowly dragged the smoke from my cigarette down my lungs as I waited for Fray to show up. I didn't know what to say to him.

"Hi there!" he smiled awkwardly; he looked just like Gerard used to do when he was younger, I smiled back.

"What was that about?" he asked when I didn't say anything.

"I like you, I told you that so many times…"

"So you sleep with me, then you don't talk to me for basically the rest of the tour and now you suddenly like me again? What the hell is wrong with you?"

"Okay, okay I freaked out… because I realized that Frank and Joseph told you what I did in my past… I'm not like that anymore!"

"Save it. I don't want to do this anymore. We can be friends but I don't want any more drama." I don't know in or out any more… somewhere down the line I had stopped just wanting the revenge but now…

"Fine!" I yelled and walked away from the place. "I don't need you; I just wanted to see if you are as stupid as all your friends are. Oh and you sucked in bed, and not in the good way!"

"Fuck off!" he called after me.

**Fray. **

So that was it, I finally got rid of her… it was kinda sad, I had actually liked her, but she was just… not right for me. I walked away in my own thoughts, then all the sudden I heard:

"Ouch!" I looked down to the ground and faced a girl around my age. "Hey, aren't you that kid that no one knows a thing about in my class?" I vaguely recognized her face. She was cute.

"I might be?" she giggled and I gave her a hand, I had accidently pushed her down when I didn't look where I was going.

"What is your name mystery kid?"

"Frank, but everyone calls me Fray!"

"Hi Fray, I'm Fiona, but you can call me Fi… It was nice to see you!" she picked up her books and then she squeezed my hand, she had given me a piece of paper when she touched my hand and when I looked at it, I saw a phone number and a little heart. I smiled to myself when I jumped on the school bus.

**The awesome third person view.**

_Some weeks passed by Fray settled in school, Adam, the jock was in his face all the time he could, but that didn't really bother Fray. He had his gang of friends, Linus, Jacob and of course Freddie and he also had his girlfriend Fiona. They usually hang out after school, watching movies or that kind, they never were at the Way-Bryar household… not because Fray was embarrassed of where he came from, no he was afraid that his friends would like him just because his dad was famous or something that way… _

**Fray. **

Everyone was waiting for me after school, it was a rainy afternoon and we had nothing planned.

"Hey!" I shouted to my friends when I came closer to them in the hallway, I gave Fi a quick kiss and she smiled at me. "Were we going today? Town? Fi's?"

"Oh no! You aren't getting away that easy, we are going to your place!" I looked around and looked at Linus, god I hated him sometimes…

"Well… I don't know if that is erm such a good idea…"

"Sure it is! I wanna met your parents!" Fi said and looked at me with her puppy eyes. Things are like this… Fi is a pretty huge My Chem fan, she was jealous as hell on my bag… and I don't know how she will react when she realized who my father was and who I am…

My phone rang as she used her puppy eyes.

"Hi… dad?"

"Hey, do you need a lift? It is raining as hell!" he asked.

"I know but no…. it is okay!" then Fi jumped up and grabbed my phone.

"Hey Mr. Bryar! Can Fray have some friends over?" she hit the speaker on the phone and Gerard's voice filled the hallway.

"Sure he can! We have been asking him to take some friends over for ages! You are welcome, all of you!"

"Ihhhhh!" she screamed when she hung up, she is kinda weird… "Don't I know that voice from somewhere?" I didn't get the chance to answer because in the next breath she screamed. "The BUUUUS!" and we all ran through the rain.

"Oh you live at a fancy place!" Freddie smiled when he saw where the bus was heading. "You must come from a rich family!" I ignored him and looked out through the window. Fi squeezed my hand and stroked my chin.

"You okay?" I nodded.

"I'm home!" I yelled when we entered the house.

"Hi! Gee and the guys are in his workroom writing and planning for the fall." Mum came out from the kitchen with a hand on her little baby bump. "Don't disturb them; they were really stressed out before! Mia and the twins are coming over later, and Alicia might show up too… Just so you know!"

"Hi mum… we won't disturb them, are we? And that sounds like fun!" I turned and looked at the guys, everyone was just trying to absorb the house; the walls were filled with film posters and comics and all kinds of art. "Well this is Fi, my girlfriend, Fi my mother Alex!" I introduced them to each other.

"Nice to meet you Mrs. Bryar!" Fi said, and blushed.

"Ms. Bryar, but please darling call me Alex, Mrs. Sound so… old! And the boys are?"

"Linus, Jacob and Freddie!" I pointed out them.

"Are you kid's hungry? Frank said something of getting pizza later; we can buy for you to!" I nodded and then we walked upstairs to my room.

"Dude! What the hell did you say that your parents do for a living!" Jacob asked when we came to my room.

"I never told you what they do for a living!" Fi giggled and threw herself on my bed, I lay next to her and the guys sat in the sofa.

"MOVIETIME!" Fi random yelled and she attacked my movie collection. "It is time for a nightmare before Christmas!" she cheered and I fixed the TV and the DVD player and the familiar words filled my room. Fi leaned at my torso and I held her close in my arms, sure we hadn't been together so long, but if I had learnt something from my parents it was to never let a change to love slip away from you, if you can help it…

"Fray, what is this rumor about you having girls on the room! You haven't told me about this!" All the sudden Frankie came into my room.

"Actually it is just one girl!" I laughed. "That's the guys and this is Fi, my girl!"

"Fray are you fucking kidding me?" Fi asked when she saw Frank appear in the door. "What the hell are Frank Iero doing here?"

"Yeah… I meant to tell you… my father is the lead singer of My Chemical Romance… he is Gerard Way…"

"No fucking way!" Fi looked at me and at Frank at the same time.

"It is true…!" Frank filled in for me.

"Why haven't you told me?" she turned to me, the guys excused themselves with a mumble and they left the room together with Frank.

"I was afraid that you only would use me to see my father and the band… I'm sorry, but I was too afraid to lose you! I love you!" She looked at me, and then she took my face in her hands.

"I understand, and I think I love you to! But are we gonna get down and see them?" I smiled and gave her a kiss. With our hands together we walked down to our living room.

Everyone was there, wives, girlfriends, babies and my friends, and we had pizza, played videogames and had the time of our lives. Linus, Jacob and Freddie had to go home but everyone else stayed later. Fi was a star when she talked to everyone; she didn't become that star struck, not as I had thought, right now she was in a hot debate with Bob.

"You can't just promise a solo career to all the fans and not do it in the end!"

"But I totally sang one song!"

"Yes about how much you love Gerard, I get it Gerard makes your heart buuuurn and those kinds of stuff. I get it, everyone is in love with Gee, but your fans want a whole album!"

"But it is called Gerardalopoly for fucks sake! It is all songs about Gerard!"

"We want it!"

"I don't have any time to…" Mikey and Alicia interrupted the two of them.

"Oh shut it Bob! We have some news… we planned to tell you earlier, but then Alex and Gee stole the spotlight from us…" Alicia smiled. "The thing is that we are pregnant!"

A unison 'AWWWWW' came from all of us and the congratulations flew through the air.

**Mikey. **

Everything was just prefect, my family, both through blood and trough sweat, was all gathered and I love them with all my heart, even the newest members of my family. Little did I know how much I would need them just a few weeks down the road…

**I just realize something... and that is that the story is soon comming to a twist, and when that happens it is the end of everything we know... and I don't know if it feels okay or not! :o Sorry if this sounds very mysterious... but please review anyway! :)**


	45. I'm Sorry My Friends!

**Oh hello there, it is me again and I know that you are hating me for not updating for ages... I would hate me too if I was reading this! x'D But seriously school is crazy right now and if that wasn't enought I have so much to do with the fencing (one of the leaders thinks it is possible to compeat saturday in Ukrain, going back to Sweden on the evening on Saturday and compeat Sunday in Sweden...) That is the reason it might take another while before an update shows up. Have patience with me? I haven't forgotten about this just yet! *hugs***


	46. Alicia!

**I decided to fuck school for tonight, DreamsOfATeenager, this chapter is for you, just because I can :D And yes it is okay to hate me after this chapter, but only if you review. I can live with your hate as long as you review ;)  
**

**Mikey. One month after the last chapter. **

I was in the bathroom shaving when I heard Alicia yelling.

"It hurts Mikey, it hurts so badly!" she screamed from our bedroom, and I almost cut myself with the razor, she scared me that bad. I rushed to the bed where my wife had crawled up into a little ball, with her arms around her stomach.

"Alicia, look at me! What is the matter?" I tried to calm her down, even if I was deadly afraid.

"I…it… my!" was all she could say before she screamed out in her pain. I began to take her in my arms, but when the blanked she had around her fell off her body I saw that the bed was filled with blood. Blood that came pouring out from her groin.

"Oh my…" I whispered and held my hand in front of my mouth; I was unable to move until Alicia screamed from the pain again. "Hang on darling! I'm gonna get some help!" I tried to calm her down as I picked up the phone and called an ambulance.

"911 what can I do for you?"

"It is my wife, she is… was… I don't know…"

"Calm down, what is going on with your wife?"

"She is five months pregnant… and now she is bleeding from her groin!" I cried into the phone as Alicia kept on screaming from the pain.

The woman told me to sit with Alicia until the ambulance came; I did as I was told. I held my wife in my arms and talked to her, I told her about how much I loved her no matter what, and about beautiful memories we had together. She changed between screaming out loud in pain and between silent wailing.

When the ambulance came, the men talked to me, trying to calm me down.

"Son you need to let go of her, she needs to get to the hospital!" I let go of my firm grip I had my wife in. "What is her name?" when they lifted her up she screamed even more.

"A… Alicia…" I said as loud as possible.

"Alicia, it is going to be okay, we are going to take you down to the ambulance, and we are going to give you something for the pain and then we'll take you to the hospital.

"Mikey…" I could hear the pain in her whisper.

"Your husband is right behind us, it is going to be okay Alicia!" They rushed us to the hospital, and I couldn't cry until I was alone, I needed to be as strong as possible, Alicia was in enough pain. I was told to wait in a waiting room and people stared at me, I had fallen down to the floor and I didn't have any strength to get up from there.

"Hey… a stupid question, I know. But are you okay son?" a woman around her fifties asked me, I looked at her.

"No… no I'm not okay." The woman helped me to stand up and then she put me in a chair.

"Is it your wife, the young woman you came with?" she must have realized that I was in some state of shock, and she talked me through the worst part. I nodded as the answer of her question. "Do you need me to call someone, or are anyone on the way to support you?" To call someone? The thought hadn't even hit me; I stared at her for a second before I came to my sense. Slowly picked I up my phone and I went through my contacts until I found Gerard.

"Gerard, do you want me to call him?" I nodded, and then I managed to say something.

"He is my brother; tell him that he needs to come."

"I will!" the woman said, I saw her take some steps back and made the call.

**Gerard.**

I woke up from the phone buzzing, Mikey calling. What could he want at this hour… oh wait, it was eleven in the morning, forget that part.

"Hi dude, wazzup?"

"Hi is this Gerard?" A woman asked, I immediately got scared, had something happened to my brother?

"Yes… has something happened to Mikey?"

"Is that your brother's name?"

"Yeah!"

"Listen to me, he is at the hospital, your brother is okay… but he and his wife came in earlier and he is in a state of shock, and he is really scared!"

"I will be there in half an hour; could you watch Mikey for me until I get there? If that is okay with you?"

"No problem!" the woman said and I hung up as I dressed and rushed out to the car. It wasn't there; Alex was gone to… she must have taken the car when I was sleeping.

"Fuck…." I mumbled as I called a cab.

I paid the driver a lot of money to get me to the hospital as fast as possible, when I came into the waiting room I saw Mikey. It crushed me; he was a total mess, crying his heart out. I rushed over to him but a woman grabbed my arm before I got there.

"Gerard?" she asked, and I nodded. "I called before." She said.

"I figured; thank you so much for the help…" I looked her in her eyes, she had tears in them. "Do you know what has happened?"

"He hasn't said anything but that his wife are in there…"

"Oh shit… she was five months pregnant… I hope they don't lose the child!" I said with sorrow in my voice. The woman picked up a piece of paper, she wrote down her number and name on it and gave it to me.

"You don't know me at all but is it too much to ask for that you call me when you know what is going on?"

"No, I'm gonna call you…" I glanced on the paper to see her name, Linda. "I promise you that Linda, thank you for everything you have done for Mikey!" I smiled at her and then I rushed up to my baby brother, I took him in my arms, the way he had held me so many times when I was hung over, depressed and sad… he shake in my arms from the crying.

"It is going to be okay!" I whispered to him, just as he had tried to comfort me every time I had come of the drugs…

"Mr. Way?" we looked up. "You can see your wife now!" someone said, and I helped Mikey to stand up, and I carried the most of his body weight with my body.

Alicia was hooked into a lot of machines, and the white sheets looked dark comparing with Alicia, both me and Mikey gasped for air when we saw her lying there. All the sudden Mikey retained some strength and he rushed over to the bed.

"Alicia I'm here, I'm here now!" he cried, but she didn't move. A doctor came in the second after we came in there.

"She has lost…" we both looked at the man with fear on our eyes and hearts.

**Sorry about the cliffhanger! But I thought it was fun to make one, since a certain person told me to not make one! :D Like I said as long as you review you can hate me all you want! ^^**


	47. Coffee Doesn't Make Everything Better

**I need to do other things than write, but I felt that I needed to write this or you would go crazy... Forgive me for this?  
**

**Mikey. **

Both I and my brother stared at the doctor as he spoke.

"She has lost a lot of blood, and she lost it because of the baby, Alicia's body rejected the baby. She lost it. I'm so sorry Mr. Way." My world fell apart when he spoke the words, I felt sick and everything was a jet black feeling.

"But Alicia is going to be okay, wont she?" Gerard asked.

"She is going to be just fine, we have given her some blood transfusions, and we are going to keep her after she wakes up. For observing and for her to be able to processing the loss." The doctor spoke.

"Thank you doctor!" I heard my brother speak and the door opened.

"WHY? WHY DID WE LOSE OUR BABY? WHAT DID WE DO WRONG?" I screamed before the door was shut, and the doctor together with Gerard walked up to me. Gee held me in his arms, I tried to force him away through hitting his torso, but he just held me. When I had calmed down and just sobbed into his shoulder he let go of me and gentle pushed me into a chair. The doctor stood and read in Alicia's papers, when I was calm enough he started to explain.

"You see Mr. Way that the fetus…" I cut him off.

"My child!" I hissed.

"… Your child was ill, he had an abnormality. He wasn't healthy enough to survive so your wife's body did a spontaneous abortion, with other words, she miscarried. You didn't do anything wrong, nor did your wife. We don't know why your child got this abnormality. But we are extremely sorry for you and your wife."

"YOU ARE SORRY? YOU DON'T KNOW NOTHING ABOUT OUR LOSS, SO JUST FUCK OFF…" the first slap hit me right on the left cheek, the second on the right one, when the third hit my acing left cheek I got back to my sense. The doc was gone, and Gerard let his hand fall down to his side again when I stopped freaking out like that.

"Thank you…" I whispered over and over again as the tears streamed down my cheeks, Gee held me close again until his phone rang.

"I need to take this, it is Alex… should I tell her?" I heard what he said, but I couldn't speak, all I could concentrate on was the pain and Alicia's beautiful, pale face. ''

**Gerard. **

I felt horrible for leaving Mikey just for a minute, but I needed to take this call, it was late and Alex might be worried.

"Hi darling!" I said tiredly.

"Where the fuck is you, you mother fucking baffler." Shit, I had forgotten something that we were supposed to do…

"Calm down Alex!"

"No fucking way!"

"Would you listen for five fucking seconds?" I hissed into the phone. "I'm in the hospital, Mikey and Alicia just lost their baby…" I broke down into tears when I told her the news.

"What the fuck?" Alex screamed out loud.

"I know… the baby had some kind of abnormality and Alicia had a miscarriage. Mikey is breaking down, it is fucking scary…" I cried to her.

"I'm gonna drop of Fray at Fi's place and I'll be there as fast as I can!" she told me.

"Alex?"

"Yeah?"

"Be careful, don't rush and don't get hurt!"

"I won't! I love you Gerard!" she said and hung up.

I walked out and got myself a cigarette to get myself together, so I could support Mikey in this despair. The smoke didn't help, and I decided to grab a coffee for me and my brother. I walked in to the room where I had left them and found Alicia sitting up now.

"We are going to get through this, no matter how much it hurts, no matter how long time it will take to heal these wounds, we are going to survive and we are going to get stronger. Mikey do you hear me?" Alicia whispered to my brother, who nodded as she spoke.

"Mikey, I have some coffee for you…" I told him, I gave him the cup and gave Alicia a kiss on her forehead. "I'm so sorry about everything." I told her and she gave me a faint smile, that's all she needed to give me, I saw right through that smile, I saw the pain. And it crushed me. Some seconds later Mikey dragged me into the hallway.

"You seem to think coffee solves everything don't you?"

"No Mikey… I wasn't thinking it would solve everything, I was just…"

"Don't just… Don't! I don't need your pity, I don't need any fucking coffee, I just want my son to be alive!" I swallowed hard, I knew it was just the pain talking but it hurt… I didn't have any time to apologize or support him before Alex threw herself around Mikey's neck. She sobbed into Mikey's shoulder and once again I saw my brother cry that day.

One by one our friends came to show the couple their support, I walked back into the room, nurses were mad because they thought Alicia needed to rest, alone, but we refused to leave. We didn't need to talk all we needed was to be there for our family.

"Nathan. Nathan Way." Alicia's voice split the silence. "I'm going to miss you Nathan!" she said.

"We are all going to miss him!"

**I was crying while writing this, it was really hard... please give me some reviews on this! And I'm sorry about how this turned out! I really am!**


	48. Let's Say Goodbye, The Hundredth Time

**Mikey.**

The following weeks everything was black. Every breathe I draw in and out of my lungs was black. Every tear we shared was black. Every word we spoke to each other, me and Alicia or to anyone else was filled with the blackness and with pain. It hurt just to breathe. We didn't answer the phone. Didn't start up the computers. Barely left the house. Some days we didn't even make it out of the bed. What will wash away this jet black feeling?

This was the day, the dreaded day of the funeral. It wasn't even going to be a real funeral, just family and friends, us putting our dead son into the cold ground with the coffin around him. It might seem silly to make a funeral and a big deal out of this… but it is a big deal… and we need somewhere to go, we really need a grave for our beautiful baby. I don't care that he had an abnormality; he was still beautiful to me. And it would never pass another day in my life without I was thinking about him, Nathan, my son.

"Are we ready?" I talked to Alicia for the first time this morning.

"I don't think I ever will be ready for this… but as ready as I can be I guess…" she said and I gave her a kiss. "I love you Mikey, don't forget that!"

"I love you to Alicia!"

We climbed into the black car that took us to the graveyard; Nathan was going to rest next to mine and Gerard's grandmother, Elena. When we arrived and met our family we both had to fight to hold back the tears. It was a beautiful October day but not even the birds seemed to sing when I carried the little coffin to the grave. I and Alicia walked first towards the grave and the family came behind us. A worker put down him into the ground and I let my innocent white rose fall down into the grave. Then I held Alicia close as we cried our hearts out in the goodbye. People gave their goodbyes, let their flowers fall into the grave and they told us how sorry they are. The band and their wives stayed, everyone else eventually went home. When they had put the soil over the coffin Alicia fell down on her knees next to the tombstone. I walked up to it and let my finger stroke the inscription on the stone.

_**Nathan Way**_

_**The 30**__**th**__** September 2011 **_

_**One second we had you and the next we lost you.**_

_**A kiss goodbye, your twisted shell**_

_**As rice grains and roses fall at your feet**_

_**Let's say goodbye, the hundredth time**_

_**And then tomorrow we'll do it again**_

We had chosen to put our old lyrics on the stone, because this is the way we felt… I hated every part of my life at this moment but I knew that I needed to stay strong for Alicia…

"Alicia, my darling, do you remember what you told me that day at the hospital?" my wife looked up from the ground, with her tear stained eyes. "We are going to get through this, no matter how much it hurts, no matter how long time it will take to heal these wounds, we are going to survive and we are going to get stronger!" I helped her up from the ground, gave her a kiss and a warm hug, then I let Jamia and Alex take care of her.

"Guys give me a moment and then I'm ready to go?" I asked and with worried faces the guys let me be alone at the grave.

All of my friends had their fair share of struggles and chimaeras, and this was mine. For good and for bad, but I wasn't in this alone that was for sure. The guys had picked us up from the floor every time when we were ready to give up. I slowly reached out and touched the tombstone again.

"I promise you Nathan, that I'm not gonna let this beat me, I'm not gonna give up like your uncle and aunt used to do. I don't know how but I am not going to turn to booze, to razorblades or anything like that. This shall not destroy me!" I whispered to the wind.

**So that was the funeral and hopefully the end of the messed up and sad for a while... Don't forget to review and please don't hate me! :) **


	49. Smiling Like A Fool!

**After rain there will be sunshine, I was allways told when I was a kid... and today it is true :)  
**

**Mikey. **

Things got… easier. My friends were there for us, sometimes in the middle of the fucking night i called Gerard, just screaming out my angst and he didn't judge me. He just took my call, got into his car, grabbed a coffee and took me out for a walk and a talk. Alicia had her support group, but I couldn't talk to strangers like that, not sober. And I had promised my son that I wouldn't turn to alcohol and razorblades… this afternoon when Alicia was at the group I just had walked, away from home.

"Hey Mikes…" I looked up, I had bumped into my older brother, and I stared at him for a second.

"What are you doing here?" I asked a little bit bummed that I wasn't alone.

"I needed some space from Alex and Fray… she is so pregnant right now, and she really thinks that I'm not okay after what happened…. And Fray is such a teenager… what ever happened to life as single?"

"Oh you hated every single minute of it!" I winked and mocked him, but then I got serious. "Is everything all right between you?"

"Yeah… but, I kinda want… no it is silly!" I could see that my brother blushed and avoided to make eye contact.

"Tell me Gerard!"

**Gerard. **

I hadn't planned on telling Mikey about this… the thought had gone back and forward in my mind so many times but I never dared to do it before. I was afraid to be left alone…

"Tell me Gerard!" Mikey told me and I started mumbling.

"I…I want more… I love her so much, but it feels like she isn't really mine, not yet… and I… I want what you and Alicia has the safety of each other…" I rambled on as I felt my cheeks burning from the blood that had rushed to them. "Like Frank and Jamia… and it is stupid but I wanna ask Alex to marry me!"

"Aww!" I heard Mikey say. "It's not stupid, it is natural! I always knew that you and she were meant to be together! You just have to do it extra special; after all you are Gerard Fucking Way!" he giggled and for the first time I dared to look him in the eyes, he smiled like a dork. That was the first time I saw him smile an honest smile since Nathan. It made me smile to.

"Should I ask her before the baby comes or after?" I was thinking out loud.

"Don't wait, even if it is scary as hell, there will be so much to think about when the little one comes around!" Mikey advised me.

"Yeah… but it kinda feels like: oh he got her knocked up again, he feels guilty and now marries her so she won't have another bastard…. "

"Dude you are the only one that will think like that! Would you stop overanalyze every little fucking detail for once?" he chuckled and gave me a hug. "She is crazy about you, which are all that matters!"

"Thanks Mikey!" I smiled.

"So when are we going ring shopping?" he giggled.

"Dude that sounded so fucking gay… what are you doing at the moment?"

"TO THE MAAAAAAAAAAALL!" my brother shouted from the top of his lungs.

"Are we buying her a ring in the mall? Seriously all you can get there is a plastic gonna make your finger green kind of ring…"

"But it sounded so good… TO THE JEEEEEEEWELWRRRRRRRRY SHOOOOP THEEEEEEEEEN!"

"What is wrong with you Mikey?" I asked as I tried to not collapse into laughter.

"I'm in grief, you are allowed to act strange then!" I sighed and dragged him toward my car; people around us had started to stare… I don't blame them! I really don't…

We walked around in the store, and I really didn't know what to buy… then I saw it, a small silver one with a ruby red as blood. Mikey stared at the same one.

"That would be perfect…!" we said in the same breath.

"That my gentlemen are an antique ring, and if you think it would be prefect for your woman you should buy it to her!"

"I have to have it, she has to have it!"

It coasted a fortune but it didn't matter, after I had paid I gave the little box to Mikey, I didn't want Alex to find it before I got the opportunity to ask her. I drove my brother home and I had a huge smile on my face.

"Why are you smiling like a fool?" Alex asked leery when I came home and gave her a kiss.

"I just love you!" I said and gave her another kiss before walking into the kitchen whistling on my favorite tune.

**What do we think about this? :D Let me know! ^^**


	50. Are You Crazy?

**This is kinda a filler one... hope you can live with that! And thank you for all the reviews, all the sudden I have lots of them, crazy! But don't forget to give me your thoughts about this chapter! :)  
**

**Alex. **

This pregnancy was easier in some ways; I had my man to boss around, but this time I was constantly worried about stuff. I was worried about Alicia and Mikey, about Gerard and after what happened to Mikey and Alicia I was terrified that something could be wrong with my baby. We didn't do much, just enjoyed each as a family for the first time. It was amazing!

"That sounds like an amazing opportunity… but I can't decide things like this on my own you know that! Besides I don't know if everything will turn out alright for everyone, not just jet..." Silence. Gerard was on the phone and I lowered the sound on the TV so I could eardrop. What? Come on dude, don't give me that look. If you were together with a rock star you had been curious as hell too! I promise!

"No I just don't think a tour is appropriate at the moment." My boyfriend sighed and listened to the other one again. "You seriously gotta understand that I and my girlfriend have a baby, our second child on the way and that my brother and his wife are still in deep grief." Gerard entered the room as he spoke and I tried to pay some more attention to the TV instead of the drama. He walked up to me, listened to the other end as he let his left hand gentle rub my growing belly, even if I was concerned about Gee it made me smile like a fool.

"One or two shows do sound better to me but we'll call you back when I have talked to Alex and to the guys. Yeah. Bye."

"So what was that about?" I asked as he rubbed his eyes just the way I love.

"Uh… the record guys want us to make a Christmas tour through the states and I don't agree on that being a great idea… In fact I don't even think that is a good idea…" he sighed and I gave him a kiss before I cuddled up in his arms.

"Everythi…" I was cut off by his phone ringing again.

"Gerard speaking."

"Hang on a second…" he said after he heard who it was, then he hit the speaker button and a voice filled the room.

"Hey Gee, me again. I was thinking and I have another idea. We want you to do a Christmas show for about one- two hundred kids, not a big one. No pressure on you guys. We want to record that show and send it on Christmas Eve. What do you think about that idea?"

"What do you mean when you say that you want us to do a Christmas show? Is it just gonna be around Christmas and we sing one maybe two Christmas songs? Or do we have to dress up like Santa and fucking reindeers? 'Cause that is a fucking difference!" I giggled of the thought of Gerard as Santa and the other guys as reindeers. If looks could kill… well if they could I have been dead and buried by now, Gee didn't seem to like the dress up idea as much as I did…

"Just some Christmas songs and then some of you own… but dressing up sounds like a good idea…" I smirked when the guy said.

"NO FUCKING WAY!"

"Calm down man, I was kidding!"

"Well this idea sounds better… even if it means we have to put on silly costumes…. But I still need to talk to the guys about the idea…"

"Call me back when you have decided! Bye."

"Are you crazy Gerard?" I asked my boyfriend when they had ended the call.

"What?" he looked confused at me.

"Well you need to do the show, you always say that you miss the smaller shows, and this might be the last thing you can do before the baby, after all it is pretty soon and how knows when Mikey and Alicia is ready to let Mikey go on a tour? One show is enough for now…" I told him. "Besides I can see how your eyes did light up when you talked about playing again that is your life!" he kissed me gentle on my lips.

**Gerard. **

When she talked it hit me, I had to do the show, and this would be perfect… I just needed a little help from the guys…

"You are right! We really need to do that show! I hope the guys understand!" I said.

"After all you have been through they must understand you!" Alex smiled, oh if only she knew… I kissed her again and then I went to the kitchen to get myself a cup of coffee.

"Honey?" she asked when I walked by, I stopped and turned to her. "What are you smirking about?" she asked suspiciously.

"Oh you will see in time!" I giggled and left her to her anger.

**I really hope that you are still enjoying this as much as I do! And people don't forget to review ^^ **


	51. There Is Just One Thing I Need

**This is a big one, this is one of the things I have had planned ever since I started to write this one. This is the begining of the change. That's all I can say! ;)  
**

**Frank. **

"So does everyone understand? And what do you guys think of the idea?" Gerard asked after he told us his plan.

"Sneaky! I think she will love it!" I giggled when I thought of Alex face when she was kidnaped… well that's all you are getting out of me!

"Okay… I'm gonna go and make sure that she is ready for the show!" He told us and walked away.

**Gerard. **

Alex stood in front of a mirror, dressed in panties and a bra making faces to herself, I smiled and sneaked up behind her and hugged her from behind, putting my hands on her belly.

"You look…." I started and she cut off to fill the end of the sentence.

"….fat!"

"I actually meant to say amazing… but… honey you are pregnant!"

"So you say that I look fat?"

"No darling I say that you are pregnant and have never looked better before in your whole life!"

"You are weird!" she smiled and kissed me on my nose. "So what am I supposed to wear for this thing?"

"This!" I gave her a beautiful purple dress that I knew she had her eyes on for a while now.

"That is too much Gee… and why a dress?"

"This might be a special show… you never know! And I know that you would look perfect in it!" I said and gave her the last kiss before getting on the stage. "Well apparently I need to get myself a hat so I look like Santa…" I left her as she tried to not die from laughter.

I put on the hat, I looked like a fucking maniac… and the red color did not go well with my hair. But the only thing that made everything a tiny bit better was the fact that Mikey, Ray, Bob and Frank all was going to have reindeer horn on the top of their heads… and Frank was going to have a red nose like Rudolf…

"We look fucking stupid!" someone burst out.

"Come one don't we always look stupid?" I giggled, too much in a good mood to be killed by stupid costumes.

**In the middle of the show**

"Well are you ready Ray?" I screamed out the question with the adrenaline pumping in my veins, I threw my hat out into the crowd; this wasn't the right moment to look like a maniac with a not matching hat...

"Yeah!" Ray answered with a smile.

"How about you, Frank?"

"Oh I'm there, baby!" The Ferard reference made the crowd scream like mad.

"How about you, Mikey?"

"Fuckin' ready...!" My brother answered as he glared at me with a smile.

"Well, I think it is time!" on my signal all guys put down their instruments and ran over to the side of the stage, the crowd stared at us in confusion as they dragged or more carried Alex on the stage, I gave her a microphone.

"GERARD WHAT THE FUCK?" She screamed into the microphone and I just laughed, I gave her a hug and whispered in her ear.

"Just calm down!" then I turned to the crowd, her hand in mine.

"Well fuck that song at the moment, we might play that later, I don't know! Guys it is time!" slowly they started to play the beginning of the song… and I started to speak to the music.

"You see Alex; I don't want a lot for Christmas… Actually there is just one thing I need! I don't care about the presents underneath the Christmas tree…" as I spoke she put her free hand over her mouth. "Alex, I just want you for my own, more than you could ever know! Make my wish come true, you see baby all I want for Christmas is you!" I slowly got down on one knee as I spoke. I didn't let go of the hand that squeezed mine and I showed the box to her. "Alexandra you are the only one I want and need, would you marry me?" I asked, the spotlight was on us, the crowd was dead silent.

"Yes… Yes! Gerard I do want to marry you!" Alex smiled and dragged me back on her feet again. She let the microphone drop to the stage floor and she twisted her fingers into my hair as we kissed.

"I love you!" she whispered into my ear as the crowd cheered and screamed more than I ever hear them. "All I want for Christmas is you Gerard Way!"

**My best friend told me that I never could do a serious and cute proposal if I made Gee do it at a show. Well here we got the hats, the costumes and vampire money... and yet it became serious and pretty cute if I'm allowed to say anything xD Well what do you think? Pretty please review and tell me! :) **


	52. I'm Not OkayI Promise

**So you requested some more with the whole Fray-Fi thing and this was what I could come up with... :)  
And also, this is chapter 50! Yay for me, that is kind of awesome that I have made it so far, don't you think? I have been written on this for one year and two days xD **

**I have during the past weeks got some new readers, that is really nice :) Hello to you all awesome people! ^^  
**

**Fray.**

"The proposal your father did was the cutest thing i ever seen! Fi sparkled with her eyes where we sat in the cafeteria; in fact she hadn't really stopped talking about it since it happened last week. Girls…

"I know. I can't believe that they are about to marry and have another kid!" I said.

"What is the matter? You say that you are thrilled about this… but you don't sound so happy." She looked at me with concerned eyes. We have been dating for little over three months now… and somehow she reads me like a fucking book. She is right, I'm trying to be thrilled but I can't help but to think that nothing will ever be the same. And sometimes I want it to be the same… seven months ago I had never met my father, my uncles or the other ones I now see as my family. Before that the only one I knew was my mother and now she belongs to so many more. Someone else…

"Fray?" I must have drifted away and I realized that I hadn't answered yet.

"Yeah… no I'm fine. It is just. All the sudden everything changes. And I'm the only one who doesn't…"

"Even if everything is changing you still got me! I love you Fray!"

"I love you Fi." I told her and gave her a kiss, when we broke apart I saw one of the jocks walking toward us with something in his hand.

"Fi I thought you needed to remember this!" he smirked evil and threw pictures in her face.

_**Forget about the dirty looks**_

_**The photographs your boyfriend took**_

_**You said you read me like a book, but the pages all are torn and frayed**_

Her faces was burning red as I picked up one of the photos, she was lying in her undies posing for the camera. Fi tried to get as many as the pictures she could but I didn't care, I had seen enough.

"And I actually thought you were different." Was all I said before I left her to her shame?

"Fray…" she called after me but I didn't turn over to look at her.

**Fi. **

As he walked away the memories came back to me…

_***Flashback* **_

"_**Come on guys I wanna dance!" **_

"_**Fi you are so drunk!" Freddie giggled from the sofa. **_

_**We were at a party with kids from school; I had managed to get the guys there, since I was slightly more popular than they. The guys were not enjoying themselves, but I was I had been drinking and dancing like mad, but they didn't want to join me on the floor again. I sat on the floor giving them the puppy eyes mixed with the evil eye with a cup of cider in my hand. **_

"_**FI WATCH THE CUP!" Jacob screamed as I almost poured the alcohol all over the floor. **_

"_**Chill out man!" **_

"_**So I heard you wanted to dance?" Theodore one of the jocks came up to me and offered me his hand. Eeeiiik I screamed inside…. He is fucking hot! He helped me stand up and he dragged me close and we danced together for a while. The only thing bothering me was the fact that the world was spinning… **_

"_**Want a drink?" he screamed in my ear and I nodded. He came back with two cup and a smirk on his face; he gave me one and drank the other. I poured the drink down my throat and soon we were dancing again. **_

"_**I'm tired!" I said with a hand on my forehead. **_

"_**Wanna go and rest for a while in the bedroom?" he asked and silly I followed him. **_

"_**Give me a kiss?" all the sudden I was number than before and the room was spinning even faster, in fact I couldn't control my own body. Theodore pushed me down on to the bed as he stole a kiss from me. He tore my clothes off my body and then he picked up a camera and his phone. **_

"_**I got one! Come on!" he laughed in the phone and soon two other jocks from school entered the room. They took photos of me lying in my undies, and then they started to strip me down, insulting me with their dicks. One pushed his thing into my mouth. **_

"_**Get off her for fucks sake!" someone yelled, I was barely awake at this point, but I heard the sound of a fight. A little while later someone covered me up and lifted me out of there…" *End of flashback***_

"It was time for you to remember. Slut!" Theodore hissed in my face as I tried to stand up and get out of the school blinded by the tears in my eyes.

As I ran I once again was hit by a flashback, the word slut had brought it to me.

_***Insert awesome flashback sound* **_

"_**Look at the little slut!" the pictures where everywhere and everyone knew, the guys Linus, Freddie and Jacob had saved me that night had grabbed the camera and we had threw it away into a lake… but the fucking jocks had taken pictures with their phones. The only ones still standing at my side was my saviors, and I was so grateful I couldn't put words on it. **_

_**Bitch. **_

_**Slut. **_

_**Whore. **_

_**Hussy. **_

_**Skank. **_

_**It was everywhere, the names and the photos. And I let it get me… I sat in the toilet with a razor I had carried with me since the party. I cut in the names into my upper arm, the blood rushed out over my arm but I didn't care. It was a part of me now…**_

_***flashback ends with tears* **_

Once outside I bumped into Fray who for some reason stood there smoking a cigarette, I had never seen him do that before and I was stunned by him. My fingers stroke over my arm, over the scars underneath the t-shirt. I always hid it from everyone that way…

"Fi…" he whispered when he saw my face.

"Fray… I…I…" I didn't manage to say anything else.

"Why? What?" was all he said as he stared at me, and I threw myself in his arms, I needed one more hug before he left. I was sure that he was going to leave me to the hell again.

"Fray… everyone has luggage, everyone has scars…" I mumbled as he gentle pushed me away from him. "You don't have to listen to what I have to say." I cried. "But it isn't the way you think…!" I slowly lifted up my short sleeve and let his fingers stroke the words I had carved into my skin.

"I want to hear!" he mumbled as I tried to pull myself together. And I told him, I told him about what happened that night and I told him about my way through hell and back to heaven. I told him how he brought me heaven with his love.

**So what do you think? Tell me your thoughts! :) **


	53. Now You Care!

**Thank you DreamsOfATeenager for the ideas and for brainstorming with me on what is supposed to happen, so if you don't like this chapter, either blame my cat, DreamsOfATeenager or her mother! Never ever blame me, just remember that! :P  
**

**Fray. **

Fi was crying in my arms after that she had finished her story and I didn't know what I could say to make things better, really, I had never expected that. And I had just assumed that she was some kind of slut… I hated myself for what I had told her before.

"I… I understand if you never want to see me again, I really do!" she sobbed into my shoulder, that was when I pushed her away from my body, because I needed to see her face, and I needed her to see that I really meant what I was about to tell her.

"Fiona I don't care about your past, about your luggage or any other shit, I just care about how amazing you make me feel, how you always make me smile and how much I love you. Those photos aren't your fault, they fucking used you and I'm not gonna let them make me throw something this good away! I fucking love you! And I'm not gonna let this change everything!"

"You do?"

"Yes silly I do!" her eyes were filled with tears, and I lifted my hand to dry them off and to stroke her face. She blushed and I gave her a kiss.

"Forget about the dirty looks!" I said and I tore apart the photo I still had clutched in my hand and let the wind take away the pieces. "And if everything is okay with us I have something I need to do!" I gave her a kiss and got up from the ground.

I was scared out of my mind when I walked up to Theodore, and tapped him on the shoulder.

"What do you want loser?"

"No one calls my girlfriend a slut!" I hissed as I threw the first punch to his face. Under my fits his face got smashed, he tried to hit back but the adrenaline was pumping in my blood. All my anger and fears washed away as I hurt that kid. He deserved it though. I was pulled away from Theodore by a teacher, and I was send to the principal's office.

"Frank Bryar, what the hell were you thinking?"

"That guy have in the past drugged my girlfriend, violated her and abused her and now he is calling her a slut. I'm not going to stand by and let him win." I simply told him.

"That might be, but we are not allowing violence at this school, if we have a problem we are solving our problems with words. I thought you of all people would understand that with your father who are anti-violence but I guess not. You are expelled for five days."

"But…" I tried to speak what I had on my mind, but the man wouldn't listen instead he called mum and gave her the report. She was furious with me and couldn't wait to get home so she could yell at me.

**Alex. **

I didn't recognize my own son where he sat next to me in the car; I did not raise him this way!

"What the fuck were you thinking?" I said nothing and waited for him to answer my question, but he didn't seem to have anything to say to me. "Huh? Answer me Frank!"

"So NOW you fucking care about the bastard son?"

"And what the hell is that supposed to mean?" I put the question out there with my screaming voice.

"Exactly what I said. Now you fucking care about me! It has been a long time since you did. Huh Alex?"

"Have you forgotten who raised you alone all these years? Who provided for you? Who gave you everything? You know I could have taken the easy way out and made an abortion, but not I have given born to the most ungrateful who ever walked this earth!"

"I haven't forget that mother, but you have seems to have forget about me!"

"WHAT?"

"Mum, ever since you got back with him…"

"Please say dad or Gerard!" I cut my son off.

"Ever since you got back with Gerard then and you got pregnant you seems to have lost the interest in me, you just don't care as you did before. And I understand that Gerard is important, and the baby too. I fucking get that! But before…" tears started to fall over his cheeks, but I was to mad to even put my hand out there and dry them off… "Before sure you worked a lot, but you at least asked me how my day was, and you talked about school! Now you just tell me that the baby kicked today, I have news for you woman, the baby has been kicking every day for the past six weeks! You have forgotten about me! So don't give me that crap that you took care about me so damn well before, that I am just a fucking spoiled child!" his words hit me like if he was beating me up. And the worst part? Everything he said was true.

It was just too much for me and I broke down in tears, I sat on the floor covering my face as I was sobbing in my hands.

"Mum? I…"

"No… you are absolutely right, things have changed…. And I am the worst mother ever!"

"No mum you are the best mother possible, I just wish things didn't change so fast and so much! I… I want to curl up in the sofa with you and see a stupid movie and don't care about anything like school, dad, the band or work. Just spend time together! Just like we did before…"

"I know. I never meant for this to happen…! I am so sorry, Fray." we both sat on the floor, crying. The fight was over; there was nothing more to say at this point. "I'm calling Gee, he is staying somewhere else… we are ordering pizza and are going to stay up watching all bad movies that we possibly can see. Is that okay?" I asked, stroking my son over his hair.

"As long as you don't forget about me again, not when the baby comes, not ever…" '

"Fray, you are my everything and has always been, that is not gonna change just because some things in our messed up lives has changed. You know, when we came back and I saw Gee again, all I wanted was to throw myself in his arms, and never let go of him. But I didn't dare, I needed you to approve that he was okay that you were okay with me dating him again… And if you wanted me to I wouldn't hesitate for one second to leave him. Yes he might be the one for me, but you are more important than me." Fray looked away. "No look at me Fray; I want you to know how important you are! Trust me!"

"Mum I would never ask you for that… You are not going to be more miserable because of me." for the first time in a very long time we had a heart to heart conversation, and I have never felt closer to my son than in this moment.

"You have never made my life miserable!" I told him as he held him in my arms.

**So we thought this story needed a little fight, it was a long time since we had real yelling... Don't forget to review! :) **


	54. Wedding and Coffee

**Oh my, thank you for all of the beautiful reviews :) We made it over 200 :o that is crazy! Okay, I hope you like this chapter too! ^^  
**

**I decided to skip a little into the future, because I didn't want to write more about Christmas and that kind of stuff; it is the beginning of 2012 now. **

**Gerard. **

I and Alex sat at a Starbucks, with tons of coffee in front us and two pieces of white papers, we were supposed to plan our wedding… but we ended up just staring at the papers or drink even more coffee. I was relieved that she could drink coffee again, because she was a monster when she was trying to live without her precious caffeine. But she is my monster.

"So when, where and how?" I asked for the hundredth time, we really needed to sort some things out now.

"Remember when we were teens and you asked where I had my happiest memories from?" Alex asked, and I remembered what she had answered.

"You told me about that trip you made that summer when you were ten and Bob eleven… you and your parents went to a beach here in California and you just spend your days bathing, playing… having the time of your life. Wasn't that the summer before your family went through hell with the divorce and everything?"

"It was." She nodded. "And I do believe that some of my happiest memories from my childhood were from that vacation… and I haven't been back there since…" I saw where this was going and I smiled at her.

"Alex do you want us to get married at that beach?"

"Is it a bad idea…? I mean we kinda don't have so many… and I don't want to get married after a show, I just don't want it to be that way!"

"Alex, it sounds perfect!" I leaned over the table and gave her a kiss.

"We have a place! Let us celebrate with some coffee!" I giggled. "What we need to have a reward system!" she said and gave me another kiss before she bought us more coffee.

When she came back I had actually written some stuff down at my paper.

"So before or after the baby?" she said thoughtfully.

"I don't know what you think, but I would like to marry you as fast as possible… and there will be so much other things to think about when the little one comes around… So I would say before! What do you think?"

"But I'm gonna look all…" she said with a troubled voice.

"You are gonna look all what?"

"Pregnant…"

"What have I said, you have never before in your life looked better! Besides you decided the beach, this is mine!"

"Blackmailing." She glared over at me. "Well played Gerard Arthur Way. Before it is!"

"A date then?" we both picked up our phones and started to look at when we could get married before the kid came and when we wouldn't freeze our asses to death.

"First of March? It is a Saturday… I should be like eight and a half months then…" it was about two and a half months until then.

"First of March sounds good to me!"

"Who should come then?" Alex asked me when I started to take notes about what we had decided.

"When I thought about marrying you I always pictured a small wedding, you know just family and close friends. The people that matters the most to us are the ones who should come."

"I have an idea, we can do a list each and then we'll see who we want to come?"

"Ohh why did you ever agree to marry me? I can't believe there is so much work, so many things to think about!" I sighed with a smile, she looked at me and I could read in her eyes that she knew I was only kidding.

"Oh don't you blame me mister no one forced you to propose to me!" she giggled and stroke my fingers over my hand.

"Touché!"

Finally we managed to have the wedding at Aliso Beach, the first of March, and we actually wanted a minister to perform the ceremony.

**Alex. **

**Later on the same night. **

Fray was at Mikey's and that meant that me and Gee had the house to ourselves, something we celebrated with homemade dinner, romantic of course. And then we spend the rest of the evening cuddled up in the sofa watching old horror movies and eating ice-cream.

Gee had already drifted away to dreamland but I couldn't get relaxed enough to join him. Instead all this wedding talk had made my brain to spin.

What would have happened if I never got pregnant, if we never had Fray? If me and Gee never had fallen in love? What if I never had left? Those things kept on spinning in my brain until Gerard woke up after a while.

"Are you still awake? Is it the baby, does it keep you up? Or is it something else?"

"No… I couldn't relax… all this wedding talk made me think of what had happened if we never had fucked back then, if we had used protection… if I never left… that kind of stuff…" he reached out and lit the light and stroke me over my chin. Then he got up from the bed without a word he opened up the window and lit up a cigarette. He stood there, thinking as he drew the smoke down his lungs. He was so beautiful. No he was prefect.

"I guess we never will know the answer to that…" I mumbled, feeling silly over the fact that I even was thinking about it.

"You might know soon enough…" I heard him mumble over where he stood.

"What? Gerard what did you say?" I felt anger rise inside of me, I hated when he did this and the dream I had a long time ago came to my mind.

"I said no we will never know that…" I stared at him, because I knew that wasn't what he had said before!

**So what do you think? Review and tell me! ^^**


	55. In The Middle Of A Gun Fight

**So here we go again. Another town, another chapter xD Uhh I'm stuck at workout camp with some girls I like and a girl I hate, who hates my guts...  
**

**Alex. **

I had been mad at Gerard for some time now, not I'm gonna tear you apart into million little pieces and lit them on fire angry. No I hid my anger deep inside of me; I didn't want him to know that he was going to mess with my head. I still didn't know why he would mess with it, but he did. The guys had kidnaped him over they day, apparently they needed to figure out wedding stuff… what the hell does that mean? Anyway Fray was at a friend's house and I was waiting for the girls to arrive.

"Hi darling, you look great!" Jamia told me when she arrived first with the twins. She stroked her hand over my belly and I hate to admit it but many of my anger disappeared in a second.

"My back is killing me, I cannot sleep and I'm mad at my fiancé. Do I still look great?"

"Oh then you look even better!" she smiled and gave me a kiss on the cheek. "What have Gee done now?" she asked and handed over Cherry to me.

"Nothing really. Just being Gee I guess."

"Don't you just hate it when they are themselves and you are not?"

"I love you honey!" I smiled and played with the little baby girls fingers.

One by one Alicia, Christa, Kaitlin and Michelle arrived and chatted in the living room as I served them coffee and tea. I sound so old…

"So have you figured out yet why you are here...?"

"For coffee?" Alicia asked and raised her cup.

"Apart from the coffee….?" They smiled at me but no one said anything. "Well if you have heard the news I'm getting married like soon…. And I want you to be my bridesmaids!"

"Awesome!" someone said.

"What an honor!" another one giggled.

"I love you all girls, but I need a maid of honor. You know the one that is going to drag me to the altar if I get cold feet… and Michelle? You are the one who always have been there for me over all these years… would you be my maid of honor?" I looked over at one of my dearest friends and I spotted her with tears in her eyes.

"Alexandra, of course I will!" she said and gave me one of the biggest hugs I ever experienced. Of course all the girls made an aww sound and I couldn't help but to smile.

Now there was just one more thing I needed to do, except for the dreaded dress shopping… I needed to call my brother and ask him for a favor!

**Gerard. **

Alex hadn't been as herself lately; she acted like everything was alright… I couldn't point it out because I feared that I was the reason she was mad. Because of what I said, I didn't even know why I said it I just got a… urge to say it… and when the urge was gone I couldn't make myself to say it again… fucked up? Yes. And am I proud over it? Fuck no! Mikey glared at me when we sat in the car, they were going to plan wedding stuff, I was not in the mood for that.

"You okay?" Mikey leaned over to me.

"Guess so..." I said without much enthusiasm.

"So we felt like you needed to get out of the house for a while, you have been with Alex a lot and we miss ya!" Bob said when he parked the car.

"What do you want us to do for your bachelor party?" Frank asked as we entered the coffee shop.

"Actually… I want it to be child appropriate, I mean it is a big moment for me and since I have a son I want him to be there on the party so no strippers, drugs or alcohol… at least not for me!"

"We don't want anything that could drag anyone down; we just want to do something for you!" Mikey said. "You don't realize this but you are our hero, you are a hero to your son and to so many kids around the world, we just want to show you how much we love you!" I gave my brother a hug.

"I'm so fucking touched, thank you my friends!"

**Bob. **

I smiled at Gerard; I couldn't believe that he finally would get his beloved Alex. I was so proud over the both of them.

"Bob speaking, wazzup dude?"

"Come on bro, you are way too old to answer your phone that way!"

"Ahh sis, I'm just doing it just because it pisses you off!" I chuckled.

"I love you to bro!"

"So is everything fine with you? Baby, family and everything?"

"I'm fine; I just need you to something for me…?"

"Anything!"

"Since dad is dead… I need someone to walk me to my groom; would you do me the honor? That would mean the world to me!"

"You want me to walk you down the aisle? Fuck yes! Thank you Alex!"

"You are my brother, and no one in our family have ever meant anything more to me!"

"I love you sis! I gotta go; the guys are looking weirdly at me…"

"I love you to Bob!" she said before we hung up!"

**So what do we think? It is kinda a filler one I know... but it is needed... Don't forget to review and make me happy! :) **


	56. Fucking Perfect To Me!

**DreamsOfATeenager. It is your turn to update. Both stories! Just so you know! **

**Sorry about the lack of updates, I had to decide on what to do, and school had to be a bitch with tests and other stuff... But if you are reviewing like a lot, like really much you will get the next chapter. The wedding chapter tomorrow! Also just so everyone knows!  
**

**Alex.**

"You really have to be completely honest now!" everyone nodded and took sips from their champagne or coke glasses. I had brought all of my brides maids. And Fi. And Frank. Who had brought Billie.

This was the real hell on earth, no kidding. I have always hated dress shopping and now I really had to look good, I wanted something plain, and simple. But my girls forced me to have a fancy dress. A white fancy dress. I didn't see the point of having a white dress since I was knocked up by many moths, isn't white supposed to say "hey look at the virgin?" Or have I missed the whole point of this?

The woman who was going to help me stared at my pregnant belly and looked at me as if I was a slut. Or maybe that is the way she looks at all costumers. Who knows? She had put me in a horrible dress. Just plain horrible. I really don't want to talk about that dress anymore.

"Awwhhh!" the girls said.

"You are fucking terrible liars! Just so you know!" I cried out loud and glared at each and every one. "Billie, Frank how do I really look?"

"Completely honest?" Billie asked, I nodded and held my breath as he looked at me from top to toe.

"That dress is fucking horrible. Take it off woman, take it off now!"

"And that was what I was talking about being complete honest my friends!" I said and glared at the girls.

Seven horrible and I really mean horrible dresses later Billie got up, grabbed the woman by the arm and talked silent to her some meters away from us. She looked skeptically at us and back at Billie.

"Do we have a deal?" he asked the woman, who was named Irene.

"I guess so. Mr. Armstrong." Irene said trough hard-set teeth.

"Thank you Irene." She walked away and came back with some dresses; the first one she put me in looked absolutely amazing. It was strapless and withe, with a cherry twig sewed in black over the chest that was sewed down over the skirt, which went down over my feet. I didn't look like a disaster with my belly. And I looked like I always wanted at my wedding.

"So. What do we think?"

"You are taking our breaths away honey!" Frank said and everyone agreed.

"How much is it? I probably never gonna afford it!" I looked at the silk that dressed my body.

"Well that is actually why I'm here! Not that I didn't enjoyed seeing you in those horrible things they apparently call dresses, because it have been a blast. I'm here to give you your wedding gift. The wedding dress of your dreams! There is no way I'm letting you have another one and I'm not sure if you are ready to pay for this…" To not ruin the dress, or hurt myself I slowly threw myself in his arms and started to cry. And that was happy tears.

"Thank you, thank you Billie! I don't know what to say, or do to make this up to you!"

"Say yes! And this is your gift from me. You don't have to pay me back!"

"Thank you! I love you Billie!"

**Gerard. **

And the days went by, and slowly days became weeks. I had my best men, all of the guys from the band. Alex had her bridesmaids and her dress and everything was settled for the wedding. The only thing left was the rehearsal dinner and the I do part. The rehearsal dinner was tonight and the wedding tomorrow, and I have never been happier! We sat in the car together and neither of us could stop smiling. I and Alex arrived last of all to the dinner; we walked in hand in hand, her in the most amazing red dress, I in a black tuxedo.

At our table our closest family sat and everyone was so happy!

"I know I shouldn't embarrass myself with trying to make a speech two nights in a row!" Frank said. "But you kids look so damn amazing and I am so happy that you finally are getting each other! And I want to give you my best luck when the little one comes, and by the way say goodbye to your night sleep! Cheers!" he said and lifted his glass in the air and smiled.

"Frankie darling! Thank you!" Alex looked so happy when she gave him a hug.

"And you know as an uncle you are going to baby sit as much as you want!" I smirked.

"Alex don't hate me for this!" Bob said to his sister. "But the dance floor is fucking empty and I want one last dance with my baby sister before she grows up for real!" he took my beautiful bride away from me and as they entered the dance floor the two of them started to slowly waltz. When the dance was over I walked up to the dance floor and I took her hand.

"May I?" she giggled yes and I turned to Bob and whispered in his ear.

"Are you sure?"

"Yes. How weird it might sound that is the prefect song for us. Play it!"

As the music stared to play I could see tears in her eyes.

_**Made a wrong turn**_

_**Once or twice**_

_**Dug my way out**_

_**Blood and fire**_

_**Bad decisions**_

_**That's alright**_

_**Welcome to my silly life**_

Then we started to dance, she was prefect in my arms, she had always been perfect to me. The music went on.

_**Mistreated**_

_**Misplaced**_

_**Misunderstood**_

_**Miss knowing it's all good**_

_**It didn't slow me down.**_

_**Mistaking**_

_**Always second guessing**_

_**Underestimating**_

_**Look I'm still around**_

_**Pretty, pretty please**_

_**Don't you ever, ever feel**_

_**Like you're less than**_

_**Fucking perfect**_

_**Pretty, pretty please**_

_**If you ever, ever feel**_

_**Like you're nothing**_

_**You're fucking perfect to me**_

_**You're so mean**_

_**When you talk**_

_**About yourself, you were wrong**_

_**Change the voices in your head**_

_**Make them like you instead**_

_**So complicated**_

_**Look how we all make it**_

_**Filled with so much hatred**_

_**Such a tired game**_

_**It's enough**_

_**I've done all I can think of**_

_**Chased down all my demons**_

_**I've seen you do the same**_

_**Oh**_

_**Pretty, pretty please**_

_**Don't you ever, ever feel**_

_**Like you're less than**_

_**Fucking perfect**_

_**Pretty, pretty please**_

_**If you ever, ever feel**_

_**Like you're nothing**_

_**You're fucking perfect to me**_

_**The whole worlds scared**_

_**So I swallow the fear**_

_**The only thing I should be drinking**_

_**Is an ice cold beer**_

_**So cool in line**_

_**And we try, try, try**_

_**But we try too hard**_

_**And it's a waste of my time**_

_**Done looking for the critics**_

_**Cause they're everywhere**_

_**They don't like my jeans**_

_**They don't get my hair**_

_**Exchange ourselves**_

_**And we do it all the time**_

_**Why do we do that?**_

_**Why do I do that?**_

_**Why do I do that?**_

_**Yeeeeaaaahhh**_

_**Oooooooh**_

_**Oh baby pretty please**_

_**Pretty, pretty please**_

_**Don't you ever feel**_

_**Like you're less than**_

_**Fucking perfect**_

_**Pretty, pretty please**_

_**If you ever, ever feel**_

_**Like you're nothing**_

_**You're fucking perfect to me**_

_**You're perfect, you're perfect**_

_**Pretty, pretty please**_

_**If you ever, ever feel**_

_**Like you're nothing**_

_**You're fucking perfect to me**_

The music tuned out and all around us our friends cheered and clapped their hands and when we let go of each other I saw her tears.

"I have never been happier, this is tears from joy!" she smiled.

"Alex you are perfect to me. Never forget that!" I gave her a kiss.

"And so are you Gerard!"

**I hope you enjoyed this chapter! :D And don't forget to review and you will have the next chapter very soon! ^^ **


	57. Wedding or The End Of The World

**Okay, before anyone freaks out about the title: THIS CHAPTER IS NOT THE END OF THIS STORY! This chapter is just another on the way to the end. So no need to freak out! :) So take a deep breath and calm down, and enjoy!  
**

**Alex. **

The big day had finally arrived, Michelle and my other bridesmaids and I sat having our makeup and hair done together, and we must have been a real pain in the ass because one second we were laughing our heads off, the other one we were trying to hold the tears back.

"My back is killing me!" I sighed when I got dressed in the white and black, prefect dress.

"Might be because you are like eight and a half months pregnant?" Jamia giggled. "But honey you look amazing!" I still hadn't caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror, but when I turned around and saw myself I lost my breathe.

"I am fucking beautiful!" I giggled.

"I have known you for over fifteen years and I think this is the first time I ever heard you say that you are beautiful! You are growing up my darling! And yes, you look fantastic!" Michelle said and gave me a hug. After that my bridesmaids one by one left me to myself, Michelle was the last of them standing there.

"Go out there and knock 'em dead honey! You deserve to be this happy every day of the rest of your life!" she kissed me on the cheek and then I was all alone.

"Dad I wish you were here to see this day. And mum… yes you threatened me like fuck… but I still wish you could see me now… Mum, dad your little girl had finally grown up to a woman!" I whispered to my dead parents.

"Are you ready to be given away then?" Bob opened the door, he looked so handsome in his tuxedo, and I nodded as he walked up behind me and looked into the mirror where I had been staring. "You look amazing as never before, you are a beautiful bride sis!" I smiled at him and then I turned around and helped him put the tie straight.

"You don't look to bad either!" I giggled. "But it just feels like this is the end of an era…"

"Everything will be okay, just remember that. We will always be there for you no matter what happens!" he kissed me on the cheek and then he offered me his arm, I took it and we started to walk outside to the beach where I had some of my happiest memories from my childhood. To the place me and Gerard was about to be husband and wife.

The wedding march started to play and everyone stood up, my family and friends were there and I had never been happier, but all good things come to an end. I smiled towards Gerard where he stood on the sand; with wind in his bright red hair and that smiled I once fell in love with on his beautiful face.

When we got to them Bob gave me a hug and he smiled so proudly at me, I gave Fray a hug, then I took Gerard's hand and he stroke my chin as he whispered that he loved me.

The ceremony started, I didn't really listen until the I do part came up:

"Do you Gerard Way take Alexandra Bryar as your wife in the holy matrimony?"

"I do!"

"And do you Alexandra Bryar take Gerard Way as your husband in the holy matrimony?"

"I do!"

"Really?" I stared at the priest with confused eyes.

"Um yeah!"

"Come on darling, he isn't good for you. Remember that old habits die really hard!"

"But I said I do!"

"Well okay then…"

"Dude you heard the girl!" Gerard said, frustrated like never before, like if he was in some kind of hurry.

All the sudden everything went really blurry and a second later it went pitch black. Good job Alex, I thought to myself in the darkness, first the priest question your actions and THEN you pass out on your own wedding, really classy girl… then I heard a whisper: time to wake up!

At first it sounded like if someone was far away talking to me, but then it went stronger and all the sudden it sounded like if someone was screaming to me to wake up… what the fuck?

**Oh yeah, did I mention I had a twist to this story? Well I have. And now you need to review (and for DreamsOfATeenager need to update) and then you will have the next chapter! ^^**


	58. A Pair Of Icy Blues

**So you were not happy with that wedding? :P Well you are probably not going to be pleased with this either! But I really would like you to review on this chapter! Everyone that is reading it! And I mean everyone! *glares at you out there*  
**

**Gerard. **

I sat and stared at her face like every other night this past six weeks. The guys didn't come as often as I anymore; they seemed to have given up on her waking up… The only difference from the other nights was that tonight I was wearing a black costume, white shirt and a red tie to that. And that I had been drinking beer instead of vodka.

"Are you near me? Can you hear me?" I mumbled a poem that I had in my head for some time now… I was interrupted when the door opened.

"Well you look nice today!" A young nurse, Emily walked into the room and checked Alex papers.

"Winter prom…" I said, not taking my eyes from Alex.

"Ah…" she said and glared over at Alex. "You really love her don't you?" she asked and I nodded. "I know it is a bit late… but at least I don't blame you, not for the accident and not for what happened three weeks ago…"

**Flash back, three weeks earlier *insert cool sound***

_**I was drunk out of my mind – the same thing as always, I was even pissed in school now and no one seemed to care… a pair of sunglasses and none acted like I was drunk, everyone felt my guilt. It was late and I had been drinking for hours before I had being able to walk into the hospital, to watch her. It had hit me that evening that this and everything that had come with it was my fault… I was the reason she was laying there, my beautiful angle. I was a pretty good actor though because none noticed my drunkenness, guess I had the practice from school. **_

_**All the sudden I felt such an urge to hurt myself, I found my wallet and a second later I held the razor in my hand, cutting like this was the last thing I ever would be able to do. I don't know if I actually wanted to kill myself, but I sure as hell didn't care anymore…**_

"_**Gerard Way, stop that!" someone yelled far away, I was so dizzy and out of my mind that I had lost attach to the reality. Then the someone took the razor out of my hand and I sat stupid like a sheep. The woman touched my hand and it felt like she stopped the blood from pouring out of my veins. She then took me away from the room. **_

"_**That felt so good…" I mumbled in my dizziness. **_

"_**Gerard you are freaking out!"**_

"_**No…" **_

"_**You are drunk and you don't know what you are doing." **_

"_**I know exactly what I am doing. Three weeks ago we, Alex and me ended up in bed together…" I didn't feel embarrassed to talk about this, still in my own world. "But… I was drunk and I drove the car and… the accident and… now she is here!" **_

"_**Darling… I don't understand what you are trying to say… but we need to get you to some sleep…" **_

**End of flash back *insert even cooler sound* **

"Did you try to kill yourself back then?"

"Look I'm just a pathetic boy watching over a girl who isn't even his girlfriend and probably never going to wake up… no need to care." embarrassed I turned away when I felt the tears in my eyes. "Do you think she will wake up?" my voice cracked because of the tears.

"Look at me Gerard…" Emily sat next to Alex's tiny body; she held her arm and looked at the old scars. "I think she will wake up when she is ready to face the reality again, it seems like she had a rough life… but you gotta stop blaming yourself… and stop drinking…"

"I just drank a little today… but…" I didn't finish the sentence because someone knocked on the door.

"We figured you would be here…" Mikey smiled at me.

"The prom was boring so we decided to go to our best dude and to our fabulous girlfriend!" Frank giggled; I figured he had a little too much to drink.

"Beauty queen of only sixteen, she had some trouble with herself; he was always there to help her…" I looked at Bob; his eyes were filled with tears. I had been so selfish these past weeks; I had completely forgotten that Alex is his sister and that he is also hurting. "Thank you Gerard… for being there for her every single day and night… because I haven't had the power to get here as much as I should… but I love her…" I nodded; words were not needed, not here and not now at least. We sat there, all five of us comforting each other, sipping from a bottle of vodka they had brought with them. But things end and they walked home, leaving me alone, alone with the bottle...

I held her hand in mine, squeezing it hard, but the alcohol started to get me, my grip started to let go but then I felt her hand squeeze back, slowly and gentle first but then it became harder, more greedy.

"Alex?" the hospital silence was ripped apart by my mumbling voice. "Alex it is time to wake up! Don't leave me again!" That was when I saw her icy blue eyes open in front of my eyes.

**So... did anyone, anyone at all expect that? Tell me! If you figured this out (if you dragged the plot out of me does not count!) YOU ARE FUCKING AMAZING! Do you remember the fucked up chapter when Alex saw Gerard crying at the hospital bed? Well this is the explanation! There will be more explanation later on, but for now on, keep calm, don't hate me to much and review! **


	59. My Worst Nightmare!

**So the last chapter was kinda wtf wasn't it? In this there will be more of explanation and a little bit less wtf! (or at least I hope so!) **

**And I have to thank you all for the reviews to the last chapter! Don't forget to keep it up my darlings! Well here you go!  
**

**Gerard. **

I called the nurse inside the room and I was taken out of there when they realized that Alex was awake.

"What is going on? Why can't I bee in there?" I asked someone that passed by.

"We need to make sure that she is okay, run some tests and make sure she isn't freaking out or anything from waking up from the coma. You maybe want to call someone?" But who would I call? Frank? Bob? Mikey? I guessed that the hospital already had called her father and Alice… I ended up just sitting in the uncomfortable chair staring at her door.

"Gerard? Are you here?" Alice's soft voice woke me up from the alcohol dizziness and she sat next to me and held my hand.

"Is it true? Has my pumpkin wake up?" Mr. Bryar cried.

"I saw her open her eyes! Then they told me to wait until I can see her again."

"Are you okay?" Alice asked, and I didn't know if the question was for me or for her husband but we both looked at her with pain in our eyes. Yes I'm thrilled that Alex might be awake but is she alright?

"Mr. and Mrs. Bryar?" they looked at the doctor. "Your daughter is fine when it comes to the medical part… like we told you before she has four broken ribs, her right shoulder were dislocated at the accident, but she doesn't seem to have any pain from the shoulder. And then we have her left leg… it is broken on two places and one of her leading-strings in her knee is broken. But with rehabilitation she will be fine. But uhm mentally… she is asking for her husband Gerard and for her son Fray, and she wants to see them immediately. Do you know anything about this?" Alice was crying and I stepped forward.

"I am Gerard… so I'm guessing she wants me… but we are not married or have a kid or anything? Doctor what does this mean?" I asked shocked by the situation.

"We don't really know… she might have been seeing things in the coma or she might suffer from brain damages from the accident. We cannot be sure at this point, now we need to find a way to calm her down. That poor girl is really scared."

"I want to see her."

"You don't think it is better that her parents calm her down?" the doctor asked us.

"No, if she wants you, if you are up to it son please calm her down!" Alex father told me and I nodded and followed the doctor inside.

"GERARD! GIVE ME MY SON!" Alex yelled from the bed as I entered the room, her blonde hair was greasy, her face was covered with tears and her eyes were screaming out fear and pain. And nurses stood helpless at her side.

"Alex honey…" I said when I sat down at the bed next to her; I firmly gripped her hand and looked her in the eyes. "You don't have a son, you are sixteen, we are not married." I said with a monotone voice, not because I didn't care, no it was because I didn't want to upset her any more than I had to.

"WHY ARE YOU SAYING THAT? I AM THRITY-ONE, WHERE IS MY FRAY? MY BEAUTIFUL BOY!"

"Alexandra, look at me. Am I thirty-two? Do I look like I'm an adult?" she looked at me and turned her head away, I gentle turned her face to me, to make her look at me.

"But… I had a son. I got pregnant, I left this place and when he was fifteen I returned because dad was ill and we got back together and I got…" she stared at me in shock, she pulled her hand away from me and let it stroke her stomach. "I'm not pregnant." She said without caring, at least it sounded like she didn't care.

"No you are not pregnant, and you have never been as far as I know."

"But we had sex…" she stared at my face, I didn't change my stone face expression. "We never had sex? WHAT THE FUCK HAS HAPPENED TO ME? WHY AM I IN THE HOSPITAL? WHAT IS GOING ON?" she was yelling again, I didn't blame her… but what should I do?

"We were in a car accident…" she opened her mouth, trying to say something. "No let me talk. What do you remember?" she stared at me and thought.

"I went over to your place… Mikey had a date and I was lonely… we watched "A Nightmare Before Christmas" and then… we ended up in bed and I… I got pregnant."

"No… well the movie was right… and then you kissed me and we got up to my bedroom and we started to you know… but then it turned out we didn't have any condoms and you weren't on the pill and we didn't want to risk anything. So we were heading out in the car to buy condoms… I had been drinking and lost control." I had to stop for a second and let her take everything in. "I crashed the car and you were hurt. You have been in a coma for the past six weeks." I told her.

"No… no… NOOO!" she screamed out the angst.

"Yes. I'm sorry Alex. That is what happened. I wish I could change everything, like I wish I hadn't been drinking, that I didn't drive the car… but… I'm sorry."

"So everything was a dream?" she cried.

"I guess so."

"This is my fucking worst nightmare…"

**So. It is okay to yell at me in your heads now! ****So now you have to tell me what you think about this little twist ^^ Review darlings! **


	60. Waking Up From Her Point Of View

**So I'm guessing many of you are thinking what the hell is wrong with WeAreAllABunchOfLiars. Well as the person behind the name I can tell you that there is many things that is wrong with me... But I'm thinking you are wondering why the hell I'm doing this. Well I was not ready to let go of my beloved characters, seriously I feel really close to them... and I was inspired by Life On Mars (an amazing tv series) and by one of my favourite writer, Ira Levin who allways have a twist like this in his novels. And I hope that you still can enjoy the story ^^ And don't forget to review!  
**

**Alex. **

When I opened my eyes again I was… well not at the place I had passed out, I stared into Gerard's eyes and then he was taken away from me. I turned my eyes around and watched where I was. A hospital bed. Was something wrong with me? Or my baby? I tried to speak, but I had a tube down my throat, it hurt and so did my body…

"You are okay honey!" a female voice said. "We are gonna take out the tube in a second, and then we are going to examine you for a little while. Do you understand?" I nodded, I couldn't move too much, but they took it as I understood. I was silent after they took out the tube out of my mouth, and I drew my first trembling breaths on my own.

"Alexandra, how do you feel?"

"I… it…" I started to cough and when it stopped a nurse gave me a sip of water from a bottle on the table next to me. "I feel bruised. Where are my husband and my son? I want them here!" the nurses glared at each other and back to the doctor.

"What is your husband's name?" one of the nurses asked carefully.

"Gerard. Gerard Way!" I croaked silently. And the nurses glared back and forward again.

"It is okay honey!" someone squeezed my hand.

"But my son? And WHERE THE FUCK IS MY HUSBAND?" I yelled and the doctor examined me faster, still completely silent. He pushed and pulled in my shoulder, and then he told me that it had been dislocated at the accident, but it was okay now.

"You are going to need rehab working out for that leg, but you are going to be just fine Alexandra." The man smiled, I was yelling inside, cursing him for what he said. Where is Gerard for fucks sake? "Anything you want to know right now?"

"Where. The. Fuck. Is. My. Husband?" the man sighed and left the room with some of the nurses.

"GERRD! GIVE ME MY SON!" I yelled from the bed when HE entered the room, I was so scared but the sight of him calmed me down slightly.

"Alex honey…" he said and sat down at the bed next to me, he gripped my hand and looked me in the eyes. "You don't have a son, you are sixteen, and we are not married." He slowly said with a monotone voice.

"WHY ARE YOU SAYING THAT? I AM THRITY-ONE, WHERE IS MY FRAY? MY BEAUTIFUL BOY!" I had to scream, I was so mad. Why would he do this to me?

"Alexandra, look at me. Am I thirty-two? Do I look like I'm an adult?" I looked at him, and if looks could kill he would have dropped dead this second. I slowly turned my head away, and he gentle reached his hand out and turned my face back to him, he made me face him. He was right… he looked more seventeen that he have done in… fifteen years.

"But… I had a son. I got pregnant, I left this place and when he was fifteen I returned because dad was ill and we got back together and I got…" I stared at him; everything was so fucking messy, what had happened to me? Then I pulled out my hand and stroke my stomach.

"I'm not pregnant." I said with a devastated voice.

"No you are not pregnant, and you have never been as far as I know."

"But we had sex…" I stared at his face, it didn't change the stone faced expression it had since he got into the room. "We never had sex? WHAT THE FUCK HAS HAPPENED TO ME? WHY AM I IN THE HOSPITAL? WHAT IS GOING ON?" I screamed to his face again.

"We were in a car accident…" I opened her mouth, trying to say something, some of the thoughts I had spinning in my head needed to come out. "No let me talk. What do you remember?" I stared at him… what did I remember? I remembered everything… but apparently that was a lie.

"I went over to your place… Mikey had a date and I was lonely… we watched "A Nightmare Before Christmas" and then… we ended up in bed and I… I got pregnant." That was what we had done that night… or at least I that's what I remembered.

"No… well the movie was right… and then you kissed me and we got up to my bedroom and we started to you know… but then it turned out we didn't have any condoms and you weren't on the pill and we didn't want to risk anything. So we were heading out in the car to buy condoms… I had been drinking and lost control." I had to stop for a second and let her take everything in. "I crashed the car and you were hurt. You have been in a coma for the past six weeks." Gerard said and stroked my chin. WHAT THE FUCK DID HE JUST SAY?

"No… no… NOOO!" I screamed out the angst I felt.

"Yes. I'm sorry Alex. That is what happened. I wish I could change everything, like I wish I hadn't been drinking, that I didn't drive the car… but… I'm sorry."

"So everything was a dream?" I didn't even try to hold the tears back; I just let them roll over my cheeks, what was true? I didn't know, I just knew that I wanted to go back, back to my perfect life.

"I think so."

"This is my fucking worst nightmare…" I cried.

**Gerard. **

I hated to see her like this, she was so fucking sad and I wondered what she had seen in that… let us call it the dream.

"Is my father alive?" she asked and I drew a breath, she was calmer than before.

"Yes… did he die in that dream?" she nodded. "Your father is very much alive and he is here right now… do you want to see him? Alice is also here." I tried to smile, but it turned out more of a grimace.

"I… a… are… they here?" she stuttered. And I grabbed her hand and nodded.

"You want me to fetch them for you?" I asked and when she gave me a faint smile I got up and got them.

"She wants you… I have explained everything… but in the coma or the dream she had or whatever it was she had you died Mr. Bryar… so…"

"Okay… I understand. Thank you Gerard. Would you like to get some sleep now?"

"Can I just say goodbye for the night and tell her I'm gonna be back in the morning?" Alex father nodded and I walked back in there.

"Since your father and Alice is here and they want to see you and talk to you I'm gonna go home and sleep. I kinda have been drinking all night and I was about to pass out when you woke up… but I'm returning in the morning."

"Okay… be safe… I guess." She said. I leaned forward and gave her a kiss on the top of her head.

"I… I love you." I said and gave her a quick nervous look before I left. "All yours." I told them outside and when I passed Mr. Bryar he grabbed my hand and gave me a hug.

"Thank you. I really mean it Gerard." And then they walked into the dream girl of my life.

**Yes, I had to make the waking up from her point of view! Hopefully I can update some new stuff soon! :) Well review darlings! **


	61. You Know I Love You!

**Mikey. **

I was waken up when Gerard entered my room. I stared at his face, but I couldn't read out what he was feeling.

"You are home late?" I stared at the watch next to my bed. "Or early, depending how you see things…" I said when he sat next to me at the bed, he smelled of a hang over and cigarettes.

"She woke up earlier, from the coma. She lived fifteen years in there on only six weeks." He said and I didn't know what to do or say.

"Alex is awake?" was all I could say.

"Yes. She was really upset and then I had to leave."

"Gerard what the fuck is wrong with you? Isn't this what you wanted? For her to wake up?"

"She doesn't love me. I'm sure…"

"But why…"

"She married me… in the coma. She would never take me like this anymore. I told her I love her and she didn't say anything." He sobbed. I hate to see him like this and I knew there wasn't anything I could say to make him feel better, instead I rolled closer to the wall and let him crawl up in the bed. I was too tired and had a hung over to stay awake, and knowing my brother I knew he wouldn't hurt himself when he was in here.

When I got up in the morning mum was making coffee and she smiled at me.

"So… was the prom fun?" she asked and gave me a cup.

"We had a blast… but then we decided to go to the hospital to see Gee and Alex… Apparently she woke up after we left… Gee stayed. I think I'm gonna go there and talk a little bit, show her that I care!"

"You are a good kid Mikey, you want me to drive you there?" I nodded, poured the coffee down my throat and got dressed as fast and as quiet as I could, Gee needed to get as much sleep as he could. On my way out I texted the guys and they was on their way to the hospital too.

"Hey Alex…" we were alone and she was glaring out through the window

"Mikey…" her head popped up and she smiled at me. "Oh my god Mikey… you look so young… and handsome!"

"Gerard told me that you kept on living in your head… so how is everything? How are you feeling?"

"Messed up? Confused? Actually I feel like life has been cheating on me." she drew a breath and whipped a tear of her face.

"I'm sorry…" I breathed and I gave her a hug.

"Come on Mikey, what are you to be sorry about?"

"Alex… I am sorry that your life didn't turn out the way you wanted, I'm sorry that you wake up to find this… and I'm sorry that Gerard is still a mess." I said truthfully and let go of her hand as Frank entered the room, I leaned forward and whispered to her. "But Gerard really loves you. Just remember that…"

"Alex…" Franks sob broke the silence. "Alex… a… are you okay?"

"Yeah, I'm just bruised, broken and… messed up. And on top of that I can't walk and my life is a lie." Frank glared over at me and i opened my mouth to explain but I was cut off by the door opening again, this time it was Bob and Ray who entered.

"Where is Gerard?" Alex asked when everyone was gathered around her bed.

"He have been here almost all of his waken hours for six weeks now except for those hours he have been in school… he needed to sleep now when he knows you are okay…" Bob told her.

"He will be here later on when he is less hung over!" I smiled.

**Frank. **

I had been hurting so much when she was just lying there, with barely any signs of her being alive, but now she was awake… and it hurts me even more. And not just because she was in pain, really serious pain, every time she drew a breath she winched from the pain in her ribs. No it hurt even more because she asked about Gerard… fuck. I am always going to love her!

She listened to us talking for a while, filling her in with the latest gossip about us and the school, she smiled when she heard that Mr. Carlzon was arrested for molesting some girls at school. At least she didn't have to worry about him anymore.

"When are you getting out of here sis?" Bob asked.

"I'm not sure… it sucks! Apparently they need to do more tests and make sure I don't suffer from brain damages. Just because I was freaking out a bit when I woke up… and they want me to see a shrink, as I need to see one." Alex answered a bit sarcastically in the end.

"So soon hopefully?" Mikey asked. "School and life in general sucks without you…"

"Alex can I speak to you alone?" I cut Mikey off. Everyone glared at me but when she nodded they went outside.

"You have five minutes!" Ray stated just before the door slammed shut.

"What do you want Frank?" she asked a bit irritated from the bed, I stood nervously at the side. I understand that she is mad, the last time we had seen each other, when we both was awake I mean, was when I broke up with her…

"Alex… I love you." I told her, there were no time for apologizes now.

"So why did you break up with me? Fuck off Frank!"

"I'm sorry about that Alex… you know that I didn't want to do it, fucking hell! I want to spend my life with you… it is up to you because I love you to the end!"

"I'm not sure Frank… I love you but you hurt me so fucking much!" she told me just before the door opened. "I don't think that is something we should discuss now." Everyone went back inside and glared at us, fucking awkward silence!

**Bob. **

My sister looked very grateful at me when I walked inside again, I really hoped that Frank hadn't talked about love or their relation, Alice had told me everything about the coma yesterday night when they came back home.

"So did you see anything in the coma?" Ray broke the silence with his question.

"Actually… I saw fifteen years of my life in the future… or more precisely I believe I saw how my future had been if I had sex with Gerard instead of getting in that car to buy condoms…" she said and everyone gasped at the same time. Frank was the first one to react; he got up from his chair.

"Bitch!" he hissed before he stormed out of the room.

**So I have a question... Frank or Gerard? Your choice! When you review just tell me one of those names, it will help me with the story! And darlings do not forget to review! ^^ **


	62. That Is History Now

**Okay, it have been brought to my attention that my awesome friends have lost some of her readers, and that sucks so when you have read this chapter (and of course reviewed it!) you should go to DreamsOfATeenager's profile and check out her amazing stories! It is totally worth it! **

**And i wanted to thank you all for the reviews, even if it turns out I didn't really listen to you... Sorry, but the story are better this way! ^^ **

**Mikey. **

We all looked after Frank when he stormed out of the room. We were all in shock; did they plan to sleep with each other when the accident happened? Gee had just told us that they had taken the car to get away from the house for a while… Everything is such a fucking mess!

"What was that about?" Alex mumbled angry from the bed. "What is Frank's fucking problem?"

"Seriously? Alex come on he loves you, you cannot deny that!" Ray sighed bitterly.

"I could have understood him if it was I who had dumped him, but now it is the other way around… He fucking broke my heart in a way no one else could have done, and besides as single I can fuck whoever I want."

"You know he didn't want to give you up…" Bob mumbled and gave her a look telling her to shut the hell up; she didn't care about the look and answered her brother.

"Then he shouldn't have. That is history now…"

**Alex. **

Okay I'm still hurting from the breakup, he broke my heart, no he smashed my heart into one million tiny pieces and now he think he can just waltz in here and think he can repair the mess he made. He never realized that someone else could have stolen some of the pieces for their own… like Gerard. But it isn't history like I told the guys, even if I love Gerard I can't make more mess with the whole situation by getting together with Gee…

"Then make sure that he understands it." Ray said to me. "In fact if you are going to break his heart, you better do it now before he gets his hope up!" he kept on talking and he got up form the chair to get Frank.

"You are not doing this to my sister, not when she is fragile as this!" Bob said with anger in his voice.

"Fuck off Bob, he needs to know! And if she really has made up her mind she can't be that fucking fragile!" The two of them kept on yelling to each other, and I really whished I could get up from this fucking bed, and that I could get away from everything just for a second more. I wanted to go back… I glared over at Mikey and back to the two fighting; he saw the desperation in my eyes and since Bob and Ray was caught up in their fight, they couldn't care less about what we did. Mikey helped me up from the bed, careful so he wouldn't hurt me. He put me in a wheelchair and made sure the drip was still in my hand, and we silent left our mad friends alone.

"Why is there so much more drama when you are back again?" he sighed when we was in the silent hallway.

"Life is so much more fun when you are a drama queen!" I giggled for the first time since I woke up.

"I missed you Alex! I really have missed you! Never do anything like this again!" Mikey stopped the chair and looked me in the eyes.

"I have missed you too Mikey…" I told him and I squeezed his hand. "I'm never going to be in a car with a drunken person ever again if that is what you mean…" I gave him a faint smile; he nodded and pushed the wheelchair again.

"Can we go outside for a while? I haven't felt fresh air in my lungs for like forever…" I asked and he pushed me outside, it was cold, Christmas was approaching fast and there were snow in the air. Mikey parked the chair close to the entrance and stood next to me.

"Mikey…" I started to say, but I lost the track for a while. "At least in the dream… you grew up to be one of the finest men I ever known, you were so handsome, and such an inspiration to millions of kids. You helped saving these kids life… And you were loving every second of your life… So even if everything feel, I don't know hopeless… remember what I have told you!" Mikey watched at me as I talked.

"What did I do with my life? Did I have a wife? Kids? Was Gerard okay?" I just smiled.

"I can't tell you that… you don't want to know, I just wanted to tell you that everything is going to be just fine!" he nodded, he understood what I had said. I looked around the hospital area and I saw a familiar boy standing smoking with his face to us. Frank…

"What should I do about Frank?" I sighed.

"Do you love him?" Mikey asked me. "Like really love him?"

"He broke my heart…"

"If he really broke your heart you did really love him just a few weeks ago… And if you still do then what is stopping you from still loving him and get back together with the guy?" I nodded and he whipped a tear away from my cheek and gave me a smile.

"Frank!" he yelled and Frank walked toward us, with a cigarette in his hand. I couldn't help myself; I was smiling because he was so fucking beautiful. When he stood next to us Mikey opened his mouth.

"Seriously Bob and Ray are fighting over something really stupid and I gotta get in there to make sure they aren't killing each other…" Mikey winked at me and left us two alone.

"Hey…" I said and glared at him.

"Hey…"

"I'm sorry about that Frank…" I looked at him when I said that. "I still love you to… Do you really think it could work out?"

"If we really want it to work out we can make it work! You know it babe!" he grinned and gave me a kiss, god I really miss the way he kisses me!

**Gerard. **

I was walking over the hospital area with the red roses in my hand, ready to tell Alex how I feel, to tell her I can't find a reason to live without her by my side. I gazed at the entrance through the falling snow, and I saw a boy standing there kissing his girlfriend in a wheelchair. When I walked closer and the couple broke apart I saw the face of the girl. Somehow she had never been more beautiful, and I have never in my life felt more broken. I stopped, and then I lit up a smoke. They looked so fucking happy together. I clutched the roses harder until I could feel the thorn rip my skin apart and see the blood falling down on the snow. I let go of the bouquet, let it fall to the snow at the ground. Then I dragged the last smoke into my lungs and turned away from them. What reason do I have to keep on living now?

**So Alex and Frank are back togehter what do we think about that? I know some of you probably will hate it but...I like it this way ^^ Don't forget to review and check out DreamsOfATeenagers stories! :) **


	63. Time To Go Home!

**I'm sorry for doing that to Gerard in the last chapter, I know some of you got really upset and I promise that I'm not going to kill Gerard! **

**Oh and I want you to check out Delia Doom's story: My Chemical Romance: The Beauty That I'm Faking. It is really good, and more should read it!  
**

**Gerard.**

I walked away, simply walked away to the bus stop and waited for something to take me away from here. Bert was as usual my only solution to my problems, why change a winning concept?

"Duuuuude!" Bert giggled when he opened the door, his hands were twitching and I could sense that he was fucking stoned. Better for me, he was so generous when he was high. "What can I do for ya? Red for flying, blue for falling?"

"I wanna fly!" I said and he looked at me.

"How much and something more?" How much did I actually want? How far was I about to take this?

"I want to fly for some days, but I don't want to take it too far." Bert glared skeptically at me but took out a bag with red pills from nowhere, gave me ten or so.

"Maybe a bottle of vodka with that?"

"Make it two!" I said and picked out my wallet and looked at my dealer.

"90." He told me and I gave him the money. "Have fun flying kiddo!"

"I will." I mumbled before walking back out to the bus stop.

"Gerard? Are you home so soon?" Mother asked when I came back home. "Alex is awake and I thought you were going to spend the day at the hospital."

"I know she is awake, I was there mum. But no she wouldn't care if I was there or not." I said madly and locked myself up inside my room, I started with lighting up a smoke and I sat on the bed and looked at the pills and the booze.

"Fuck her!" I said as I swallowed the first pill with the vodka.

**Frank. **

"I missed you Alex!" I said as I pushed her wheel chair inside to the room again.

"Alexandra Bryar! What are you doing outside your room and bed?" A nurse growled when we returned inside.

"Sorry, but she needed some fresh air to get through the hospital stay! She is all right miss!" I said, putting on my charming face.

"Okay, just don't do it again, we need to do some more testing now! But if everything is all right you will be able to go home again Alexandra!"

**Alex. **

"Bye Frankie…" I said and gave him a kiss before they told him to get out.

"Bye hun!" he smiled and I smiled back.

"Have you been together for a long time?" one of the nurses chatted with me to keep me calm during the tests.

"Actually… we kinda broke up before the accident but we realized that we love each other and we just got back together like forty minutes ago!"

"That is cute, it is amazing how something good can come out of something bad!" she smiled, but there was something sad over her, she opened her mouth to say something more but another nurse entered the room.

"Hey Emily, you are needed in room 508!"

"Okay… bye honey, you will be fine!" she smiled and left me with some older nurses and a doctor.

I was send away on x-ray and they did some tests to assure I didn't suffer from brain damages; my own mother hadn't even called to make sure I was okay, but my father and Alice was there together with the guys. The only one missing was Gerard… and I missed him so bad it hurt. Yes I know everything was just a dream before, but somehow he always was there for me, in music and in Fray. But now… he hadn't even bothered to show up after yesterday night. Fuck him!

"How are you feeling?" Alice asked and woke me up from my thinking, we were alone and she had brought me some coffee, they had told me it was okay for me to drink it.

"A bit numb, but I'm not in any pain or anything. But everything is just confusing…" I took a sip from the cup she had handed me and it tasted like fucking heaven!

"I know honey, but you can always talk to me if you ever need it!"

"Actually, I just wanted to know what you think about Frank."

"The short one?" she asked and I nodded. "I like him, and I know you used to like him too… but Gerard has been here almost every night."

"Then why isn't he here now?"

"Just saying…" Alice said.

"Anyway I'm with Frank again." I said stubbornly.

**Next day. Alex. **

"You are going to get home now!" the doctor said and signed some papers. "You need to get back for checkups but at least you will get home for Christmas!"

"Thanks!" I mumbled and waited for dad to pick me up from the hospital, I hadn't really got the technique of walking with crutches yet and I looked really stupid walking.

"Let's take you home pumpkin!" dad said when he had signed all of the papers he needed and helped me into the car.

**Mikey. **

I haven't seen Gerard since the night when he came home and told me that Alex was awake. I was getting seriously worried about him. And with mum and dad out of the house I made an attempt to talk to my brother.

"Gee…? Are you okay?" I knocked on the locked door to get his attention. He didn't make any sound and I was worried sick. "Gerard, come on, open the fucking door now!" nothing happened now either.

"Fucking hell…" I mumbled and got the tools from the basement, I really needed to get into that room now! After some minutes of trying the door to his room opened with a noise and I saw my brother sitting on the floor leaned to the wall. Around him there were drugs and shattered glass from a bottle. And the pieces of glass were drenched in blood. The blood was pouring out from Gerard's arms and his eyes that nailed me were filled with despair.

"No… No Mikey… I'm not okay… she wears me out…"

**I only said I'm not going to kill Gerard, I never said I'm not going to hurt him! So yeah... Don't forget to review and tell me what you think my darlings! :) **


	64. Steal Her Away From Him!

**Hello my darlings! Sorry for the lack of updates, I have had a crazy time in school before the Christmas holiday, but now it is here *dies of happiness* just like this chapter :D I hope you like it, and well don't forget to review. You know the same old stuff!  
**

**Alex. **

Dad drove me home, and the house felt like home when I got into the living room, I hadn't thought it would feel like that after all that had happened to me. Bob smiled at me when dad helped me into the sofa.

"You okay?" my brother asked.

"Everything hurts, but I guess I am lucky to be alive." I mumbled. He nodded and gave me coffee and we spend the day watching films. The guys came around every one of my friends except for Gerard, Frank gave me a passionate kiss when he came but I still felt a little sting in my heart to see that Gerard wasn't there. Mikey looked tired and worn out when he visited me and he only stayed for half an hour to make sure I was okay.

"Dude what is wrong?" I could hear Bob mumble from the kitchen.

"Just Gee… he is fucked up. Even worse than he usually is."

"What is wrong?" my brother asked worried about his friend.

"Her." Was all Mikey said and I felt like shit.

When dinner came around I couldn't eat much, my body wasn't used to food yet and all of the pain medicines are making me nauseas, and my mind was on Gerard.

"What shall we do about Christmas? We haven't made any plans when we knew you were in the hospital…" Alice asked when the awkward silence hit the dinner table.

"Alice, Christmas is in four days, can't we just buy a tree and be happy that my daughter is alive and awake?" dad said.

"Works for me, I am not in the mood for a huge family thing, I just want to be with you guys!" I said whit a smile.

**Later on. **

Bob had carried me upstairs after dinner, I couldn't walk in stairs yet, my broken ribs hurt way too much and now I was lying on the bed, crying. So what did I cry about? The tears were falling because of my lost life, because of the son I never had and because without trying I had fucked up Gerard.

I reached out for my phone and dialed Frank's number.

"Hey sweetie… are you okay?" he answered his phone.

"Am I a bad person?" I sobbed as the answer.

"Why should you be a bad person?" my amazing boyfriend asked.

"Because I just destroy things…" I sobbed.

"I can't leave home again because mum found my vodka bottles and I am not allowed to leave the house right now, but if I could I would get over to your place as fast as possible. But no, no you are not a bad person and I love you!"

"But why does Gerard hate me?"

**Frank. **

"But why does Gerard hate me?" What… was this all about Gerard? I thought she was in love with me?

"He doesn't! He is just Gerard, you know how he is a bit of a drama queen and he has been having a rough time for some time now I guess." I couldn't help it, and I sure as hell I wasn't proud over it; I knew he wanted Alex just like I wanted her. If I told her the truth about how Gee stayed at her side always and ever when she was at the hospital she would never look at me again, never kiss me…

"Okay…" she said, sounding a little less sad.

"I need to go… my mother is going to kill me if she knew I was on the phone without her saying it was okay. But I am going to call Bob and tell him to check on you, you really shouldn't be alone if you are feeling down!"

"I'm fine!" she mumbled but I didn't believe her, I never did.

"Sure babe and I am not grounded for underage drinking, I love you! Don't do anything stupid, I am going to call your brother and make sure he gets his fat ass into your room in five minutes!" She started to protest but I hung up on her and called her brother and he promised to make sure she was okay.

**Gerard. **

I stared at the ceiling, my wrists hurt like fuck, and if I tried to stand up I was about to pass out. I was coming down from hours of being stoned and drunk. Fuck my life. Mikey came and checked me out every five seconds; apparently killing myself would be bad. I don't see the downside.

My phone buzzed and I tried to sit up, after a while I managed to read the text. Alex.

"_**Why do you hate me so much? You said you loved Me." **_the message read.

"_**Why are you hurting me? Seriously, why Frank? We belong together!"**_ I wrote the answer fast, before I had a chance to regret it.

"_**He loves me. He isn't broken. You are!"**_

"_**You are the only one who can help me heal my scars!" **_

"_**You are the only one who can heal yourself." **_Her text said.

My feelings were so mixed… I wanted to scream, I wanted to heal, I wanted to feel something else than pain and I wanted to die. Mikey came in to me with a cup of coffee.

"Are you off the drugs now?" he asked.

"Almost…" I said hesitating. "Is he so much better than me?"

"She will come around. I know it!" my brother said, stroking my greasy hair out of my sweaty face.

"How can you know that?" I cried.

"I know that because you two belong together, so stop beat yourself up Gee, because cutting your arms open and get fucking stoned everyday will not help you get her for your own!" I stared at my brother; did he just say what I think he mean? I had to ask him.

"What are you saying?"

"You belong together, just be there for her always and ever and steal her from him when you get the chance!" my brother told me with a devilish grin, god I love that kid. But can it really be that easy?

**So Mikey have a little devil inside? :o And yes things need to be fucked up for a while! Oh well don't forget to review and tell me what you think! ^^**


	65. We Belong Together

**Hey my darlings! You gotta be better on reviewing! I got so few last chapter! :o**

**Second I wanted to say Merry Christmas to all of you beautiful people out there (yes you will like this chapter like a lot, this is my christmas present to you!) even if it is like a day to early! (yes in Sweden we celebrate Christmas Eve and not Christmas Day, don't ask why, just go with it and be happy over this chapter!) **

**I'm like in the middle of the forest, with really crappy internet but hopefully I'm going to be able to write a little over the holidays and I really hope I'm going to be able to go on here to update!  
**

**Alex. **

Christmas passed by and so did New Year's eve. I wasn't drunk; I was still on shitloads of pain medicines and I felt like shit with everything that had happened to me. So came the day when they my leg has finally healed, Frank and Bob took me to the hospital. Gerard had asked for my forgiveness when he was really drunk at New Year's Eve when he called me up and I had given it to him. We had started to work at our relation, trying to forget the fact that we had a fucked up past.

"Your leg looks fine, but you need to practice walking. Your muscles are really weak." The doctor told me. "It is not going to be easy and painless but if you are stubborn and try really hard you are going to be able to walk soon!"

"Okay." I said I really hadn't expected him to say that, I had thought I was going to be just fine just like that….

Frank turned to me and grabbed my hand.

"You know it is going to be fine, we are going to help you!" He smiled and gave me a kiss, I returned it but just barely because Gerard walked inside the room. It was stunned by his… beauty and his smile. Fuck. Frank noticed it and he glared over at our friend.

"What are you doing here?" Frank hissed with anger in his soft voice.

"You know… it turns out you can lose a lot of blood if you cut up your wrists like really much… and I heard you were here!" Gerard smiled like a fool. And I understood why. Because I wanted to do that really bad.

"Are you okay?" I asked.

"Never been better… you know!" Gee said as he turned to me, I understood what he was talking about.

I should come back later for the walking practice, like three times a week.

The first time I hated my life.

The second time I cried.

The third time it was better.

The fourth time I hated my life again.

The fifth time:

"But you are doing fine Alex!" the nurse said.

"No I'm fucking not!" I screamed and gathered the crutches and my bag and I started to get out to the doctors room where they was going to check up on me again. I ran into Frank but I ignored him and then…

"Alex?" I heard his voice before I saw his face and I walked away as fast as I could on the crutches.

"Fuck…" I whispered to myself. "Fuck!" I said louder. "FUCKING HELL!" I screamed out and grabbed the nearest thing I could throw into the wall. The glass tore apart when it hit the wall and there were glass and water all over the floor, I fell down at my knees and picked up one of the biggest pieces.

"Fuck." I mumbled as I pushed it into my wrist. I wasn't strong enough to fight against both the addiction and the pain from learning to walk again.

"No Alex. Stop that!" I stared at Frank, and then I stared at my wrist. There weren't even blood. "What the fuck do you think you are doing?" he yelled at me.

"I don't want to do this anymore…." I started to sob.

"What do you don't want to do anymore?" Frank asked nicer, with a calmer voice.

"Life!" I said stubbornly as a memory of a dream passed in front of my eyes.

_***Flashback sound***_

"_**Alex, darling, have you given up?" Gerard whispered to me.**_

"_**Yes, I have." I whispered back, staring at his perfect face. **_

"_**Then I can't save you, I can't save anyone who doesn't want to be save, I'm sorry." He let go of my hand and let his hands rest on my face and then he kissed me gentle on my lips. "Goodbye, my love, don't kill yourself and if you do remember I will always love you. But I can't save you." He whispered and kissed me on my neck before leaving me sitting on the ground.**_

_***End of flashback sound***_

"Why are you giving up?" Frank yelled as he dragged me away from the glass and from the floor. "Don't do this!"

But I did. I threw another glass to the wall as I yelled.

"DON'T TELL ME WHAT THE FUCK TO DO! LEAVE ME ALONE FRANK!"

**Frank. **

Alex was crying, yelled, seeking my attention and pushing me away at the same time. What the hell did she want me to do?

"Okay. If you really want me to leave you alone I'll do that. I don't want to be with you if you are going to push me away like this!" Did I just fucking say that? I saw my girlfriend or… ex-girlfriend break down in front of me. I tried to comfort her for a second but she pushed me away.

"Get the fuck out of here!" she screamed and I left, storming out. But before I left her I turned around and said.

"Don't fuck him the second I am gone. I know you want but I hope you aren't that big of a slut!"

**Alex. **

"Don't fuck him the second I am gone. I know you want but I hope you aren't that big of a slut!" was the last thing he said before storming out. His words hurt me, but it was okay since Gerard silent entered the room; he put his arms around me and I pulled him close, and as I closed my eyes he whispered in my ear.

"We belong together."

**Didn't I tell you that you would like this chapter? :D So did you like the Christmas present? Tell me ^^**


	66. This Could Be Fun!

**I'm back from the wood! With a brand new chapter :D I hope you had an amazing Christmas and got tons of awesome MCR stuff :p  
**

**Most people seemed to like Gerard and Alex together again ^^ but I'm sorry if this chapter is a bit boring, it have to be made before more action is back in the story... But please review anyway!  
**

**Gerard.**

She didn't push me away as I thought she would. After all it was a long shot, but she didn't push she just held me close for a while. Then I let go of her and looked her into her icy blue eyes, the eyes I fell in love with last year.

"I know… I know that we belong together!" Alex whined like a child and kissed me.

"So why did it took us so long to do this?" I smirked after our kiss.

"'Cause you are such a drama queen!" she giggled, but then she pulled her serious face.

"So what was all that about before? The screaming and the throwing glass into the wall and stuff?" she turned her face away and I looked at the mess around the bed.

"He, Frank I mean, was just so damn positive and happy and thought everything was going to be alright, but I don't think he even once asked me how I really was doing and coping with everything that happened after the accident. And I felt like total shit and he… didn't notice I guess." She looked at me again with a sigh. "And my heart has always seemed to belong to you Gerard."

"Never leave me alone again? Promise me that Alex!" I begged her.

"As long as I live I always going to be with you. Loving, laughing, crying, hating… as long as we are together we will be fine!" she said as she gentle stroke my cheek and I nodded with tears in my eyes.

I took her back to the upset nurse Alex had left in anger before and Alex apologized for her behavior, and explained how hard it was to do this, but that she was ready to commit to the rehabilitation with full heart now. It sounded like bullshit if you didn't know her, but I could see in her eyes that she really meant what she said. The doctor's appointment after went easy, it turned out that she was doing better and better and her leg was stronger. And they were going to change her pain medication to something less strong, which would get her hunger back.

On our way out to Alice who was going to pick us up we walked past Frank, he smoked in silence, but when we passed him he hissed.

"What did I tell you? Slut!"

"What the fuck are you saying?" I raised my voice against my friend and he stared at me, blowing smoke in my face.

"Just telling you the truth Gerard. She is a slut and you are her man whore!" I clenched my fist and was about to hit him in his pretty little face, but I felt a hand on my arm and I looked at Alex, her eyes were begging me to let it go and so did her mouth.

"Let it go Gee, he isn't worth it. Really don't let him fuck with your head! Let's get out of here!" and so we walked away as she wished, but I really wanted to kick his fucking ass!

Alice looked at me when I helped her step daughter inside the car.

"Where is Fr…?" Alice started but Alex cut her off.

"History. He didn't want to see me anymore. Or… I yelled at him to leave me alone for fucks sake and so he did, so he is history now!" Alex blushed and squeezed my hand.

"I see…" Alice smiled. "But that's okay… I like you Gerard; you can take good care of my daughter!" she said with a warm smile, god I love that woman!

The car ride home was silent, Alex looked out the window and I just sat there hoping her words before had been true.

"I gotta see Bob… Before Frank does…" Alex said and called down her brother and they got into the kitchen together.

**Bob. **

Alex told me everything that happened between her and Frank and Gerard and I didn't know what to do.

"You are messing up our lives so bad!" I moaned. "But… as long as you are happy I am!" I said to my sister who smiled at me, and then I walked out to Gerard and gave him a look that could kill.

"What did I do?" Gerard asked scared.

"You don't knock her up, you don't hurt her and if you do I am going to kill you. Simply enough, apart from that have fun with my sister." I explained to my friend and patted him on his shoulder.

"I… I'm not going to do that bro…" he looked terrified when I walked away chuckling like an idiot. This could be funny!

**So yeah tell me what you think ^^ **


	67. Nothing You Can Do

**And so did New Years Eve finally arrive! Take it easy tonight my friends, and I hope you are gonna have a really good evening/night, whatever you have planned! :)  
**

**Frank. **

I spend the rest of the Christmas holidays alone with my cigarettes, my guitar and from time to time some booze. Fun. Why on earth did they do this to me? I thought bitterly as I made my way to school the first day after the holidays.

"Hey Bob and Ray!" I said when I saw my friends in front of the school building; they turned around and looked at me, one with a stare filled with venom. Thank you for that Bob.

"Hi Frank…" Ray said. "Sorry man I gotta go and talk to my girl, she got one of my books." I nodded and was left with Bob… It scared the living shit outta me but I was not going to shove it to him…

"Got any fire?" I asked as I pulled out my cigarettes, he lit it up but said nothing. Something that scared me even more, I still remembered when he was trying to kill me because of me dating Alex… "Are… are we okay?" I pulled myself together and asked.

"I don't know. Are we Frank?" he walked a step closer to me, almost threatening me. "Are you going to let her go and never hurt her again?" he dragged smoke down his lungs and blew it in my face.

"I promise…" okay so Bob is bigger than me and I am scared of him…

"Good, because I can't save her from both you and Gerard…" Gerard… so she was with him after all? I put myself together when I smoked under silence.

"Uuuhhh fuck I have math class now in the morning…"

"Be strong my friend!" Bob put his hand at my shoulder trying to be serious. But we both giggled, the serious moment was over, at least we were fine now. We walked to our lockers and I found Mikey standing, trying to get insides Caroline's pants. At least it looked that way… five meters later I saw her. She was leaning her body at the crutches and I was stunned by her beauty, she was all alone and I walked up to her.

"Hi…" I said hoping she had forgiven me. I was hoping too much, because when she heard my voice she closed her locker with a bang, and she started to walk down the hallway as fast as she could. "Alex…!" I cried after her but she just kept on ignoring me, people around us had started to stare but now I couldn't help myself. "Don't you walk away from me! Just hear me out for a second!"

"Dude leave her alone! She clearly does not want to talk to you!" someone yelled after me. I ignored him and I walked faster and grabbed her arm something that resulted in me getting a crutch in the groin.

"FUCK!" I couldn't stop myself from screaming out the pain, and when I looked up from the floor where I was lying I could see right into Alex face, she had turned around and on her lips I could see the evil smirk. People had stopped and laughed at me, but I didn't care about them, all I could concentrate on was the smirk on her lips… to make me even more humiliated she slowly bend down, and placed her face next to mine, still smirking.

"Ops! You should be more careful so the slut doesn't hurt you!" she spit the words into my face just so loud that I could hear her. "Leave me alone for fucks sake!" the laughter stopped after a while as I stood up and tried to look relaxed. Alex had continued to class and Mikey came to my side after a minute or two, I'm pretty sure he had witnessed the whole event because his eyes were judging me.

"Dude you gotta leave them alone, especially her. You had your chance with her…" he said as we headed for class.

"But…"

"We are a good gang, don't fuck it up… because you are going to be the one who will stand alone, I love you as my friend Frank but I have to back my brother up and Bob is behind them too. After all blood is thicker than water…"

"So Mr. Way and Mr. Iero has finally decided to join us… how lovely." the new math teacher said sarcastically as we made our way through between the benches, of course the only seats that weren't taken was the two next to Alex, Mikey sat down between us but we spend the lesson glaring at each other.

"Ms. Bryar could you stay for a minute?" Mrs. Davis asked when the bell rang and Alex nodded.

When I left the classroom I noticed that Gerard leaned to the wall.

"Hey Mikey… where is Alex?"

"She is talking to the teacher…" the brothers talked to each other and I stood nervously behind Mikey.

"Anyone want a smoke?" I asked when they had stopped talking.

"Oh are you still there Frank? Isn't it more your style to get the fuck out as fast as you possibly can? Or is that just when you are wanted? Because when you are not you hang on pretty tight!"

"Gerard…" Mikey hissed, trapped in the middle of the beginning of the fight of the year.

"You know Gerard, I just wanted to say sorry to Alex, and to you to… I was hurt and you had in a second taken my place. Try to see it from my view! You have all right to be angry…"

"You are damn right I have! So fuck off Frank and leave us alone!"

"What can I say? What can I do to make it right, to make everything okay?"

"Haven't you realized that there is nothing you can do? Just get the fuck out of here!" He said just before Alex came out from the classroom, he gave her a kiss and took her bag and then they were gone. Mikey looked back at me one time, his mouth formed the words 'I'm sorry'. I looked at him and turned my head away, but in the middle of the movement I stopped because Alex looked over her shoulder, directly at me. The evil smirk was gone…

**Please review and tell me what you think about this chapter! **


	68. Poor Frank Iero

**Sorry about the lack of updates! I hope I'm going to be able to update more now! Don't forget to review!  
**

**I just want to ask you to check out my new story: A World Without My Chemical Romance, it is a Frerard and I would be really happy if you wanted to read it and review!  
**

**Frank. **

There were an awkward silence when I came to our regular table in the cafeteria. It was just Bob and Ray who looked at me when I sat down. Gerard and Alex simply got up and moved to the other end of the table.

"Don't you just hate it when your friends hate you even if you are trying to fix it?" I couldn't stop myself from saying.

"Don't you just hate it when people don't get the message?" Gerard answered, or said to Alex. That was it; I ate my food silent and fast.

"Bye my lovely friends!" I said sarcastically when I walked past Gerard and Alex. All alone I walked to the library and found myself a table. I buried my head in the history book for a while.

"Can I sit here?" A girl I know as Eliza stood in front of me and smiled. She was kinda cute but I really wanted to be alone.

"Eh…"

"Please?" her eyes pleaded and I nodded and she sat down in silence.

**Eliza. **

Maybe I should introduce myself. My name is Eliza Cutz and I am sixteen. I have had my eyes on the Way brothers and their friends for a while now. Well I actually have had my eyes on Gerard for some time now but he is with that dreadful little whore. I just can't stand her! Okay so I actually haven't talked to her. But I just know that she is a dreadful little whore! But then again Frank here is also cute…

"What are you reading there?" I asked, making an attempt to start a conversation.

"History… I'm close to failing so I gotta study I guess… but it is so freaking booooooring!"

"I see." I scotched over and looked over his shoulder down in his book. Industrial revolution, that is just so easy!

"I could help you if you want … unless you rather hand out with your friends…."

"Could you? That would be like really nice!" I nodded and I picked up my old notes from history class.

"We have to write a fucking essay…" he complained and I laughed and tossed my notes to him.

**Alex. **

PE. Fucking PE class. It just started after Christmas and we had to take it. I couldn't attend like this but yet I had to sit and stare at my PE class being painfully bad at volleyball. The lesson hadn't even started yet and I was already bored as fuck. Some girls I had seen in the hallway a couple of times sat on the floor stretching, having a boring conversation that I listen to with one ear.

"Where were you at lunch Eliza? You just disappeared in the library!"

"Oh I was there the whole time!"

"Yes I saw you with Frankie Iero. He is cute… but I thought you rather wanted Gerard?" The girl who apparently was named Eliza giggled as I started to listen with more interest. After all Gerard is mine!

"I'm still gonna get Gerard… I was just helping Frank with the history… you see I have a plan my ladies!"

"What are you gonna do?" one girl gasped.

"I'm going to trick Frank that I like him and then when Gerard's little whore isn't around I'm gonna take my chance and get Gerard!"

Gerard's little whore? Trick Frank? Get Gerard? Oh no missy that is not going to happen!

"Sneaky!"

"Yes dumbass it is my plan of course it is sneaky!"

"Okay boys and girls we are going to play volleyball today!" the teacher said cheerfully as the angst filled the room, after all who likes volleyball? I jumped up on my crutches and told him that I wasn't really feeling okay after a whole day in school. After all I wasn't fully recovered. He dismissed me and I dialed Gerard's numbed- he had already had ended for the day and we decided to grab a coffee together. He was cheerfully and happy but I was still bummed out because of the whole Frank thing earlier and what Eliza had said to her little friends. I really needed to talk to Frank but was he really going to listen to me? Gerard didn't even notice how distracted I was and I was glad he didn't. I really didn't want to tell him what I had heard. And I couldn't believe that he really just could ignore one of his best friends just like that. I thought he was going to be really fucked up. But there were things I didn't know, just like there were things he didn't know about my feelings. But that is a whole other story…

**So yes, check the Frerard out please and give me a review on this one and I will be really happy! ^^**


	69. The Part That Make Me Alex

**Hey darlings, i'm sorry about the ages that have passed since i last managed to update on any of my stories. :/ Much have happened in my life: I have found myself a boyfriend (and for you that didnt know it, boyfriends take up alot of your time... like almost all time you have!) And school started again with the fencing and competing. Plus i have been suffering from a serious writers block -.- But hopefully i'm going to be able to write some more soon and that you will have patience with me. **

**And please reveiw so i know that you still like me and my story a little!  
**

**Frank. **

Some weeks passed by, Mikey, Ray and Eliza was pretty much the only ones who talked to me in school – depressing, I know but I really don't see how I can be friends with them anymore. Sure sometimes I sat at their lunch table or took a smoke with them… but I knew too well that we weren't friends anymore.

"Why are we never with your friends…? I would like to get to know them. I mean the Way brothers seem really nice!" Eliza complained one day long after I had handed in the essay for the history class. We spend a lot of time together even after I had gotten a B on it; sometimes she even grabbed my hand when we walked in the hallway together to get to our classes.

"Oh you know honey I want you for my own for a little more!" she blushed and stroked her fingers over my hand. I hadn't dared to tell her about the fights and the mess with my old friends, I guess I didn't want to be seen as the big screw-up I really am…

"Oh you are so cute Frankie!" she giggled and gave me a kiss on my cheek. Then she walked me to my religion class, when we were there I tried to let go of her hand but she didn't let go, instead she pulled me close and gave me a kiss… I wasn't prepared for that but my lips did their work and kissed her back.

"And I like you!" she said when she let me go and without a I thought I answered her.

"I like you too Eliza!"

Alex walked by – yes walked, she is off the crutches now- and she looked at us with… disgust in her eyes. Always nice to piss off your ex! Mikey silently high fived me behind Alex back when we entered the classroom.

"Okay you have been separated into groups of two and you have the groups here." The teacher handed out a paper with the groups and one with the information on what we were going to do.

Frank Iero –Alexandra Bryar.

WHAT THE FUCK?

This not going to work out! My hand went up in the air to protest but the teacher didn't let us change the groups.

"But…"

"I don't care. Make it work!"

"Cafeteria." Was all Alex said and I walked two steps behind her on the way there.

**Alex. **

Should I say something…? After all it seems like the Eliza bitch had gotten her claws on Frank.

We started working in silence, but when we both reached out for a book and our hands touched we looked at each other.

"Sorry…" I blurted out but he smiled.

"No you take it first!" he said and pushed it over to me. I opened it but he kept on talking to me.

"Are you okay? And is everything okay with you know… everyone?"

"Yeah… haven't been cutting for quite some time now and me and Gee is happy…" I started to tell him about me and Gerard, but I realized that it wasn't the best thing to brag about at this point… "But you and Eliza huh?"

"Yes…." He smiled.

"You know I don't like her…. at all." His eyes went black. Pitch black and I could see the hate in them.

"Oh why not now? Jealous or what?"

"No. Don't be like that now Frank, I don't love you that way anymore… it is just that I overheard her when you started see each other and she said to her friends that she was just going to use you to get to Gerard."

"No fucking way!"

"I'm sorry."

"You are such an animal Alex! If you can't have me you are going to destroy my fucking life over and over again, why do you even bother to stay alive?"

His words hurt me like the cut from a knife and I looked away to hide the tears that came way to fast to my eyes.

"F… fuck off then! Be hurt then, like I care. And you can leave; I'll manage this alone so fuck off if you are going to be like that!"

"Fine."

"Fine." He left me to my tears and as people started to stare at me I escaped to the girl's bathroom, and with some simple cuts from an old razorblade I carried around in my bag I carved out the angst and every part of myself that I hated. The animal. The fuck up. The part that was Alex. The part that made me Alex…

**So I hope you liked the chapter and that you don't forget to review. Review for a new chapter! :) **


	70. Oh Baby!

**Hi again, sorry if this chapter sucks, my darling boyfriend has been sitting next to me reading overmy shoulder silently judging me for writing fanfiction in school... So now i doubt my writing skills. Thank you for that -.- **

**But please give me a review!**

**Gerard. **

I inhaled the last of the smoke down my lungs as I looked at the empty school yard. I know I shouldn't smoke, but I shouldn't drink, do drugs, cut… I bring death wherever I go. Why does anyone like me?

"Hey you are Gerard aren't you?" I stared into a pair of grey eyes. "Hello?" the eyes said and I quickly looked at the face. She was cute, with shoulder long brown hair and with much eyeliner around the eyes.

"Yes. Yes I am…?" I pulled myself together and answered.

"I just wanted to say hi… I don't know why Frankie hasn't introduced us yet but I saw you from there and I wanted to say hi to one of his best friends."

"Ehhr… I must say that I am sorry, but who the hell are you? And who the hell does he think he is?" I said and when I saw her confused face I didn't know if I should laugh at her or feel sorry for the poor girl.

"What?" she said, obviously angry with both me for not knowing who the hell she was and with Frank! "I am Frank's girlfriend, why don't you know about me?" she asked sheepishly stupid.

"Oh I'm sorry, but I and Frank haven't been talking for the last two months, not after he called me a man-whore and my girlfriend, his ex a whore. So I don't have a clue who the hell you are and frankly I don't give a fucking damn so please fuck off." She looked like she was about to cry as she ran off away from the schoolyard. Maybe I was too harsh with the girl, maybe not but I was suffering from bad abstinence. I'm trying to stop cutting. I want to be a good boyfriend to Alex. So far it didn't go to well…

"What did Eliza say to you?" Alex walked up by my side and grabbed my shaking hand.

"She asked why I didn't know that she was Frank's girlfriend, and then she got like really mad at me." I giggled but Alex didn't look as amused as I was. "What?" I asked her.

"She wants you… I heard her say that in class when I came back, she planned to date Frank and get you after that."

"That bitch! I get why she is mad at me now!" I was still amused. "Have you told Frank?" she nodded.

"He got really mad at me."

"Alex… I know he hurt both you and me, but I don't want him to suffer because of this bitch! I think I have a plan and hopefully he can forgive us. I miss having him as my friend…"

**Frank. **

Eliza stood in front of me, crying her eyes out and I didn't know why.

"You… you lied to me!" she sobbed and screamed at the same time. When did I lie to her?

"Gerard and you…" was all she could say before she started to cry again. Oh yeah I might have forgot to tell her that me and Gerard aren't really friends anymore. She might see that as a lie…

"Calm down darling… I didn't lie, I just didn't tell you that we aren't friends anymore…" in the corner of my eye I saw Gerard walking down the street.

"And how can you say that isn't a fucking lie?" she screamed.

"Hang on a second…" I said and turned to Gerard, but he just walked past me took Eliza's face in his hands and he gave her a kiss. A fucking kiss! It took one, two, five seconds before they broke apart.

"Oh baby…" she said and tried to kiss him again, he pushed her away and she fell down to the ground, staring at both me and him. "What?"

"Frank… Alex wasn't lying to you; Eliza just wanted me from the beginning. And that is why she was moaning baby when I kissed her!" Gerard yelled over Eliza's cursing. He took my hand and dragged me away from the place, and I saw Alex standing in just a t-shirt in the chilly air.

"So…" I said when we stood there and stared at each other, all three of us was too scared to even open our mouths… "I guess I should start… I'm sorry about everything, about the hurtful things I have said to both of you, about the idiotic way I have acted. Can you forgive me now? Because I don't think I want to live without you as my friends. Not anymore…"

"We have all done stupid and hurtful things… and I think we… we finally have to let go of the past and swallow our damn pride and… and say that we are sorry and then ignore the last two moths!" Alex smiled carefully. Gerard grabbed her hand and looked her in the eyes, he nodded and then they both reached out for my hands.

"Finally this fucking mess is over!" Gerard said relieved and he gave me an extremely manly hug. "Time to celebrate! To the Way house!" he screamed and dragged both me and his girlfriend with him. Some things never change I guess!

The guys were already down there even if we technically hadn't been dismissed from school. Bob gave me an evil glare, like he was telling me if you ever hurt my sister again I will kill you. But then he gave me the biggest smile I ever seen and a huge hug.

"Ohhhh myyy gooood you missed sooooo muuuch Frankie!" Alex jumped up and down with a cider in her hand. "First of all we need to find you a prom date! Ohhh I know the perfect girl!" she giggled.

"Alex, prom is like three months away!" I giggled.

"I know but me and Gerard is going, of course! And Mikey and Caroline, Ray and Sofie, Bob and some random chick named Jackie, she is sooooo gorgeous. It is only you left!"

I looked at her and then I grabbed her hand to get upstairs.

"Hey! Where are you going?" Gerard asked and I told him that we were going for coffee.

"Alex…what have you taken?"

"I…" she tried.

"You don't have any open wounds on your arms, and that means you haven't been cutting lately and you are too happy to not be on any drugs…"

"Okay…I found some pills in Gerard's room… red ones I don't know what they are but they are helping… I don't want to be cutting anymore. I just want to be free from that!"

"Changing it to drugs won't help…" I said. "Stop it, I rather see you cut than be an addict like Gerard, you don't know how many times it almost have killed him, those fucking pills!" she nodded. "Soooo… a prom date you say?"

"She is absolutely adorable, her name is Jamia and I know her from the hospital, but she goes to our school too, you just don't know her! She was in there for pneumonia and she will be perfect for you!" she giggled and picked up her phone. One hour later the most beautiful girl I ever seen walked down the stairs. Two hours after that I asked her to prom. She smiled at me and nodded yes, when she looked at me I had no worries in my life, with her I felt complete.

**I know it is kinda moving on fast now, but i want to get past this and get on with the story! Please tell me what you think! :)**


	71. Would You?

**So it is time to update again... funny story behind this chapter, I was planing to make a propper ending, actually I wrote a propper ending but it was way funnier for me to write a cliffhanger! And I only got like 4 reviews on the last chapter and I swear on Gerards feather boa that I'm not going to update unless everyone that reads this have reviewed! I'm not even kidding!  
**

**Alex. **

Everything was perfect, except for getting clean from those fucking pills, it had been rough to make it but when prom arrived I was clean, sober and blushingly happy like a little girl. All of the girls were gathered in my bedroom and bathroom, fighting over the hair straighteners, the make-up and the mirrors. Getting ready was really fun! I had dyed my hair bright red a week before and wore a simple knee long brown dress with a black band in the waist. To that I wore sky-high heels.

"Giiiirrls? We are here!" Frank yelled and stormed into my bedroom with a smile.

"Frankie?" Jamia blushed from the corner of the room; she got up in her heels and made a little twirl in her red dress and Frank took her hand.

"We are here and the car is outside, come down whenever you are ready!" Frank said without taking his eyes from Jamia. The other girls followed them downstairs but I looked at myself in the mirror for the last time, took a deep breath and walked out.

**Gerard. **

The girls were smiling and giggling when their dates gave them flowers but Alex hadn't come down yet. And then I saw her, I barely never have seen her in a dress or heels before and when she stood on the top of the stairs I was breathless. She looked amazing and when she was at my side I smiled like a fool.

"Hey beautiful." I whispered and gave her a kiss.

"Don't ruin my makeup!" she giggled. "You look pretty good yourself!"

"To the prommobile!" Frank yelled when the photos had been taken and I looked at Alex.

"He is sober I promise!" and she giggled while she walked at my side.

_**Third person view. **_

_Five couples of teenagers jumped into the hired car, everyone giggling and smiling, happy as never before in the chill spring evening air. _

"_For friendship, for love, for us!" one of the boys said as they raised their glass in a cheer. _

"_For you and me." one of the oldest boys whispered in his girlfriend ear, not knowing she would let his world come crashing down so fast and easy with just some words so soon. He was nervous, his fingers touching the little gift in his pocket. She turned her face to him, with a smile filled with never-ending love and she slowly kissed him. _

"_Get a room!" his brother laughs at them, lightheaded from the champagne, and the two of them just stick out their though at him and then they sip on their champagne. When they arrive at the prom hall he offers his hand to her and they walk into the hotel together._

**Alex. **

Gerard look so grown up in his clothes and when we go outside for him to get a smoke I realized that he have never been looking better and I have never wanted him more in my life. We eat, drink, dance and are happier than we ever thought we could ever be.

"Should we leave?" I whisper in his ear when I'm getting tired to the heels and the dress, I'm a bit too drunk and I want to be close to him.

"Are you sure?" he asks but he doesn't look too disappointed when we take a cab together.

"3561…" Gerard tells the driver, but I cut him off.

"No I want to go to first hotel, down town!" I say and give the cabdriver a paper with the street name on. Gerard just glares at me, but all I do is smiling.

"Shouldn't we like get a room…" he asks when I drag him into the elevator and up to floor 3.

"I already have a room! Alice and dad aren't home and you know Bob wanted the house for himself tonight for some reason so he paid for this!" explained between the kisses. I slowly pushed him down to the bed with a smile.

"So… we are in a hotel room… what have you planned honey?"

"What have you planned yourself?" I ask seductive as I let my hand slip into his pants, touching his hard member.

"Are you sure?" we haven't exactly done this before… but I was sure! I nodded and he let his hands touch my back unzipping my dress, I slipped out of it and he let out a moan.

"Hey sexy!" he smiled at me when he started to gentle touch my body.

The following weeks until Gerard's graduation were pretty much filled with four things: coffee, cigarettes, booze and sex. And I was fine with this, I was head over heels in love with Gerard but… he started to notice some things. Like really how much he drank, how bad he felt without it…

**Gerard. **

I couldn't care less about the whole graduating thing, I had a place at art school and I had got my diploma. My mind was at something else when everyone came to congratulate me.

"You made it Gerard!" Alex threw her in my arms when I twirled around. "I'm so proud over you, but this place is going to be so horrible next year without you!"

"Oh darling you will still have Frankie and Mikey and those crazy people! And one year flies by so fast, look at this year!"

"I know but they aren't you!" she gave me another kiss. "What is it?" she asked when she saw my face.

"Do you care for a walk? Just a short one?" she nodded and I held her hand in mine. After a while when we were alone I stopped.

"I was planning to say something at the prom… but you had other plans for that night!" she giggled. "But I need to do it now because I will go crazy if I have to wait another minute."

**Alex. **

He held my hand as he spoke and all the sudden he kneeled down and took up a little box from his pants. A little box with a diamond ring.

"Alexandra Bryar. I love you too much to let you go! Will you marry me?"

I gasped for my breath, because I hadn't expected that, not right now.

"I… I know we are young but after we have gone through together I know you and me are meant to be. Please say something. Just something!" he pleaded.

"Gerard… I love you…"

"Then marry me?"

I took a breath and prepared myself for my answer...

**So yes, it moves on pretty fast but I felt like we didnt need to read about three months of angst, getting clean and promstress. I wanted to make the proposal instead! **

**You are allowed to hate me for this cliffhanger as long as you make those reviews! :) **


	72. Moving On

**Wow this is chapter 70! Are you still loving this? :) I know I am! (That sounded fucking lame, but the thing is I am still in love with my own story as I have been ever since I started this shit!) **

**Btw very well done with the reviews on the last chapter! Keep it up! ^^  
**

**Alex. **

"I…" I started with my eyes closed.

"Marry me!" He asked the question again and I realized what I had to do. To him and to me.

"No Gerard… I can't marry you!" I cried out as I saw how his already damaged heart fell into ten million pieces.

"Why not? We…."

"Because if we are meant to be we will be together later in life. We will find the way back to each other, see it as our way home . I can't marry you because you have a problem with the booze and with the razors and… I am making it worse for us and I need you to heal before we…."

"Because you are not broken at all? I know when you cut, I know when you drink and take pills to ease your pain, you are not perfect to anyone but to me!"

"I am so broken that I would fall into pieces if someone grabs me to hard." I cried out. When did this proposal turn to be a fight? "And we need to be fixed before we can be together." I told him and then I turned around.

"Can we be together? After this?" he pleaded out.

"No… it must hurt if we are going to change. Maybe in the future, only time will tell." I said and with that I left him.

* * *

The days passed by. They were filled with alcohol and despair for me, how could I ruin everything? Days turned into weeks and soon summer had passed by. With fall school came along, and my senior year. I, Frank, Jamia and Mikey were the outcasts and when Mikey's seventeenth birthday came around I faced Gerard for the first time, he was home from art school. Everyone got pissing drunk.

When Franks birthday came around we were really drunk and me and Gerard ended up in bed again. After sharing razorblades, half bottle of vodka and a promise to never speak about this or do it again and we walked our separate ways. Again. Somewhere between going to bed with Gerard and Bob's birthday I decided to become a teacher. The new psychology teacher restored my faith in that kind of humans and I wanted to be like her. I never did the same mistake to sleep with an ex- not until much later into the future, but that is a whole other story.

Senior prom came along after more celebrated birthdays and for every time I saw HIM it got a tiny bit easier. I went with Mikey to prom, because we were the social retards and everyone hated us. Frank and Jamia celebrated their one-year day on prom. We graduated and moved out, everyone went to New York but Bob, he ended up in Chicago, studying to be a sound technician. Frank became the guitarist for a band. Two months after I left home I decided to go on pills for the depression, it actually worked just fine, I stopped cutting not long after. One and a half year after my graduation I met Richard; he is the first one since Gerard who hasn't been judging my scars.

Me and Richard were happy together, sure sometimes we drank too much and we fought from time to time but he made me so damn happy.

And Gerard you might wonder about, well the last time I saw him he was drunk out of his mind with his tongue down his newest girlfriends throat. According to Mikey Gee seems to be changing girlfriends as often as regular people change their underwear. He was clearly not happy!

So is this the end? I can hear you yell in despair that from all over the world!

Well if a certain event never had happened I would have married Richard as planned and I probably had never seen Gerard again and that would have been the end of this story. But the day after me and Richard announced our engagement to our friends at Mikey's 21th birthday I was abrupt waken up and when I opened the door my whole world made a 360 degree turn.

If he had turned to someone else this would have been the end of this story, but now he didn't, he came to me and this is just the beginning of the rest of my life.

**Thank you guys for the reviews I got on the last chapter (I'm now responsible of the death of someone in DreamsOfATeeangers story) and I hope you are going to keep it up! So please let me know what you think of this turn in the story! ^^**


	73. From One Broken Heart To Another

**Hello darlings like I said it is many chapters left before it is time to finish this story, at least the way i have planned it! And i hope you still like this and keep those reviews comming as you have done so good lately!  
**

**Alex. **

**The morning of the 11th September 2001. **

I hadn't found myself a job yet, not a job I was prepared to take at least, it is only September and I became a teacher before the beginning of the summer. Richard woke me up before he left for his business trip but I was way too hung over to get up. Mikey's 21th birthday party had been amazing but the combination of old friends, booze and of course seeing HIM had ended up in maybe a drink or two too much.

I fell back into the sleep as fast as I was alone in the apartment again. I don't know for how many hours I was knocked out before I was waken up by a loud noise that came from the front door to the apartment. I opened the door in Richards t-shirt.

"I… I saw them die. I saw them fall to death." Gerard hyperventilated when I opened the door.

"What have happened?" he ignored me and walked past me into the apartment.

"So many…."

I couldn't get anything proper out of him and I suspected he was on some kind of drug, he wasn't looking fine.

"Gerard honey what have happened?" I asked and took his head in my hands to calm him down. When I looked into his eyes they screamed out pain and fear.

"News." He said and sat down at the floor.

I put on the television and started at the tragedy that filled America and the world with fear. Gerard was shaking where he sat at the floor next to me, we couldn't find the words to say anything and when he offered me his smokes I got them. When we had seen the planes crash into the buildings a thousand times I went up and got the vodka.

"For the nerves." I said and poured up two glasses for us. We soon skipped the glasses and drank from the bottle.

"I saw them die." Gerard said for the first time after we had put on the news. "I feel so useless. I fucking need to make a change!" he swallowed the thought with the vodka.

I understood how he felt, I felt the same thing: I need to make a change, fuck this safe life, I want to take risks!

As the day went by we got drunk, and I sobbed lightheaded in his arms, I don't know why he was the one comforting me, he was the one who had seen it. I should be comforting him, but we feel into our old roles with him protecting me from the bad things.

I don't know how it happened, how we went from crying to kissing each other, but it happened. The thought of Richard came and went as fast as if he never had been in my life. I didn't care. It was Gerard I needed and always had needed.

He lifted me up and together we tumbled down into the bed.

"Shit…" he mumbled.

"I'm on the pill; we don't need to protect us apart from that. I want this."

"The boyfriend then?"

"Business trip! Stop talking!" I said placing my mouth over his, making my kisses go deeper and deeper. For the first time in my life I felt alive!

His fingers touched me in the right places, and when he finally came inside of me I whispered:

"I love you Gee. So fucking much!"

"I love you too!" he said when he realized I wasn't kidding.

We snuggled up in each other's arms after getting the cigarettes and the vodka and after smoking and drinking in silence Gerard passed out around me. But I couldn't find the peace to fall asleep; I had just cheated at my fiancé with the man I always loved. The only thing was sure of and I knew was that I couldn't just stay here and do nothing to change the world or at least try to make it a better place. I needed to take that job…

After all Gerard was still drinking and smoking too much and he brought me down faster than a falling star. I hadn't been smoking since I left high school and I had smoked five today…

**The next morning. **

I woke up in Gerard's arms, as my phone buzzed. Richard.

"_Hey babe, I'm coming home today instead of tomorrow because of the tragedy. Miss ya." _

Fuck Gerard needs to get out of here now! I woke him up and after a passionate morning sex I told him to leave, the last words I told him was that I love him.

Then I cleaned out the traces that he had ever been there, when I was done the door flung open Richard stepped in.

"You look tired!" I said when he had kissed me hello on the cheek.

"What a day…." He said and threw himself on the couch in his suite. He was the opposite of Gerard and… I had to speak my mind.

"Richard… everything has changed. I need to make a difference in this world, try to make it a better place…"

"Yes?" he sat up straight as I spoke.

"I had a job offer and I'm going to say yes to ´it. And I have realized that I can't marry you."

"What?"

"I… I can't explain it… I feel tied down and I feel trapped without being able to do my part of making everything a little bit better…."

"You…."

"I'm sorry…. I will pack my things and leave in a day. It will be the last you need to see of me."

"I thought you love me?"

"Everything has changed." I sobbed as tears as hot as blood fell over my pale cheeks. I turned around and started to pack my things, clothes, belongings and memory's. It turns out my whole life fits into three suitcases.

I called a cab and I turned to Richard before I left.

"I am sorry." I said before I walked out of my life, into the future.

I gave the driver an address and I called the man who had offered me the job, something I just ahd applied for for fun…

"Mr Melin?"

"Yes?"

"It is Alexandra Bryar here… I want the job!"

"You are welcome, I'll send over everything you need to know!"

The driver pulled up in front of a shabby building, and I went out, picked up my things and stood outside the house for a second.

"_**You're not in this alone**_

_**Let me break this awkward silence**_

_**Let me go, go on record**_

_**Be the first to say I'm sorry**_

_**Hear me out,**_

_**And if you take me down**_

_**Or would you lay me out**_

_**And if the world needs something better**_

_**Let's give them one more reason now, now, now" **_

Gerard's singing voice filled the chill summer air from his open window, and I smiled, his singing had always cheered me up. I walked up the stairs and rang the bell. He greaten me with a kiss.

"You left him? Come in!"

"Yes…. I decided to leave him… but…" He cut me off, trying to find something to drink and not to scream out his whole happiness.

"I love you!"

"But I have come to say that I am going to take a job offer…"

"I'm happy for you!"

"Gerard you aren't listening to me!" he stopped and stared at me. "I am taking a job offer; I am going to leave USA…"

"For what and why?"

"Because you are still a mess, and after just being with you a day and night I'm slipping back…"

"Where are you going?" he tried to hold his voice strong, but he failed.

"Sweden."

**HA. Sorry, oh yeah, i never said that she was going to end up with Gerard yet *smirks* And don't forget to review! **


	74. First Impression Of Sweden

**Okay, promise me that you have an open mind while reading this really stupid chapter? **

**Okay you are ready to read!  
**

**Alex. **

I stared out through the airplane window as I started to question my own judgment. I almost had Gerard when I left and how could I be so stupid to destroy a future with Richard? Seriously what is wrong with me? I was on my way to a country where the people eat their breakfast naked, where all the girls are blonde, blue eyed and hot and the people have constantly sex… At least if I was going to believe Google…

Hours later the plane landed and a man, Mr. Johan Melin, met me at the airport in Stockholm and he took me to the apartment I was going to live in. The darkness was pretty disturbing, after all it was just after seven in the evening it was almost pitch black outside the window.

The coming week I spend with a woman named Inga Svensson, a blonde tall woman who constantly said yes or the Swedish word for yes: JAAA. It was a pain in the ass, but at least I learned how to get around Stockholm, which apparently is the largest city in Sweden. It is like really small if you compare it to any American city.

I rode the bus to the school my first day of work and the woman next to me gave me evil glares when I sat down next to her. I don't know why… I glared out and when the bus stopped I saw a polar bear walking down the street. The other people on the bus didn't even look at it, fucking strange country!

"WHY IS THERE A POLAR BEAR IN THE MIDDLE OF THE STREET?" I couldn't hold my breath and blurted out to the woman next to me.

"Idiot." She mumbled and got up from the seat.

"Hey." A voice said from behind me, I looked up and saw the first brown haired person I had seen in Sweden.

"Hi…"

"Not from here huh?"

"How did you know?"

"Well first of all you speak English, and in a really good accent and not the ridicules way the Swedes do it, you chose to sit next to someone at the bus and you reacted the same way I did on the polar bears!"

"Teach me to be a swede!" I begged the girl and she smiled at me.

"Well, never sit next to someone at the bus; don't talk to a stranger, don't look at the polar bears they are normal here, and I would recommend you to buy some winter clothes, there will be snow in a month or two…"I stared at her, it was just the end of September and there will be snow soon? She kept on talking until she had to get off, she gave me her number and told me to give her a call.

The first class came into the doors and they spoke loudly in Swedish, something that really pisses me off, because I do not understand a single word. Accept JA, because of that Inga woman. I glared at the list of kids and realized there were 3 Inga in this class. Lovely.

All of the girls were freakishly hot and twenty blonde heads and blue eyes stared at me when I wrote Ms. Bryar on the white board.

"Hello, this is English for seventh grade; you can call me Ms. Bryar." When I called the names of the kids in the class I got twenty JA's. Is that the only thing people can say here?

"Fröken?" one of the kids asked, and I stared at him. *Authors note: Fröken is the Swedish word for teacher.

"I'm sorry, I do not speak any Swedish, so the only language allowed in my classroom is English. Understood?" the students stared at me with fear in their eyes.

Mr. Melin had told me this was an international school, so the students have all subjects in English, not like the regular Swedish school where they read everything in Swedish.

The lesson went okay, their English was pretty good and the students were nice to me, but everything was so different here, like the only food ever that is served in the cafeteria is Swedish meatballs. In the teaches room there were an orgy, and I got out of there as fast as I could, I hadn't believed the websites when I read that swedes have sex all the time. I do now.

And on my way home on the bus I passed four IKEA stores, it was actually the only store I have seen after arriving here. Like I said it is different here.

When darkness fell over Stockholm at six in the afternoon I decided to get coffee, but I had to face the fact that there weren't any Starbucks in this god forgotten country, hell they don't even have skittles!

Sad I walked home with a coffee bought at IKEA and when I came home I sat in my sofa, a nice piece from the same store as my coffee, and thought over my life. Should I just give up and go home? No I had decided to do this to make a change in the world, and I couldn't give up as I always did on everything else! With a silent sigh I turned on the television and realized there were six channels. Two channels that played ABBA songs, which by the way is the only music they have here, time to move on maybe? The third channel had the news on. In Swedish and the last two had porn. I soon learnt that it is the only movies that are made here…. Finally I found Simpsons and I started to cry because I felt so alone…

One month later I never sat next to someone at the bus, I didn't notice the polar bears and the first snow came falling down from the sky. This is my life now.

**So do you have any preconceptions about Sweden?**

_Many people seems to have. No not everyone here is blonde with blue eyes, and not all of our woman are really tall and hot! We have more stores than IKEA and Swedes do not have sex all the time! _**_It is not dark at 6 in the summer (it is in the winter...) and we dont have snow all the time, and we eat other things than meat balls._ **

**_But it is true that we do not have Skittles or Starbucks here (one at the airport in Stockholm, where i am not) and if we are forced to sit next to someone at the bus we rather stand up and if we can avoid it we do not talk to strangers! _****_ And the polar bears? Well the last one was killed two summers ago so we do not have them walking around at the streets anymore, thank god for that, it was a real pain in the ass to fight them._**

**__****Why did I write this? Because my friends made me do it, and because it was fun xD Please review and there will be a normal chapter soon! **


	75. The One Who Got Away

**Yet again a boring/lazy day in school (all my teachers cancelled my classes, except for the one at 8 in the morning -.-) but form the bright side I have a brand new chapter for you! Make sure to review ffs or i will be sad!**

**It is time to leave Alex in Sweden, after all this isn't a story about the one that got away… **

**Three weeks after 9/11**

**Gerard. **

I stared at a photograph of me and her, it was taken just before she had left me to my despair the first time, when she had turned me down and I hadn't seen the picture since then… but now… she had got my hopes up and had crushed them so easy. I wanted to forget her, I wanted to just let her go and make a change. Without even thinking I put my lighter under the picture and let it burn. I forced myself to keep the tears back.

What to do now? I looked at the piece of paper I had in front of me at the table.

_**And in this moment we can't close the lids on burning eyes **_

_**Our memories blanket us with friends we know, like fallout vapor **_

_**Steel corpses stretch out towards and ending sun, scorched and black **_

_**It reaches in and tears your flesh apart **_

_**As ice cold hands rip into your heart **_

_**That's if you've still got one that's left**_

_**Inside that cave you call a chest (cave you call a chest) **_

_**And after seeing what we saw, can we still reclaim our innocence **_

_**And if the world needs something better **_

_**Let's give them one more reason now.**_

I read the words out loud and picked up my phone.

"Hey man!" Bob answered and I smiled.

"Hey dude… I know this is going to sound strange but…" I had to take a deep breath before I could ask the question. "Are you happy with what you are doing with your life?"

"What are you talking about Gerard?"

"Well are you?"

"I don't know… I guess." He answered.

"You guess? Do you want to take a risk? All I ask for is some time and that you hear me out!"

"Yeah… I can listen to you…"

"I am not happy with my life, it is fucking shit and you know it, I know it everyone knows it, even your messed up sister know I am too fucked up to be normal… and I want to take a risk, you know just try to make something that can make me… I don't know… happy I guess." He listened in silence and when I shut up he started to talk.

"What do you want to do then?"

"I have written some shit and it actually might be pretty good. I want to get the guys together and I want to start a band." I said, ready for him to laugh out loud at my silliness.

"Gerard…"

"I know I know it is stupid… but I gotta get out of the basement and do a fucking change. It is either this or suicide…"

"I actually think it might work! Talk to Ray about it and we will meet up and see what you got!" I smiled like a fool when I heard him say those words. We continued on to chat about nothing and everything, and of course Alex's escape to the other end of the world. I didn't dare to say something about the night we spend together; I still remembered his fists messing up Frank's face years back…

This was the beginning of the band. We had lyrics to one song; a drummer and a guitarist who had spent the last years trying to learn how to play the drums. And then we had me… do I even need to say anymore, my confident was still at the bottom of the ocean and I didn't believe in my own voice. But I wanted to give it a try…

We got together that weekend to look at the lyrics, to play and to drink. Much drinking less playing.

"This is actually really good Gee!" Ray said when we had finished our first song.

"I'm not sure… it feels like we are missing something…"

"Shut up and have a drink, this will be awesome!" Bob smiled and tossed me a drink.

**Mikey. **

I was worried about my brother, I hadn't heard much from him since my birthday and I had a feeling something was about to happen. That's why I feared the worst when he out of the blue showed up at my door at nine in the morning maybe two months after my birthday.

"Gerard? What are you doing here?"

"I wanted to show you something Mikes!" he said as he squeezed himself through the barely open door, he walked straight to my tape player and hit play.

"What…" I tried to say but he cut me off.

"Just listen to this bro and tell me what you think!" I shut up and did as I was told.

"_**It's the tearing sound of love-notes**_

_**Drowning out these gray stained windows**_

_**And the view outside is sterile**_

_**And I'm only two cubes down**_

_**I'd photocopy all the things that we could be**_

_**If you took the time to notice me**_

_**But you can't now, I don't blame you**_

_**And it's not your fault that no one ever does**_

_**But you don't work here anymore**_

_**It's just a vacant 3 by 4**_

_**And they might fill your place**_

_**A temporary stand-in for your face**_

_**This happens all the time**_

_**And I can't help but think I'll die alone**_

_**So I'll spend my time with strangers**_

_**A condition and it's terminal**_

_**In this water-cooler romance**_

_**And it's coming to a close**_

_**We could be in the park and dancing by a tree**_

_**Kicking over blades we see**_

_**Or a dark beach with a black view**_

_**And pin-pricks in the velvet catch our fall**_

_**But you don't work here anymore**_

_**It's just a vacant 3 by 4**_

_**And they might fill your place**_

_**A temporary stand-in for your face**_

_**This happens all the time**_

_**And I can't help but think I'll die alone**_

_**I know you don't work here anymore [x6]"**_

_**Sometimes I think I'll die alone, sometimes I think I'll die alone**_

_**Sometimes I think I'll die alone, live and breathe and die alone**_

_**Sometimes I think I'll die alone, sometimes I think I'll die alone**_

_**Sometimes I think I'll die alone, I'd think I'd love to die alone**_

_**Just take**_

_**I think I'd love to die**_

_**Me down**_

_**I think I'd love to die**_

_**Just take**_

_**I think I'd love to die**_

_**Me down**_

_**I think I'd love to die alone [x4]**_

_**Live and breathe and die alone**_

_**I think I'd love to die alone [x2]**_

_**I think I'd love to die alone**_

The rough tones hit me like a slap in the face, sure it was rough but the music and the lyrics were like poetry to my ears and it stunned me like no other music ever had done before.

"Gerard…" I whispered when the song stopped, unable to for other words. He looked at me but he didn't say anything as an answer.

The silence were replaced with the next song, this was calmer, so different. My brother's voice was so amazing I wanted to cry. We listened to the whole record before we talked again.

"Gerard I want to join in!" was all I said when it was done.

"Don't you dare!"

"Why not?" we stared at each other for a while.

"Don't drop out of collage just because of this stupid risk!" my brother begged me.

"Gerard I believe in this band and in you, I don't care what you are saying. I am joining!"

"Well I guess a base guitar is what we need…" Gee said whit a little sigh and I hugged him.

"Have you got a name then?" I asked as we drove to the band practice and my brother shrugged.

"You aren't even official in the band yet and you want to name it?" I nodded and glared down at my copy of _"Ecstasy- three tales of Chemical Romances"_ I had in my lap and smirked, I knew the perfect name…

The guys agreed on letting me join the band, and I felt really alive when we played the songs, and I saw the fire burning in my brother's eyes, for the first time in many years he truly looked happy and alive.

"So guys what do you think of the name "_My Chemical Romance?" _I asked as we left the house to get some beer.

"My Chemical Romance?" Gerard said the words, tasted them, and heard what they sounded like. "I like that name!" as we got our beers we smashed them together and cheered for My Chemical Romance.

**This is the begning of My Chemical Romance, but there is so much more to write about before we can have that happy ever after we want! Review and there will be more! **


	76. Left behind

**So it have been a while, and it is because i havent got like any reviews at all for some time so it is not as fun as before... :/ So if you are actually reading this you better review or else... well or else i'm gonna kill the story and stop writing fanfiction! And while you are in the review mood, check out my Frerard: A world without My Chemical Romance! **

**Frank. **

As Pencey Prep ended the practice I glared at the door waiting for the new band to come into the practice studio – My Chemical Romance, I had never heard of them before and I was jealous of the perfect name. Who were the geniuses behind that name? My mouth dropped when I saw Gerard walk in followed by his younger brother carrying a base.

"What on earth are you guys doing here?" I said out loud when I saw their smiling faces.

"You know we quit our jobs, dropped out of college, picked up the phone, called our old friends and formed this band!" Gerard smiled as Bob and Ray entered the room. So this was My Chemical Romance? Seriously?

"Hey man!" Ray cheered as they set up their things.

"Hey!" I said happily, but I felt… disappointed. Everyone in the old gang had gathered except for me… "So you are My Chemical Romance?"

"Yeah! Isn't it an awesome name? I totally came up with it!" Mikey asked with a smile.

"Fucking amazing!" I said and looked in the room. "You have met my band before right?"

"Duuhh, of course we have…" Bob said, chatting with the drummer from Pencey Prep. I decided to interrupt for a second.

"Bob how are your sister doing in… overseas?"

"She is doing fine in Sweden, a bit freaked out over all the craziness over there, like the fucking polar bears. Not kidding they are apparently walking down the streets…"

"You gotta be kidding?"

"Nope!" Bob smiled as he placed himself behind the drums and tossed his cell phone over to me with a picture of a polar-bear in front of the castle in Stockholm.

"Hey can I stay and listen to you guys? Jamia are gonna come later and we could go out for a drink all of us? Like old times!"

They exchanged some looks, a bit nervously, like they were afraid to play for me, but then Gerard smiled and nodded and they started with playing one of their songs.

After they had finished their practice I clapped my hands, it was really good and Jamia smiled when she entered the room in the last song, and she looked surprised by Gerard's amazing voice.

"I told you he could sing!" I smirked as I whispered in my girlfriend's ear.

"I should have trusted you, why haven't I ever heard that before?"

"Confidence issues… and stuff like that…" I said and she gave me a look saying no shit Sherlock.

Jamia couldn't join us for the drink because she had to babysit her sister's twins when the sister worked, but the rest of us went out to a quiet bar, so we could catch up with everything that had happened after Mikey's birthday party.

"So when did you guys form the band?" I asked, still surprised over that I hadn't heard any of this.

"Just three months ago or something, we are getting inside a studio in a month to record it properly and we might get a record out for eyeball records!"

"Seriously?"

"Yeah, Geoff Rickly are going to produce it!"

"What?" I was fucking jealous, sure Pencey Prep had a record out, but we had worked for it for ages and these guys, my friends, who didn't even ask me to join, just started a band and got signed the minute they start to record their shit. Fucking amazing….

I sat in silence as they kept on chatting about songs and music, but I couldn't make myself to listen. After one hour of self-torture I told my friends that I had to help Jamia with the kids. I didn't. I went straight home and sat in front of the computer.

_ThankYou ForTheVenom says: hey handsome, you are up late, Mia isn't home?_

Alex wrote to me over messenger and I replayed.

_FrankIero says: Nope, she is babysitting. How is Sweden?_

_ThankYouForTheVenom says: Cold, different and with polar-bears walking down the streets. _

_FrankIero says: Bob told me that. Fucking crazy._

_ThankYouForTheVenom says: anything wrong? You seem to be so…. Far away…_

_FrankIero says: I am not the one who are far away… you are fucking far away. _

_ThankYouForTheVenom says: …._

_FrankIero says: Just kidding darling… the guys have formed a band. Without me and I feel left behind. And they are really good. _

_ThankYouForTheVenom says: But you have Pencey! Maybe they didn't dare to ask you, to mess with your band…_

_FrankIero says: They are better than Pencey. And we are probably breaking up… unless a miracle is happening. We are fucked!_

_ThankYouForTheVenom says: But I love Pencey! _

_FrankIero says: you are the only one, I am Pencey and I don't love it anymore! _

_ThankYouForTheVenom says: Fair play. What are the guys naming the band? _

_FrankIero: My Chemical Romance. _

_ThankYouForTheVenom says: How ironic! _

**Alex.**

I smirked when I heard that the guys had named the band My Chemical Romance, it was living my life again. Finally they had formed the band! I had been waiting for this for years!

I replayed to Franks answer.

_ThankYouForTheVenom says: How ironic! _

_FrankIero says: why? _

_ThankYouForTheVenom says: no, nothing! _

_FrankIero says: But what am I going to do when Pencey are doomed and I don't have a band and nothing to do? _

_ThankYouForTheVenom says: Join MCR? _

_FrankIero says: What the hell? I can't do that? _

_ThankYouForTheVenom says: Just do it! _

And without anything more to say I disconnected and left him to the thoughts. Hopefully he would do as I had said; My Chem wouldn't be the same without him!

Mikey had probably dropped out of college and I wanted to call him and yell because he dropped out, but I couldn't make myself to dial the numbers when I knew what a great success the band would become. I just couldn't. The only thing I hoped was that history wouldn't repeat itself too much… Gerard… maybe I could help preventing a disaster… Instead of calling Mikey I picked up my cell to write a text.

"_Hey Frankie told me you have formed a band, good luck! But promise me you will be careful with drugs and booze? Please?" _

I pressed send and looked at the clock. It was five in the morning… I decided to go to bed.

**Gerard. **

I was awakening by the sound of my phone receiving a text. It was from Traitor. Well that's what Alex is called in my phone…

"_Hey Frankie told me you have formed a band, good luck! But promise me you will be careful with drugs and booze? Please?"_

As if I wouldn't drink and do drugs… I had passed out with a bottle of booze in my hand. When I read the text again I swallowed the last of the booze. Just because she told me to be careful I wanted to try every drug i could get my hands on... This can be interesting, was the last thought that went through my mind before I passed out again.

**So yes. Review! Or else you arent going to know what is going to happen! Seriously!**


	77. A Bit Of Happiness!

**So thank you for the reviews! Keep it up! I have some chapters ready to be uploaded if you are reviewing :)**

**This chapter is for Beth (yeah I'm to lazy to write your fanfic name xD) just because I can!  
**

**Gerard. **

I stared back at my face in the mirror, I put make up on my face and I looked… different. I have been using make up before but now there was something else that made me look different. Maybe it was the fear, the fear of failing. My whole face screamed out the danger. As if I was about to do my life's biggest mistake, but before I could think more of it I walked back out in the bar and then out to the van. It belonged to Pencey Prep, they used it to tour the country but tonight it belonged to My Chemical Romance. And to Frank of course, who gave us beer after beer to calm us down. No one in the band dared to stand on the stage without alcohol in their blood. And we figured it was better to take one too much than one to little.

"Are you ready guys? Excited? Scared?" Frank asked when we walked out on unstable legs.

"All three!" I mumbled as I tried to light fire to my cigarette.

"You'll do fine!" Frank assured me for the tenth time.

"Say that to Mikey!" we both glared at my brother who as pale as a ghost got out of the car with a beer in hand.

"I can't do it!" he exclaimed and looked scared as a child.

"Come on Mikey! You dropped out of college for this! You have to do it! There will not be a show without you; there isn't even a band without you!" I sighed and smoked the last of my smoke.

"When I said I wanted to join in I was sober. And hadn't realized the truth!"

"And what is the truth?" Bob joined in.

"The truth is…" he paused dramatically. "I am afraid to be on the stage!"

Ray mouthed the words no shit Sherlock to me and I had to bite my lip to not start laughing out loud.

"It is just nerves!" Frank told him. "Here drink this and don't think. At anything at all!" he gave Mikey another beer and then he pushed my brother in front of him.

Frank followed us inside the bar where the show was going to be, out first fucking show! But he stayed in the bar as we prepared ourselves for the big entrance.

I almost fell over my own feet when I walked up on the little stage, followed by the guys.

"Uhm…" I lost myself but when I glared at Frank I got back on track and started over again. "I am Gerard and we are MYYYYY CHEMICAL ROMANCCEEEEEE!" I screamed and the crowd of maybe fifty-sixty kids out there and we started our first song, Honey This Mirror Isn't Big Enough For The Two Of Us.

We preformed five more songs before we ended the set with Skylines and Turnstiles. The crowd loved us even if they never had heard any of us before and probably didn't even know out name.

"So yeah, that was the last of it!" I said in the microphone when we ended Skylines and Turnstiles. "I am Gerard, behind be on the guitar we have Ray, on the base we have my amazing but terrified brother Miiiikeeeyy! And on the drums we have Mr. Bob. And we are My Chemical Romance!" people screamed as we made our way to the bar.

"Four beers!"

"Make it five!" Frank smiled at us when we twirled around.

"It is on the house!"

The five of us glugged the beer down before anyone dared to say anything.

"You were fucking amazing!" Frank screamed to us when the next band had entered the stage.

"You think?" we tried to make a conversation but the noise was too loud, so we gathered our things and made our way to the van.

"Fucking amazing!" was all Frank had to say for a while and we didn't know if we could believe him or not. "And I have a question…"

We looked at him and he took a deep breath from the cigarette in his hand.

"Pencep Prep is splitting up… and I'm thinking… would you care for another guitarist?" he looked scared and hopeful at the same time.

"Yeah. Why not?" Ray was the first one to speak and in a second we all had agreed on letting Frank join My Chemical Romance.

We decided to leave our things at Bobs place and then head out for some drinks at some random bar. Just before we were ready to leave, a girl caught my eye. She wasn't very tall but pretty, she had her brown eyes on something behind me and when I turned around I realized that she stared at my brother.

"Mikey, you better go and talk to that girl!"

"What girl?" he stuttered nervously and I nodded over at the chick and I could see how his cheeks burned red.

"Guys we are going to get a smoke over there!" I told the guys and us left Mikey and the blushing girl alone.

**Mikey. **

"Hey…"

"Hi I'm Alicia!" she nervously bit her lip and I smiled at her before I said something.

"Hi…" I was nervous, even more nervous than before we went on the stage. "I'm Mikey!" I finally managed to remember my name in the alcohol fog. Alicia touched my hand as I spoke; it was soft, cold and tiny.

"You were really good in there… I just wanted to say that!" she spoke fast as if she was scared.

"You think? I was so nervous, still am and I don't know. I think we might have sucked and that you are just fooling me to think we actually were good, but actually sucked. And I don't…." I stopped my babbling and looked at the girl. "You really did like it huh?" I asked when she smiled at me, and as an answer she giggled and squeezed my hand.

"I did like it Mikey! And I do like you!"

"You don't know me?" I said skeptically.

"I want to know you better!"

"Well knowing that, would you like to get a drink with me and the band?"

"Yes I want that!" she smiled, but when I tried to jump inside the van she stopped me. "But I want to do this first!" she said and kissed me softly on my lips. And I kissed her back.

**A bit of happiness before sadness... Well review find out what happenes next! **


	78. Who Would Miss Me?

__**Oh my Frank Gerard! I am so happy for Frank and Jamia and the whole mcrfamily! Miles Iero is like the cutest name ever and I bet he is just as cute! :D And happy Easter people!  
**

**Keep the reviews comming and please don't hate me for this? *looks cute and innocent*  
**

* * *

_**26 April, 2002, New York**_

_**Alexandra Bryar, **_

_**You are welcomed to the release party of My Chemical Romance's debut album "I Brought You My Bullets, You Brought Me Your Love" on the 23 of July 2002, New York. **_

_**Xoxo Gerard, Mikey, Bob, Frank, Ray **_

I opened the letter from Eyeball Records with shivering hands as I walked in the classroom a few minutes before my first class for the day. I had to read the letter five times before I realized that my boys actually had made a record! But I couldn't go for the party, the trip over back home was expensive, money I hadn't got and even if I had stopped teaching when the party was I had a job during the summer and I didn't want to lose it.

"What is it miss?" I hadn't realized that the class had arrived into the room and I looked up at the kids, it was my favorite class.

"Oh nothing, I just got a letter with some great news!" I smiled and showed the envelope to the class, without telling what the news was.

"Why do you look so sad then?" how could I explain to these fourteen year old teens that I was thrilled that my best friends and my brother was going to release a record, and that if nothing hadn't changed since I was in the coma, the record was pure amazing. But that I at the same time was terrified that someone of them would drink one drink too much or do a little too much drugs… in the come everything went okay… but then again, it was the coma world and… no I didn't want to think about what could happen! I focused on the classroom and the kids again and tried to figure out what the hell I should answer the girl.

"Well my friends and brother are releasing a record this summer but I can't come to the party because the ticket to the states are fucking expensive!"

"You have to be there!"

"Well I can't! So let us continue with today's task!" a simultaneous angry mumble came from twenty mouths and I smiled at the class as I put the envelope back into my purse and forgot about the whole thing.

**Gerard. **

**23 of July. **

"_**You're not in this alone**_

_**Let me break this awkward silence**_

_**Let me go, go on record**_

_**Be the first to say I'm sorry**_

_**Hear me out,**_

_**And if you take me down**_

_**Or would you lay me out**_

_**And if the world needs something better**_

_**Let's give them one more reason now, now, now**_

_**We walk in single file**_

_**We light our rails and punch our time**_

_**Ride escalators colder than a cell**_

_**This broken city sky like butane on my skin**_

_**stolen from my eyes**_

_**Hello Angel, tell me where are you**_

_**Tell me where we go from here**_

_**Tell me we go from...**_

_**And in this moment we can't close the lids on burning eyes**_

_**Our memories blanket us with friends we know like fallout vapors**_

_**Steel corpses stretch out towards an ending sun, scorched and black**_

_**It reaches in and tears your flesh apart**_

_**As ice cold hands rip into your heart**_

_**That's if you've still got one that's left inside that cave you call a chest**_

_**And after seeing what we saw, can we still reclaim our innocence**_

_**And if the world needs something better, let's give them one more reason now**_

_**This broken city sky like butane on my skin**_

_**stolen from my eyes**_

_**Hello Angel, tell me where are you**_

_**Tell me where we go from here**_

_**Tell me we go from here!"**_

"That was the first song written by us, My Chemical Romance and it is called Skylines and Turnstiles and it is the last song you are going to hear from us tonight, but I wanted to take this moment to thank everyone who have been working on this record, helping us out! And thank you Eyeball record for believing in us! And of course thank you mum and dad, grandma grandpa…. And everyone else in our families who have supported us since day one and been telling us that we can make it! Thank you!" everyone in the room clapped their hands and smiled when we went off the stage down to our families.

"Bob?" Alice signed for us to follow her to a calm place; she held a phone in her hand and she gave it to Bob. "Hit speaker!" she smiled

"HEEEEEEY DARLINGS!" a soft and way to familiar voice filled the air and I stiffened. I wanted to scream in joy and pain at the same time, but I let Bob talk instead.

"Ohhh my god!" Bob screamed when she heard his sister's voice.

"I have been on the phone the whole performance; even if I couldn't be there I couldn't miss hearing you play! This was even better than the demo!"

"You heard the whole thing?" Mikey asked.

"Of course I did silly!"

"And?" now Frank spoke with an excited voice.

"I loved every second of it! I wish I could have been there with you!"

"Come back…" before I could stop myself I had cried out the words I had waited to say to her for so long, ever since the day she left me alone again.

"What?" Instantly her voice changed and now it was hard and it cut through me like knives.

"Come back; come back to me… please." I pleaded again, aware of than every person who stood close to me stared at me.

"Stop it." She said harsh and I grabbed the phone from Bob and I walked away a few meters.

"Okay it is just you and me now!" I said in the phone.

"And what do you want?" she sighed and I had to stop myself from crying.

"Isn't it obvious what I want? You!" I said and grabbed a beer from a table close to me.

I waited for her to answer, but when she didn't I felt like I had to say something.

"I… I just miss you… And what was that text about?" I talked about a text I had received a long time ago, in which she had pleaded for me to take it easy with the booze and drugs.

"I just wanted to remind you to take care of yourself!" she answered, tiredly. "I send it to all of you…" I could tell she was lying from the tone in her voice.

"Why can't you come back? I will do better, I am doing better, and I hardly ever drink anymore!" okay that was a lie, like the biggest lie of the year.

"Okay, if you say so. Just answer me this: What do you have in the other hand that isn't holding the phone?"

"A beer." It slipped over my lips before I could stop it.

"Bye Gerard, would you be an angel and give the phone to my brother again?"

**Alex. **

Did he really think I would fall for that? Mikey kept sending me weekly updates on Gerard's drinking and pill popping and from what I had heard he wasn't doing better at all. And Mikey seemed to be in quite bad shape himself even if he had his lovely girlfriend to take care of him.

"What the hell was that?"

"Didn't you know?" I told him everything that had happened around nine eleven and he was silent for a minute.

"But I should let you continue on with you party." I said, choking on my tears. "You guys were amazing!"

"Love you sis!" he said and I mumbled an I love you too back before we hung up.

With hot tears streaming down my cheeks I made my way to the bathroom, I felt both lonely and sad. It felt as if I had a big black whole in my chest, eating me up from the inside and out. I knew this feeling, and I knew that the only way to stop it from eating me up was to bleed it out. So I did. I cut through my skin until I was numb in my arms. It was a strange feeling; it didn't even really hurt so I just looked at the blood. All the sudden I felt dizzy and I was scared. Who would find me if I died?

**Mikey.**

I jogged after my brother when I saw that he had left the building.

"What happened?"

"Nothing happened, Mikey, okay? Nothing ever happened!" he snapped at me and dug through his pockets after a lighter to light up his smoke, when he didn't find any he threw the cigarette to the ground. I took the package from him and lit one up for him and one for me; we needed a heart to heart talk over a cigarette.

"You should go back…" he said when he had calmed down a bit.

"Not without you!"

"Why not, I just destroy everything anyway. I always do."

"Because there isn't any band without you!" he smiled when I used his words from our very first show. "I just miss her very much…"

"I know! Shall we go back, see what grandma and grandpa wanted to tell us and then get fucking pissed on the booze that eyeball is giving us?"

"I like the way you are thinking!" he smiled and smoked his cigarette. "They are gonna get mad at us for doing it…" he said thoughtfully and smirked at me. That smirk said one thing: I don't give a fucking damn!

When we came back inside Elena, our grandma, who was extremely proud over us boys, signed for us to gather around her.

"I am not a very wealthy woman, I don't have much money, but I have these two boys, my grandchildren, in my life and it makes me one of the riches women on earth. Enough said me and my husband have decided to buy you a van. So you can go on tour and make your dream happen, because I want you, all five of you to be happy!"

"You can't do this…" Ray started, but was cut off by Elena.

"Honey, you can't stop me! We have bought it and we are giving it to you, don't be ungrateful Raymond!" Frank started to giggle, no one has ever called Ray for Raymond since junior high and he was blushing as if he had been caught with his hand in the cookie jar. That was it; we accepted the van and people started to go home. Everyone in the band drank too much, but Gerard was worst, as always.

I found Gerard puking his guts out over the sink in the bathroom at home hours later after we left the party, and I helped him to a glass of water.

"Who would help me if you didn't? Who would miss me if I died?" he whispered, scared as a child with night terrors. I didn't answer as I helped him to bed.

"Sleep it of brother!" I said and went to sleep.

**Gerard. **

The alcohol was numbing my mind, but it wasn't enough tonight, I was too drunk to go out and find drugs so I smashed my hand through the mirror and with the pieces I cut through my skin until it bleed. With bleeding arms and a body filled with alcohol I went to bed.

I wasn't awakening up by the scream from my brother the following morning; nothing could wake me up…

**Like I said keep the reviews comming and don't hate me? **


	79. Things Are Going To Change

**Hey. Sorry about the lack of chapters... I have been busy getting my driving licence, with school and fencing. But hopefully I'm gonna be able to update a little more often now :)  
**

**Gerard. **

But of course I woke up. Like I always did I woke up to face yet another miserable day. I just didn't expect to see the white hospital walls when I forced my eyes open, but I did and I figured I had done something stupid. Again. Mikey rushed to my side when I woke up.

"You stupid…" Mikey whispered as he strokes his cold fingers over my face. "I shouldn't have left you… I was too drunk to think… I knew something bad would happen to you and yet…" my brother sobbed.

"I'm sorry… I…" words couldn't fix me and it sure as hell couldn't repair or undo the betrayal I had done to my brother.

A nurse came in and explained that they had put bandage around my arms, but no stiches and that I had got a blood transfusion. She also said that they had stomach pumped me to save my life. I nodded to show that I had understood what she had said and turned my face to Mikey again.

"Forgive me?" I asked him.

"For what?" he answered with another question.

"For me being a mess!"

**Mikey. **

And I forgave him again; it had been my fault as much as his. I had been drunk… and I was… I didn't finish my thought because Gee talked again.

"Mum and dad…? Do they… are they…?" he asked the unfinished question and I knew what he wanted to know.

"No… I didn't call them… I figured it was no need to scare them. You didn't intend to kill yourself, did you?" Gee stared at me, his eyes told another truth, but his mouth played along and told me something else.

"No, never… you know that Mikey! It was an accident." He tried to smile at me, but his face just looked twisted and as if he was in pain.

"And you are okay now…" he nodded.

"Shall we keep this as a secret?"

"A dirty little one, but our secret!" I smiled sadly and went out to get coffee for me, it had been a nervous wait during the morning and I needed coffee to wake myself up and pull myself together.

**Meanwhile in Sweden. **

**Cecilia. **

I opened the apartment door with my spare key when Alex didn't open the door for me and I was worried sick when I found the apartment silent and dark.

"Alex for fucks sake!" I rushed into the bathroom when I realized that my friend was lying on the floor, and that she was lying in a pool of her own blood. For a second I didn't know what to do, but I picked up my phone to call 112 and with shivering fingers I checked if she had any pulse. It was slow and weak but she was alive. Only god knows for how long she had been lying there.

I screamed to the woman in the alarm center and when she managed to understand me they send out an ambulance to Alex apartment.

"You stupid…" I mumbled with closed lips and I slapped Alex face to make her wake up, after a while she opened her eyes, and gave me a sleepy gaze.

"Are you okay?" my voice was nothing but a whisper and she tried to form her mouth to say some words, but not a single word escaped her lips. Trying to hold back the tears I held her body in my arms, telling her it was going to be okay.

The ambulance men came and took us to the hospital and when we came there I was sent to the waiting room to wait for the results. After a nerve-wracking wait with five cups of coffee I finally got to see her, pale as fuck she laid in the hospital bed, trying to understand the nurse's bad English.

"She says that you got a blood transfusion and have got some stiches on the worst cuts, but you should be okay." I translated and listened to the nurse, she said that they wished for her to visit a shrink, but I decided to leave that out for now.

"Thanks." She said to the nurse, who left us after a while.

"What the fuck?" was all I said when we were alone.

**Alex. **

I tried to understand the nurse as the door flew open and Cecilia, my only real friend over here stormed through the door, shit I had forgotten than we had plans for shopping… She looked at me and translated what the nurse said and when we were left alone she opened her mouth.

"What the fuck?"

"I know."

We stared at each other and I tried to find the words to explain everything for her, Cecilia knew nothing about my past…

"My ex-boyfriend called me…" almost true. "And my past started to haunt and the only way I know how to deal with my past is this way… I didn't mean…"

"You didn't mean what? To almost kill yourself?"

"I never wanted to die…" I sobbed. Why did I cry? I didn't know, for some reason I just did.

"I just don't get it… what have made you so messed up!"

"Life did this to me… life messed me up." Cecilia looked at me, skeptically, but she held my hand and waited for me to speak again.

"I have been in worse shape, in high school I cut like this every night for like 4 years… I was a mess then, I'm better now. I take pills to prevent this… but…" I choked on the words and I started to sob like a mad person. Cecilia's eyes had been judging me before but now they just stared at me with pity.

"Don't you dare to pity me…!" I said when I finally could stop sob.

"I'm just trying to understand." She said and I realized that someone for the first time questioned my actions and I didn't know if I loved her for it or hated her…

"What is it you don't understand? It feels like and empty black hole in your chest trying to eat you up from the inside and out. And to get rid out this hole and to survive you need to hurt yourself so much as you can. Even if it means you almost die. It can involve drinking, cutting or taking drugs." I stopped myself because I sounded like a book trying to explain why kids cut or try drugs. "Forget it." I mumbled.

After being discharged Cecilia looked like she never would want to leave my side and I felt trapped.

"Come on I'm fine, yesterday's mistakes are far away. I just want to crawl up in the sofa with a cup of coffee and watch some bad movie.

"Okay…"

"I aint gonna kill myself. I have my pills; I'm going to throw away all sharp objects and I am feeling fine!" I told her and I went inside my apartment before she could stop me.

"Oh shit." I mumbled when I realized that the bathroom was filled with blood.

It took me a while before I could get myself together and start to clean the blood off the floor. My phone buzzed when I tried to clean up as fast as I could.

The text was from Mikey and I read the apologize.

"_Hey, sorry about Gee yesterday… I hope he didn't mess with your head to much…" _

I texted him a fast answer.

"Nah I'm fine Mikey… "

I received an answer five seconds later.

"_Sorry he isn't… but hey, what are you doing?" _

I stared at the blood for a while and I decided I didn't want to lie. I loved Mikey way too much to not let him know how I was feeling.

"Cleaning up blood. U?"

"_Same here…" _

"Some things never seem to change…."

"_One day they will… life gets bett_er. _You are going to be fine!"_

I read the text and cried, I wanted to believe him so bad, but at the same time I didn't dare to, because I couldn't bare yet another disappointment…

**Don't forget to review and tell me what you think! :)**


	80. A Unicorn Named Charlie!

**Beth made me do this. It is my only explanation for this chapter...  
**

**And darlings please review, I only got a few on the last chapter, and I'm not updating until I get like many reviews on this chapeter!  
**

**Ray.**

That summer and fall gigs in front of a small audience changed and was replace with larger concerts and with tours. They weren't long, the tours, no one wanted us from the beginning, but all the sudden some older, more experienced band took us under their wings. We barely got paid, I constantly got left at bus stops or at gas stations, we ate all of the other bands food and stole their clothes, and we have never been happier in our lives. Which might be because we were drunk, or high and doing the thing we loved every day.

"Where the fuck is Frank?" Gerard muttered when he woke up in the back of the van, where he had passed out with Frank earlier. Now that little guy was gone. Mikey looked up from his beer bottle and sighed, I and Bob exchanged looks and I could read in his eyes that this can't be good. Frank, lost in a huge festival area… fuck my life!

"We don't know…" I answered and I helped Gerard to get up and out of the van, Bob and Gerard smoked thoughtfully on a cigarette.

"We gotta find that sexy little…"

"Gerard. We know you are sexually confused and drunk." Mikey winked, he was also drunk. "Please, no more talk about his sexiness!"

"Excuse me? Sexually confused?" he pretended to sound offended. "Words do hurt Mikey! And he is sexy!"

"But Gee is right; we need to find him before he does any damage, on someone or something…" I said and we looked around us, as if he would just appear from the air.

Luckily he appeared in front of us, on a pony.

"LOOOOOOOOOK WHAT I FOOOUUUUNNNDDD!" he screamed, happy and drunk from the back of the pony.

"Frank get the fuck down from there!" Bob said when he came to his sense and realized what had happened.

"NEEEEVVVVEEER! HE IS MY PONY, MY HORSIEEEE NOOOW!" Fuck that kid can be a pain in the ass sometimes, Mikey and Gerard just laughed at his silliness. Bob and I drank a beer or two before we even could talk to him.

"Frank… WHERE THE FUCK DID YOU STEAL THAT PONY?"

"I didn't steal him…" he pouted with his lips, looking like a five year old kid. A drunken five year old kid. "I just… found him!" he looked around him, as if he expected to be caught by the owner or us any second.

"Bob, help!" I said and together we lifted Frank off the horse, I held the pony as Bob held Frank down to the ground and tickled him.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! MY. HORSIEEEE!" Franks scream echoed over the area. And Gerard almost collapsed because of the laughter.

"Mikey, hold the pony!" I said and let Mikey hold the animal and both I and Bob lifted up the yelling and laughing Frank into the van.

**Mikey. **

Ray handed over the responsibility for the horse to me, I stared into the eyes of the animal for a while, then I climbed up on the back of it, it wasn't the easiest thing, but after a while I managed to get up and ride away like the wind. Giggling like a mad man. When I arrived to the bus where I wanted I jumped off the animal, with just as much trouble as before, then I tied the pony to the bus and got into it.

"Yo man!" I smiled.

"Hey dude! Need more t-shirts or food?"

"No… oh wait, food is nice… but I need a paper, a rubber band, glue, a pair of scissors and… glitter…" I didn't explain what I needed it for; I mumbled that it was going to be a surprise. And a second later I jumped off the bus with the things in my hands.

The pony didn't cooperate at first, but when I gave it sugar it suddenly did and I smiled when I took a step back to view my creation.

"You are the most beautiful in the world!" I whispered in his ear. "I'm gonna name you… Charliiiieee! Charlie the unicorn!" I crawled back upon the back of Charlie the unicorn and made my way back to our van.

"Where the fuck is Mikey with the stupid thing now?" I heard Ray yelling in anger and I tried to look as innocent as possible.

"GERARD I TOLD YOU THEY WHERE REAL!"

"I'm going to kill you!" Ray said out loud to me and I tried to avoid him catching me, it wasn't as easy I had thought and after a five minutes chase I was caught.

"Get. Down. From. The. Horse."

"It is a unicorn!"

"Kill me now!" he said and I got scared for a second, and with huge grace I jumped down from Charlie in front of Ray. "Get Frank out here!" he ordered, and Bob carried Frankie.

"Where did you get the horse?"

"Over there…" he pointed in some direction. "But he is mine!"

"No he is mine! I named him Charlie!"

"YOU NAMED HIM?"

"Yeah? He is my unicorn!"

"I'm mad." Was all Ray said to us, when he took Charlie from me.

"You need to drink!" Gerard told him and tossed me a beer.

Ray came back after a while, and he still had that mad expression plastered on his face, and both I and Frank tried to look innocent. When we failed this, we drank instead.

**Next morning. **

I woke up from a strange dream, and with a headache that was really bad.

"Ray… I had the weirdest dream…"

"Yeah?" he sounded mad, and I didn't think I deserved this… I hadn't done him a thing!

"Like… Frank stole a horse, a pony I think, and then I stole it from him and made him into a unicorn and named him Charlie… and you were so mad! Do you have an aspirin by the way; I have a really bad headache…"

"Dude…" he said with an evil glare. "Do you know why you have this headache?"

"Fuck." I mumbled after a second.

"We will never mention this ever again." Was all he said before leaving me to my pain.

* * *

**Three weeks later.**

"Have anyone seen Frankie?" Bob asked, and it turned out no one had seen him in forever.

After a while of looking we heard a scream from Frank.

"BUT HE IS MY DIIINASOOOUUUR! I HAVE NAMED HIM GLEEEEEEN!"

Two minutes we saw Ray carrying a kicking Frank to the van, where he was locked in…

**Well write a reivew and show me that you give a damn about this! **


	81. Touring in Europe

**So last chapter was kind of random... most of you liked it, but it is time to be more serious again! Sorry it have been a while! School happened, but now I only have 4 lessons per week so I have time to write! ^^  
**

**First: please go and check out my Frerard, I think it is pretty good! I know some of you don't want to read those, but someone of you might like it! So read it and review! :D  
**

**Second: Don't forget to review this chapter! Or else i will be sad...!  
**

**Gerard. **

**Summer of 2003. **

Touring was great! We did drink a lot, we did drugs and we never made any money, but at least we were happy… We had spent almost a year on tour when we decided to let Brian Schechter become our manager.

"Guys, it is time to take on Europe!" was the first thing Brian said when he gathered us after the last concert on the tour.

"But we can never make that kind of money to be able to tour!" Ray said and we all nodded to agree.

"Bullshit, money is not a problem! I will take my savings and get you out there! I want you to join the used and some other bands on this Europe tour! This is why you got me as manager, remember?"

"True…" Mikey agreed.

"It is settled, we will leave in two weeks, take some time off until then, it will be a long summer this year!" We got in our wan and Brian started to drive, we all had to sober up before any of us could drive.

"_Gerard?" A female voice talked to me, but wherever I looked I couldn't spot the one talking. I was all alone in a pitch black room. "Gerard I am so scared…" the voice talked again, and this time it sobbed. "I am alone. I need you." It kept on talking. _

"_Who are you? Where are you?" I screamed but when the words escaped my lips it was nothing but a whisper. _

"_You know me… I am all alone. Don't you see that I need you?"I twirled around again to try to find the owner of the voice. _

"_I am not here silly darling." _

_I tried to say her name, I knew who she was. I said her name to see if she wanted to respond, but she just kept on screaming how scared she was, and I didn't get through to her. _

"_Take me back. Come and find me! I am not okay! I wear me out…" _

_The room, that had been pitch black before lit up and I couldn't see anything, the light hurt my eyes so bad so I closed them. _

I woke up from a nightmare and I could barely breathe when I recalled what had happened.

"You okay?" Frank asked when he saw that I was awake.

"No…" I tried to swallow my tears.

"What have happened to you?" he asked and looked at my palms, I looked at them and realized that they had scars on. I must have clenched my fists really hard in the dreams, because the scars were bleeding.

"I… I…" I took a deep breath. "I can't go to Europe…" she is fucking messing with my head.

"What?"

"Nothing…" I mumbled and dug trough my messenger bag to find my bottle of vodka and my bottle of Xanax. "Nothing at all…" Frank shrugged and went back to listening to his iPod.

Instead I took out my note book and started to write whatever came into my mind. I was to scared to go back to sleep again.

_Well if you wanted honesty.  
That's all you had to say.  
I never want to let you down or have you go.  
It's better off this way_

It is better off this way… No it is not fucking better off this way! Who am I trying to fool? Myself? I picked up my pen again and printed down a phrase that was stuck in my mind after the dream.

_I am not okay. You wear me out. _

The two weeks flew by too fast, I wasn't stabile enough to take on Europe, but I didn't dare to tell the guys. I didn't want to let them down, not when we have come so far. I didn't cut anymore, at least one bad habit have died. I was afraid to go to sleep because she haunted my dreams like never before. So I drank and popped my pills to stop myself from feeling anything at all. And every time someone asked me how I was I told them to trust me that I was okay.

"How is Alicia?" I asked Mikey as we waited for the plan to lift.

"She is fine, even if she thinks I'm away from home way to much…"

"Ah same here. Jamia almost went crazy when I told her we were going to tour Europe in a van!" Frank said and he and Mikey got caught in a discussion about girlfriends and how to keep them happy while being on tour.

"You haven't seen your sister in like two years are you seeing her?" Brian asked Bob.

"Yeah, she talked about coming down to Germany or something…."

_You wear me out. _

Brian knew little about the past and I intended to keep it that way. Maybe it is better off this way after all…

**Showtime. In Germany. **

**Alex. **

"We are My Chemical Romance! And it is time for you motherfuckers to start dancing!" Gerard yelled in the microphone. I could tell that he had been drinking, because I knew him to well. I had decided to go to the show without telling anyone but their manager. I just wanted to see Bob, and I was afraid he would tell someone else.

Brian had promised me to take Bob to my hotel after their show, but for now I was dancing to the music of my heart, and I was one of few who sang along to Gerard's voice.

A song I knew as "Early Sunset over Monroeville" tuned out and Gerard sat down on the stage, his back against us.

"But you really need to listen to me, because I'm telling you the truth. I mean this, I'm okay!" he sounded confident as he spoke, but then he continued on. "I'm not okay… you wear me out!"

With tears in my eyes I escaped from the audience. I just couldn't bear to see his pain. And I slowly realized that I am still in love with him. After all these years…

I cried in the taxi back at to the hotel, I didn't know what to do about everything. When I came back to my room I crawled up on my bed and just cried. I didn't even look up when the door opened and someone entered the room.

"Alex…?" a soft voice came closer to me and I didn't move. "Everything will be okay, darling. Nothing bad is ever going to happen to you again, I promise!" I felt his strong arms around me and I slowly began to cry out two years of sorrow out of my heart.

**Yeah... review! And check out the Frerard! :) **


	82. Catching Up

******Wow this is chapter 80! I hope you still like the story, even if there have been a huge lack of updates -.- sorry about that! Don't forget to review! :) **

**Alex. **

I just laid there in his arms, crying became sobs. Neither I nor he said anything until I was quiet.

"I missed you Alex." He said. "Every single day!"

**Bob.**

I don't know how long we lay there; I listened to her silent crying. Eventually my arms got numb, but I didn't even once move. Her crying had to stop some time and instead silent sobs escaped her lips.

"I missed you Alex." I said when she was silent. "Every single day!"

"I missed you too Bob!" she told me and she looked at me with glassy eyes, she was beautiful as ever.

"I loved the show…" she said with a little smile "At least until after Monroeville…"

"We are pretty good aren't we?" I smirked proudly at my sister. "Hey we gotta go; we have to see the guys! Everyone missed you so much!" I said and jumped to my feet, and I grabbed her hand so she would follow me. But to my surprise, she pulled away from me and sat on the bed without moving.

"What is it Alex?" I asked and she got up from the bed and went to the window. Her eyes stared out through it. It was clear that something was wrong, but I couldn't understand what it was. Me? Her? Something else?

"Smoke?" I asked her, I just wanted to get her to talk.

"Thanks…"

"Tell me what the hell is wrong?" I begged her. "Please?"

"Okay… just promise me that you won't be mad at me?"

"I promise! You know I can't be mad at you honey!"

"I don't want to see them! I don't know if I ever want to see them ever again… I love the guys but it is too painful. Didn't you hear Gee back on the stage? He is not okay just because I wear him out!"

I wanted to tell her that it wasn't the truth, that Gerard's mess wasn't her fault, that he would have been this way no matter what.

"You know that…" she cut me off.

"We both know it is true!" she said and I nodded.

"One day…" I said and hoped it was true, that they one day would end up together. And that they for once would be happy.

We just stared at each other for a while.

"We defenatly need coffee!" I said and she giggled.

**Alex. **

We found a night open coffee shop and we sat down and drank our coffee.

"Soooo…. How is life in Sweden?"

"Different…" I answered, Bob gave me a glare when I didn't continue on. "No, it is fine, it is just a change to America. I actually like it there!"

"You look healthy, healthier than I have seen you in years! And the….?" I know what he was going with this.

"I stopped with the shit. Just happened once, but it was nothing." I rather lied to him a little, than worrying him. "I don't even drink anymore, I have seen what it does to the people I love…"

"I know… every time I see someone getting hurt because of alcohol or drugs I feel so small… and I can't do anything about it… and I am just as bad…" My brother confessed and I grabbed his hand, I knew there was nothing I could do to help him, but I wanted to show him how much I care.

"It will be alright!" I said when I saw his eyes filled with tears. It took us a while to find our way back to the conversation after the heavy subject. But when he changed the subject it was even worse…

"But what about love?" my brother winked at me. Of course he had to ask that question!

"Working of loving myself! You?"

"I have met a girl… she is fucking perfect!"

"Pictures or it didn't happen!" he showed me pictures of a black haired girl, she was really pretty and they seemed to fit perfectly together.

We sat there all night, just catching up with everything that we had missed over the years and when the sun rose we made our way out.

"I'm gonna follow you back to the hotel… you need to get some sleep now! And then I have to get back to the guys. They don't know where I have been and I'm gonna keep it that way." Bob said and I nodded, grateful that he understood me and did as he was told.

When we arrived at the hotel he gave me a hug and I held on tight and didn't want him to ever let go.

"Don't leave me… I am so fucking lonely…" I whispered in his ear.

"You know I have to go, you can come with me…" He answered with a whisper.

"I can't…" He let go of me, but I kept holding on tightly. One by one he loosened my fingers around his arms, and I stood on my own.

"I love you Alex, but I have to go… One day everything will be perfect. You will get a happy ending, everyone who deserves a happy ending gets it, and I can't think of one person who deserves it more than you!" He gave me another hug and a kiss on my forehead, but he disappeared before I could cling onto him again.

I watched him walk away, step by step and when he was gone I said what I was thinking out in the air.

"I love you too."

**I'm sorry if you wanted it to be Gerard... I had to make it this way before the happy ending that is apporaching! Let me know what you are thinking! :) **


	83. A Mess

**You totally sucked at reviweing the last chapter! And becuase of this I will not update until I get 5 reivews or more! I'm not kidding! So yeah, review people!  
**

**Gerard. **

I stared out into the rising sun, and I lifted the almost empty to my mouth and I drank until I felt sick. I slowly breathed through my nose to ease the nausea. Then I put a cigarette to my mouth and breathed in the smoke and my head felt heavy when I saw someone walking up to me.

"You up early?" I stared into a blurry face; I realized had problem focusing my eyes', drinking wasn't helping me to see well. But it made me numb, and it was all that mattered right now.

"No…" I slurred, trying to hide the fact that I was drunk as hell. The other one raised his eyebrows and I saw a sting of pain in his eyes.

"You have been up all night drinking?" I nodded no need to deny it now.

"But Bob, I'm fine!" he sat next to me for a while, because I started to talk again, my world was crashing down. "No I'm not okay… I think I saw her face in the crowd yesterday. I know she wasn't there… but… Am I losing my mind?" I felt tears falling down over my cheeks and I drank the last of the booze.

Bob looked at me and held me close for a while.

"You need to get some sleep now…"

"No… I'm okay. I just need another drink!" I tried to smile but my face felt twisted. Bob didn't listen to me and he pretty much carried me to a bus, he dumped me outside, gave me another cigarette and then I hears someone mumble.

"Come here handsome!" a voice I recognized told me and I was carried inside by two men.

"Take care of him Bert?" Bob asked far away before he left.

"Oh I will!" Bert told him.

**Frank. **

I stared around myself in the almost empty van, Ray was sleeping next to me, but the Way brothers and Bob was gone. In fact Bob had left with Brian directly after the show last night, without saying a word to us anyone knew where he had gone. Gerard, me and Mikey had been drinking together for a while, but I had passed out and now they were gone.

"Someone here?" Bob climbed inside; he looked tired and worried – almost worn out…

"Yeah, Ray and I, but he is sleeping." I looked at Bob. "You okay man?" he shook his head and we got out together and shared a smoke.

"What the fuck is going on here?" I asked when the silence became too uncomfortable to take.

"Gerard is a fucking mess, and I just saw Alex…" he stopped himself in the middle of the sentence.

"Alex?" I cried out. "When? Where?"

"Brian took me to her… she refused to go here to see you… she saw the show and now she thinks it is her fault that Gee is this way…"

"If only she knew how much he needs her…" I sighed, I missed Alex to, she was one of my best friends and I barely ever got to speak to her.

"I think she knows…" he smoked again before he spoke. "But he need to get himself together, because he is going to drag her down… we all need to clean up…" the last part was just a whisper, but I heard it and I understood what he meant. We can't go on like this forever…

"Where is he now..?"

"I found him in the parking lot, about to pass out. I think he have been out drinking all night. I let Bert take care of him…"

"Fuck!"

"Mikey?" I shook my head, I had no idea where he was and it worried me.

Hours later we had found both Way brothers, both hung over as hell and they were puking their guts out. Gerard had already started drinking again and he looked like he was feeling better than when he first woke up.

We were leaving the following morning for another city, and I ran into Brian when I tried to hold track on Gerard this time.

"Hey Frank…" he called my name and grabbed my arm.

"Brian? Something wrong?" I asked when I saw his serious face.

"Is Gerard really okay? He seems to be crashing down very fast…"

"Honestly… I think Gerard is in a really bad shape right now…" I answered out manger.

"Is it just the drinking or…?"

"No… but I'm not sure of what he takes, he smokes and drinks mostly when we aren't around. Talk to Bert, I think he provides Gee with stuff…"

"Can we get him clean or sober?" I stared at my friend who almost wobbled into some plants with a vodka bottle in one hand and a cigarette in the other. It stung in my heart when I realized that Gerard probably didn't want to get clean or sober. He wanted to be drunk. No… he needed to be drunk.

**So yeah, I hope you liked it and that I'll get those reviews! :) And check out my Frerard (I'm actually planing on updating it soon!) **


	84. And The Punchline To The Joke Is

**Holy shit, it has been forever and ever! Sorry *looking little and cute* I have been moving(back home to my parents -.-'), finally graduationg high school, been to London for a week (fucking amazing! Even if I got sick...), I started to work and my computer thinks it is funny to casually break down for longer/shorter periods of time... so yeah I have been pretty busy :o But here is the next chapter for you ^^ I hope you like it and keep those beautiful reviews comming! :) It sure makes me want to write more often if you do...!  
**

**Mikey.**

_And the punch line to the joke is asking someone save us. _

I stared down at the paper under my pencil at the words I had scribbled down after I had been seeing my friends. One was puking their guts out, one had passed out after too much to drink, one was rolling a joint to smoke to numb his feelings and the last one was slowly smoking a cigarette with a beer in his hand. We were on the edge ready to be pushed over at any second. It was late February 2004 and I felt miserable. We were supposed to write new music, to have something to put on the new record, but it wasn't easy. We often rather numbed us than felt anything to write about.

_Someone save us…_

It was actually pretty good… but the words stared back at me, it was too much of the truth for me so I balled the piece of paper and I put it in my bag. I didn't want the others to see it, not yet at least. Instead of keeping up the writing I went over to my brother, the one puking over the trash can, I grabbed myself a beer and a glass of water to him.

"Gerard, drink this…" I said when I saw his head pop up again and he was done. He gratefully reached out for the glass and gulped it down in a second and it made his stomach turn upside down again and he almost turned green. I took a swing of my beer and then I walked back to the sink to get another glass.

"Here… drink it slowly thing time!" I said to him, as if he was a young child. He did as he was told and this time he could keep the water down. I tried to help him stand up but his legs were too weak to hold the weight of his body.

_Someone save_ _him…_

Ray let go of his beer and helped us to get Gerard to the sofa so he could pass out. And that was the last thing I could remember.

I was awaken by a pitching sunlight in my eyes and it hurt my head when I moved it, the room, our practice room/writing room smelled off old beer, sick, smoke from cigarettes and from the joints I had a memory of rolling hours before…

"For fucks sake!" someone mumbled as he made his way through the room, he had coffee in his hands and he put it down on the table in front of the sofa where we had put Gee last night. A window opened, and I focused my eyes on the man there to give us coffee.

Brian looked madly at us when all was awake, and it looked like as if we were about to get one of his famous speeches, and I was actually afraid. My own worst nightmare was to get kicked off the Reprise Records. That would mean we had to get back home, to the hopeless and the despair. All we could was to write music and play it for kids who seemed to love it, and lately we barely could get ourselves together long enough to write anything.

"What the fuck are you doing? Look at yourselves, I understand that you want to party and do whatever you want when you are on tour… but you are sitting in your practice room, where you are supposed to write new material, getting both drunk and high, from the smell of it! Have you forgotten that you have an interview in the afternoon?"

I looked around in the room, I had forgotten all about that interview and from the looks of my friends they seemed to have done the same.

"You are supposed to talk about the record… and they wanted you to play something from the new material, actually they wanted it to be live! Can you even do that?" Brian said with a deep sigh.

**Gerard. **

I took a gulp of the coffee Brian had bought us, and with faked confident I nodded and agreed to sing a song in the studio. I felt like crap, and I had to swallow the coffee down to ease the nausea. I saw in Brian's eyes that he was worried and disappointed with us, maybe me the most… I couldn't tell anymore. He let us go after another five minutes of that speak he had prepared for us. But when I thought it was okay for me to puke in the bathroom he dragged me outside.

"What are you doing?" he asked as he lit up a cigarette.

"I am trying to keep the band on the right side of the edge." I answered.

"You are young, successful, good-looking… well I can go on forever about everything you are and everything you might be throwing out of a window if you don't get yourselves together." I love the fact that he is honest with me… but I decided to act like I didn't know what he was talking about.

"Look, we are fine, sure we might have a drink too much sometimes, maybe we do drug to often… but like you said we are young! And we don't care… you are worried about something that is completely harmless! We aren't about to lose any control!"

"Okay, but don't come crying to me if you are fucking this up Gerard. Don't come to me and tell me I didn't warn you!" I nodded and I walked back in.

**Some hours later.**

"Welcome back! We have the guys from My Chemical Romance here in the studio today. Tell us who you are guys, and what you do in the band!"

"Hi, I'm Gerard Way, and I am the singer!" I said and let the others introduce themselves.

"Frank Iero, on the guitar."

"Hey I'm Ray Toro, also playing the guitar."

"Mikey Way, bass."

"Bob Bryar, drums."

"Wow, we have the whole band here tonight right?"

"Yeah, all five of us." Frank smiled at the host; I had forgotten his name as fast as he said it…

"So, I have heard that you currently are in the studio working on some new material…"

"Yes that is true." I said, hoping this wasn't going to be as horrible as I had pictured it.

"Well I thought you might want to play us something from that new material of yours?"

We kept on talking about nothing and everything as the studio crew set up the guitars and the bass for Mikey. And then I started singing.

"_Well if you wanted honesty, that's all you had to say._

_I never want to let you down or have you go, it's better off this way._

_For all the dirty looks, the photographs your boyfriend took,_

_Remember when you broke your foot from jumping out the second floor?_

_I'm not okay_

_I'm not okay_

_I'm not okay_

_You wear me out_

_What will it take to show you that it's not the life it seems? (I'm not okay)_

_I've told you time and time again you sing the words but don't know what it means (I'm not okay)_

_To be a joke and look, another line without a hook_

_I held you close as we both shook for the last time take a good hard look!_

_I'm not okay_

_I'm not okay_

_I'm not okay_

_You wear me out_

"That was My Chemical Romance live from the studio with their new song…?"

"I'm not okay! I promise. Is the title of that song, but it wasn't the whole song… we still have some things to polish at it, but this defines us in where we are right now…" I started to say.

"So you are saying you are not okay…?"

**Alex.**

I sat in school, reading through essays that the kids have wrote, and I had some web radio in the background.

_I'm not okay_

_You wear me out_

"That was My Chemical Romance live from the studio with their new song…?"

"I'm not okay! I promise. Is the title of that song, but it wasn't the whole song… we still have some things to polish at it, but this defines us in where we are right now…" I started to say.

"So you are saying you are not okay…?"

My head popped up when I heard Gerard's voice, and I listened to every word he said.

"No, I never said that… This is a song about holding on to tightly onto things in life you shouldn't hold on to. Like your past. If the past stays there to haunt you, let go and you might find the peace in life you are searching." Gerard paused to take a deep breath, before continue on his little speech. "At the same time this song is about the ones who think they know you, when they don't know a fucking thing about you… and about those who refuse to see the truth…"

"Wow, it is a lot of meaning behind this one song?"

"It is a song, you can either just listen to it and then you just enjoy the sound of it, or else you can hear the meaning behind every word and phrase that we put behind the music." Frank broke into the conversation and I smiled at his words.

"True, but is seems like a very important song to you. I just have to ask one last question; the song goes "you wear me out", who is it that wears you guys out?"

"Nobody… and everyone" I heard a weak voice saying, it belonged to Mikey.

"Well there is no point in lying, if she ever hears this, she have to learn the truth. It is my ex-girlfriend that still wears me out, because she over and over broke my heart and it still hurts like hell…." Gerard cut his brother off and I rushed to the computer and turned off the broadcast, I couldn't stand to hear another second of it. Tears were already pouring over my cheeks.

**Well that was the next chapter, I decided to skip a little over 8 months to not make the story boring... I hope you liked it? Tell me! And I want to know what YOU want to happen in the story, I actually might listen to you guys ^^ **


	85. You Will Always Have My Support!

**So yeah, you will have what you want soon. I promise, but I can't make you happy without making everything a tiny bit sader, can i? Well, there will not be an update unless I get hmm let's see at least five reviews! I know you can do it!  
**

**23****th**** of March. **

**Gerard. **

My hands were shaking as I stepped into my grandmother's hospital room where she had been the last week. She wasn't doing too well and I was afraid to leave her side, it felt like her time had come… I had been there whole yesterday night and I hadn't had a drink for two days. That's why my hands couldn't be still. I knew I had to do something about my drinking habits, but not now… all I needed now was to be sober when I was with grandma…

"Hello there handsome! I was just wondering when you was coming! Mikey need to get some food and a cup of coffee to stay sane!" She giggled, knowing our love for coffee and we both smiled at her. I gave Mikey a hug before taking his place at the bed and I squeezed the hand of the old lady. She was old, but in my eyes she was still way too young to go…

"Hi grandma." I said cheerfully and gave her a kiss on the forehead. "Have mum and dad been here today?"

"Yes, they were here when you were home, sleeping. Son you need to sleep more, and eat better. You don't look healthy!"

"I know, I know… but it is hard to do anything properly when you spend most days in the studio or…"

"Or?"

"Or here, trying to spend some time with you!"

"You are such a good boy!" she smiled at me, and I could hear that she had trouble breathing. She must have seen the worried look painted all over my face and she assured me she was fine, just a bit tired. "Is it okay if I just sleep for half an hour?"

"Of course!" when she was asleep I went out for a cigarette and a coffee. She woke up when I came back into the room.

"You shouldn't be smoking. I must have told you that a million times, but you never seem to listen to Me." she said and I took her tiny, cold hand in mine.

"I know… there are so much I shouldn't do… so many things I wish I never had done…" she looked me in the eyes, no she wasn't looking into my eyes… she was staring inside my soul. And it was then I realized that she knew…

"Why are your hands trembling?" she asked silently.

"I…" fuck, I barely could say the words out loud, I had barely courage to tell myself about my problems and now I was about to tell my dying grandma… "I…. I haven't been drinking for a while…"

"A while?"

"Yes…"

"How long Gerard?"

"Two days." Her face was filled with pain.

"Do you have a problem?" she wasn't going to let me off the hook, not this time! Slowly I nodded.

"I… think so…" I tried to swallow the tears but I couldn't stop them, and when I glared at my grandmother's face I saw that she was crying too.

"Please be honest with me… is it just booze or…?"

"No… I do drugs too… I don't think I can stop… please don't tell anyone… I'm not ready to let go just yet… " I sobbed like a child.

"You foolish boy…. Foolish child… have we not thought you anything?" she chided me.

"I know, I am an idiot… every time I did something like that, or dragged someone down with me I feel the guilt, but drinking, drugs and razorblades became my only relive from the pain and now I have an addiction so strong I don't know if I can ever get out of it… I am so sorry. Can you find it in your heart to ever forgive me?"

"You might be a fool, but you are my own flesh and blood, of course I forgive you! As long as you do everything in your power to get clean and sober! Whatever you do, you will always have my support!" her eyes were wet from the tears and I stroke her chin. "And make sure your brother get the help he needs too…"

"How did…?" she didn't even let me finish.

"A grandmother knows!"

We talked about nothing and everything for a while and then Mikey came in.

"Are you already back Mikey?" Grandma smiled at him.

"I have been gone for almost three hours…"

"Time sure flies by when you have a great company, will you excuse us two for five more minutes, I want to talk to your brother alone!" Mikey nodded and left the room.

"Don't be afraid to be happy again, Gerard. Someday, maybe not tomorrow, maybe not this year, but someday it will be easier and then you will be happy! Don't live in the past… and don't let it haunt your future anymore… you will be okay! I love you very much, even if you are a fool! Now go home and get some proper food and a good night sleep!"

"I love you too!" I said her, I gave her another kiss on her forehead and one on each cheek before she let go of my hand. "I'll see you tomorrow!" She didn't answer; instead she smiled sadly at me as I left her.

When I came home I sat down at the bed in my childhood room, my head felt heavy from the long talk I had with her, tears started to fall over my cheeks, and I was so weak that I grabbed the bottle of Vodka and I drank two deep sips directly from the bottle. Already a bit numbed I walked up to the mirror.

"You stupid motherfucker!" I screamed to myself, before I rushed to the bathroom and shoved my fingers down my throat, the booze came up and the next second I was drinking again. I couldn't stop… not just yet…

Five Xanax and half a bottle later I feel asleep on the bed, still dressed.

"Gerard… Gerard please wake up…" my mother shook me until I was wide awake, she gave me a glass of water.

"What is going on?" I asked aggressive.

"The hospital just called…. Grandma passed away in her sleep two hours ago…"

"WHAT THE FUCK? WHY DIDN'T YOU WAKE ME UP? WHY WASN'T I TOLD?" I screamed.

"We didn't know either; Mikey was there and held her hand. She passed away in her sleep… he didn't know that it was the end until it was too late… it is four in the morning… please Gee calm down… we didn't know… no one did…" She tried to hold me in her arms, but I didn't want to be calmed down, not now.

I grabbed a full bottle from underneath my bed and I took my pills in the other hand and then I just took off, away from everything.

I was drunk or high, or both for two weeks, I don't know what I did… I once went to the hospital, and I got to see her, but I couldn't stay there for more than five minutes. I slept at friends' places, but nowhere were the band or my family could find me, I did whatever drug I could get my hands on. On what I think was the thirteenth day of being completely gone I ended up at Frank's and Jamia's doorstep. They took me in without saying a word, they gave me food and a shower and they sat with me when the tears came when I sobered up.

"Mum… dad…?" two weeks after I had been walking out of there I walked into the kitchen, my parents opened up their arms and home for me once again. "I'm sorry…" I sobbed when my mother gave me a hug.

**One week later.**

I stepped up to the microphone, and I was really nervous, everyone in the closest family had already made their amazing speeches to grandma, and I was afraid I was letting her down again.

"One of the last things grandma said to me was that I always got her support, I have so much to thank her for… she always believed in me, even when I was about this high…" I showed a height up to my waist and some laughed. "And for some reason wanted to be Peter Pan in the school theatre… she always believed that I could do great things with my life. I still don't believe her! But I never would have been able to do the amazing journey with my friends in the band if she hadn't believed in me and us…" I couldn't hold back the tears, so I let them falling over my cheeks. "So I wanted to thank you for always believing in me, for being a proud grandmother, even when I let you down and for being an amazing woman! I'll miss you…" I sobbed.

**I hope I haven't killed Elena before... I don't think I have, all the sudden I became really insecure but I don't want to read through whole Can't Find and Nightmare... So if I have, that was just a joke, let us all ignore it. This is the real death! **  
**Get me those reviews and check out my Frerard: A World Without My Chemical Romance, I updated it today! ^^  
**


	86. From Sky High To Rock Bottom

**This chapter is a mixup with the reality (from what I have heard in interviews mostly from LOTMS, and from quotes I have readover the years) and my own imagination and time (it has to be a bit earlier than reality, or else the rest of the story wont make out!)... I hope you guys like it, after all it is one(huge) step closer that happy ending I have promised you!  
**

**Keep those reviews comming! I want 6 for another chapter (yeah, I know, I'm a review whore! but you do review better if I force you to do it and after all I love those reviews!)  
**

**Gerard. **

Let's summarize the spring and the beginning of the summer of 2004 for you: After the death of mine and Mikey's grandma we started to find inspiration to write again, one song, Helena, is dedicated to her. We got enough material for a new record, Three Cheers for Sweet Revenge. We released four singles and then the record. A release party and a show came with that, it wasn't as horrible as the one we had been through for Bullets. Frankly I don't think anything can be more painful than that night… Anyway the album got many positive reviews and we went out on tour. Again. Oh yeah, I can't exactly remember that all these things have happened. I believe I was intoxicated more often than sober…

**June. 2004, My Chemical Romances tour bus. **

We sat in the bus (we had a real tour bus now, with bunks!) after the show, me with a goofy smile all over my face. I don't exactly know what I was smiling about, but the booze made me laugh, helped me to fake another smile. Someone talked about the show, someone who seemed to be sober, and he glared at me with judging eyes. I heard the last part of the conversation…

"_Did you see that his pants fell down… things aren't right here…" _

I didn't care, because Mikey had been drinking a lot and he had caught my attention, now we all tried to figure out what he wanted, but we were too wasted to understand what.

"Kickball! You know kicking a ball in a… something!"

"Yeah we know what that is, but why the hell are you talking about that?"

"I wanna plaaaaay!"

We wobbled out, found a parking lot and people to play with, everyone seemed to love the idea.

"Are you winning?" A chick asked me and I stroke my greasy hair out of my sight.

"Yeah, this shit is easy peasy, pumpkin peasy, pumpkin pie, muthafucka!" I laughed and kicked the ball, and messed everything up for my team…

**Brain. **

I sat with Gerard after they had finished the kickball game and another bottle of vodka too, he had his head down in a toilet, probably too drunk to even understand what was going on at the moment. Everyone in the band was in a really horrible condition, but Gerard… Well he was just Gerard. Before his grandmothers death I would just have waved his behavior away as just him being Gerard. But slowly it became painfully obvious to me what was going on here and how bad it was. Once again he puked and I was scared that I hadn't done enough, that I should have been doing more to prevent this from happening.

The next morning he woke up, threw up and I gave him a glass of water.

"Gerard… we need to talk…!" A pair of bloodshot eyes met mine, he rolled a cigarette, but when he lit it up I could smell that he was aiming to get stoned, and I don't think he was sober from the day before yet... "You have a problem! You need to get help or else you are going to kill yourself. Because you will die if you keep on living like this."

"I don't see the problem." He answered and got up and left me.

Two hours later I heard Frank from outside the bus.

"Fuck, Gerard…"

I got out and looked at the scene that was played before me. Gerard wobbled, maybe fifty meters away, into some bushes. Frank rushed to his friend's side, helping Gee to his feet. Some minutes later I caught a glimpse of Gerard puking again…

**Frank. **

A journalist of some kind walked up to me and Gerard and asked us what had happened before.

"What happened was I went right of the sidewalk and into the bushes… I was like wooooooo

And I killed like so many plants!" I giggled, but then I dragged Gerard away from this man; I didn't want the world to know this Gerard Way…

I have never believed in interventions, and when I talked to Gerard in the few moments when he was sober, or at least not so drunk about it, he refused to listen. Like I had realized before he wanted to be drunk and… well I'm not a saint, and if one is doing it, the rest of us are…

**On tour in Japan.**

**Gerard.**

"Why the hell didn't you pack anything except stage clothes Gee?" Mikey asked me when I came to borrow another one of his tees. I looked my younger brother in his eyes. And then I opened my mouth to tell another lie, because how could I tell my beloved younger brother that the reason why I didn't pack anything was because I didn't think I was getting back to the US alive… how could I tell him that I was addicted to self-destruction and pain…?

"I forgot Mikey, jeez' why are you being such a bitch all the sudden?" I reacted with an attack.

"You really are messed up!" he said and threw the t-shirt at me and left me alone; I popped some of my Xanax and smoked another cigarette. Little would I know that a week later I would have hit the rock bottom…

**Nine days later, back in the US.**

I was on the phone with Brian for the third time since I had hit the bottom of my life… the two times before I had admitted to him that I knew I had a problem and that I wanted to get help from him to survive. But this time it was different…

"Gerard what is the matter?"

"I don't want to live…"

"What are you saying?"

"I want to kill myself… everything that can go wrong has done it… I rather just end it now." It was true, killing myself was the only option I had left by now, pills and booze had made suicide my only escape route.

"If you wanted to die that bad, you would have done it by now… talk to me instead!"

"I… what do you want me to say?" angrily at myself that I had called Brian instead of killing myself I asked the frustrated question.

"What have you been taking?" of course…

"Drinking, pills…. Cocaine…" it was the first time I admitted to anyone that I had moved on from just the pills and the booze…

"For fucks sake…" I heard the disappointment in his voice and I sobbed as the tears started to fall over my cheeks. I never wanted to make anyone disappointed.

I don't know how it happened but he managed to talk me down and made me to go to the tour manager, Jeff, who helped me crash down.

The next day I was drinking again, and when we walked off the stage I walked straight to a trashcan and threw everything up. I laid there for forty-five minutes, with the band and the tour manager around me. I heard Ray whispering that they needed to do something and that they had to get me to a doctor. But they didn't manage to help me.

When I was done I had vomit all over myself and I stared at my friends, it took me a while to be able to open my mouth, but when I did the words both they and me had been longing for me to say came.

"I need to stop this, stop drinking and with the drugs… and… I need help! Will you help me?"

**Oh yeah, if you have problem with loging in (or being as stupid as me and don't get the new reviewthingy to work out) you can make a guestreview, but it is fun to know who wrote it, so don't foget to write your alias or name! **


	87. That One Call That Changed Everything!

**First some news: I TOTALY GOT INTO UNI! :D I GOT TO KNOW IT EARLIER TODAY! I'm really excited!  
**

**And I hope you like this chapter (I myself have a problem with the ending, but I can't find a way to make it better so I'll just leave it like this and hope you are kind and stuff) this is what you want! I promise! And the next chapter will come when (or if) I'll get 400 reivews or more!  
**

**Alex. **

There were one day left… one day left before my lovely class would graduate from high school and leave me for university or whatever their plan was to do after they left school. I didn't know what to do the last day of school, I had shoved them a million movies, and we have played stupid games… I'm not sure what to do.

"So class… graduation tomorrow? Who is excited?" everyone giggled and smiled at me to show their excitement. "But as the mean teacher I am I can't just let you go home and be happy… what do you want to do today?" I laughed at their disappointed faces when I told them I wasn't going to let them go.

"We don't know a single thing about you miss… can't you tell us something about you? Like your past… or why you left USA for this worthless mess for a country?" and all the sudden everyone agreed, they wanted to know who I was… Could I really tell them? Without looking like a complete mess…?

"Are you sure, because if you want to know you will get the uncensored story, and it is far from nice…"

"We wanna know!" the class had decided and I did as I was told.

"Well I was born in Belleville, New Jersey twenty four years ago… my parents lived together and I had an older brother, Bob. We were happy… or I thought we were. I have later on realized what a mess my mother was. Drugs, booze and... Other men… well they spilt up when I was eleven and my mother decided she wanted me. We moved to New York and I was miserable, I was treated badly there and I was suffering. It all became too much for me and I tried to kill myself a couple of times. I never succeeded but I was stuck in a self-destructive addiction and I had no idea how to get out of it. She got me out of it sooner or later. My mother was tired of me and sent me away to live with my father, stepmother Alice and my brother, I was sixteen when I left and I haven't seen my mother since then." I stopped to breathe and I looked at their faces, every kid in the class listened with fascination.

"You don't want to hear this…" I mumbled before continue on the story of my life. "I was a mess when I came there, messed up for life, but was welcomed with open arms. It was in the middle of the semester and for the first time I seemed to fit in. I was accepted by my brothers and his amazing friends and I was a part of the outcasts, it was me, Bob, two brothers named Mikey and Gerard, a kid named Frank and Ray. I fell in love with one of my friends… we dated for a while, but… Long story short they liked to party, a little bit too much and his mother found out he did drugs and forced him away to rehab and we broke up." A mumble went through the classroom when I mentioned drugs, and I stopped again until it was quiet again.

"Well me and Frank broke up and one other of our friends started to become interested in me… we hooked up one night… but we were stupid and drove the car drunk and I was in a coma for ages… well for six weeks. But during that time I dreamt a really crazy dream, we don't need to get closer on that one… " I blushed by the thought on my alternative life, everything was just so different now!

"Faith or whatever brought me and Frank together again… but it was a disaster! Because we broke the other guy down completely and we were kinda dead inside too… when everything fucked up between me and Frank, the other guy picked me up and I felt like I was coming home to the person I loved. After one and a half year my new boyfriend proposed to me and I said thanks but no…" I looked at the kids, everyone sat on the edge of their seats and listened to every word I had to tell them, when I was silent one of the Inga's raised her hand into the air.

"Yes Inga?"

"I just have two questions… why are you never saying the name of the other guy… and why did you say no to his proposal..? If you loved him…"

"Well I didn't want to tell you the name of this guy because he is quite famous, and I don't want to tell you things about him that he doesn't want to be public… and why I didn't say yes… it isn't that easy…"

***flash back***

_"Marry me!" He asked the question again and I realized what I had to do. To him and to me._

_"No Gerard… I can't marry you!" I cried out as I saw how his already damaged heart fell into ten million pieces._

_"Why not? We…."_

_"Because if we are meant to be we will be together later in life. We will find the way back to each other, see it as our way home . I can't marry you because you have a problem with the booze and with the razors and… I am making it worse for us and I need you to heal before we…."_

_"Because you are not broken at all? I know when you cut, I know when you drink and take pills to ease your pain, you are not perfect to anyone but to me!"_

_"I am so broken that I would fall into pieces if someone grabs me to hard." I cried out. When did this proposal turn to be a fight? "And we need to be fixed before we can be together." I told him and then I turned around._

_"Can we be together? After this?" he pleaded out._

_"No… it must hurt if we are going to change. Maybe in the future, only time will tell." I said and with that I left him._

***end of flashback***

"We were just too much of a mess to be able to make it alive; I did what I had to do…! Anyone got any other questions?" no one had so I decided to keep on telling my story. "Well I decided to leave Belleville for New York and I found this awesome other guy… by the way, telling you this story I kinda sound like a slut… but I have only been with three guys so don't get the wrong impression of me here!" I giggled before continuing. "We were about to get married, I wasn't hurting so bad anymore… but then nine eleven happened… My ex saw it and he came to me as the big mess he was from seeing the bodies fall from the buildings and I couldn't resist him. The engagement broke and I had a job offering here in Sweden and I came here… Well that's pretty much the story of my life… anyone got questions?" They did. Twenty hands flew up into the air as I asked my last question.

"What happened to your ex?" one question I had been waiting for.

"He is in a band with my old friends. And from what I have heard he is drinking himself to death… the reason I decided we couldn't be together anymore…"

"Do you still love him?" The question I dreaded the most, petrified I answered it.

"On some level yes, as a friend – of course… but as boyfriend and lover… I don't know. I mean I miss him and the good times we had together, but I don't know if I love him as if he was my boyfriend."

"If he cleans up his acts and himself then…?"

"I…" I didn't have the time to answer the question because I was cut off but the ringing of my phone. "Can I take this?" they nodded and I answered.

"Mikey why the hell are you calling? What time is it over at your place?"

"The time doesn't matter right now Alex…" Mikey said, he sounded tired but relieved at the same time.

"Okay, let's hear why you are calling then, I'm kinda in the middle of a lesson here!"

"Sorry… I shouldn't have called!" I could hear from the tone of his voice that he was about to hang up on me.

"No Mikey, you know I didn't mean it that way… tell me now!" I pleaded, because I knew it had to be important if he called me like this.

"Well we are at the airport, on our way back to New Jersey…"

"Are the tour done already?" I cut him off, nervous to hear if something had happened.

"No… well yes… We are going home sooner because Gerard is going to get clean once and for all. He really wants this. He is going straight into therapy when he comes off the plane… Please come home. He needs you here if he is going to succeed…!" Mikey pleaded.

"I'll get there as fast as I can! I have to go now Mikey. Love you!"

We hung up and I stared at the phone for a second, I didn't know what to do, I realized it wasn't going to be easy to get to the states…

"Miss? Are you okay?" I looked at the class; suddenly I remembered where I was and what I was doing.

"That was an old friend… my ex is cleaning up… and they want me to come right away. But I can't… I have to be here tomorrow…!" I called Mikey again.

"I can't come… the kids are graduation tomorrow…"

"JUST GO!" I was cut off by all twenty students demanding me to leave, and to leave it now.

"We'll send you the details, just go to the airport!" there were silent for a moment and then I heard HIS voice.

"I love you!" Gerard said in the phone and then he hung up.

I hugged all of the kids, one or two were even crying when we said our goodbyes, and I felt tears burning in my eyes, but I didn't know if they were from happiness or sadness… I was on my way out from the room when I heard one last question.

"What is the name of the band? And of the guy?"

"My Chemical Romance and his name is Gerard… Gerard Way!" I smiled and then I was on my way to my new life.

**Are you guys happy now? :D **


	88. Those Eyes

**I'm back! Well I wasn't really gone... but I haven't been able to write, I have been busy at work with extra and double shifts.. and this was a really hard chapter for me to write. I can't explain why.. it just was. Missing someone sucks. A lot.  
**

**I hope this is what you want! Don't forget to review ffs!  
**

**Alex. **

I sat on the plane back home; my hands clutched each other in my lap to prevent them from shaking too much. I don't know how long it was since I had heard him speak to me in the phone, but I knew that it would take me sixty-three minutes to get to the airport in New Jersey. Just a little bit longer than the plane ride and I could hold him in my arms, or I could be hold like no other man ever have been allowed to hold me before, or after. Every minute got me closer to home, would I finally find my way home, after being on the run for almost my whole life? Was it this easy?

Eighty five minutes later I had walked through the passport control and I had collected my bag, with the few belongings I had chosen to bring with me back home. When I saw his face I broke down in tears.

Gerard's body was shaking when his skin touched mine, he was sweating and his skin smelled of nicotine when I breathed him inside of my lungs.

"Hey silly girl… I missed you!" he mumbled his favorite nickname for me into my hair and I just enjoyed being hold in his arms, when I was ready to let go again I lost myself in his hazel eyes, I couldn't take mine off them. When the spell Gerard's eyes had put on me was broken by my brother who wrapped his arms around my body, I noticed the rest of Gerard's face. He looked worn out, but at the same time he looked better than he ever had done.

"You are finally home, pumpkin!" Bob said and I smiled at everyone who had arrived to greet me welcome home, but I felt empty again when I was separated from Gerard, even if he was so close that I could touch his hand if I reached out my arm really long.

**Gerard. **

I sweated like a madman, not only because I was getting clean and it tears a lot on my body, but because I was nervous as hell because Alex was coming any second now. I saw the girl I had been waiting for, for so long walking up to me. Dressed in a short skirt and tank top reviling her fit body she looked more beautiful than I could remember. And I was painfully aware of my shabby self, fat from the booze I had been drinking, worn-out because of the pills and the drugs I had been living of, greasy hair because I hadn't bothered to take care of myself and shabby clothes. My outside mirrored my inside way to well now.

She threw herself into my arms and my trembling body touched hers and she broke down in tears when she was where she belonged. With me.

"Hey silly girl… I missed you!" I mumbled into her hair, I called her silly girl, just as before to let her know that she was forgiven, that it was okay for her to come back to me after all these years. She stayed in my arms for a while, and then her eyes focused on mine. Her icy blues was filled with all of the emotions she hadn't said out loud- fear, pain, love and passion… I didn't break the eye contact until Bob took his sister in his arms and said something I couldn't hear, I had lost myself to her again.

And then she was taken away from me, I know I need her. Badly. Okay she wasn't more than maybe a meter away from me, but it felt like a thousand miles between our bodies. I need her right now!

**Alex. **

Bob took me home to dads and Alice's house and I was grateful to have a cup of tea to clutch in my hands when I tiredly tried to tell the story of Sweden. I had loved that place, the kids and well my life there hadn't been uncomplicated… but it sure as hell had been easier than life had been here. I was badly jetlagged and I don't even remember falling asleep. But I do remember how I was wakening up.

The sound of something tapping the window slowly pulled me out of my dreamless sleep, sleepy I dragged myself to the window and looked out. It took me a while to remember I was in a house and not an apartment. I hadn't been expecting grass and trees outside the window. But when my eyes had gotten used to the bright night I saw a shadow of a man standing, on the grass. I saw the cigarette in his mouth, a mouth that smirked at me like so many times before when he saw my head hanging out from my childhood room. He signed with his hands that he wanted me to come down to me and I was mysteriously drawn to him. It was as if I was sixteen and it was the first time we had met. But it wasn't and I was surprised by the power he still had over me.

He held me close when I sneaked out of the house, not that anyone would stop me to leave, but I didn't want anyone to know how lost I was to him… I was scared of the spell… I didn't know how this would end. When we stood there he didn't try to kiss me, I was relived and disappointed at the same time as he took my hand in his and we walked away together. It wasn't until we were long away from my home that he broke down. I held him in my arms as he cried.

"Alex… I am fucking scared… So scared…"

"What are you afraid of?" I asked.

"Afraid of hurt anyone more… scared of failing… terrified of losing you…"

I took his hands in mine and stared into his gleaming eyes, gloomy from the tears.

"You will not fail again, you will always hurt someone, you can't help that… and for me, I am lost to you. I'm back for good."

"But… what if…?" he didn't finish.

"It will be okay, you will be fine!" And I saw in Gerard's eyes that he for the first time in his life believed that everything would be fine. That he would be okay…

**Is this what you want? :p Review and let me know? Now I just need to figure out where to go from here...**


	89. Back In His Arms

**I'm done with working now! Tomorrow I'm moving the last things into my apartment in Malmo, I'm excited!  
**

**But first a new chapter for you! Two things: I need to stop lending things from my own life into fanfiction, and maybe I am a tiny bit perverted (read a lot) just as my boyfriend points out all the time xD  
**

**I hope you enjoy this, and gives me a review! So I know that you still are reading this story, hang in there. The ending are not so far away!  
**

**Gerard. **

Ten intense days passed by. It was ten days of therapy, trying to figure out where everything turned wrong for me, what made me so addictive to my self-destructive behavior. And what could be done by me and my loved ones so I finally could be better. I didn't see much of Alex until she rushed into the therapy room on the eleventh day, two cups of Starbucks coffee in her hands and an adorable blush painted on her usually so pale cheeks.

"I'm sorry I'm late! I'm still not used to the time zone!" she excused herself to my therapist, Tim, who smiled at her.

"No, we haven't started just yet. Welcome…?"

"Sorry, I'm Alex!" she said and handed over one of the cups of coffee to me and I gave her a faded grateful smile.

"So you are the famous Alex!" he giggled and the blush on her cheeks went bright red over all her face. "I have heard a lot about you!"

"Not all bad I hope?" she turned to me with a glare.

"Not allways… we were happy somewhere back there…"

"Were we really?"

"We loved each other and…"

"… and we broke down the love, or it broke us." She cut me off faster than I had expected.

"What happened between the two of you?"

"We were stuck of loving each other, until Alex broke me again and again and she left me. When she left after a promise to be with me again, there were no turning back until I was dead… or until now." She turned her face away from me when I spoke the truth; she looked out through the window and her face was really pale.

We sat in silence for a while, I never thought I would be able to say that to her. And I sure as hell couldn't get her back now. Not when I had blamed her for everything bad that had happened to me since I was seventeen.

"Gerard, I am sorry… but we would have been even worse together than on our own. I never intended for it to go this far. To have you almost dead before you realized that you had to stop… I just wanted to scare you…" Alex said with a surprisingly strong voice. But I could tell that she wasn't far from crying. My hand reached out and touched hers, it wasn't much for a viewer like Tim, but when she finally looked at me it was written all over her face that she knew that she had forgiven me.

The session kept on going for a while, and Alex was sent out. After a short conversation between me and Tim he changed the subject.

"She still loves you. And you my friend are mad about her!" he offered me a smoke and let the words sink in. "Go for her, show her how much you have changed. And that you forgive her, and she will take you back before you have got rid of the abstinence after the drugs!"

**Alex.**

I decided to stay outside as Tim and Gerard ended the therapy session, it had been a lot for the two of us. The angst I felt from the talk disappeared as Gerard walked out.

"We are good?" I asked.

"We are…" he said. "Hey… Me, Mikey and his girlfriend are going to the movies this evening…. Wanna come with us? Mikey can't shut up about seeing you!"

Movie with Gerard and people…? Should I? I wanted to be close so badly it hurt when I wasn't…

"Sure, it sounds like fun!"

"I'll pick you up at Alice's and your fathers place at seven?"

"Sounds like a date!" I said playfully, but I could tell both were taking it more serious than it was meant. He smoked his cigarette and gave me a hug before jumping in his car. I slowly walked home, trying to figure out what to wear.

**5 to seven. **

**Alex. **

I checked my make-up in the mirror for the hundredth time, and then I took a step back and looked at my whole body. I was wearing a pair of red short shorts, shoving off my pale, but okay looking legs. I wore a black simple top to that, and I was pretty happy about it, it didn't look to desperate, and not too dressed down.

We didn't say much on the way there, and when we met up with Mikey and Alicia I chatted with them. The movie started but…

**Gerard. **

It was a lot of people at the theatre, and all the sudden I felt the pressure, I sat down and tried to breathe slowly, but it didn't help. Alex noticed my struggle and she followed me out.

**Alex.**

I held him close as he was getting paler and more stressed out because of everything that happened. During his protests I followed him into the men's room and sat with him as he threw up in the toilet. I bought him some water.

"We are going home to your place; I'll text Mikey and tell him what happened." I told Gerard and he agreed.

We stepped inside of the apartment.

"This is my home…" Gerard said, but I didn't turn around to look at the place, I stayed with my back to the room, and looked at the perfection standing in front of me. He understood what I wanted and he held my face in his hands as he kissed me with his soft lips against my chapped. I just waited for him to pull away, but he didn't. His mouth invited my tongue inside and I took the invite fast. We had to pull away for a second to catch our breaths, but before I could drew two breaths his mouth was there again. Soft and passionate. His hands started to move, and all the sudden they seemed to be everywhere on my body, not that I complained! I stroke my hands over him and when he started to touch my boobs I returned the favor by stroking his hard self in the groin.

"I want you!" he moaned when we broke apart from the kiss. It was now or never and I took my top off, zipped his pants open, and smirked.

"Take me… hard!" Gerard stopped for a second when he heard the choice of words I had said, but it just seemed like it turned him on even more. His fingers found their way inside of my shorts, under the lacy panties I had decided to wear after all.

"You did that for me?" Gerard smirked for a second. "You didn't have to!"

"Shut up!" I said, but I lost my concentration and gasped when his fingers started to play with me instead of saying something cocky.

"What did you say sweetheart?" he asked cockily before covering my mouth with his again.

"Sofa? Or bed?" I asked when we made through the room and let go of each other for a second, we undressed faster than ever before and we tumbled down in the sofa the piece of furniture who was closest to us and he smiled at me, he looked so happy. He gentle separated my legs as I stroke his member again.

"Are you ready?" he asked and I nodded, so he once again gentle pushed himself inside of me. We moaned in unison when he started to move faster and harder. We tumbled around in the complicated dance and positions of sex, hot skin against each other, forcing us to make sounds we never had done before. When we fell of the sofa we moved on to the bed, slowing down for a second using our mouths to satisfy the lust of each other.

"What now?" I asked after a while.

"You on top!" Gerard told me and I did as he wished, he put his hands on my back, making it curve and as it did, I came with a sound and he smiled. "Wanna do that again?" I nodded and bit my lip, and he once again let me come.

"You are so sexy!" he moaned.

We kept on the moving in different ways until he stopped and spoke again.

"I'm gonna come…"

"You can't… not inside!" he pulled out and came over my stomach after a second, he didn't seem to care that I was all sticky after his cum when he pulled me close, gave me a kiss and whispered in my ear.

"That was fucking incredible, I have missed you…"

"I missed you too…!" I whispered and crawled up in his arms.

I think we fell asleep like that, and when I woke up I turned around and gave Gerard a kiss to wake him up.

"Hey sexy…" he said with a husky voice.

"Hey you!" I giggled. "You want something? I need to get cleaned up!"

"Cocaine and something strong to drink… that's what I want apart for you…" I took his tee from the floor, got into the bathroom to clean myself off. Then I walked back to the small room, I bent over to look in the fridge and Gerard whistled when he noticed I didn't wear any panties.

"When did you become so perverted?" he giggled and I froze for a second. I wasn't ready to tell him about Peter, the married guy who had been having an affair with me back in Sweden. To not be caught we had been doing it all over the school, you do tend to get perverted then…

"Oh, you know. Somewhere over the years! By the way, I can offer you a coke and a cigarette. But nothing stronger!" I answered, trying to not tell more than I needed too. "And when did you get so good in bed?"

I noticed that he froze just like I had done a minute before.

"So, I think we need a rule about not talking about things like this… if we are going to work. If we want it to work…?"

"Deal!" it was easy for me to agree on what he just had said. "I don't want to talk about that… and Gerard, I really want it to work this time!" he pulled me close and gave me a kiss.

"I too, because I never stopped love you!"

"Did you realize that we just could hold our hands off each other for what, elven days? I really thought I was stronger!" I sighed, actually a bit disappointed, because I had promised myself to not fall right back in his arms.

"Well I don't blame you, who could resist a sexy man like me?" he winked and it didn't take more than three minutes before we made love again.

**Well I hope this is what you want! I know at least one of you will love this chapter (I'm looking at you Beth! ;)) And i hope you give me a review ^^ **


	90. The Begining Of The End

**Alex. **

"Wake up sleepyhead!" With a kiss I was awake and stared into my favorite eyes. I held out my arms and wrapped them around his neck and breathed in the smell of him, even if he only had left the bed for maybe forty minutes I had missed to have him close.

"Are you really leaving today?" I asked sadly, and he nodded.

"You know I have to leave, I don't want to punish the kids because I have fucked everything this badly… we will be back in a second. You have your new job to focus on and everything, you will not even miss me!" Gerard assured me, but when I didn't smile he held his hands around my face and looked straight into my eyes.

"But I want to have you here, everyday… I want to wake up with you every morning and go to bed with you by my side every night." I stopped for a second. "I want you forever!"

"It reminds me of something I have meant to ask you… I have waited for the right moment, but it cannot be better than this…"

"What Gerard?" I asked when he didn't say anything; instead he moved from the bed and got something from the other room. When he was out I covered myself with a blanket and got up and got a look at myself in the mirror. I grimaced at myself but Gerard showed up behind me.

"You are beautiful, you know that. Stop being so negative darling."

"What did you want to ask me?" I was still curious and he grabbed my hand and I turned around.

"You said you want to wake up with me every morning and go to be with me every night. And there is nothing I want more than that, I want to be with you until the day I die, that is what I wanted since I first laid my eyes on you and got to know the incredible person you are… Alex, I will only ask you this one more time…"

"Gerard where the fuck are you? We need to go like now!"

"Mikey shut the fuck up, we are in the middle of something here!" Both I and Gerard said at the same time when his brother stormed inside of the room with the rest of the band following.

"Well as I was saying I will only ask you this one more time… Alex will you do me the honor to be my wife?"

"I…I… Yes, of course I will marry you Gerard. I love you!" Everyone cheered and he stepped forward to kiss me. "But! Shut up guys for a second!" it went silent in a second and Gerard looked confused. "I have one condition; you have to stay sober for a year. And if you do we will marry this day in a year. Okay?"

"Yes! Can I just kiss you now?!" he asked and I kissed him before he slipped the ring onto my finger.

"I recognize this one…?" I said when I looked at it.

"Yeah…" he answered as our friends hugged us and told us how happy they were for us.

"Don't tell me it is the same?"

"Well…"

"Is this the same one?!"

"Yes, I didn't find it in my heart to sell it or get rid of it… Are you mad?"

"No… It is kinda a proof that love can survive anything!" I said and gave him another kiss. "Holy shit! I have to get to work and you have to leave if you are gonna get to the tour on time!" I said when I caught a glimpse at the clock.

I ran around in the apartment and got dressed in just a minute and I fixed the make-up even faster, with Gerard running around trying to find his stuff.

"Well good luck at your first day at work fiancée!" he said with a kiss.

"Good luck at the tour fiancé!" I mumbled into the kiss before we both went separate ways.

"I love you Alex!" he yelled after me and I blew him a kiss before I he disappeared into their bus.

**He****y guys, you probably have noticed the lack of updates... But the thing is I'm lacking inspiration and can just come up with bad writing... There are many things going on in my life affecting my writing...Plus I'm going to start my education at the university in just two days and I will have less time for this and frankly I'm getting tired of this. Maybe it is just the story I'm getting tired of, but I do not manage to write on my other story either. Well as it looks like now I'm going to end this story (the ending was close anyway) in some chapters because I owe to you guys to finish the story, and I want to get Gerard and Alex their happy ending. But that's it, it feels as if I'm done with fanfiction... **

**But some reviews would be nice anyway..  
**


	91. Into The Unknown

**Darlings, it would mean the world to me if you review this chapter. I mean if you have read the story and enjoyed it let me know, becuase it would make me really happy! So pretty, pretty please review and let me know what you think of the chapter, or the story or anything!  
**

**Alex. **

One year sure flews by fast when you have fun… With a new job, being back with my family and the man I love I felt better than I ever done before. I didn't even have to take the medicines to prevent my mind from going crazy anymore. And Gerard, he was doing better than anyone had expected of him. I mean we all knew he could be great, but he was really a new man nowadays.

"Are you nervous?" Alicia asked every third minute and I threw a pillow at her.

"Stop asking me that for fucks sake! I wasn't… but apparently I should be?"

"No hun, all you have to do is to say the right name and the right word!" Jamia giggled and I turned my eyes to the monitor and watched the band finishing off their song I'm not okay.

"He sure is hot…" I mumbled and I felt myself blush when I watched how Gerard made the crowd to go crazy just by singing and moving over the stage.

"Well that's good reaction, since you are marrying him in…" Alicia stopped and glared at the watch at her wrist. "In a little bit over 230 minutes!"

"He is going to be soooooo gross!" Jamia, who clearly should take it a bit easier on the champagne, giggled.

"How on earth could you come up with the idea that you should marry after a show? You know how sweaty they get out there…"

"I have told you, I want it easy, just being surrounded by the people that we love. And I believe it is important that he is on the stage one year after getting sober for real… you do know he had some beers the night before, so it is one year being sober for him tonight… By the way Jamia, no more champagne for you, you are getting beyond tipsy!"

"Shhhhh… Hey guys, have I told you how fucking beautiful you look tonight? No? Well you are! Noo, no screaming right now! I'm trying to say something here so shhhh!"I turned my attention to the monitor again when Gerard started to speak. The crowd didn't listen and we laughed when he made another try. "Today is a big day for me, because I have been sober for exactly one year! Yaaay me!" again the crowd went crazy. "And I know something that you don't know! And I'm not telling ya! Frank knows though!"

Frank had sneaked up behind Gerard as he spoke and we could do nothing but to watch when Frank grabbed Gee around the neck and started to make out with my soon to be husband.

"Well that was adorable Frankie my darling, but it is still not stopping me from marrying Alex after the show!" Gerard giggled and I could tell that Frank was making his puppy eyes. "Honey, you know this mirror isn't big enough for the two of you!"

"I can't believe he told the crowd!" I mumbled.

"I can't believe he did that…" Jamia mumbled and Alicia didn't nothing but laughing.

"Frerard is still alive!" she said and both me and Jamia turned around and gave her a look that could have killed someone. Alicia couldn't stop her laughing, so we grabbed our glasses and gulped our champagne down.

"I'm sorry Alicia, but you know, even if one Way is taken there is still the other Way… and I think Frankie has a thing for Mikey too!" Alicia quieted quickly and gulped her alcohol down.

"How do you feel then? You are finally getting him?" Jamia asked when we got serious again.

"Life has never been better than right now!"

**Gerard. **

I had changed into a tuxedo and it was the last minutes before we were getting out to the presiding official that was going to marry me and Alex.

"So how do you feel?" All of my four best men looked at me.

"It feels as if I'm on the edge between two lives; as if I'm finally going to take that last leap out in the unknown, like the second before a drug kick in or something. But in a good way, because it means I'm done living between a place where I hated myself and everything I had become and where I belong… you know?" I blurted out and everyone looked at me, as if they were stunned by my words.

Mikey was the first one to do something, he came up to me and gave me a hug, and when he let go of me I saw that his eyes where glossy because of the tears.

"You know a simple "it feels amazing" had been enough, but no you had to drop like the deepest thing ever on us, like the second before you are getting married… Gerard, I'm so proud over you!"

"I'm proud over you too Mikey!" I told him. "Over all of you… thank you for helping me and supporting me through the good and the bad times…" I was cut off by a silent knock on the door.

"Guys it is time… She is waiting for you in the room next door Gee, we'll get out there and you can come whenever you want." Alicia said and took my brothers hand.

I held my breath when I a few moments later walked into the room next door and found my bride. She was wearing a simple turquoise dress that went perfectly to her pale skin. She had a bouquet with red roses in her hand and she smiled when she looked at me.

"So… How do I look?"

"Breathtaking…" was all I could say.

"Are you ready for this?" I nodded to answer her and with her hand in mine we walked out to face the unknown once again, but this time it was different, because this time I had the love of my life by my side.

**Seriously, please read this:  
**

**I know I said there would be more, but somehow a perfect ending (to me at least) appeared on the screen and I didn't want to force myself to write it as I thought from the begining... This is pretty much the end. There will be a short epilogue too just to finish it propperly... **

**Seriously, I'm in tears right now, because it is really time to finish this and forever leave these characters that I have been giving life to for so many years and chapters... And like I said it would mean the world to me if you gave me a review...  
**


	92. The End

_**May 2008**_

_**All Saints hospital **_

_He gave her a kiss on her forehead before sitting down at a chair next to her bed; he held her hand in his and stroked his fingers over the back of her hand. _

"_I told you that you could do it!" he said to her. "You were amazing!" _

"_Oh I just had to get through the worst pain I ever experienced… it wasn't that amazing." _

_An elderly nurse walked into the room and she smiled at the happy couple. _

"_How are you feeling mummy?" _

"_Exhausted…!" the young woman in the bed smiled. _

"_I'm sorry to tell you that you will be exhausted for many years to come… Are you ready to meet your daughter?" _

"_Yes!" the new parents said in a choir and a few minutes later the nurse came back with a tiny baby wrapped in a small blanket. _

"_Here she is!" _

"_So perfect…" the father mumbled when he held her in his arms. _

"_Do we have a name yet?" _

"_No… this one was sure it was going to be a boy…" the father giggled and pointed at his wife as he placed the baby in the arms of her mother. _

"_Such a little bandit she is then… Well I'll leave you three alone now." _

"_Bandit…" he said thoughtfully when he sat down at the bed next to his wife to get another look at his child. "Isn't Bandit an amazing name on a baby girl like this?" _

"_Bandit Way…" she tried and gazed at her daughter. "She is a Bandit! It is perfect, just like her!" _

* * *

_**So this is it, the end of this story. I want to thank you all from the bottom of my (currently broken) heart for reading it, loving it, hating the cliffhangers and/or just going along with my crazy ideas without question me too much. I hope you had as much fun as I had! **  
_

_**And I know I said that I felt done with fanfiction, but I don't know... I still love writing, but I don't want to deal with the pressure of updating and stuff right now.. But since I have a silly and childish dream of wanting to be a writer and have written my own novel some day I don't know. Maybe I'll be back in a week or three moths, maybe never. But if I come back I hope someone of you want to read what I write! :) **_

_**Once again thank you, and please review (this might be the last time I beg you to do it so DO IT!)  
**_

_**Love from WeAreAllABunchOfLiars  
**_


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